Chapter Text
Wylan took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders back as the pony moved underneath him. He forgot how freeing it was to ride a horse, the horse didn’t know he couldn’t read. The horse didn’t know who his father was.
The horse did, however, seem to have a little bit of attitude. It was another one of Jesper’s horses so it seemed to make sense the horse had a bit of chaos about him.
Gunsmoke was sweet on the ground, but once a rider got on he seemed to get just a little too excited. Wylan didn’t mind though. He had spent hours with Yulia, hours of sweat and tears and blood as he worked with the sports horses.
“Are you ok?” Jesper asked, cigarette dangling between his lips. He was riding Tophat today, a very lovely grey. Where possible, it seemed that Jesper liked to ride without a saddle.
If Wylan hadn’t been in love with Jesper before, the sight of his boyfriend riding a horse would definitely have changed his mind.
Wylan gave Jesper a bright smile, nodding his head. “G is lovely.”
“No, he’s not,” Jesper laughed. “You don’t have to be polite about him, he’s a horrible horse. Aren’t you G?”
The horse in question flattened his ears, snapping at the air.
“Grumpy shit. I swear, G should belong to Kaz. Not Timothy.”
Timothy was perhaps the sweetest horse Wylan had ever met. He let out a friendly call when they fed in the morning, he never kicked or tried to bite. Often, Timothy was found with his head over the door, dozing in the sun. The chestnut always perked up when he saw people.
Wylan could tell he wanted to see Kaz soon though.
“Maybe I’ll give you a horse,” Jesper said after some silence. Wylan looked at his boyfriend, and then at Gunsmoke.
“Oh, Jesper. I-”
“I’ll chat to da. Come on,” Jesper clicked his tongue, pushing Tophat into a canter, Gunsmoke quickly followed.
Wylan wrapped a few fingers around the horse's mane, closing his eyes for a quick moment. The feeling of the wind tickling his skin, the soft rocking movement of the horse and the sound of their hooves.
Yes. Wylan could most definitely get used to this.
~
Kaz arrived the following week. He came without Inej, apparently she had gone on to Birmingham to help her family with some work and Kaz couldn’t not stop to see Timothy.
Wylan had only known Kaz for about a year, he had never seen him without his gloves off. Yet, when he stepped into his stable to see Timothy, the gloves came off. Kaz even smiled, a hand brushing over Timothy’s nose.
“Hello,” Kaz said gently. “What tricks have you been up to?”
“Hairline fracture,” Colm explained, standing at the door. “Rika chased him in the lower fields and he fell.”
Kaz tutted gently. “She’s really becoming something.”
“I’m telling you Kaz, she’s a pain in my ass.”
Kaz snorted, giving Timothy a friendly pat. The horse shifted to rub his head against Kaz’s back.
“Gentle,” Kaz said softly, leaning on his cane. “Not too hard.”
Timothy seemed to listen, pulling back slightly and settling to rest his head on Kaz’s shoulder. “Well, it’s a shame.”
“You could take out someone else if you wanted. I think Ceol is quiet enough.”
“No, it was only a flying visit, Mr Fahey,” Kaz answered, giving Timothy another pat then turning to look at Wylan. “Take a walk with me.”
Wylan didn’t argue, following after Kaz as they walked through the yard. They stopped at the lower fields, watching the young horses graze in the summer heat, tails aimlessly brushing flies away from their bodies. Kaz took a breath, exhaling slowly.
“How are you finding this?”
“What?”
“Being with Colm.”
“Oh it’s… fine. Yeah. It’s great.”
Kaz turned to give Wylan a look, raising an eyebrow. “Lying doesn’t work on me, Wylan.”
Wylan nodded, rubbing his head slightly.
“I just keep waiting for something but nothing happens. Last night I knocked over the jug, and I kept waiting for the blow to land but he just picked it up and told Jes to get a new one.”
“Often, we don’t know how hurt we’ve been until someone offers us tenderness. There’s a few in being offered that tenderness too, because it only confirms your suspicions.”
“What suspicions?”
“That you’re broken.”
Kaz took out a packet of cigarettes, offering one to Wylan but he shook his head. Kaz took one, lighting it and exhaling.
“We’re all broken I suppose. It might look fine on the surface here, but there are problems underneath. Colm is good, but he grieves for his wife. He sees her in Jesper. I remember when I first brought Timothy here, Colm could just about look at Jesper. We’re all used and broken things, Wylan.”
“Well, isn’t this cheerful,” he muttered, making Kaz smirk.
“What I’m trying to tell you, is that you’re allowed to sit here. You’re allowed to feel your pain but also, let yourself be part of this family. Let yourself make mistakes. Colm is a good father, and Jesper is a good person.”
Wylan bit his lip, looking down at his shoes. “You like it here.”
“I do. There’s something wonderfully simple about horses, isn’t there? I think you’ll find yourself here, Wylan.”
Kaz finished his cigarette, turning to look at him fully now. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’ll try not to.”
Kaz smirked, adjusting his cane and limping back to his car.
*
Wylan looked at the large black horse, rubbing his palms to try and get the sweat off them. Bucky was tall, and incredibly proud looking. His neck was slightly arched, and his ears constantly moving.
