Chapter Text
Kaz wakes to golden shafts of sunlight filtering through the cracks in the barn's walls. It reminds him of before Ketterdam, with Jordie and the farm, waking at dawn's first light and the cooing of birds in nearby trees except this time he can hear the bustle of the town around him.
It only takes a beat for him to shake off the sense of a painful bittersweet deja vu and he looks around to see Jesper curled on his side, facing Kaz. Unconsciously, his face softens and he brushes a stray straw of hay from Jesper’s face. His face is peaceful but he stirs a little at Kaz’s light touch.
“Jesper” Kaz says, his voice gravely from sleep and Jesper lets out a sleepy muffled groan in response.
Jesper was never an early riser.
Amusement makes Kaz’s lips quirk up and he stretches upright, groaning as he side stretches painfully from lying in such an odd position. Thankfully his leg isn’t giving him as much grievance so he pushes himself upright with his cane and pokes Jesper with it.
“Jesper”
“‘Mornin boss” Jesper mumbles, his voice rumbling from sleep
“How’s your side and foot?” Kaz asks as Jesper sits upright, Kaz eyes the dark splotch on his side.
“I think the foot’s just bruised” Jesper said as he rolled his foot experimentally. Kaz hums in response
“Best to keep the bandage on just in case” Jesper yawns and pushes himself upright
“A’right”
“And your side” Kaz prompts as Jesper winces at the movement
“Surviving” He says shortly and Kaz glances at it worriedly.
The calls of vendors setting up shop outside keyed Kaz back into their situation and he snapped to attention. They needed to get out of this town before people caught up with them. Get Jesper somewhere safe.
And do this without being conspicuous. He glanced at Jesper.
“First, we’re gonna get you some clothes”
Jesper looks down at his clothes, his pyjamas. The striped blue-white material stained with mouldy fruit and juices, the side coated in a dark blood. It would be very obvious that this was Jesper Fahey, he hadn’t changed clothes since yesterday morning.
“Huh”
Kaz eyes Jesper with poorly concealed worry. The fact Jesper hadn’t even noted his appearance meant he really was out of it. Maybe he hit his head? A concussion? He watched him but as Jesper looked up, he was careful to betray no emotion in his stance.
Instead he threw Jesper the supply bag, the leather satchel and beckoned Jesper to follow him.
“C’mon lets get you some clothes”
Kaz led Jesper to a clothes shop, showed Jesper how much they had to spend on clothes and let him run wild with the single instruction to be serious about it.
He was currently waiting outside of the changing room to approve whatever Jesper had chosen and then the two could go get breakfast. Jesper had whined about being hungry when they passed a stall of pastries; complaining he hadn’t eaten properly since the day before yesterday. Apparently Wylan had managed to sneak him some food while he was waiting in the cell. Kaz couldn't deny that he was hungry too.
“Kaz”
Kaz looked up to see Jesper step out of the changing room.
He did a mock twirl in front of him wearing a blue denim dungaree with a beige cotton jumper with three thin peach stripes across his chest, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and the fabric bunched up hanging around the fold of his arm. He took dark brown boots and the leather supply bag hung over his shoulder
“So, how do I look?”
But Kaz wasn’t paying attention to him and instead his attention was fixated on Jesper’s face. He noticed it the night before, whilst treating Jesper on the boat, but now it was more obvious under the light.
“Uh…Boss?”
Kaz snapped to attention and then turned to Jesper “Where did you get that scar?”
Scar?
Oh.
Jesper gingerly brushed over the scar on his cheek. It was faint but noticeable in certain conditions. The scar was a thin slice of lighter skin across his right cheek. He hadn’t moved fast enough and the chain whip had a knife on the end that caught his face. But it was okay because he rescued the captives and he was fixed up the moment he got back to camp.
Well, Kaz didn’t need to know the details of how he got it so he simply said:
“Ah, you know me, clumsy ol’ Jesper”
Kaz raised an eyebrow but seemingly deemed the issue of less importance and so didn’t push it. He knew Jesper; whilst it was true he could be clumsy, he was also surprisingly elegant for all of his long limbs.
Instead he shrugged, turned around to leave and said:
“You look fine, let's get going”
He could practically feel Jepser’s beam behind him, the man was vibrating at this compliment but in an effort to stop anything Jesper may say, Kaz turned back and spotted another bag in his hand. Curiosity but also a sense of trepidation filled him as he questioned Jesper as to the contents of it.
“What's in there?”
Jesper only winked in response.
“Jesper”
Kaz groaned deeply to Jesper’s laughter as they exited the shop.
The duo walked down the streets of the town they had come to know as Hoorn. Kaz grabbed a pastry or two without a backwards glance at the vendor's stall and wordlessly handed one to Jesper who accepted it with a deep sigh. Dawn's light lit the streets with a golden glow and the scene was peaceful. So far. So far, the news had not yet reached Hoorn but Kaz bet it wouldn’t be long.
“We’ll go to that pub up there” Kaz motioned to the pub on the corner of the street, as they passed the indent of the sign to their right. The pub was opposite the barn they stayed in and Kaz had looked at it quickly and had seen it was almost like a diner inside as well as a bar or pub.
Jesper pushed open the door to the pub, and motioned Kaz to enter first which he received with a gracious nod. The pub was dark but upon their arrival, the owners seemed to turn the lights on, revealing a bar to the left of the room and on the right, alongside the window around the corner of the building, lay the diner booths. Some booths were already occupied and the enticing smell of bacon drifted over to the two who went into the booth almost at the end furthest from the door.
The general hum of chatter and the kitchens created a warm atmosphere and they could watch the people passing by outside of the diner.
Kaz handed Jesper the menu, who with a quick glance to it, knew he was spoiled for choice. Kaz quickly called over a waitress and ordered himself black coffee, eggs and bacon. Then after a second thought asked for more toast. It was more than he normally ate but he wanted to be prepared in case they couldn’t have food for a while.
The woman nodded cordially, wrote it down and turned to Jesper who asked for the same thing, but with even more toast, sausage and beans. The woman left, a tinkling laugh on her lips as Jesper winked at her.
“Full Kerch Breakfast, hm?” Kaz looked over the top of the menu at Jesper who turned back to Kaz with a shrug.
“I got stabbed, I deserve it.” Kaz snorted as Jesper paused, “Did I even get stabbed? I don’t know, it might have been the brick.”
“You have a very impressive bruise at your hairline” Kaz commented and Jesper groaned, his fingers instinctively brushing over the darker patch of skin and flinching at the resulting pain. Kaz laughed lightly but it had no force to it. Despite laughing at this, he was worried about Jesper’s injuries; it was more Jesper’s antics than his pain that made him laugh.
Jesper pouted a little but sobered quickly, brightening hopefully as he asked his question
“So when are we going back?”
Kaz looked up at him, a strange look on his face.
“Jesper” He started, slowly “You can’t go back”
“But-”
“Wylan will be safe” Kaz immediately caught onto the specific worry of Jesper’s. He knew he hit the mark when Jesper relaxed minutely, though there was still a tension in his shoulders.
The waitress came back with their food, a pot of coffee placed down at the head of the table. As Kaz spoke, he thanked her with a nod of acknowledgement, puting the menu at the end by the window. The diner was obviously prepared for the morning rush of customers or it was more quiet than normal. Perhaps a bit of both.
“Rotty and Anika know to look after him. I know he can handle himself but not when the whole of Ketterdam will be bustin’ down his door looking for answers and someone to hurt”
“I should go back, I don’t want him to get hurt”
Kaz shook his head, his voice firm as he poured both himself and Jesper a mug of coffee, the steaming black liquid twirling in the air. “They won’t let him get hurt. It’s Rotty and Anika, remember. If there's one thing they hate more than an underfilled larger it’s-”
“The injustice and cruelty of politics” Jesper finished with a wet laugh. With this a realisation goes through him
“Ibsen’s death was political”
“Well, duh ”
“No I mean- can’t you tell? We had tidemakers after us- well, more me- ” Jesper waves a hand around as he speaks, his voice growing a little smaller towards the end but Kaz interrupts him.
