Chapter Text
Alhaitham spent the two months Kaveh was away silently managing his work, dealing with the headache that was Siraj’s project, and pushing candidates after candidates to take his position as the Grand Sage to Nahida. She rejected most and put some on the maybe pile, but he knew she was still hoping he’d be a permanent Grand Sage. He’d have to keep finding candidates. Surely there was at least one person out there who was suitable.
His research into King Deshret and the Goddess of Flowers’ influence and written history continued. There was no written record on them exchanging hearts, so perhaps they did it in private. No matter how much he read, nothing sparked anything in his mind, and Alhaitham conceded to Nahida’s information that souls would not remember their past lives.
Still. Perhaps this would explain why learning so many languages, including the desert dialects, had come so easily for him. Maybe some things transferred over. Another inquiry to make.
The house that had become a home when Kaveh moved in turned back into a house with his absence. The hallways were silent, the food somehow colder without company, the shared study growing impersonal without Kaveh’s presence. There was a soft feeling in his chest, something he struggled to identify. Not for the first time, Alhaitham wondered if it would be easier if he had a beating heart in his chest.
“Oh,” he whispered softly when he realized what that feeling was.
There was no doubt in his mind that Kaveh carried his heart. All the clues pointed that way. He wondered if that was a factor on why he wished Kaveh was here, or if he’d feel the same regardless.
He stared at the desk Kaveh used whenever he drew his designs. “I miss you,” he whispered softly to the unhearing emptiness of the room.
Kaveh spent the two months he was away slaving over designs, studying the Jade Chamber’s blueprints and identifying each light source, peering at windows and studying how the glass scattered the light that seeped in and how it stared silently at the stars and moon in the sky at night. Lady Ningguang had turned out to be an ideal client; attentive, knew what she wanted and understanding that she may not be able to get it exactly as she wanted, and willing to give Kaveh as much creative control over the project as Kaveh wanted. Encouraged it, even, sometimes to the degree he wasn’t comfortable with, taken by the memory of too many clients refusing drafts where he added some creative flairs.
“It’s your place,” Kaveh had argued. “You’ll be the one in here. You should be the one calling the shots, no?”
“I am calling the shots, Mister Kaveh,” Lady Ningguang said with a raised brow. “Surely you have that much faith in me. I have seen your work, and I want you to tell me how you’d like the interior to look like, and I’ll see if I’d rather make adjustments.” Kaveh must have made some kind of expression, because she smiled indulgently. “Honestly, Mister Kaveh. It’s your chance to go as wild as you want. I certainly have no cap on the budget. If there is anyone who’s stopped you from doing so before, it’s their loss.”
Kaveh realized then and there that while it was extremely unlikely that Lady Ningguang would tie him up in debt the way Dori did, she had the same thirst for opulence. He balled his fists and set to work.
In the in between when Lady Ningguang dragged him off to have lunch together with her coworkers — Lady Ganyu, more often than not, would coax Lady Keqing to join them, and Lady Ningguang would invite Captain Beidou for some reason — Kaveh would sit, eat, and find himself unwillingly amused that Lady Ningguang had quickly identified his tendency to forget time when working and acted accordingly, much like Alhaitham had. Perhaps that attention to detail was what had Lord Kusanali wanting Alhaitham to be her Sage, adamant as he was to say no.
It was in the middle of such meal that Kaveh paused, realizing that when he wasn’t thinking of his project he would think of Alhaitham. Of his quiet support, of the gentle touch that sent a beat in his unbeating heart, as if his heart was responding to Alhaitham’s call. He put down his chopsticks, eyes wide with realization.
“It’s Alhaitham,” he blurted softly. The heartbeats that only appeared when he was there, holding Kaveh gently. The fluttering feeling in his gut that appeared alongside his heartbeat. No one else could elicit that response, because the heart within his chest was Alhaitham’s, and Alhaitham likely carried his, for one reason or another.
Was it Kaveh who missed Alhaitham, or was it the heart that was rightfully his?
“Oooh?” Beidou’s croon snapped Kaveh out of his reverie, and he immediately felt his stomach churn uncomfortably when he saw her grin with unmistakable mischief. “Alhaitham? Like the Grand Sage? I’ve heard rumors in Port Ormos that you two are involved somehow. Care to shed some light to that?”
