Chapter Text
“Hey, Ignis. Can you teach me how to seduce someone?”
For what was possibly the first time in his life, Ignis Scientia was speechless. He must have heard wrong; he could have sworn his charge asked him to teach him how to seduce someone. His 16-year-old, rather reticent, hadn’t-shown-an-interest-in-anyone charge.
Must have heard wrong.
He finished rinsing the skillet he was washing, turned off the water, and adjusted his spectacles, giving Noctis his full attention. “Come again?”
Noctis looked entirely too pleased with himself for managing to get that reaction.
“Teach me,” he said, so ridiculously casually that Ignis knew it was anything but, “how to seduce someone.”
Ignis wiped his hands and adjusted his spectacles again, trying to gauge if Noctis was joking or not. Under his scrutiny, the forced cockiness on Noctis’s face was giving way to nervous anxiety with a touch of pleading. Ignis concluded that the prince was, in fact, probably very serious.
“Come on, Specs, pleeeaaaase? I’ve finished all my homework and everything.”
Ignis updated the appraisal in his head. Yep. Dead serious. That didn't make the situation any less odd or awkward. “Surely you can ask someone better qualified.” It wasn’t as though he’d had a lot of experience, and he was pretty sure Noctis knew it.
Noctis frowned, shifting from foot to foot. “Who else am I supposed to ask? Dad? Gladio?”
“No, I suppose not.” Ignis sighed. The younger teen had him at that. He could see it now: Noctis waylaying the busy king, asking how to seduce someone. The next day, Ignis would get an angry phone call from Regis – or maybe just Clarus – asking him what he was filling the prince’s head with. And then he would be quietly disposed of, or worse – fired. And Gladio… He didn't even want to imagine what Gladiolus would say. He’d probably tell the impressionable prince to ply this mystery young lady with drinks, and before they knew it, they’d end up with a rather unplanned Princess of Lucis. His brows furrowed in distaste at the idea.
“You’re my advisor, so advise me!”
Well. When he thought about it, it really wasn’t as if he had much choice in the matter, considering the alternatives.
“Very well.” Ignis made himself comfortable on Noctis's couch and patted the space beside him. This conversation was likely to take a while, and he’d rather they relaxed a bit – at least, as much as they could. Noctis gave him an expectant look, and he drew a deep breath. The first thing he needed to know was who this seductee was, and why he didn’t know about her. It wasn’t as though he monitored Noctis constantly, but he’d thought that he’d have known most of the important things. It bothered him that Noctis never told him about having a girlfriend, and moreso that he had never noticed any hints of one, despite thinking himself a rather discerning individual. “Are you going to tell me who this lucky lady is?”
“It's none of your business.” Noctis crossed his arms defensively. “Why do you want to know?”
Well. Not that Ignis expected otherwise. It was still rather inconvenient – not to mention suspicious. “As much as I am loath to dig into your personal life, it is very much my business to find out who the future King of Lucis wants to bring to his bed.”
“What? Gods, Iggy!” Noctis nearly jumped, eyes wide. He flushed bright red when his gaze landed on Ignis, and he quickly turned away. “What kind of person do you think I am? That’s moving way too fast!”
As Ignis suspected, Noctis had a pretty loose grasp of what seduction entailed. He made a mental note to explain in more details, later. For now, he simply hoped the relief he felt wasn't written too clearly on his face. “Noct. What did you think 'seducing' someone actually meant?”
“Oh, you know.” Noctis shrugged and played with the hem of his shirt, in the way that said he most certainly did not.
Ignis didn’t say anything, just gave him a look that said, no, he didn’t know, and wouldn’t have asked if he did.
“Look, I just want to spend time with this person. Maybe get to know each other better.”
Ignis relaxed a touch. That sounded innocuous enough. “So you’d like a date with someone.”
“Kinda.” Noctis fidgeted with his hands, keeping his gaze down.
“Noct.” The prince still didn’t look at him. “I’m sure you realize there is hardly anyone in all of Lucis who would refuse if you’d ask.”
A non-committal grunt answered him.
“Is there a reason you can’t simply ask her out on a date?”
Silence.