“No, us.” Kaz says firmly “I'm gonna stick with you, okay?”
Jesper faltered, completely taken aback. He didn’t expect this at all. Especially not how intense Kaz was, but he was equally as soft as he was firm. “I- um, okay… thanks''
“Carry on?” Kaz gestured to Jesper who recovered, brightening a little as Kaz dug into his eggs.
“We had tidemakers after us, we had the whole of the council and Ketterdam including loads of foreign dignitaries that were at the execution.” Jesper began explaining. Kaz straightened in interest at this and put his food down, folding his hands in front of his face.
Scheming face, Jesper thought and a pang went through him at this.
He misses Inej.
He shakes this off and picks up a bit of toast, that he waves around as he speaks and he is mildly oblivious to the marmalade that flings off the slice and that Kaz has to dodge as Jesper speaks.
“Granted , It's not everyday that there’s an execution in Ketterdam, but I know that the Ravkan dignitary isn’t ah- very fond of blood let’s say. Guess who was there though?”
“The Ravkan dignitary“ Kaz lifts his head in realisation, his hand lowering from his face
“Bingo” Jesper fingergunned Kaz, then stuffed the toast in his mouth. Kaz gave a small appraising smile, a little twinkle in his eye.
“Huh. You’re smarter than you look” Jesper swallowed the toast, a grin breaking out across his face.
“Thank you-” Jesper cut himself off, doing a double take back towards the fondly smirking Kaz
“Hey, wait!” Kaz laughed harder as Jesper pouted.
“Stop laughing at me!”
Kaz snorted “Never”
Jesper pouted harder but relented and shoved some of the eggs and bacon into his mouth, eyes widening at the taste.
“Thish is grea’-” Jesper said through a full mouth and Kaz raised a single eyebrow at him.
Jesper rolled his eyes, swallowed and pointed the fork at Kaz. “It’s great, eat some!”
Kaz sighed but did so and he was equally taken aback by the taste.
“Oh-” Kaz said through his own full mouth and Jesper beamed from the other side of the booth, shovelling food into his mouth
“See!”
And then the two fell into silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable by any means but it was noticeable. It was noticeable that they had nothing to talk about. And it hurt. For both of them. It was as if a hand wrapped around their throat, and they swallowed with difficulty, unable to meet eyes with the other.
“So” Kaz started slowly, carefully. Jesper lifted his head up, licking sauce from the side of his mouth, head tilted in a question
“Where are you gonna go?”
Jesper paused, startled. He knew he couldn’t stay in Ketterdam, or even Kerch but he supposes he’d been lying to himself the whole time during the escape and even now.
He then thinks, where would I even be wanted?
Definitely not Fjerda nor the Wandering Isles; he still had the Ice Court bounty over his head, and the Wandering Isles needed no explanation. Shu Han was practically out of the question, he knew none of the language and they’d probably experiment on him with their weird wings and parem and-
No Shu Han.
That leaves Ravka and Novyi Zem.
He can’t go back to Ravka, even if Kaz doesn’t know about it. He did what he had to do there and he didn’t want to go back. Ravka had been and still was torn apart by the war that raged on. Jesper may have been able to stay out of either army whilst there but he still had to offer his services fighting against something. It had been easy to choose a support group for the Second Army. And they did well. Until-
Well that didn’t matter now.
He knows he’s lying to himself at this point.
So it’s Novyi Zem.
With his father.
On second thought, how bad could the Second Army be against the wrath of Colm Fahey?
His thoughts drift to Nina. He hadn’t seen her during his nine month ‘ stay’ in Ravka but he had heard whispers, rumours. He caught up with Kuwei once or twice but didn’t tell the others about their involvement together with the Ice Court.
Some primal fear in him screams at him to run away from Ravka but he doesn’t know . Who knows, either place he go to may have his head for either Ice Court, his nine month indenture (though they may claim it wasn’t) or Ibsen’s murder.
His thoughts flutter around Erik Ibsen and another stab of annoyance hits. It isn’t right; something isn’t right. And he doesn’t know why nor what to do.
Ravka or Novyi Zem, this choice should be easy, should be obvious .
But why does he hesitate? Why doesn’t he know?
“Jes?” A cool gloved hand rests on his own that shakes and trembles but the touch draws him out of his panic.
He looks up into the dark eyes of Kaz who watches him with thinly veiled worry, leaning slightly over the table. Upon meeting eyes, he relaxes minutely but doesn’t draw his hand away. The touch is light, constant and it grounds Jesper. Part of him wonders how Kaz’s touch aversion improved so much but for the minute he is just thankful for Kaz who was quelling his rising panic. These are the kind of moments when he wished he had his revolvers with him, the pearl handles smooth under his hands, twirling, soothing his restlessness and this makes him think of the man dead by his guns but not his hand.
(He’s being so vulnerable in front of Kaz right now, and he doesn't know if this is a good or bad thing. Yet Kaz seems … normal… as if this was a common occurrence. He doesn’t know what to make of it. What he should make of it.)
A painful stab of longing shoots through him; he doesn't particularly know who or what for but he makes his decision then.
“Novyi Zem.” He swallows shakily, squeezing Kaz’s hand lightly “To my Da’”
Kaz offers him a small, tiny smile and squeezes his hand in return.
“Novyi Zem” He echoes and Jesper gives a small nod, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.
Kaz straightens up and pulls his hand away; Jesper takes a drink from his mug, cursing his trembling hands. Kaz desperately tries to ignore whatever just happened between the two of them and pushes through.
“Okay, we’ll-” Kaz gets cut off by the conversation in the booth behind Jesper. Jesper pulled a face, wondering why Kaz cut himself off but he held a gloved finger to his lip and Jesper followed his instruction, listening carefully.
“-Ibsen got murdered, by some Grisha ”
“Kaz Brekker was there-”
“Stadwatch…”
“Wanted posters everywhere-”
“Reward for fifty thousand-”
“-rumours”
“ Here , in Hoorn-”
Kaz turned back to Jesper, both with wide eyes.
“I was gonna say we’ll leave from here but I think it’s better if we put some distance between us and them, no?”
“Amen to that”
“Finish your food and I want you to take this and buy supplies” Kaz pulls out a small wad of kruge and stuffs it into the supply bag from the ship alongside the few coins.
Jesper doesn’t need to be reminded not to go gambling. He doesn’t think the small coastal town of Hoorn has many places to gamble; or at least not in the early morning.
“Why?” He asks instead, stuffing the marmalade toast into the bag.
Kaz gave a wry smile “We’re going on a road trip”
Roughly, forty-five minutes later, Jesper leans against the stone wall at the edge of Hoorn, the open plain of countryside facing him, whilst behind him the town and coastal bay lie.
He pats the full bag by his side, reassuring himself that it is still there. He had spent the better part of the last thirty five odd minutes in the shops, keeping his head down and buying supplies. He got food, water and a couple other useful items that he thinks not even Kaz would have thought of.
No detours.
Kaz would be proud, he thinks with a weak laugh. The sun is rising by the minute, the air is dry and warm. And it’ll only get hotter, he knows.
He is pulled out of his daydreaming haze as he hears the rumble of a car engine.
Oh no .
Kaz didn’t actually mean it, did he-?
He pushes himself off the wall, and steps further out to be met with the sight of Kaz in the right driver’s seat of a car. The paint is something of a beige or light brown that is dented in the odd spot, with paint peeling in occasional spots to reveal darker black paint under.
