Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The summer festival hardly feels like a festival this year. It's fun, of course. The food and the games are always fun, and it was nice to spend the whole night with his friends.

As nice as it is, everything they do feels like it has a dismal air. Yu's betrayal dampened their spirits. The entire town was devastated. When Yu was in town, he was massively popular. He made friends with everyone he met, and some credited him for helping to bring the town back to life. When the news got out that he was probably going to go to jail for killing Saki-senpai and Mayumi Yamano, it threw everyone for a loop.

But… that's exactly what's happening. The case was pretty open and shut. Yu had been able to fill in all the blanks Namatame left behind, and the police were confident enough in the story to put him in jail.

Ever since then, Inaba feels like it was thrust into oppressing darkness.

Their friends should be able to feel some shred of happiness after finding the truth, but the bitter feeling of the culprit being Yu of all people… stings. Not just that, but Yu's words continue to haunt them. The knowledge that there's someone still out there who could pick up where he left off at any time sours any feeling of victory.

Ever since Yu was arrested, Dojima and Nanako haven't been seen around town much. As devastated as Yosuke and the others are, he can only imagine how hard it is for them. He tried to visit with Teddie and Rise at one point, but neither of them were up for visitors. Even Teddie's presence wasn't enough to bring a smile to Nanako's face.

Yosuke wonders if they'll ever recover.

Yosuke's parents are just as shocked as everyone else. They always liked Yu and the influence he had on Yosuke's confidence. Hearing the news about Yu shocked them, and made them worry over Yosuke, too. They extended his vacation from Junes and insisted that he spend as much time as possible with his friends to recover.

And... they enrolled him in therapy. He starts when school starts back up again. He wants to complain about it, but he can't. After everything, he knows he needs it.

As much as Yosuke is affected by Yu's arrest, this cloud that lingers over all of Inaba is a surprise. A part of him hopes it fades soon. He hopes the town goes back to its sleepy old self. The first sign of normalcy is the summer festival. People still showed up, and though the atmosphere was more subdued than usual, it was nice to see people walking around again.

Everyone in his group is still tired and injured. They probably look like some kind of gang. Everyone is bandaged. Chie has a leg brace and crutches. Kanji has bandages on his wrist and a slowly-fading black eye. Everyone has some kind of cast or bandage, even Rise, who did something to her elbow when she got blown back by the megidolaon.

For his part, Yosuke has a bruise all along his back and the impact re-injured his ribs. He's fully aware of how lucky he is that it wasn't worse. Especially when he looks at Ren.

Yu did a number on Ren more than anyone else, to the point that he'd had to spend a week in the hospital after they got out of the TV. His arm is broken and he has a separated shoulder. His face is covered in fading bruises and he'd also broken one of his ribs when he was standing alone against Yu. Yosuke looks him over and frowns. Guilt gnaws at his chest and he forces himself to turn and look away.

This is the first time he's been alone with Ren since they caught Yu. Everyone decided to leave the festival early to rest, leaving one by one until Yosuke and Ren were the only ones left standing in front of the shrine. Yosuke watches Rise and Teddie walk away, then sighs.

There are three hours until Yosuke's curfew. He's not ready to go home. He wants to be with Ren.

"You feel up for a walk?" Yosuke asks as he turns to look at Ren again.

Ren smooths his good hand through his hair and smiles. "Sure," he replies, letting his arm fall back to his side and sliding his hand into his pants pocket. "I'm kind of glad you didn't want to split yet."

"I live to serve," Yosuke jokes as he starts turns and leads the way out of the shopping district. "I'm surprised you don't want to go home and rest."

Shaking his head, Ren looks down at the pavement. "Mama's been insufferable since I got out of the hospital. She asks for a full report of where I was, who I was with, what we did. And my dad—" He cuts himself off, shakes his head, and huffs in exasperation. "I get it. Mama was scared when we called from the hospital. I just… yo-you know?"

Yosuke nods. The cutoff when Ren mentions his dad doesn't escape Yosuke's attention, but he doesn't press.