“Ah, so Sumeru’s Grand Sage had sent his beloved to me to help me set my my Jade Chamber? Quite the political man, that Alhaitham,” Lady Ningguang mused.
Despite the feeling that Kaveh had long since identified as embarrassment, and perhaps trepidation, this was a familiar ground. He cleared his throat to regain his bearing. “I’m not his beloved. And I don’t think political moves is in his mind. Lumine told you about me, remember? And Alhaitham wishes to step down from being a Grand Sage.”
“Hmm? And how would you know about that?” Lady Ningguang teased.
Kaveh gave her a dry look, taking his cup for a drink. “It’s really not a secret. He corrects everyone in the streets that he’s the Acting Grand Sage, though it’s also not a secret that Lord Kusanali wants him to be the Grand Sage, period.”
Ganyu fidgeted. “He sounds like a bold person, to decline the nation’s archon so soundly.”
“That’s just how he’s been. Stubborn. If he says no, then it’s no,” Kaveh sighed. He took a sip.
“Oooh, did you learn that from when you two were still students at the Akademiya?” Beidou cooed, then laughed when Kaveh choked on his tea. “Oh, was that supposed to be a secret? I wouldn’t have learned if you’d stopped arguing at public boards and don’t get drunk at taverns!”
“I’m never drinking outside anymore,” Kaveh lamented, which only drew more laughter.
In the two months they were apart, Alhaitham sent Kaveh letters and received replies within days. Mostly, they shared their routine; their work, the difficulties they encountered, the people they met. Alhaitham learned from Kaveh’s letters about the Tianquan’s meticulous method of work and in return Alhaitham informed him about how the Akademiya had started preparing for the year’s Interdarshan Championship. He didn’t receive a reply after that, but it was also the last letter he sent before Kaveh would have started packing up to go back to Sumeru. He wasn’t even fully sure that Kaveh got it at all.
The day Kaveh was scheduled to arrive in Sumeru, Alhaitham took a moment to shop for groceries and busied himself to make a simple meal. When the door clicked open and the tell-tale jingle of Kaveh’s keys and key chain clinking together reached him, Alhaitham expected him to saunter into the house already babbling about his undoubtedly amazing experience in Liyue. Instead Kaveh walked with uncertainty, met his eyes, and asked, “The Interdarshan Championship is coming?”
“In a few weeks, yes. It’s time,” Alhaitham said. “What about it?” He didn’t like the faraway look in Kaveh’s eyes.
“It’s… nothing, I’m sure…”
“Kaveh.”
Kaveh sighed. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired after all that traveling.”
Alhaitham wished he still had the Akasha terminal, so he could find out immediately if Kaveh had been involved in past championships before. He knew Kaveh never participated during their student years and had always been oddly subdued in the festivities, but he never asked, and Kaveh was always content to stay mum.
It wasn’t hard, to delve into the files and old news and find Kaveh’s father had joined the championship twenty years ago, losing the first place by a hairline, and soon died in the desert. He clenched his jaw as he connected everything he knew of Kaveh and his past to this information; Kaveh had always been kind, readily helping anyone who asked, folding at a single uttered please. His mother moved to Fontaine sometime after he started schooling. Kaveh’s favorite flower was the rare, hard to obtain mourning flowers, grown only at the farthest corners of the desert by the Samudra Coast. And wasn’t the flower’s name telling, in and of itself?
Despite it all, Kaveh looked relatively okay. Perhaps the decades-old grief had started to heal after all, and the fact that he agreed to represent his darshan only cemented the idea in Alhaitham’s mind. With Kaveh agreeing to join the championship and Alhaitham himself taking up the task to set up the whole thing and commentate later on, he pushed away the issue of their swapped hearts and decided it was best to approach it when the championship had passed, no matter the results.
As far as he knew, Kaveh had no idea about his unbeating heart being caused by it being swapped with someone else’s in a previous life. As far as he knew, Kaveh had no idea about hearts even being able to be exchanged at all. That was why, when Kaveh approached him after dinner one night, it came as a surprise for him.
“Do you know that hearts only beat for their true owners, Alhaitham?”
Alhaitham blinked and stared at him. “I have heard,” he admitted, putting a bookmark between the pages of the book he was holding and closing it quietly.