“Here’s our ride” Kaz gestures to the car from the inside. He pushes the door to his left open for Jesper.
“It was free too” He comments and Jesper doesn’t really reply as he is too busy mildly admiring the car. Not that he would tell Kaz. But it was borderline vintage, clearly old and a very good, reliable, make of car.
“Wai- '' Jesper cuts himself up, starling, and wolf whistling in appreciation ”Damn is this a convertible?”
The cover was up but Jesper could see areas where the cover had been pulled up and down, small scraps of nails in the paintwork on the front window’s frame. Kaz reaches up and pulls the cover backwards and it falls to the boot with a clang of metal.
Wow, this was a really good make of car.
The whole roof was metal but fully retractable up and down.
“Where’d you even get this car?” He chose to ask, hand on his hip, looking at Kaz. Part of him thinks the image would be complete if Kaz had some sunglasses, perhaps aviator ones?
As an answer Kaz jangles his lock picking equipment and Jesper shrugs, nodding in some form of conceding
“Ah. I should have known”
“Get in,” Kaz said, gesturing to the seat next to him.
Jesper blinked.
“You’re driving?” He almost laughs but his voice was clearly incredulous
“Uh, yeah?” Kaz almost seemed offended and this made Jesper even more amused
“Get in, Jes”
“Can you even drive?” Jesper asked with a fond sense of scepticism as he moved around to the left of the car to the seat next to the driver. Kaz inwardly groaned that Jesper would be next to him for the journey.
“Yes” Kaz answered evenly
Lies. Kaz couldn’t even drive the ship they were on earlier but Jesper didn’t need to know that. How bad could it be?
“Huh.” Jesper surveyed him, with hands on his hips and a fond smirk quirking on his lips. He shrugged and slid into the car, putting the bag at his feet
“Kaz Brekker, you never fail to surprise me”
“Y'know what? I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment” Kaz replied dryly as he started the car, Jesper snorting next to him. The engine rumbled into life; Kaz repeated to himself, how hard can it be? As the car moved, he thought, not that bad.
He’s Kaz Brekker, he can learn how to drive a car on a time crunch and with absolutely no prior experience.
He knows letting Jesper drive would be technically better as he had actually driven a tank before and seemed to know what car this was anyway, but he did not want Jesper driving the car.
“Onward, noble steed!” Jesper said, pointing a finger ahead of them
“It's a car , Jesper- get your feet off the dash”
“No” Jesper replied with a false sweetness and if anything sunk further into the seat.
Kaz groaned as the car jerked forward and bashed into the wall, that definitely wasn’t there before. Grumbling, he fumbled with the stick between the seats and the car jerked backwards, crashing into a fence that made a small compound around the stone walled building. That was also definitely not there before.
Whilst Jesper laughed loudly, Kaz groaned again, hitting the back of his head against the headrest as he finally pulled out of Hoorn, cursing every possible choice and saint that led him to this road trip.
They had got barely fifteen minutes into the ride, having just left the outskirts of dotted Hoorn houses, when Kaz pulled the roof back over, the beating sun’s heat almost unbearable.
The pair sighed in unison, relief washing over them as the heat lessened. They hadn’t really spoken; Jesper throwing furtive glances over his shoulder back at the town, as if a raging mob would appear in a blink whilst Kaz tried his best to shake the memories of his family farm in Lij, him and Jordie travelling to Ketterdam on a dusty countryside road much like this one.
Kaz lets his thoughts drift slightly to Jesper’s panic when he asked the Zemeni where he wanted to go. He had never seen Jesper like that. He was shaken and panicked all at once. But there was a clear hesitation. He thought of something and ultimately changed his mind. What, though, Kaz wasn’t sure.
Kaz stayed on this train of thought because it was much better than reminiscing about Kaz and Jordie Rietveld but he was also bored so his thoughts were going places. Kaz offhandedly notes that Jesper must be bored; he’s never had a particularly good attention span and always tends to work best when he has something to do, something to put his excess energy into.
The only sign of Jesper’s boredom is how his fingers drift to where his revolvers would sit on his holsters. The sign of Kaz’s boredom is how his fingers tap absently on the wheel.
In the past fifteen minutes, Kaz has managed to get the basics down of driving. Accelerator, steering wheel and with an accidental stop that would leave lasting bruises on both his and Jesper’s collarbones, he figured out which pedal was the break.
Easy.
The gear stick scared him a little. He sort of understood the reversing position but the rest of it, he was lost. He hoped Jesper couldn’t tell but by the way Jesper was currently watching the bare countryside roll by out of the window, he was safe for now.
Though he couldn’t deny that Jesper did laugh at him every time the car jerked or it crashed into something. He would probably pick up on it eventually.
The silence was almost painful and certainly awkward. Kaz normally wouldn’t mind but there’s this constant heavy awareness that he almost lost Jesper. He almost lost Jesper and he knows he would miss him, knows that he wishes they could have talked about stuff.
Saints know what that stuff was. Maybe normal teenage things, he doesn’t know.
“So-” Kaz begins, and Jesper lifts his head from facing out the window at a nearby field.
“Hm?”
Kaz turns around to face Jesper, in doing so not looking at the road in front of him.
“You and Wylan, huh?”
Jesper blinked slowly, like a cat, as if wasn’t quite sure where Kaz was going with this. He wasn’t.
“Yes?” He answered slowly “You were there?” His response sounded more like a question than an answer, largely due to his own confusion of Kaz’s sudden conversation.
“When’s the wedding?”
Jesper flushed, he felt his ears heat up and he stammered. He doesn’t know if it's the question or something else that is making him feel sick.
“I- we… what? ”
Kaz continued, speaking in that same matter of fact tone “You’ve been together for what, fifteen months now. Surely one of you has proposed by now.”
Jesper knew he was gaping like a fish as Kaz shrugged, continuing. The feeling of sickness increases, as if something is jerking him back and forth
“Wylan clearly loves you, as do you for him; after all, your first thought is to protect him regardless of the impact or threat to yourself”
“I- wha-”
Kaz tilts his head, considering Jesper “Would you propose to him?”
“Uhhhhh-” Jesper falters, aware of how the response that was about to fall from his tongue was yes, of course. In a heartbeat. In fact he had been thinking about it since he got back from Ravka.
But instead he cuts himself off as he notices how with Kaz’s lack of attention, the car has been weaving left and right violently across the road and now with Kaz watching Jesper intently for his response the car is now veering directly into a field on the car’s left at an alarming speed.
“Watch the road waTCH THE ROAD!-” Jesper squawked, his long lanky limbs pulling together as the car swerved left towards a field of cows.
Kaz shrieked loudly, his eyes widening as they followed Jesper’s index pointing at the windscreen where a cow stands unmoving less than two metres away.
The two scream as Kaz grabs the wheel tightly and yanks it to the right with as much force as he can muster. The car swerves just out of the way, brushing against the cow’s tail to an indignant slow moo whilst the two continue to scream, Jesper clinging onto Kaz’s seat, his limbs splayed out in the small car.
Even as the car slows, the adrenaline sears through their veins and they are still screaming. As the car jerks to a halt on the grass, the two let out little oomphs as the seat belts dig into their chests with the force of the brake.
They both huff, Kaz blowing a strand of hair that has fallen onto his forehead away. The car is now quiet, save for their heavy breathing as they turn to face each other in unison.
They meet each other's eyes with wide eyed breathless looks and then Jesper starts laughing.
He laughs and he doesn’t stop. Kaz’s face flushes pink and Jesper clutches his stomach, wheezing, pointing at Kaz’s embarrassment.
Kaz feels his ears heat up.
“Stop laughing at me!” Kaz practically whines and this makes Jesper laugh harder.