Ignis sighed. This was going nowhere. “I can’t help you if you won’t even tell me that much.” He stood to go, only to feel a tug on his sleeve.
“Why does it even matter?” This time, Noctis looked up, a touch of impatience on his face. “Look, I'm not going to sleep with anyone. Can’t you just teach me to be fancy and cool and impressive?”
“Fancy and cool and impressive,” Ignis repeated. He shouldn’t be feeling as amused as he did – Noctis looked a tad distressed. He supposed, when he thought about it, the young prince really never asked for much, and it must have taken a fair bit of trust for Noctis to come to him about it. He couldn’t very well refuse to help.
Ignis sat again, and felt Noctis let out a long breath next to him. “Each individual is quite different. If not identity, what can you tell me about this young lady's likes and dislikes?”
“Mm.”
Very helpful.
“Noct.”
Noctis leaned back on the couch and brought his hands behind his head, chin tipped slightly towards Ignis. “I dunno.”
“I can't help you if you give me nothing to work with.”
“Okay, say it’s you.” A small, nervous smile tugged at Noctis’s lips for a brief moment. “What do you like?”
Ignis blinked. If Noctis weren’t so nervous and vulnerable, he would have sworn this was a set-up. “I would hardly expect someone you’re interested in to be similar to me.”
Noctis scowled. “What, you think I can’t like someone charming and sophisticated?”
First, it was fancy and cool and impressive, and now it was charming and sophisticated? That was the first time Ignis had heard himself described as such by the prince; he would have thought Noctis would think him closer to fussy and utterly boring. “I’m flattered.”
“I didn’t say it to flatter you,” came the mumbled response. “So are you going to tell me or not?”
Ignis reevaluated the data in his head. Charming and sophisticated were descriptions that more likely lent themselves to someone more mature, perhaps even an upperclassman. That might not be a terrible idea; a responsible older teen might keep Noctis in check – and, as reluctant as he was to admit, maybe in some ways Ignis himself could not, if Noctis liked her that much. And if this person was similar to him, he doubted charming her would be as difficult as Noctis seemed to expect. “Certainly. Do you have any plans at all about this?”
“Uh, I was hoping you could help me with that.”
Of course.
Ignis ran a hand through his hair, shoving back his bangs. He took care of nearly all of Noctis's other arrangements and schedules, so he supposed this wouldn't be much different. A date, but not a date. “I would assume you'd want something less stereotypically date-like than dinner and a movie.”
“Mm.” Noctis peered at somewhere in the distance, deep in thought. “Dinner might be good. I don't think he's much of a movie person—shit.”
Ignis stood with a clatter. This certainly explained a lot, all the roundabout questions, the secrecy, the fact that Noctis didn't feel comfortable just asking someone out. A possibly older man, not to mention “charming and sophisticated”; Ignis felt a twinge in his chest. He barely noticed his hand balling into a fist at his side, his body tensing. “Noct...”
He was going. He didn't want to hear any more of it, and he was leaving. But as Ignis took a step, he found that Noctis had scrambled up after him, barring his way and pushing him back, hands on his chest. The prince looked positively frantic. “Nonononono, just hear me out, Ignis. I swear he won’t do anything, uh, untoward. He’s very courteous and proper. You’ll like him.”
Ignis doubted that. If this mystery beau hadn’t thought to introduce himself to Noctis’s retainers, there must be something he was hiding. “It's unacceptable.”
“Why? You were fine with it when you thought it was some woman!”
It wasn't an unreasonable question, and Ignis knew he was being uncharacteristically asinine, but the idea grated on him in a way that made it almost hard to breathe.
He opened his mouth, not even quite sure what he was going to say, but Noctis shook his head.
“Look, I promise, once you meet him, you’ll understand.”
Normally, Ignis trusted Noctis's judgment, at least to some degrees, but the factual gaps here frustrated him. He ran the possible candidates through his head again, male friends that Noctis kept – Prompto, Gladiolus, some acquaintances amongst the Crownsguard and palace staff... none of whom he would describe as “charming and sophisticated” at least.
“Noct. Just tell me.” It sounded calm enough in his head, but Ignis surprised himself with the pleading in his voice.