"I do. My mom's been the same way. You know, I'm starting therapy when we go back to school?" Yosuke mutters.

"It's not so bad," Ren reassures him, shaking his head. "Honestly, I think it might help you. You've… you've been through a lot, Yosuke."

Sighing in resignation, Yosuke nods. "Yeah. I know. It's why I didn't complain when they suggested it. I… I know I need it," he murmurs. "I'm pretty messed up."

Ren shakes his head. "You're not."

Turning an incredulous gaze Ren's way, then huffs in irritation. "Did you forget the part where I've spent the past year pining for a murderer who apparently killed the girl I used to have feelings for?" he reminds Ren. "If that doesn't make me messed up—"

"It doesn't," Ren insists. "It makes you human. You're loyal, and you never in a million years considered that Yu would ever do that. From the stories I've heard around town, I'm inclined to believe that he put on a pretty convincing face."

Yosuke casts a sidelong glance at Ren and huffs. Honestly, he doesn't know how Ren does it. No matter what Yosuke says, he always seems to understand. He always seems willing to see the best in Yosuke—to look past his glaring fuck-ups and faults—and to think of him as some kind of cool person. Every time Ren looks at him like he's something special, it ties his stomach into knots.

With a nod, Yosuke murmurs, "He did. I never would've thought…"

"Exactly," Ren persists once Yosuke trails off. "So… it doesn't make you messed up. You're not messed up. You're just unlucky. You get hurt a lot." He stares down at the ground, expression dismal.

Yosuke watches him closely, taking in his expression and his posture. It's obvious that Ren has a lot on his mind. As they walk onto the floodplain, Yosuke thinks back to what Yu said on the other side. He hates how much it bothers him. Ren has never given Yosuke any reasons not to trust him. He's never been anything but kind; he's been an amazing friend and had Yosuke's back through everything they've gone through since meeting, but—

How can you know? Yu's voice rings in his mind.

They haven't known each other for long. They've known each other for two months, and been friends for one. How does he know that Ren isn't hiding some deep dark secret, aside from the feeling in his gut—in his heart—that it's not true?

And it doesn't change the attachment—the attraction—he feels. He likes Ren. He likes everything he knows about Ren… but how does he know it's true?

When they take a seat at the riverside on the empty floodplain, Ren finally breaks the silence between them.

"Looks like my raincloud went your way."

Yosuke turns to look at him in surprise, then half-smiles at the continued joke. "Guess it did," he murmurs, stretching his arms above his head. It hurts, but he knows he's supposed to. "Sorry. I'll try to keep the drizzle to myself."

Shrugging his good shoulder, Ren smiles. "A little rain in summer? Might be a nice change," he mutters. "Who knows? I might even be willing to let you borrow my umbrella."

As comforting as Ren's kindness is, Yosuke wishes it was as simple as just 'say what's on his mind.' But the problem is… what's on his mind might shatter the comfort and trust they've built. Ren has put up with so much—he's dealt with so much of Yosuke's drama and idiocy. There has to be a limit. Accusing him of potentially hiding some kind of deep, dark secret, worse than any of the things he's already told? That has to be the limit.

But maybe it's for the best.

Maybe it's for the best to tell Ren exactly how messed up he is, and give Ren the chance to run. Subconsciously, Yosuke slides closer to Ren on the fallen log. His warmth is gentle. Soothing even on a hot summer night. Yosuke glances at Ren's free hand in thought. He wants to reach out and take Ren's hand, just to feel the peaceful comfort his friend has brought him over the past few months, but… is it fair to send mixed signals?

As patient as ever, Ren sits waiting. After asking Yosuke to share, he doesn't press. He just waits, staring out at the water as it ripples in the river.

The bruises on Ren's face draw his attention, serving as a grim reminder of what it was like to watch him stand one on one against Yu to protect them. They're fading now, but the discoloration takes up half of his face. When Yosuke was first allowed to visit him in the hospital, it was a lot worse. He was barely able to talk back then, because even moving his face hurt him too much, so they just spent most of the time in the hospital in silence.