Kaz groans, flustered and bashes his head on the headrest of his seat. Jesper is still wheezing to his left and Kaz gives him a small glance out of his peripheral, without moving his head. Jesper is still laughing and now he doesn’t particularly feel embarrassed. He feels happy which is weird, he doesn’t get it.
Jesper wipes a tear from his eye and turns to Kaz with a teasing smile already playing on his lips.
“Y’know, I don’t think you’ve driven a car before”
Kaz scowls, his previous fondness dying like a fire under water.
“I have ” He insists, knowing very well he has not.
Jesper smiles but it's something more fond than teasing. Or perhaps that's what Kaz would prefer to see. He’s the Bastard of the Barrel, for saints sake, he has to have some level of decency - having someone tease him for his inability to drive a car was not good for his image.
“Mhm, okay sure and I’m the King of Fjerda”
“You are?” Kaz deadpans and Jesper snorts in response, whilst Kaz turns back to the wheel and frowns at the stick briefly; a look that Jesper doesn’t miss.
“I can drive if you want-”
“No.” Kaz says shortly as he manages to start the car again, and after a beat where Jesper falls silent however Kaz can still feel the amused energy radiating off the Zemeni sharpshooter. Kaz starts the car, feeling the rumble in the seat and as he presses on the pedal at his feet, the car jerks again, sending Jesper into peals of laughter again.
Kaz groans and grumbles the entire time while he struggles to get the car back up to the main road with absolutely no help from Jesper who laughed the entire time and everytime the car would jerk, this would begin another bout of roaring laughter.
The dusty countryside is simply a blur in the windows, fields upon fields of corn surround them as far as the eye can see. Kaz hasn’t spoken much, only asking for some water a while ago.
Jesper taps absently on his legs and he knows it’s some song from the Crow Club from years ago. The name is on the tip of his tongue ….. Nope. Lost it. He groans inwardly and slumps further down.
Jesper is bored. He’s restless. Whatever words there are for it, he’s it. He’s always had a short attention span and a restlessness that could only be cured by the thrill of gambling (and sometimes his power) but this was ridiculous. Especially considering that since using his power more, the feeling lessened. He huffed, watching absently how the dust mites in the car swirled with his exhale.
He wonders if he could control the individual mites and make some shapes or something. He toys with the idea and glances over, considering Kaz.
He’s not meant to know about his improvement in his powers
Jesper knows it doesn’t really matter and wonders as to why he ponders the idea as even if Kaz finds out he will die or never see him again so he thinks again
It doesn’t matter
A conversation between him and Wylan flashes to mind and he settles on not telling Kaz. He won’t. He'll honour Wylan if it’s the last thing he does.
No one will find out about his drastically improved powers.
So. That leaves him with the problem of what to do then.
He huffs deeply and Kaz shoots him an amused glance out the corner of his eye, careful to keep his eyes on the empty road.
Jesper looks around the car and his gaze falls on the leather supply bag at his feet. A packet of popcorn pokes out of the shoulder bag and his eyes sparkle with an idea.
He leans down, his long limbs knocking around and he pulls the packet out of the bag. He can sense Kaz’s curiosity but Dirtyhands learnt his lesson and is now keeping his eyes firmly on the road. Jesper’s chest still feels bruised from the force of the brake.
Jesper opens the packet and a sweet-salty smell immediately fills the car. He wastes no time in picking one out and rather than eating it, throws it at Kaz’s face.
“Wha-” Kaz almost turns around to look at him; the car jerks violently from side to side before he corrects himself and looks back
A pause.
He throws it again and this time it bounces off of Kaz’s cheek.
Score!
“Jesper” It's as much a warning as anything but Jesper is bored and he’s never been particularly good at following orders.
In his concentration, he sticks his tongue out slightly, his eyes narrow and his pings it straight onto Kaz’s nose. Kaz wrinkles his nose and Jesper doesn’t need any powers to know that Kaz is getting annoyed, but he has to admit, testing him is fun.
He tosses it at Kaz again, this time hoping he’ll get the message and catch it in his mouth. But again, it pings off of his cheek.
“I’m driving” Kaz says dryly and Jesper ignores him, this time tossing it onto his forehead.
Kaz growls, the vein on his head now pulsing
“ Again , I'm driving!”
“Hi driving, I’m Jesper!”
“Jesper! Ugh”
Jesper laughs hysterically, his knee bouncing
Kaz is irritated as anything. He knows Jesper and his restlessness in a car would spell trouble but that doesn’t mean it's any less annoying.
He knows they're both avoiding the touchy subjects at the moment, like Jesper’s disappearance, everything that had happened in the past year, Inej and Ibsen and maybe doing so was making it worse but Kaz would be damned if he opened up. His thoughts drift slightly to how vulnerable Jesper was in the diner and in return how he spoke to Jesper in the barn.
He had no idea where that openness came from, from either of them. A voice that sounds suspiciously like Inej tells him, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or is it absence.
Either works.
He gives Jesper another side glare as he feels the popcorn bounce off of his nose. Jesper notices it, he always does, but ignores it, as he normally does.
Kaz grumbles under his breath and for some reason this only serves to make Jesper laugh instead rather than scare him into stopping. Granted, he let Jesper get away with a lot but he didn’t particularly want the pair of them to crash. He’d rather go out in a blaze of glory, him against the world, crows by his side than a car crash because Jesper decided to throw popcorn in his face.
Yet, Jesper persists.
He tossed popcorn towards Kaz, trying to get him to catch it in his mouth.
“Jesper, I‘m driving!” Kaz’s voice is ever so slightly raised as the popcorn bounces down somewhere at his feet.
Jesper barely hesitates as he throws him another “And you're Kaz Brekker- catch!”
Kaz isn’t quite sure what compels him, perhaps the panic of having something fly straight towards his face but he sees the popcorn being tossed towards him and he opens his mouth attempting to catch it in his mouth.
He fails; the popcorn bounces off his lip and his eyes narrow at the kernel that sits by his left foot.
Challenge accepted.
Jesper seems to sense the change in air around Kaz. How his eyes narrow and the way his gloved hands tighten around the wheel. The innocent popcorn mocks Kaz from the foot well and both are aware that there is a single popcorn held between Jesper’s forefinger and thumb.
Kaz grins “Oh, it is on ”
Jesper meets Kaz’s grin, tossing him another bit of popcorn that misses Kaz’s face entirely and soars over Kaz’s nose.
Kaz clicks his tongue and Jesper narrows his eyes. Jesper rolls his head, feeling his neck crack, then focuses on Kaz, another popcorn kernel in his hand.
This one bounces off Kaz’s tongue.
The next hits his ear.
Jesper grumbles whilst Kaz shifts ever so slightly in his seat. Jesper stuffs his hand into the bag, picking out a handful of ammunition.
With practised movements, Jesper tosses and pings more popcorn towards Kaz but both either fail to reach him, or Kaz doesn’t catch them. Kaz can feel the taste of salt and sugar on his lips so he knows he’s close and he’ll be damned if the Bastard of the Barrel is bested by popcorn .
But finally…
“YOU CAUGHT IT!” Jesper shouts, beaming , his arms shooting up into the air in victory. He reaches a hand out to Kaz, held out for a high five.
Kaz turns around to Jesper, the road mildly forgotten in favour of returning the high five with a glee equal to Jesper’s.
The two high five, Kaz grinning as well as someone could with popcorn held in their mouth.
Kaz spoke, his voice having completely lost the hard edge of Kaz Brekker, now sounding more like a child than ever.
“I DID IT!” Kaz grins, going slightly cross eyed as he attempted to look at the popcorn caught in his mouth, but as he spoke, the popcorn fell out of his mouth, falling sadly into his lap.
