Work Text:
It's a strange thing, being fifteen. Well, you always knew that being fifteen was definitely a thing that was going to happen but like everything else, it was a thing that seemed an eternity away until it had happened.
You've been fifteen for a month, give or take a few days. It's not like you know exactly what day it is. Why should you? Why do you need to know? Knowing would just give you a point of reference on how long you've been bored. Too long. That's all you need to know.
Jade says you're being insufferable as it is.
JOHN: jaaaaaaaade.
You whine her name in the most annoying way you can, rolling over on the floor at the same time. You dig your elbows into the carpet as your chin comes to rest on your open palms.
JOHN: i don't want to play scrabble, not again!
JADE: well i dont want to play scrabble with you again because you are a filthy cheater!!
JOHN: what do you suggest we do then?
JOHN: because i am so bored, jade. so bored.
JADE: i dont know john!!
JADE: if i knew what i wanted to do to stop being bored i would be doing that instead of having this stupid conversation!!!
JOHN: do you want to go flying again?
JADE: no thats dumb
JOHN: wow, mean.
JADE: stop being so annoying then!!
JOHN: i'm not doing it on purpose!
JADE: you are!!
JADE: youre being obnoxious and you know it!!
JADE: just stop it john!
JADE: stop it!!!
It doesn't take a genius to work out that something is very, very wrong with your sister, and it's not just the boredom getting to her.
Almost sheepishly, because you are very much an idiot for not realising this obvious fact sooner, you push off from the floor and let the wind drift you over to the couch where Jade is sitting. Hanging in the air opposite her with your legs crossed, you reach out to brush the hair back from her face but a hand snaps out and swats yours away.
JOHN: jaaaaaaaade.
This time, it's not annoying. Or, you don't intend for it to be annoying. You're going for concerned. Yeah, concerned. Or even questioning. Curious. Any of those adjectives that are considered a good quality in an older brother.
She doesn't reply.
JOHN: jade, you know you need to tell me when i say stupid things.
JOHN: what did i say?
JOHN: oh my god it was something i said yesterday wasn't it?
JOHN: i don't remember everything i said yesterday!
JOHN: i think i yelled at nanna but she was trying to make breakfast cakes again.
JOHN: and i really didn't want another breakfast cake.
JOHN: was it before yesterday?
JOHN: if it was before yesterday that was practically last week and i thought we agreed not to be mad about things that happened over a we -
You're cut off mid-rant by the mop of hair that's suddenly in your face. You hang wordlessly in the air while Jade's arms cling tightly to your neck, because you don't know why she's hugging you like this but she was mad just a second ago.
It's been almost a minute and she hasn't moved.
JOHN: jade?
JADE: shut up john!
She's definitely still mad and you have no idea what you did this time. She's not just mad though, because she's hugging you as well. When she's mad at you she usually tells you, or she moves the furniture over three inches and hides you glasses so when you wake up you walk into things all day and okay so she only did that once, and she put everything back when you tripped and almost broke your arm.
JOHN: jade? what are you doing?
JADE: just shut up!
Her voice is different now, more uncertain, you think. She doesn't usually tell you to shut up for no reason, especially when you're not even saying anything that could be upsetting. You are very much of the opinion that asking someone why they are hugging you isn't something that should be upsetting. If anything, you should be the one upset because she's just hugging you and she's telling you to shut up and not saying anything else. What if you had plans? What if you were going to go and hang out with Casey and try to scrub the oil stains out of your favourite t-shirt for the hundredth time?
You frown a little when you hear a sob. It's small, and quiet, and you only heard it because Jade is pressed up against your chest like you're the only thing keeping space in order around her. Which is funny, when you think about it, because you're not even on solid ground right now. You're floating not quite two feet off the floor and if you just let yourself slip away into the breeze, your sister would fall forward and hit the floor face first. But she's crying. You don't think you've ever made her so angry that she started crying before.
Okay, there was that one time, but she hadn't been crying because of what you'd done. Well, not only because of what you'd done.
With a sigh - what if you'd had plans? What if! - you hook your arms under Jade's and hold her close, realising for the first time that the sob from earlier had not just been a one-off.