Kaveh wasn’t looking at him. He was sitting at the divan, eyes boring into the door but not seeing. “I got a book from Lord Sangemah Bay a while ago. It mentioned it,” he said. “And in Liyue, I met someone who knows a lot about myth, legends, and Liyue’s history. He told me a lot about Rex Lapis and the Goddess of Dust. They exchanged hearts, you know? When the Goddess of Dust fell in battle, Rex Lapis carried her heart with him.”
Alhaitham hummed. He put down the book and sat by Kaveh’s side. While Kaveh’s gaze was still trained at the door, Alhaitham’s was on Kaveh. “Is that so.”
“I know your heart doesn’t beat.”
Alhaitham shrugged. “The entirety of the Akademiya knows. I wasn’t exactly trying to keep that in wrap.”
For the first time, Kaveh turned his head to meet Alhaitham’s eyes. “And if I said that yours isn’t the only one that doesn’t beat?”
Was this it? The confirmation that Kaveh’s heart didn’t beat, the same way Alhaitham’s stayed still? “I would say it is highly unlikely, but not impossible.”
Slowly, Kaveh reached out to take Alhaitham’s hand. This time, it was clear to them that they both tensed when their skin touched, as the single beat rippled through them and the intensity of everything made them pause, taking everything in. When it passed, Kaveh guided Alhaitham’s fingers to his pulse point. Alhaitham found none.
“Mine never beat either,” Kaveh admitted. There was a slight tremble in his voice, but he spoke steadily. “My parents told me to not tell anyone because they’re worried I would… I don’t know. Get bullied? Ostracized? But we kept it under wraps, and after a while, pretending gets easier.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me. I don’t care,” Alhaitham said.
“I know.” Kaveh let go of Alhaitham’s hand at last. “But… well, it just makes me wonder, you know. What are the odds of the two of us both having hearts that don’t beat?”
Alhaitham let his hand linger before taking it back. “Unlikely. But not impossible,” he repeated.
Kaveh licked his lips. Likely nervous. “And if I say that there’s a possibility that our hearts might have been… swapped, somehow?”
Alhaitham paused, considering. He took a deep breath and spoke, “Just before you left for Liyue, I spoke with Lord Kusanali. From that conversation, I concluded that in our past lives we were King Deshret and the Goddess of Flowers, and we had at some point swapped our hearts.”
He watched as Kaveh’s eyes grew wide, as he took a sharp breath. “You didn’t tell me before I went,” he said.
“No. I wanted to learn more about King Deshret and the Goddess of Flowers. Though, looking back, Lord Kusanali’s words were damning enough.”
Kaveh’s hand hovered over his chest, where the unbeating heart would lay. His eyes stared unseeing at the coffee table, focusing on the grains of wood without truly looking at it. When he eventually looked at Alhaitham again, there was something in his gaze that Alhaitham didn’t like. “We should exchange our hearts back,” he said.
Alhaitham stared. Kaveh stared back.
In a way, perhaps Alhaitham should have been prepared for this. Sooner or later, Kaveh would likely want to get his heart back, to feel the soft, rhythmic thumps. And yet Alhaitham found himself hesitating, unsure if he should do it now.
When Alhaitham failed to answer, Kaveh chased, “Shouldn’t we? Isn’t it only right if we swap back our hearts?”
Alhaitham thought, and asked back, “Are you sure the timing is right for that?”
Kaveh stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re about to participate in the championship,” Alhaitham pointed out. “Such big changes would likely hold you back. And if the effects from having swapped hearts are the same for you as it is for me, you likely aren’t used to feeling intense emotions either, and that could be detrimental in competitions where some challenges may even be dangerous.”
“Are you telling me that I won’t be able to handle it?” Kaveh asked with a glare.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I would be,” Alhaitham admitted.
Kaveh flinched. “You’re not the one participating in the championship.”
“I’m still responsible. I wouldn’t have stepped down from my position as the Acting Grand Sage yet,” Alhaitham said. “Please understand that I don’t wish to deny you this request. I simply need to make sure I have full control of myself, and I don’t want any potential distraction until the championship is over.” He deliberately didn’t say he didn’t want Kaveh to get hurt during the championship.
Slowly, Kaveh clenched his hands. His gaze grew hard. “And yet here you are, denying my request.”
Alhaitham didn’t rise to the bait. Instead he studied Kaveh, then asked, “Are you asking to swap back because you want it, or because you’re still haunted by your guilt and you want to feel the full brunt of it?”
Kaveh rose without any more word and left.