The car slowed to a stop as the two stared mournfully at the popcorn on the leather seat.
They took a moment to mourn their fallen soldier before Kaz shrugged, popped it in his mouth and turned to Jesper.
“Again?”
A gleeful grin split across Jesper’s face.
“Again”
But the dusty road continued and so did they.
At midday, Kaz brought down the convertible roof, laughing as Jesper cheered while the wind rushed past his fingers. It felt freeing, knowing it was just the two of them, the wind and the long, long road. The two basked in the warmth of the midday sun and tried to not feel the keen loss of their third.
(Somewhere in their mind's eye, they can see Inej laughing whilst her hair flies out behind her, the three of them in the car together)
But soon it gets too hot and they have to close it back over to give themselves some shade.
The two filled the hours with practising tossing the popcorn and catching it, chatting about small, inconsequential things and ignoring the looming dread of a certainly advancing mob but also the suspicion that laced the air with a subtle tension. Kaz’s eyes flicker to the scar under Jesper’s eye ever so often, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.
Soon it was mid afternoon, where the sun no longer at its peak in the sky but certainly no less intense.
They hadn’t stopped since they set off in the morning and Kaz was beginning to feel the effect of having such a large breakfast.
To put it quite frankly, he had regrets.
Groaning, he lets his head bash on the wheel momentarily, the car swerving slightly before he straightens upright in his seat
“What’s up?” Jesper turns to him, his voice thinly veiled with concern as he notes the loss in concentration
“Ate too much,” Kaz says, groaning again.
Jesper chuckles lightly and Kaz turns to him, glaring, though he puts little effort into it.
“Glad someone finds this funny” He scowls while Jesper smiles in a faux serenity, a smile too sweet to be genuine, nor sympathetic.
“As a matter of fact, I find this hilarious ”
Jesper laughs a little as Kaz growls lowly, but then the duo fall back into a comfortable quiet. Until it was broken, again.
“Ugh, I need the toilet” Kaz grumbled, scowling at the never ending landscape of the road that rolled by.
Jesper sent him a glance, shrugging absently. “Just go”
“Here? In the car?” Kaz’s voice had an incredulous tone but still managed to retain his typical nonchalant dry tone which made it all the more funny for Jesper. The car started slowing slightly.
Rolling his eyes, Jesper replied “No, in nature, you doofus”
It was quite frankly a miracle that Kaz didn’t even blink as to being called a doofus and somewhere Jesper could hear Inej telling him to thank his lucky stars that Kaz liked him. Even if that didn’t seem true.
“You want me…” Kaz started, incredulous “...to go piss in the middle of the countryside?”
“Yes,” Jesper rolled his eyes again “Go piss in the middle of the countryside as you so eloquently put it, now go, let your urine be free”
Jesper made a shooing motion with his hands towards him but Kaz didn’t move immediately, instead stopping the car and scrunching up his nose as he made to move to get up.
“So unhygienic, we don't even have toilet roll or anything” He grumbled, unbuckling his seat belt.
“Ah-ah, that's where you’re wrong, my dear Kaz” Wagging his finger, Jesper spoke, reaching down into the bag at his feet while Kaz wordlessly raised an eyebrow.
“Ta-da!” Jesper made jazz hands towards the toilet roll and soap sat in his palm and Kaz blinked in surprise.
“Huh. Nice one, Jes” Kaz’s lips upturned slightly, his head tilting in an appreciative assessment and a gleeful beam broke out across Jesper’s face.
“What was that, didn’t hear you?”
“Nothing”
“What was itttt?” Jesper wheedled, laughing internally at how despite the vein at Kaz’s temple throbbed, his face was pink and refused to look nor meet eyes with the sharpshooter.
“No”
Jesper leaned right into Kaz’s personal space, batting his eyes “What was it?”
“I will not repeat it”
“C’mon Kaz~”
“Ugh, fine!” Kaz groaned, throwing his hands up in exasperation, looking skywards whilst Jesper fistpumped the air in victory, awaiting his validation.
“Nice one, Jes.” Kaz grumbled and Jesper beamed brightly.
“Thank you” he added sincerely and Jesper smiled genuinely, his previous grin morphing into something softer.
“No problem”
The two stared at each other momentarily, basking in the odd lightness of their conversation.
“Now let your urine be free” Jesper sang, unceremoniously dumping the soap and toilet paper in Kaz’s hands.
“Jesper, please-” Kaz groaned, getting out the car whilst Jesper cackled maniacally from his seat.
Just before Kaz closed the door, he heard Jesper’s snickering laughter cut off suddenly by an ‘Ooh!-’ and some scuffling noises which didn’t bode well and so he resigned himself to some form of Jesper’s annoying antics when he returned to the car.
Giving a quick look around the countryside that was still deserted (as it was the last time he looked) he quickly pulled down his fly and peed. He felt awkward doing so right next to the car but desperate times called for desperate measures. Literally.
Within seconds he was finished, he pulled up the zip and jumped upon hearing the car door slam shut. He turned around to see Jesper bent over, his right arm stretched above his head holding toast whilst he leant his body to the left with his left arm stretched out towards his left leg that was diagonal to him. Kaz felt a vein flicker in his forehead slightly and he inhaled, his gaze flickering to the toast in Jesper’s hand.
“What are you doing?”
Jesper bent further down towards his toes and didn’t even glance at Kaz as he replied. “Stretching.”
“With toast.” Kaz’s voice was dry as he raised a single eyebrow.
“Marmalade toast” Jesper corrected him and the other rolled his eyes.
“I can see that, I mean, why are you out of the car?”
“Need to stretch?” Jesper’s voice was so matter of fact it almost seemed on purpose. Then again, Kaz would bet money that he did it on purpose to annoy Kaz.
“And I literally just peed here”
Kaz can’t believe he just gestured to his pee, the darker patch of dusty road to make his point as Jesper began to straighten upright, hands on his hips as he surveyed the scene.
“Huh. You did”
Kaz groans loudly, throwing his head back to yell at the stars “ Ugh , you are so annoying”
“No, you” Jesper didn’t even pause to breathe before responding, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face with the childish response. It honestly amazed Kaz how quickly he could get annoyed with Jesper.
Kaz pointed a finger at him, retorting “No, you! Your actually insufferable like-”
But before Kaz could give an insult (that he didn’t actually have ready) he cut himself off in surprise, his glare falling away rapidly to a mix of surprise and confusion “Is that a cat?”
It was a cat. The cat itself was a small scrawny thing, a tabby with light brown, almost burnt orange markings in places and was currently sat on the bonnet of the car, teeth firmly in Jesper’s toast. The cat blinked innocently at the two who stared in surprise at it before taking the beat in which they did nothing by ripping the toast out of Jesper’s hand and ate it.
“ Hey! It ate my toast!” Jesper squawked offendedly as the cat jumped down from the bonnet to the ground between the two
“You deserve it” Kaz says offhandedly, immediately leaning down to pet the cat whilst Jesper gasps in outrage behind him
“You like cats?” Jesper says instead as the cat purrs, leaning further into Kaz’s touch
“Yeah?”
“Why?”
Kaz doesn’t move from where he’s crouched next to the cat but his eyes flicker up to Jesper, a teasing twinkle in his eyes despite his dry tone. “Because, unlike you, cats are quiet, peaceful creatures.”
“Can we keep it?” Jesper chooses to ignore the jibe at his character by focussing on an infinitely more important detail.
Kaz’s head shoots up, his neck snapping at the speed of the movement, the cat flinching minutely under the sudden movement “What, no!”
Jesper pouted and Kaz sighed deeply, his shoulders and posture loosening whilst the cat pressed against his hand. Complying, Kaz began to pet the tabby again.