You, John Egbert, are the worst twin brother who is actually four months younger than his twin sister who ever lived. You're probably the only twin brother who has ever been four months younger than his twin sister, now that you think about it, but you're definitely the worst one who has ever lived.
Maybe there's an alternate universe you who is worse, but you doubt that's even a thing that is possible.
The breeze lifts around you just enough to ruffle your shirt and you shift a hand up to keep Jade's hair from getting in your face. It's hard to move with her refusing to let you go, but with the help of the wind you end up sitting sideways on the couch, your back pressed up against an arm and Jade still buried in your chest.
It feels like you've been sitting forever by the time Jade says anything other than a demand for you to shut up. Your left leg has gone numb, started tingling, then gone back to being numb twice, both elbows feel like they need to crack, and you've been aware for a little while that your shirt is definitely soaked through with your sister's tears. It's kind of gross.
JADE: i miss bec :(
You're not sure, because you don't exactly have much previous experience with this kind of thing, but if someone told you that the loud crack you just heard was not your right ankle readjusting, but your heart shattering into a thousand pieces, you'd believe them. You don't think you've ever heard Jade sound so sad, so small, and you know there isn't a single thing you can do to help.
Somehow, knowing there's nothing you can do to help is the worst bit. Instead of trying to think of something to say, or trying to make a joke or pull a prank or any of the usual things you'd do if Jade was upset with you, you just tighten your arms around her and hug her as close as you can. You never had anyone except your dad and yeah, that had been upsetting when you were a kid because, well, you always thought that having a mom would be nice. For Dad, too, because he was just as alone as you were.
Bec was all Jade had out on her island. Her guardian, her dog, her best friend, all rolled into one. You don't think you would have survived growing up with a dog instead of your dad looking out for you, but she did. She's been alone her whole life.
JOHN: he's kind of here.
JADE: its not the same
JOHN: i'm here.
You continue to feel useless as your sister trembles in your arms, unable to get any more words out between sobs.
Later, you don't know how much later but later enough that all of your limbs have gone numb several times over, Jade's arms finally slip down from around your neck. At some point in what was probably that hour you sort of twisted everything around so that she was wedged between you and the back of the couch. It had been an attempt to get her off you but she'd dug an elbow into your side instead, which just ended up worse than the awkward hug you'd started in.
JADE: john?
JOHN: i am definitely john.
JADE: sorry
JOHN: it's okay.
JADE: its not really okay
JADE: wow your shirt looks gross
JOHN: it's just tears.
JADE: and snot
JOHN: oh, ew.
She lets a small giggle slip as she sits back on her heels. Success!
JADE: are you sure its okay??
JOHN: yeah, my shirt is magic. look, it's drying already.
JADE: oh yeah
JADE: god tier
JOHN: it's okay though, i think.
JADE: what is??
JOHN: to miss them.
JADE: them?
JADE: your dad??
JOHN: yeah. and bec. and everything.
JOHN: like i know that i can go home whenever i want if i ask you to drop me off there, but it's not the same.
JOHN: what are you doing?
It's pretty obvious what Jade is doing. With a wave of her finger so slight that even you almost missed it, the couch suddenly feels twice as wide as it was a few seconds earlier. She turns around and shuffles back until she's sitting beside you and yeah, you can see why she space-expanded the couch because this is much more comfortable. You can breathe properly, for one. You hadn't been paying much attention earlier but wow, it was actually hard to get a lungful of air with you sister draped over you in a crying mess.
You're pretty proud of yourself for not complaining about that.
JADE: was the couch always that small??
JOHN: i think we grew.
JADE: probably
JOHN: jade.
JADE: what??
JOHN: were you crying about anything else?
JADE: no
JADE: i dont think so!
JADE: i really do miss bec john
JADE: i miss him so much
JADE: and my grandpa!
JADE: the dreams too
JADE: i miss the dreams a lot john
JADE: do you think you could go back??
JOHN: back to what?
JADE: home
JOHN: like sburb never happened?
JADE: yeah
JOHN: would i remember it happening?
JOHN: if i remembered everything we've been through in this thing, but i was back home in washington?
JOHN: i think i'd wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat, every night for the rest of my life.
Jade slumps down a little beside you, so she can rest her head on your shoulder. You don't know who the gesture is supposed to comfort more.