Kaveh had a strange relationship with guilt.
On one hand, he was somewhat grateful that his unbeating heart and far-off feelings allowed him to separate himself with the guilt that haunted his every step. On the other hand, he knew he didn’t deserve the respite.
He ran through the challenges in the championship with a background buzz of quiet unease that he couldn’t quite name. He’d said that he wanted the championship money to get a house, and others caught on quickly that what he did could possibly mean he was walking down the same path as his father — something about legacy and preserving it. He wondered if he was truly worthy of it.
Kaveh purposefully avoided Alhaitham the whole time. After his stingingly accurate accusation of Kaveh asking to exchange hearts to properly feel guilt, he hadn’t gathered the courage to face him again.
It wasn’t like it was possible to keep avoiding him, though. They lived under the same roof, after all, and Alhaitham was painfully in tune with Kaveh’s inner turmoil, for some reason. Was it the heart he held in his chest?
Still, even the tense air didn’t stop Alhaitham from pulling him to the dining table and placing soup in front of him after the disastrous second challenge, and it definitely didn’t stop him from conveying the truth of his father’s death. The awkward air stayed but the ice that once chilled their interaction thawed as Kaveh pushed the container of food he got for Alhaitham across the table, as he rose to steal Alhaitham’s tea to nurse the headache that had been plagueing him since Sachin shoved his entire life work into his brain.
“Are you alright?” Alhaitham asked when Kaveh raised his hand to rub his forehead for the umpteenth time that night.
“As alright as I can be after putting that diadem on. I’m glad I smashed it,” Kaveh said. “It feels worse than cramming an entire semester’s worth of study materials in one night.”
Alhaitham hummed, rising from his seat to stand by Kaveh’s side. “Let me check your temperature,” he said, hand hovering in wait.
“I don’t think I have a fever.”
“Let me check anyway.”
Kaveh sighed and nodded, leaning closer to Alhaitham to show his permission. When Alhaitham’s warm hand pressed into Kaveh’s forehead, they both shuddered as their heart gave a beat and ripples of feelings washed through them. Kaveh scrunched his eyes closed, brows knitting together as something slammed into him, incomprehensible with the intensity of it.
“Kaveh?” Alhaitham’s hand moved from his forehead to his cheek, and the other one joined to cup his face. “Kaveh, you’re crying.”
Kaveh gasped. “I should have known something was wrong when every time you hold me I cry,” he grumbled. He sniffed, trying to keep the lid down, but it all burst the same, the breach in the dam sending cracks that refused to be plugged again. He breathed, breathed, and it all broke out, and the next thing he knew Kaveh was sobbing.
Alhaitham stood like a pillar, weathering his sobs with gentle pats over his crown. It grounded Kaveh as he rode out the sobs wracking through him, overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings without any understanding of what, exactly, he felt. His arms wrapped around Alhaitham’s frame before he even realized what he was doing, and just as he tried to jerk back, Alhaitham hugged back and resumed patting.
“It was never your fault,” Alhaitham said, soft, as his fingers slowly took off the feather and hair pins from Kaveh’s hair, gentle hands unraveling his braids and combing through the strands. It felt soothing against his scalp. “How long have you carried that burden? Twenty years?”
Kaveh could only sob louder.
“Twenty years too long,” Alhaitham murmured. “It wasn’t on you, Kaveh.”
He buried his face into the warmth of Alhaitham’s chest and wished his tears would stop soon. But it kept flowing, rushing like a waterfall in the height of monsoon season. He wasn’t sure how long he was crying, but by the time he was done he was utterly drained, slumping into Alhaitham’s hold.
Alhaitham pushed him to lean to the chair and pushed a glass of water to him. “Do you feel better?”
“Oddly empty,” Kaveh admitted. He took the glass and sipped.
Alhaitham only hummed. He glanced at the food lying on the table and back at Kaveh again. “You should move to your room. Get some rest.”
Kaveh shook his head. Despite the fatigue, there was resolve crystallizing in his chest. “Alhaitham… do you remember when I asked you to swap back our hearts?”
Alhaitham blinked at him. “Yes.”
He took a deep breath and stared straight into Alhaitham’s eyes. “Let’s swap them now.”
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Alhaitham asked quietly.
“Yes.” Kaveh’s hand pressed into his chest, over the heart that was rightfully Alhaitham’s. “What are your thoughts about this, Alhaitham? About us having swapped hearts without ever making the decision for it?”