Kaz regarded the begging look in Jesper’s eyes with a degree of forbearance “There is a difference between petting a cat and keeping a cat”
“But I already named it!” Jesper begs
“What? Milo?” Kaz recalled the goat that Jesper got rather painfully attached to on one of their previous heists. Even if he and Inej acted like they didn’t remember him, they did and they recalled the poor goat bleating pittifully whilst clutched in Jesper’s insanely tight grip.
“No, Marmalade!-” Jesper says proudly, then seems to realise what Kaz said and backtracks frantically ”Wait, no Milo is better!”
Kaz laughed loudly as Jesper picked up the cat from under its front legs, dangling the cat downwards.
“This is Milo Jr” Jesper crows whilst the cat looked simultaneously exasperated by its predicament and panicked.
“Oh my god-” Kaz laughed harder as Jesper began to sway the cat back and forth, the tabby’s expression morphing into something that looked like the cat was about to be sick or done with life. “I created a problem”
“Stinky baby, my love Milo Jrrrrr”
“Noooooo,” Kaz reached out towards the poor cat who looked extremely miffed that Kaz wasn’t actually helping and instead laughing at him.
“Jesper!” Kaz laughed and Jesper blessedly stopped swaying the cat back and forth. But instead he looked at Kaz, a pout on his lip and an unsaid question in his eyes that Kaz didn’t even need to be a genius to figure out what it was
“No, we are not bringing the cat with us”
“Aw but-“ Jesper whined pitifully and Kaz raised a single eyebrow
“Jes”
Jesper raised the cat higher, much to its chagrin “Could you ever be mad at that little face?”
Kaz surveyed the cat. Said little face looked quite likely to fight Jesper from its hold and was admittedly cute.
“As a matter of fact, I could” He responded dryly
“But she hasn’t even done anything!”
“She?”
Jesper shrugged “I dunno, didn’t check”
“Denounce gender roles not gender identity”
“Preach it babe!” Jesper cheered and Kaz gave him a flat stare in response.
“Never say that again”
Jesper saluted, snapping to attention, his hand at his head while the other held the cat, or rather dangled them. “Yes, boss-sir-boss!”
“Put the cat down Jesper”
“Aw but-”
“Down. It might have diseases”
“Pft, more than the streets of Ketterdam?” Despite his reluctance, Jesper obliged, putting the cat down onto the dusty road
Jesper sniffled, crouching down to pet the cat who leaned eagerly into the touch despite being manhandled by the exact person petting him
“Goodbye my light and love, I- no we, give you a parting gift”
Jesper pulls his trouser leg up revealing an anklet of dark red ribbon with a single silver crow feather on it. The sight of this makes Kaz’s throat tighten painfully for some reason he can’t decipher. Kaz watches as he unclasped it and fastened it securely around the cat's neck. As a small afterthought, he adjusts what is now the collar so the feather dangles at the cat's sternum.
Jesper straightens upright, pets the cat who then walks off around the front of the car and out of sight. Jesper watches the cat go, a small serene smile playing on his lip until he hears a quiet sniffle. He whirled around to Kaz, incredulity clear on his lips, shock obvious in his wide eyes.
“Wait, are you crying ?”
“No, I’m not!” Kaz yells and Jesper opens his mouth but Kaz beats him too it, pointing a finger in warning
“Shut up-”
“I haven't even said anything yet!?” Jesper squawked, throwing his arms up in indignation.
“You were thinking it!”
After a beat of quiet, a gleeful grin split across Jesper’s face and trepidation arose in Kaz at the sight of this specific face
Jesper began to crow loudly and delightedly: “Kaz Brekker is crying over a cat! Kaz Brekker is cry-”
Kaz slammed a gloved hand over his mouth, cutting him off then immediately recoiled in disgust, yelling
“Did you just lick my hand?!”
Ignoring Kaz’s disgusted outcry, Jesper leant on his shoulder, using Kaz as an armrest. “Don’t worry, Kaz-er-roo,”
“Never call me that again” Yet Kaz doesn’t shove Jesper off.
“I miss the little guy too”
The sun was beginning to set low in the sky, their chattering about the cat lessening as they both grew more tired and exhausted. The sky to the car’s left darkened, stars twinkling in sunset’s dying light. The two had remained on the long countryside road heading south for the whole day but upon yawning for the third time in two minutes, Kaz considered finding a place to stay.
Jesper glanced at Kaz yawning, trying his best to hide it and failing. While he rolled his ankle experimentally, wincing at the pain sent through him. Yeah, definitely bruised.
Upon Kaz yawning, again, Jesper groaned, sitting upright and stretching his arms above his head.
“Ar’ight, boss, it’s nap time I think.”
Kaz turned around at him, glaring.
“I do NOT need a nap ”
The deep bags under Kaz’s eyes told Jesper otherwise.
“Mhm, sure darling, let me drive and you can get your beauty sleep”
“No.” The moment the word came out of Kaz’s mouth, he yawned, his jaw cracking with the force of it. Jesper raised a single eyebrow at Kaz who was glad the darkening sky disguised the light flush of embarrassment on his cheeks.
“Perhaps it would be … beneficial to stop off somewhere and rest our eyes”
“Yes, yes, our ” Jesper nodded along with Kaz, his tone so mock sage like it had to be deliberate.
Kaz glared, but slowed the car down to a stop, reached into his coat to pull out a paper map.
He had to squint at it and hold it at a funny angle in an attempt to read it due to the low light. Humming slighting, he scanned over it, trying to ignore how Jesper was leaning over, trying to read over his shoulder. He took a finger and traced the dusty road they had just taken, tapping on a nearby petrol station and motel.
“There, we’ll rest up there and take that road to Dovemouth”
“Mkay, mkay…” Jesper nods, but then tilts his head, his next question seemingly innocent “But wouldn’t it be easier to just go through Lij?”
Kaz might have said something about Jesper doubting him if he didn’t seem so sad.
He gulps fiercely, pushing the painful lump down and doesn’t look at the little printed letters of Lij on the map.
“No” He says shortly, glad his voice doesn’t give any sign of being affected. He yet again wonders why this stupid trip is making him feel things.
“It would take a little longer and we’d be more obvious.” His tone has some firmness in it that Jesper unconsciously picks up on so he doesn’t push the conversation any further.
“Dovemouth” Jesper says and there’s something in his tone that Kaz can’t quite place so he lifts his head to look at Zemeni boy and is panicked to find Jesper’s eyes are watery.
He doesn’t know what to do. He flounders but Jesper still hasn’t noticed that Kaz is no longer looking at the map.
“Uhhh-” Kaz falters, rustling the map, straightening up, starting the car and Jesper jumps back at his seat, blinking back tears.
“Let’s go!” Kaz is saying things very out of character for himself and he knows it. It’s not every day you see Jesper Fahey actually cry, and get truly emotional over something and the close quarters of the small car just made it worse.
As the two set off, Kaz’s fingers tap against the wheel in a sign of subtle agitation. He makes a couple turns and after the third where the moon faces them head on, Jesper pulls a face, speaking up.
“I think this is the wrong way”
“What? No.” Kaz immediately denies being at fault. He’s the Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands, a genius , he doesn’t do mistakes .
“No this doesn’t seem right, we should have seen it by now” Jesper picks up the map from between them and frowns at it, squinting.
Kaz repeats, frowning and his grip tightening on the wheel as he leans forward in his seat “No, I’m sure I’m right”
“Did you read the map right?”