JOHN: we'd be safe though. everyone would be alive. you could have bec back, and my dad would be alive. so would dave's bro and rose's mom, and we could all be home, really home. but we'd remember all this.
JOHN: i don't think i could live with never being able to fly again.
JADE: not even if you could have your dad back?
JOHN: can i have both?
JADE: no
JOHN: which option would you pick?
JADE: i think id go back
JADE: i miss bec too much
JADE: and my garden!!
JADE: i think i would be very okay with things going back to normal
JADE: and i know that i would be back on my island and id be alone
JADE: but if we can beat the game in the new session and go home it will only be two years until i am old enough to have an adult passport and go wherever i please!!
JOHN: if we win and go home and get everyone back, where will you go?
JADE: everywhere
JADE: there are so many places i want to see john!!
JADE: i want to go to brazil and see the amazon
JADE: and see the emperor penguins in antarctica
JADE and climb right to the summit of mount everest
JADE: and climb right back down so i can see the kalahari
JADE: id see it all john
JADE: but first there are three other places i would have to go!
JOHN: where?
JADE: ive aways wanted to see rainbow falls
JADE: houston
JADE: and maple valley
JOHN: i'm not coming to visit your island.
JADE: that's because you are boring and have no sense of adventure!!
She jabs you in the ribs and you flinch away, instinctively darting off the couch to hang in the air just out of reach. With the sudden disappearance of your shoulder as a support, Jade topples sideways. She's smiling though. You would much rather her take up the entire end of the expanded sofa with a smile on her face than go back to all the crying.
You drop back onto the couch and scoot up to the other end, leaning back against the arm there so you're sitting opposite your sister.
JADE: so what would you do??
JOHN: if we went back?
JADE: yeah
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: i never really thought about it too much.
JOHN: maybe i would have gone to one of those performing arts schools or something.
JOHN: i could probably get in.
JOHN: i'd have to practice a lot more but it wouldn't be hard. i think i'd enjoy that. i think my dad would like that, too.
JOHN: like if i ended up doing nothing but practicing for eighteen hours a day to play for sellout crowds. he'd be really proud, you know?
JADE: would you really want to spend eighteen hours a day at a piano?
JOHN: i think so. it'd be nice to share music i wrote with all those people. when i was at school i did some things like that, for interschool and state competitions and stuff. it's pretty exciting.
JADE: did you ever win anything??
JOHN: sometimes. it was the only time other kids took me seriously.
JADE: why??
JOHN: because the rest of the time i kinda pissed them off by setting up pranks that were probably a little bit dangerous.
JOHN: it was mostly the magic tricks thing though.
JADE: what did you do??
JOHN: nothing! well, magic tricks. but i would do things like borrow five dollar bills and pretend to make them disappear and act like i messed it up. then they'd give me another bill to try again and…
JADE: and?
JOHN: and i could usually make about fifty bucks a week like that.
JADE: oh my god john!!!
JOHN: i only ever used my powers for good though!
JADE: like what?
JOHN: to buy birthday presents. and to pay to fix things that kept accidentally catching on fire.
JADE: how do things accidentally catch fire???
JOHN: on accident.
From her place still curled up an unnatural distance from your feet - wow, she really went to town on expanding the couch this time - she sticks out her tongue and you feign offence at the gesture.
JOHN: you know i mean it though, right?
JADE: that you are very good at setting things on fire on accident??
JOHN: no, that i'm here. i mean, i'm not bec, or your grandpa, but as it turns out i'm not just your friend i'm your brother and i think that counts for something.
JADE: i think so too :B
You know it's not the same. You can't replace an omnipotent dog, or a stuffed grandparent, but you can take over where they left off, just like Jade is picking up where you left off with Dad. She can't replace him, no one can, not even Nanna. But you're both here, you're both still alive, and no matter how much you miss what you've lost, what you know somewhere deep inside that you'll never get back, there's someone else who's in exactly the same position you are.
You never expected that your fifteenth year would be as challenging as this, but you've got Jade here beside you, learning how to be your sister just like you're learning to be her brother.
You, John Egbert, will do whatever it takes to be the best twin brother who is actually four months younger than his twin sister who ever lived.