Alhaitham hummed in thought. “I never thought of it that way. Only that perhaps, it would be for the best if we returned the hearts to the rightful owner.”
Kaveh breathed. “I didn’t really think much of it before. My mind just jumped to how it just… made me not feel things properly. But now that I think about it, it feels unfair. We never chose to do it, why should we live with it?” He reached out, slowly, to Alhaitham. When he didn’t move, Kaveh pressed his hand over Alhaitham’s heart and breathed slowly at the ripple of heartbeat and feelings. “If they’re ours, we should be the ones deciding what to do with it. Right now, they just feel like a once-lost remnant of ancient love story with doomed ending.”
“All fair assumptions to make,” Alhaitham conceded. He took Kaveh’s hand and cradled it in his palms. “But at the same time, I could argue that it also means letting things be is also an option we can choose to take.”
“True enough. But, Alhaitham…” He sighed. “I don’t want to simply be the living proof of some deities’ doomed love. I want to start anew. I want to make these hearts ours instead of just some relic.” His free hand held Alhaitham’s, and he stared into their connected hands. “I know we argue often, but despite everything, I appreciate you, Alhaitham. I like having you in my life. You allowed me into your home and saved me from homelessness. I can’t argue that I am not grateful for all that you’ve done for me.” He paused, then confessed, “I don’t know if it’s love, but I think I can learn to love you.”
Alhaitham gave a soft, quiet gasp. A sharp inhale that Kaveh would have missed if he hadn’t paused.
“And I need my heart to do so properly,” Kaveh continued. He finally looked up to meet Alhaitham’s eyes and was momentarily stunned at how intense Alhaitham’s gaze on him was. He swallowed. “I want to learn to love, to be sad, and to be happy. I want to feel them all. And I want to learn to love you. Just as humans, not as old deities reborn.”
This time, it was Alhaitham who broke eye contact. “I can’t know for sure, but I think I already love you.”
“Then please let me learn to return the favor.”
Alhaitham closed his eyes and squeezed Kaveh’s hand. He rose and pulled, and Kaveh followed. They settled at the divan, where they sat facing each other, hand still held together.
“I don’t know how to do it,” Kaveh whispered.
“Some books suggest that you simply need to call it,” Alhaitham said. He placed Kaveh’s hands over his chest and placed his own hands over Kaveh’s. He leaned in, close, so close that their noses nearly touched.
Alhaitham’s answer was vague and even more puzzling than knowing nothing at all, but Kaveh supposed there was nothing else to do but try. He took a deep breath and pressed his hands lightly into Alhaitham’s chest, trying to find a pulse he knew he wouldn’t find, wishing his heart to return. His eyes fluttered close.
He felt the thump of a beating heart merely moments after, both in the confines of his chest and against his palms. Startled, he jerked back, eyes blown wide, somehow managing to keep his hands still. There was a shine around them, desert sunset red and padisarah purple. He blinked and looked down and realized the light came from their chests.
“Pull,” Alhaitham breathed, the soft voice thundering against he silence of the room.
Kaveh did so, slowly pulling his hands back and watching with fascination as a pulsing purple light followed. He would have thought it would hurt, but it was a gentle thing, if a little odd. Kaveh could feel the heart in his chest slip out, as he was sure Alhaitham could feel as well. The light Kaveh pulled out dipped, and Kaveh quickly cradled it in his hands. He could see Alhaitham doing the same with the red light in his chest, and he held it so tenderly that Kaveh could hardly believe it was him.
Then again, who would believe their hearts had been swapped before they were even born?
In their hands, the pulsing lights changed colors. The purple in Kaveh’s hands turned carmine as his eyes, while the sunset red in Alhaitham’s turned teal. Kaveh watched in awe as the colors danced, then watched as they turned into hearts, glowing carmine and teal and beating, slow and steady.
It should be odd, to watch a heart beat steadily in his hands. It should be a horrifying sight. But Kaveh felt nothing but awe and a strange warmth, and he wondered if this was always meant to be, that he and his heart had yearned for each other without him ever knowing.
He swallowed. “Do we just…?”
“We put them where they belong,” Alhaitham confirmed.