“Of course I did, I’m Kaz Brekker, I don’t read maps wrong ” Kaz snaps, snatching the map off Jesper who holds his hands up placatingly
After a beat of studying the map, Kaz’s face is still, almost purposely so and silently turns the map upside down sending Jesper into laughter
“Actually, I think this is the wrong way…” Kaz mutters and this sends Jesper into a fit of laughter, wheezing hysterically
Kaz turns the car around, heading west towards where the sun is just about to go under the horizon whilst his passenger wheezes, unable to breathe
“Oh my god-” Jesper bursts into another fit of laughter “You absolute loser- ”
Kaz flushes a bright pink, and throws a discarded (failed attempt) popcorn at Jesper but misses and this only serves to make the sharpshooter laugh harder.
The two make it to the motel and petrol station with no more problems, other than the popcorn now stuck in Kaz’s hair after a small impromptu battle.
There’s something creepy about it, something not quite real about the pumps at petrol station lit with the bright lights, the neon lights and the hum of electricity from the motel in the dead of night.
Kaz takes all but two seconds to fill up the car, park and then the two make their way into the motel, where there is a single person on duty with a half shaved head, the side with hair was long and a dirty brown and idly flicking through a newspaper. Jesper’s breath hitches at a photo of him and Kaz on the front page, captioned with “Wanted: Grisha murderer and Dirtyhands of the Barrel”.
Kaz walks forward, his cane echoing in the reception and rings the bell, a sound that seems to last forever, a drone ringing on.
Bored eyes flick up towards them, widen ever so slightly, flicking down to the newspaper and back up to them, fearfully. Kaz lets the crow on his cane rest against the desk, somehow managing to glare and raise a single eyebrow simultaneously.
Gulping, the receptionist wordlessly hands them a key,, twirling their long hair nervously and shakily mumbles.
“20-.. 208” It may have been a whisper but in the silence of the night, it sounded like a shout, a deafening noise, shattering the blanket of peace.
Kaz glances at the key with a satisfied look in his eye and drops a single kruge on the desk. “Thank you” He says simply and walks off, Jesper following after him with a grinning wave to the receptionist who looks as if they’re about to faint.
The two pad softly across the carpeted corridors up to their room, spying a balcony and stairs that ran around the outside of the motel, something that they could probably reach from their room.
Soon they reached the door labelled 208 and Kaz unlocked it, pushing it open and entering the motel room. On the other side of the room, there was a window and to the left of it, in the corner was the door to the outside balcony around the building. On the right of them entering was a small bathroom and toilet and then on the right side of the room were split by a small table with a digital clock were two beds, something that the two relaxed upon seeing.
Jesper immediately bounded over to the bed closer to the window that Kaz rolled his eyes fondly upon seeing. Jesper jumped onto the bed, cuddling into the soft linen duvet of the bed.
Kaz wasn’t at all surprised that the moment Jespers head hit the pillow, he was dead to the world. And despite his own bone deep exhaustion, he couldn’t sleep as he lay in his bed.
He tried to close his eyes and let himself slide impassively into the soft linen of the sheets but instead he stares at the room’s ceiling, awake, listening to Jesper’s soft breathing.
He can’t sleep, he can’t sleep because all he can see is blood staining striped pyjamas, screams from the mob, water rising whilst Jordie’s body floats away and away from him and then he can see Jesper running away and he keeps running and running , running so far away that Kaz has his hand outstretched towards him, crying out for him-
and then he opens his eyes.
He opens his eyes to see his hand raised in the air, towards the ceiling.
His chest rises and falls as if he’s run a marathon and there's a foreign wetness on his cheeks.
He blinks, lets his hand fall to his side and turns his head to his right to see Jesper still curled up, asleep. His eyes flicker to the digital clock between the two, neon red digits proclaiming the witching hour and he turns his gaze back to Jesper.
He’s so tired that he isn’t sleeping because now his brain is producing hallucinations, or just so exhausted that he’s spiralling. He knows it's some combination between the two and that his tears are irrational, that he’s being irrational, yet still, watching the gentle rise and fall of Jesper’s chest calms him, his heart rate slowing.
Heaving a deep sigh, he sits up, pulling his legs to his chest, his back to the wall of the bed. A car goes past the window, the headlights send a stream of light into the room, blocked by the curtains so only a shaft of it cuts across the room, across his face and bed, blinding him.
The roar of the car’s engine rumbles away into the distance and the night is quiet again, and though he hates cliches, the quiet is deafening
He inhales sharply once he realises he can’t hear Jesper breathe, he can’t hear anything because this is the countryside and not Ketterdam with distant gunshots, cheers from bars, a constant chatter from every street and he’s so used to the noise and-
He’s breathing too quickly. He knows this. He knows this and yet the irrational fear clings to him, suffocating, making his eyes sting with tears he does not want.
He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes, willing the panic to go, to go and never come back because he feels ever so vulnerable in this little motel room with only himself, his panic and Jesper’s soft breathing.
But he can hear, slowly. The sounds fade back in, one by one; the ticking of his watch, a hum of light, the buzz of electricity and-
Jesper’s breathing.
He latches onto this sound, unconsciously letting his breathing fall in time with Jesper’s until he doesn’t feel like a scared little boy waiting tearily to be found under a great oak tree.
Once he feels more like himself, less likely to break if someone so much as glanced at him, he sits up, unfolding himself. He’s aware the first thing he does is look at Jesper to see him having not moved since he last looked. A glance at the time tells him that they’ve been there two hours and he hasn’t slept at all.
He sighs deeply, slides back into the bed and stares again up at the ceiling.
He doesn’t sleep.
Jesper wakes up about twenty minutes later, and goes to the toilet. Kaz doesn’t pretend that he wasn’t sleeping and ignores Jesper’s disproving, disappointed look.
When Jesper comes back, pulling the strap of the dungaree over his shoulder, Kaz watches him move over to his bed, and get in it. Jesper pulls the blanket over himself and rolls over, facing Kaz. Jesper gives him a silly little lopsided smile and Kaz blinks, unaware how in that moment, Jesper’s single action cracks his face open for a second, displaying every painful emotion. Jesper feels his heart twist at this and opens his mouth to say something before he’s cut off.
By an ear-shattering scream.
Kaz sits up on the edge of the bed, Jesper rolling around to the either side to face the door, eyes wide.
“Was that a scream?”
“No, it wasn't,” Jesper said firmly, pulling the blanket over his head and rolling back over to face Kaz who was now getting up.
Kaz ignored him and began to walk towards the noise “I think it was”
“And that is exactly why we are not investigating it” Jesper burrowed deeper into the duvet for all of five seconds before he got up and followed after Kaz, hissing after him.
All the while, he watched Kaz’s back.
“All saints , Kaz, how have you survived this long?!” He hissed as the two crept across the balcony.
The stars twinkle above them as Jesper continues “You have the survival instincts of a near-sighted deer , you wouldn’t last five minutes in those new horror pictures”
Kaz doesn’t say anything in response, only his dark eyes are trained ahead of him, narrowed in focus.
“Oh yeah, that’s fine, don’t say anything whilst you lead us into the most likely dangerous unknown, that’s fine, it’s not like I care or anything-”
(Jesper doesn’t care, but the rambling helps Kaz, it’s something familiar, grounding)
Jesper’s rambling was cut off as Kaz peeked around the corner of the motel, looking out into the petrol station and the pumps, shushing Jesper.
Dutifully, Jesper stopped snarking and peeked around, stifling a gasp.
Eight figures clad in dark surrounded the motel receptionist with the shaved head, hair splayed around them, lay on the concrete ground, hands held pathetically in front of their face with guns facing them.
“Please, please ” The receptionist begs and the eight cock their guns again, the sound echoing in the night, making the receptionist whimper and curl up, trying to shuffle back. Kaz’s eyes immediately latch onto the blood staining the floor, marking a trail of red from the receptionist's leg - a gunshot, Kaz noted, narrowed eyes flicking to the guns in hand.