Wylan knew that being nervous would make everything worse, so he swallowed his fear and took the reins, vaulting onto the back of the horse. There was truly, so much horse. Gunsmoke was slim and tiny under Wylan, but Bucky was truly a beast.
Bucky jumped forward, curling underneath Wylan and stepping forward into walk. The power that Wylan felt in the reins made his stomach twist. This wasn’t some childs pony, this was a power house.
Kuwei stood at the fence, grinning as Wylan let Bucky move, trying to gather the horse up. Things had been going well, until Bucky planted his feet in the ground and went vertical. Wylan quickly grabbed the mane, trying to keep his weight centred and go with the movements instead of fighting him but it was no good. There always came a point where a rider knew that they were going to fall off, and Wylan felt that now. After two sharp bucks, Bucky had Wylan face first in the ground.
“Wylan!” Jesper’s voice cut through the air, coming from the fence. Wylan felt the hot rush of blood gushing from his nose as he stayed down for a minute. He flinched hard when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Just me,” Jesper soothed, crouching down in front of him. “Be useful, Kuwei and take Bucky out for fuck sake.”
“Sure,” the groom answered, crawling between the fence and taking Bucky away.
Wylan bit down on his lip, taking a deep breath. He wouldn’t cry, it was childish to do that. But he also wasn’t sure if the tears in his eyes were from the bust nose or the embarrassment.
“Wy, what on earth where you doing?” Jesper asked softly, sitting down fully now and taking Wylans face in his hands. Softly, Jesper’s thumbs brushed away his tears.
“Kuwei said I had to ride Bucky.”
“Why did he say that?”
“I’ve to prove that I… I deserve to be here.”
“Oh, oh Wylan,” Jesper breathed, pressing a soft kiss to Wylan’s forehead. “Darling, you don’t have to prove anything to me. I saw you ride G this morning, I saw you handle the horses yesterday. I brought you here because I want you here. You don’t have to do anything. I’m delighted I get to share the summer and the horses with you, but frankly if you woke up tomorrow and told me you just want to sit by the beach all day I’d be ok with that.”
Wylan let out a breath, wincing as he exhaled through his nose. Jesper found a tissue in his pocket, softly dabbing the blood.
“It’s not broken. Bucky is an old horse, Wy. The only person who can ride him is da. I don’t need you to prove yourself. Because you bring me so much joy, and you make me so happy.”
Wylan looked up at Jesper, and god looking in those eyes just made his heart ache. His nose was throbbing now, and his knees also hurt a little bit. “Will your father be angry?”
“Nah, come on. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Jesper stood, taking Wylan by the hand and guiding him back towards the cottage. The back door was open, one of the collies sat contently in the sun as the pair stepped over him. Jesper sat Wylan down by the kitchen table, going to find a facecloth.
As Jesper left, Colm walked in, looking at Wylan and smiling slightly.
“Had a bit of a knock?”
“You could say that.”
Colm walked over, putting his hand out to check but on reflex, Wylan flinched away. The hand was instantly dropped and Colm stepped back, giving Wylan his space.
“No harm here, lad. Just want to check.”
“Jesper said it’s not broken.”
“Jesper dislocated his knee and said it was just a pulled muscle. I’m not going to take his word on it,” Colm smiled, his kept his hands up for Wylan to see. “Where would it be easiest for me to touch?”
Nowhere, Wylan thought. His father pretty much beat him wherever he could. But Kaz had said it to him, it was time to be brave.
“Here,” Wylan pointed to his chin. Colm nodded, stepping forward and gently taking his chin. He tilted Wylan’s head back ever so slightly and nodded.
“You’ve not broken it, Jesper was right for once. Though you certainly did a number on it.”
“I went face first into the ground.”
Colm chuckled slightly, nodding. “We’ve all been there. I’ll let Jesper clean you up then. I’ve got stew tonight for dinner,” Colm stepped away. Part of Wylan wanted to throw up, but he kept himself together. He wouldn’t be so weak in front of Colm.
Jesper tumbled into the room, throwing face cloths and towels everywhere.
“Oh, hello,” he greeted his father, clambering over him to get to Wylan. “Can you tell Kuwei to not be an asshole? Please?”
“Was this Kuwei’s doing?”
“He made Wylan ride Bucky.”
Colm’s face made a line and he let out a sigh, passing Jesper a bottle of antiseptic and grabbing his tweed cap. “I’ll have a word so.”
“Thanks da,” Jesper poured the antiseptic on a cloth, gently dabbing it on Wylan’s face. Wylan let out a quiet hiss, but gritted his teeth.
“I’ve stew in the pot for you both. I’m going down to Sam’s tonight.”
“Oh?”
“New racehorse isn’t going out the gate,” Colm grabbed his pipe, lighting it and then finding his welly boots.
“Well, have fun working your magic,” Jesper called over his shoulder, watching as Colm left the cottage with the collies on his heels. Wylan watched as well, then turned to look at Jesper.
“Does it feel strange?”
“No,” Jesper answered softly. “I love him. I hated him. I’ve felt every emotion towards my father that you could. I blamed my mother dying on him, and he never took his own pain out on me. Wylan, my da also loves you though. You’ve a home here. You’re safe.”
Wylan let his head drop forward slightly, finding comfort against Jesper. His boyfriend moved forward, enveloping him in his arms and letting out a soft hum.
“You’re safe here, A mhuirnín .”