How odd, to bring this foreign heart that shouldn’t be foreign at all and invite it into the space where it should have rested ever since Kaveh was born. It should have been his, and it felt like it was his, but his mind whispered that it wasn’t until Kaveh claimed it as his. With gentle hands, he pushed the heart into his chest, feeling it settle in the hollow where it should have been and marveling the quiet thump of its first beat.
Oh.
Kaveh lurched forward, and Alhaitham tried to catch him, except he was just as surprised as he was, taken by the constant beat his heart gave and unused to the rhythm the heart drummed. Cold fingertips warmed. The miracles, the curses, of their existence finally ceased to exist as the hearts in their chests found their true home and began beating again for their true owners.
Alhaitham reached with trembling fingers, grasping Kaveh’s hands. His head had slumped forward, as Kaveh’s and somehow they had found solace in pressing their foreheads together. “How do you feel?” he asked, breathy, a tremor in his voice that Kaveh had never heard before.
How did he feel? Kaveh didn’t know. All he knew was there was a feeling that swelled in his chest, pushing up, up, up, and the next thing he knew he was giggling wetly, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks.
Alhaitham’s eyes were wide when he pulled back and stared at him. “Kaveh?”
Kaveh took back one hand to wipe his tears. The other one he allowed to sit in the warmth of Alhaitham’s palms. “You’d think I would tire of crying already,” he said. “I just… don’t think this is a bad kind of crying.”
A soft smile overtook Alhaitham’s lips. It was small, and warm, and Kaveh’s chest squeezed with the desire to hold Alhaitham’s face in his hands forever. He followed and allowed himself to indulge, reaching up and cradling Alhaitham’s face, thumbs brushing against the tall cheekbones.
Alhaitham’s smile grew a fraction wider. Something in his eyes sparkled. “This is a bit much, isn’t it?” he murmured.
“It is,” Kaveh agreed.
Alhaitham reached up to hold Kaveh’s wrist. “We can weather it together.”
It could be the blooming something, a feeling Kaveh had yet to understand, but it made him smile wide, wide, wide, and pull Alhaitham’s face closer so he could press their foreheads together again. “As long as I’m with you, I think I can weather anything.”
Even without his heart, Alhaitham had understood that he had fallen for Kaveh. With his heart beating in his chest, the feeling only grew.
How odd, to feel the steady beating of his heart stuttering whenever he saw Kaveh smile, so much wider and brighter now that he had his own heart beating in a rhythm in his chest. Alhaitham would often take Kaveh’s wrist to feel his pulse and marvel at the way Kaveh flushed at his touch, and Kaveh would smile and gave light taps at Alhaitham’s wrist, thrice in succession. A thank you, perhaps. If Alhaitham dared to dream, a silent I love you.
And how odd, to finally feel at last. Alhaitham didn’t know what he felt half the time, only that Kaveh’s smile made him want to smile too, and seeing Kaveh struggle with something made him want to take over and arrange so Kaveh would never know pain again, and seeing Kaveh sad made him want to tear apart whoever dared make him cry. He would sit himself down on his bed each night trying to understand his feelings and only succeeding halfway.
In between scampering for his commissions, Kaveh would stay at their shared house and flitted about making it a home. Alhaitham, with his stable, routine job, would often come back to a warmly lit house, dusted and swept, with his books already tidied and a warm meal waiting on the table. They would talk about their days and Alhaitham would be reminded, again and again, that Kaveh had vowed to learn to love him.
It was in a quiet morning where they both had the day off that Alhaitham joined Kaveh at the dining table for breakfast and asked, “Do you still think you need to learn to love?”
“Don’t I? All I can do is copy others’ actions based on what I presumed was love, but I can’t know for sure,” Kaveh said, handing a cup of coffee to Alhaitham.
Taking the cup, Alhaitham thought of his grandmother, with her skin wrinkled like raisins, a smile over her lips and laughter that shook the windowpanes. He thought of her handing him food and tidying up books and pointing which ones to read and which ones to pay attention to. He sipped his coffee, considered, and said, “I feel plenty loved already.”
Kaveh immediately flushed a deep red, and it was a good look on him. Before they swapped back their hearts, Kaveh rarely blushed, usually only when they touched. Alhaitham couldn’t appreciate it properly before. The novelty was good.
He stammered wordlessly and fiddled with his own cup, clearly flustered. “I think,” Kaveh started after a while, “I just don’t know for sure how that feels. To love someone. My parents loved each other, but Father died and Mother just… collapsed. I saw them, but the memories are… tainted.” He sighed, cradling the cup. “By guilt most of all. But perhaps it also made me scared of living a life one would consider a life for lovers.”