Kaz glanced back down the balcony where the stars twinkled above and the stairs down were just after their room. Making a quick motion to Jesper, the latter nodding, the two tiptoed down the metal stairs outside of their balcony. They could hear the nine in the station talking but it was distant and sounded simply of a murmur.
Now on the ground floor, hidden by the shadows, the two shared a look, nodded in a silent agreement. They would bet their lives that the eight were there to find them, and they needed to get out of there as soon as possible. Making snappish motions, Kaz motioned towards their car which was parked on the opposite side of the pump area, next to the petrol station. It was only a five by five square but it seemed like a million miles away.
Kaz took the lead and Jesper had his back. Quickly motioning towards the leather bag at Jesper’s side (that he had the great foresight to pick up and bring once leaving the room - nothing is ever simple with the crows) Kaz grabbed a couple bombs - notably smaller than the one he had used the day earlier, more like grenades, and tucked it into his coat pocket.
Slowly, the two crept around the edge of the station, just keeping out of the light, crouching down low. As they got closer to the group of nine, the conversation grew in volume.
“Please, please, I don’t have anything, I have nothing, ” The receptionist was sobbing openly now, the guns still trained on them.
“I don’t know who you’re looking for”
Wordlessly, the figure in the middle - who the two assumed was the leader, pulled out a flyer that at the angle they were at, they couldn’t see.
But by the sharp inhale, they would place a bet that it was them.
“Oh I-” The receptionist's eyes flicked back to the motel and that told the figures clad in black all they needed to know. With sharp hand signals, the eight began to march into the motel, the receptionist left stamering behind them
“Wait, no you can’t just- we ensure the safety of all those staying here, you can’t- ” The last person turned back, gun levelled with the receptionist on the floor.
(Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason, said Inej Ghafa)
In an instant, Kaz lobbed the small grenade towards the eight figures at the motel’s entrance, the blast shaking the area, the gunman losing his stance, the shot missing, fired off into the distance somewhere.
Heads snap towards them, their faces obscured by the shadows of dark hoods.
Jesper faltered open mouthed as Kaz ran towards the receptionist, throwing another grenade, unbalancing the eight, sending some flying and crashing onto the ground with a painful smack. But the blow unbalances Kaz as well and he’s sent flying and crashes to the ground, using his arm to take the blow and cushion his landing.
Shaking himself out of his daze, Jesper runs into the battle where the eight are picking themselves up again, reloading and cocking guns at the Kaz who hovered over the receptionist's unconscious form.
Jesper ran in front of Kaz, hands outstretched, eyes narrowed at the eight dark figures in front of him. Their guns cock and raise higher to point directly at his chest. Jesper can hear Kaz inhale sharply behind him.
“Jesper… Fahey.”
And the chaos was unleashed. Gunshots scream through the air towards them and Kaz tenses, squeezing his eyes shut, biting down on a scream.
But the pain never comes.
Kaz opened his eyes to Jesper’s hands raised, all the bullets shot at then suspended in mid air, less than a metre from Jesper’s form. Jesper looks over his shoulder and smirks at Kaz, his face illuminated by the bright lights of the petrol station. There’s something familiar in this smirk that relaxes Kaz even though he’s still tense over the receptionist.
Jesper’s stance lowers, and he keeps his hands raised in what looks like a mixed martial arts form. He then pushes his hands downwards and the suspended bullets rush towards the eight dark figures who dive out of the way.
“Grisha scum ” One of them spits out as they stumble upright, nursing a bleeding shoulder and Jesper smirks ferally in response, the bullets still moving, following his command.
And then the eight charge at Jesper, and Jesper alone. The sharpshooter swerves smoothly out of the way of an incoming punch, ducking under a gun and with a wave of his hand, said gun crumples into a mess of metal around the figure's hand who screams in pain.
Jesper nimbly dodges blow after blow, using his powers to retaliate mercilessly - crushing the guns, squeezing the rope’s around their waists so tight they couldn’t breathe, and firing the bullets continuously, going in and out of each person.
Blood and screams fill the air, bodies crumpling but Jesper doesn’t stop, his grey eyes dark and narrowed on each figure. But in a tiny lull of action, Jesper falters, losing his footing and stumbles backwards.
Like a pack of hungry wolves, the remaining figures close in on him, preying on this opening weakness. Jesper goes to raise his hands, to prevent the gunshot but it doesn’t come as the person falls to the ground, revealing Kaz standing behind him, cane raised, panting with eyes wide at Jesper. The two stare at each other for a beat then share a nod, getting up to battle.
The fight continues, Kaz now joining the fray as the two fight in tandem. Kaz dodges blow after blow, helping the receptionist into the motel to escape, after which he returns to the fight, thwacking his cane against someone's arm resulting in a scream and a loud crack.
After a kick to his chest, that just missed his wound, Jesper landed by a pump, winded. Panting heavily, he pressed a palm to the ground to push himself upright but he noticed his hand came away wet.
With a quick glance upwards at the pump that must have been shot with the wayward shot earlier, and a look at the advancing cloaked figure he quickly made a plan that he wasn’t even sure would work - it was something entirely theoretical at this point.
He reached into the bag pressed against the concrete by his hip and pulled out a small lighter. Stumbling upright, lowering himself into a stance, purposefully losing his balance he let the darkened figure get close to him, thinking that he was truly weakened before he moved.
Slamming his hands against the concrete ground, he closed his eyes and allowed his awareness to shift into that of the leaking petrol and the concrete around him. Latching onto the control of the volatile particles, he raised his hands.
The ground around them shot up with his command, trapping the remaining attackers by their feet while the petrol was thrown over them. The panic that arose within the cloaked figures fell into a confusion at the liquid thrown over them.
“But- you’re a Fabrikator, a Durast ” one said shakily, trying to pull themself out. Jesper smirks - no Fabrikator nor Grisha has ever been able to mimic the power of another, to see a Fabrikator use the power of a Tidemaker would fill one with horror and fear.
“Oh, honey ,” Jesper stalked towards them, tsking whilst he stroked the nearest trapped figures cheek “I’m so much worse ”
At this he flicks the lighter on and tosses it at the petrol-covered attackers who go up in flames. The smell of burnt flesh immediately fills the air and Jesper regards this impassively, his eyes blank as he surveys the aftermath of the fight, a massacre with the light of the fire in his eyes. With a wave of his hand, the concrete around their feet falls away, so their bodies crumple to the ground and the fire goes out.
With a quiet scoff, he steps over a couple bodies, bends down and picks up the discarded lighter tucking it into his pocket.
Straightening up, Jesper turns around and looks ahead to see Kaz. holding his arm at his side, his face open raw and stricken. His impassivity dissipates, replaced with some ugly panic and terror that clutches at his heart, squeezing his chest painfully.
Kaz just stares at him, eyes open wide, his face wrecked.
“I-... you…. what? ” Kaz says breathlessly, panting before collapsing, his legs giving way.
“Kaz!” Jesper yelps and dives towards his friend who he just manages to catch before he hits the floor. Kaz’s eyes are closed but the bags under his eyes are deep.
Jesper sighs in relief upon finding no injuries; it seems Kaz’s perpetual exhaustion had caught up with him - there was nothing like an adrenaline fueled fight to both wake you up and exhaust you simultaneously. He doesn’t think about what he’s just done, but he knows he would do it again in a heartbeat.
Picking Kaz up bridal style he chuckles softly knowing that Kaz would hate him if he knew this, he tiptoed between the bodies littering the concrete ground towards the car. Pulling the car keys out of his pocket, he unlocked the car, and tucked Kaz into a shotgun and stretched over Kaz’s sleeping form to buckle him in. Climbing into the driver's seat, he started the car, with notably less struggle than Kaz did.
He then set off west, the stars twinkling above him, leaving the arson massacre in lights of the motel behind him and his friend sleeping softly at his side