Yosuke is glad he can talk again. He missed the sound of his voice.

"So…" Yosuke finally says. "You—you remember last month? Our whole conversation when… when I told you how I feel about you? When we kissed?"

Ren nods, a gentle smirk spreading across his face as he meets Yosuke's gaze. "You weren't the only one who confessed, remember?" he teases gently.

Well, it's still true, but it's different now. And not in a good way. My crazy ex-crush said some things that made me doubt you, no matter how nice and amazing you've been and no matter how much I like you. Hope we can still be buds, hahaha hilarious right? Classic Yosuke, Yosuke's mind taunts.

"Ri-right," Yosuke murmurs as he turns to look out at the water. "That's—ugh…"

Yosuke feels the warm brush of Ren's fingers against his hand. He turns to glance at their hands and creeps his closer, sliding it over the top of Ren's. If this is the moment he ruins things, he wants to feel this one more time.

Sighing quietly, Ren meets Yosuke's gaze. "Does this have anything to do with what Rise told me? Ab-about what Yu said on the other side?" He averts his gaze, focusing on their hands again. "How do you know you can trust me…"

The words sound even worse coming from Ren. He sounds disappointed, and why wouldn't he be? Yosuke nods, looking back up to meet Ren's eyes.

"I don't—I hate that I let it get to me. But… I did. It burrowed into my head and it's not fair," Yosuke mutters. "It's not fair because you're—you're amazing, Ren. You've been nothing but amazing and you've supported me and you took care of me after I got thrown into the TV. But…"

Ren shakes his head. "But so did he, in the beginning."

Yosuke grimaces.

"Okay," Ren starts, then pauses and glances out at the river again. He keeps his hand under Yosuke's, keeps his touch gentle, and continues. "I'll just say it. There's—there's no way I can prove to you that I won't hurt you like that. I get it, Yosuke. The whole thing with Yu is too fresh. It's too raw. And I get that it made you doubt things between us. I get it."

When Ren turns to look back at Yosuke, his smile is gentle and kind; supportive and warm. "If it can't happen, that's okay. I meant what I said to you before, Yosuke. I'm—I'm not just being your friend with some misguided goal to get into your pants," he promises.

"But that's… that's not fair, Ren," Yosuke mutters. "You've been—you're so amazing. You're so—and it's not like I don't—I do. I do, I swear. I-I-I just—"

Yosuke curses. He's not making any sense. He's stammering like an idiot and Ren probably thinks he's a basket case, as well as an asshole. What if Ren doesn't want to stick around because of this? What if he's ruining their friendship, just because he's so paranoid, so anxious, so fucked up, that he can't tell when a good thing is real anymore?

His chest feels tight again, and he feels his heart pounding in his ears. He feels his breath stutter in his lungs and his hands start to shake.

And that's when Ren starts working his magic. He turns his hand in Yosuke's, laces their fingers together, and squeezes. The warmth of his hand and the gentle touch of his skin against Yosuke's silences the surging tide in his head.

"It's okay," Ren promises, his voice delicate and soothing.

Yosuke shakes his head. "It's not," he whispers shakily.

"It is," Ren continues, his tone steady. "I understand. I wouldn't want to rush you anyway, Yosuke. After everything you've just been through, I don't think it would even be a good idea to jump into anything. I… I like you. I like you a lot, but if anything ever does happen between us, I don't want to be a rebound."

When Yosuke replies, the quietness of his voice surprises even him. "I like you, too."

Ren looks down at their joined hands, his smile shy. "I… good," he murmurs. "But I think… I think this might be a good thing."

With a grimace, Yosuke mutters, "Doesn't feel good."

Huffing, Ren shakes his head. "It doesn't. But… I think we both could benefit from some therapy. I think we can use this chance to get to know each other better. To develop more than just an attraction," he tells Yosuke gently. "We're friends, and we'll stay friends, but…"

"But right now, anything we'd have would be sort of tainted. Ri-right?"