Alhaitham stared at him strangely. When Kaveh returned the look with one of confusion, he pointed out, “Aren’t we already living a life the average person would consider married life?”
The flush that hadn’t disappeared deepened. Alhaitham wondered if it was healthy for him to blush like that. “You can’t argue that we’re already living married life when we’re not even married to begin with,” Kaveh argued.
Alhaitham leveled him an unimpressed look. “This is basically a double income household even if your income mostly goes to pay off your debt. You clean the house and cook for us both. I use my income to pay for both our expenses. We spend our free time together debating over anything and everything. We argue about what furniture to buy, what menu should be for dinner, and products to keep in the household. When you’re out you buy food for me at home, and I know exactly when and where to find you when you’re out drinking. The only thing we haven’t done that married couples typically do is sleep in the same bed. I’ve told you that I love you, and you told me that you wanted to learn to love me. Was I wrong to take that as a confession?”
“Wh — no! It was!” Kaveh blurted, and immediately covered his mouth with both hands with a squeak.
A smile took over Alhaitham’s lips. His chest felt warm, comfortable. “Then I don’t see the problem here. We have arguments, yes, but now we both know they’re not to hurt each other. I like living with you and have no plans to separate. Perhaps the circumstances in which we are entangled will change, but for now, I am content with this life. Even if you’re still unsure of how you feel, are you not comfortable with what we have? What do you need me to do to make it better for you?”
“Nothing! Nothing. You’re already too good for me,” Kaveh rushed to answer, and Alhaitham bit his tongue to argue back that Kaveh had been the one too good for him, with his abundant kindness and empathy. Kaveh wasn’t done talking. “And I do like the life I have now. I like having you in my life. With all the circumstances, this is so much better than I thought I would end up being.” He took a deep breath. “But are you okay with this, Alhaitham? I have debts; you know that. My income isn’t stable. I have issues with… guilt, and love, and everything. You’ve already told me you don’t like how I keep prioritizing how others would think of me.”
“Why do you think all of that matter? It’s you.” Alhaitham took Kaveh’s hand, and his fingers, already so familiar with the shape of Kaveh’s wrist, found his pulse immediately. The rhythm was comforting against his finger, and apparently his touch was comforting to Kaveh, too, because his shoulders relaxed. “I have issues, too. You also told me how you don’t like how I prioritize myself above others. You decided to put in the work to learn to love me anyway. Don’t presume that I wouldn’t put in the work the way you have.” He searched Kaveh’s gaze. “I want this, Kaveh. Do you want it, too?”
Kaveh’s eyes were glued to their hands. Alhaitham watched as he blinked, then glanced up through his lashes. “I… do. I want it.” He breathed. His fingers found Alhaitham’s skin. Tap, tap, tap. “Is it okay, then? To consider us… significant others?”
Alhaitham leaned forward to rest his forehead against Kaveh’s. “I think we’ve already qualified for a while.”
A burst of small giggles escaped Kaveh’s lips. “Oh, gods. I think Cyno and Tighnari already have a bet on this.”
“Hmm. Who wins?”
“I’m not sure. We’ll have to ask the next time we met.”
Alhaitham hummed again. He lifted Kaveh’s hand to study his fingers. “What are your plans for today?”
“Nothing just yet. Do you have something in mind?”
“I don’t want to ever swap hearts again,” Alhaitham said, holding Kaveh’s hand up with one hand and tracing lines over the knuckles with the other. “But if I can get your size, we can exchange something else.”
Kaveh was quiet for a moment, then huffed out a chuckle. “I can’t believe you’re proposing to me first thing in the morning over cold coffee.”
“Hmm? Is it not romantic enough? Do I need a do-over?” Alhaitham teased.
“No. It’s perfect. It’s so you.” He pulled back, and Alhaitham took the moment to take in his features. His smile was soft, and the blush had receded, but there was still a touch of pink in his cheeks. He blinked, and there was an edge of mischief nudged in. “I only want the prettiest ring, by the way.”
“Of course,” Alhaitham agreed easily. “Should we go now, or do you need to get ready?”
There was a pause, and then Kaveh smiled at Alhaitham, and nodded. “I’m ready.”