For a moment, Noctis looked unsure, chewing on his bottom lip, hands still on Ignis's chest. Then he stood back, a regal mask over his face reminiscent of his father. “No. You'll find out in due time.” He held out a hand to stop the argument already forming. “I can assure you he's passed all security checks, and I will not be in any danger whatsoever. Why is it such a big deal?”
Ignis didn't really have an answer. It wasn't as though he was happy with Noctis being interested in an unknown girl either, but as the Crown Prince, Noctis would have to find a queen someday, and Ignis had long resigned himself to the fact. If Noctis leaned the other way, however... Ignis didn't want to admit that he was jealous, an emotion not helped by knowing Noctis fancied someone similar to him, who was clearly better than he was, despite all his efforts. But his own feelings aside, was it actually a big deal? Objectively, he supposed not, and he couldn't very well tell Noctis his protests were anything short of objective.
“An evening walk.”
“Huh?” Noctis was back to his normal self, young and vulnerable.
Ignis sat back down, letting the tension drain out of him. He pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose, schooling his features back into careful professionalism. “You should take him on a walk.” That was what he would like, at least, a quiet walk where they could talk, and he didn't have to feel like he was doing a job. “Somewhere away from the city hub, where you can see the sunset and the night stars.”
Noctis gaped. “So you'll help me?”
“I'm your advisor.” Ignis gave him a light smile that he wasn't sure he felt. “I'm advising you. I've a feeling you'll do this with or without my input.” He could tell from the flicker on Noctis's face that he was right. “I would rather you do it with, and that I can keep an eye on you.”
“What, you want to third-wheel my date?”
“I thought it wasn't a date.”
“It's not.” Noctis flomped back down beside him, making the couch shudder.
Ignis turned and gave him a look. “You know you can ask a man out on a date as well.”
Noctis shrugged. “I don't know how he feels about me, and I don't want to put him on the spot. Like you said.” He gave Ignis a lopsided smile. “I'm the prince. There's hardly a person who can refuse me. I don't want that to be the reason he agrees.”
Fair enough. “But you'd still want to go through all this trouble to go on a not-a-date.”
“I just want to show him I'm hang out with him with no obligations, I guess. Show him I'm serious.” That smile again; there was something sad about it. “What, can't I be a romantic sap for one day?”
Ignis felt a small clench in his heart. Sometimes, it was difficult to remember that Noctis was just a teenage boy. There was enough that he had to do or couldn't do. Ignis still didn't like this whole business, but he didn't have to like it; he would let Noctis have this, at least.
Decision made, Ignis gently tilted up Noctis's face, looking him in the eyes. “Noct. I will help you, but you have to promise to keep yourself safe, and to let me know immediately if anything seems amiss.”
For a split second, Ignis could almost swear he saw laughter flit across Noctis's face, but when he blinked and looked again, the prince was all seriousness. “No worries, Specs. I swear nothing's going to happen to me.”
Ignis could only trust that he would be right. Swallowing any further concerns, he offered what he hoped was a pleasant smile. “Right. Then I believe the next order of business is dinner, as you mentioned earlier. I have a list of restaurants to recommend, but... I would prefer a home cooked meal, myself.”
“You gonna teach me something I can manage?” Noctis grinned, and Ignis felt himself brighten with the mood. “I can't have you making it, you know. He's going to think I can cook if you do it.”
“Indeed.” Ignis searched through the recipes in his head, trying to think of one that was both simple to make and elegant in presentation. He would need to get ingredients first, and—ah. “Noct. Would you like to accompany me to the market tomorrow? I would have you choose what you'd like in your dish.” His lips curled into a light smirk. “You would also do well to find some formal attire.”
“What, you're picking out my outfit too?” Noctis laughed and shook his head. “What would I do without you?”
“Starve, probably.”
This time, when Ignis got up to go, there were no protests. He stopped at the door, planning through the next day's agenda as he pulled on his shoes. “I will take you to the tailor's and supermarket after school. Please free up your schedule.”
“Sure, Specs. It's a date.”
Ignis didn't comment on the irony.