Ren nods. "Exactly. I don't want that," he says.

"Me either," Yosuke agrees.

The river babbles along in front of them, and Yosuke watches as a few leaves make their way along the current, washed away toward the ocean. Ren is one of a kind. He might be the most special person Yosuke has ever met. He's kind, thoughtful, selfless—

How do you know?

Yosuke grimaces and squeezes Ren's hand. "You're… thank you," he stammers. "But I want you to promise me something, okay?"

"Anything," Ren tells him quickly.

Anything.

The sound makes Yosuke's heart stutter. He finds his eyes drawn to Ren's lips again, but he pushes the urge away for now. It wouldn't be fair to tell him that they can't be together and then just—

"Don't just wait for me," Yosuke insists. "Don't hold your life in stasis in the hopes that I might finally get myself together."

Ren seems like the type. He seems like he'd just put his whole life on pause for the vague hope that something might work out, and it wouldn't be fair. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to be happy more than anyone Yosuke has ever met.

Chuckling sadly, Ren nods. "I'll promise you that if you promise me something, too."

"Anything," Yosuke promises, just as quickly.

With a tiny smile, Ren nods. "Promise me you'll tell me if something changes," he requests. "I… I want to know. No matter what else is going on."

Yosuke squeezes his hand. "I promise."

"Then I promise, too."

When Ren turns to look at Yosuke again, he can't keep his eyes from flicking to Ren's lips. If this is them drawing a line in the sand; giving themselves a chance to grow as people and build something stronger than what they have—is it so wrong to want one more kiss?

It seems like Ren reads his mind. He leans in, pressing his lips to Yosuke's softly, gently. It takes Yosuke by surprise at first, and makes his heart patter around wildly in his sore ribcage, but just as quickly, he finds himself closing his eyes, relaxing, and enjoying it. He lifts his hand to touch Ren's hair, relishing in the feeling of those soft, fluffy locks against his fingers, and loses himself in all five senses.

The taste of festival cotton candy. The smell of Ren's cologne. The sound of Ren's breathing mixing with his own and the gentle babble of the Samegawa. The memory of what Ren looked like moments ago, before he leaned in for this kiss.

And the feeling.

The buzzing in his veins. The pounding of his heart. The stutter of his breath. The soft, tender warmth of Ren's touch and the heat of his tongue flicking against Yosuke's.

Yosuke commits everything to memory. He never wants to forget this moment.

When Ren breaks the kiss, Yosuke finds himself lamenting the sudden loss of all those pleasant sensations. It was too quick, but Yosuke knows it's for the best. Like a bookmark; closing the book for now, but keeping something on the page so they remember where they left off if they ever want to pick it back up.

"Come on," Ren mutters quietly as he stands up, finally disentangling their hands. "I'll walk you home."

Yosuke gets up slowly and feels a bittersweet smile spread across his face. "Or, we could hit the festival one more time," he suggests. "I'm kind of in the mood for another plate of yakisoba."

With a smirk and a nod, Ren slides his free hand into his pocket. The one in the sling hangs lamely at his side. "Sounds good. We can split one if you want."

They start back toward the shopping district in amicable, comfortable silence. As they walk, Ren's words replay in his head. This is a good thing. The more time they spend together as friends, the better they get to know each other, and the sooner Yosuke will realize that Yu is full of shit.

All the more reason to get into therapy. If he ever has any hope of chasing Yu's words from his mind, he needs help.

His mind wanders, and he thinks back to the night Yu got arrested, when he told them that this whole thing doesn't end with him. There's someone out there, just biding their time until the right moment to strike. They're never safe, no matter what they do. They'll never know who it is until it's too late.

Life is never simple. No matter how hard someone tries to plan, there are always bumps. But at least Yosuke knows he isn't facing them on his own.

And he knows they'll all be ready, if and when Yu's accomplice ever comes to light.