Chapter Text
“-and then I said-“ Deacon had been talking for a while but admittedly RJ’s focus had been drifting out. A mix of beer and melancholy made it hard to focus on much of anything, even when it was someone he liked.
He felt almost stuck in a cycle. He’d take a drink of his beer, check if he had any new texts, take another drink of beer on and on. Part of him wanted to stop but more than anything he just wanted a new message to come in. That would fix him probably. Or make him worse. Either way it might get him out of this damn loop.
He stared at the homepage of his messaging app and scowled. This sucked.
“Man, what is it with you and John lately? You have someone you’re fawning over now too? Cause I can only take so much of it. It’s a lot of work playing wingman, y’know.”
RJ could tell Deacon was waiting for a response so he just nodded and said a simple “Yup,” hoping that’s what Deacon was fishing for.
He quickly learned it wasn’t when his phone got snatched from his hands. It felt like someone had splashed cold water on him as everything else in the room sharpened into focus all at once. “Hey you ass, give that back!”
He and Deacon stared each other down for a minute, sizing each other up. Deacon was holding it too far for him to reach easily but that would hardly stop him.
When he thought Deacon wouldn’t expect it he lunged for it. Unfortunately for the both of them, Deacon was only half prepared and his dodge unbalanced them both and they slid off the sofa and landed on the floor.
RJ’s hat and Deacon’s shades both fell off but they were too concerned with this sore hip and leg to really care much. RJ grunted out a “That’s what you get” as he saw Deacon rubbing his hip as if he wasn’t holding his own leg.
“Maybe you should just listen next time,” Deacon responded, shooting him a look that RJ couldn’t bring himself to meet. It felt invasive to look into his eyes with how much he wore the shades. Even if Deacon was the one looking at him.
His collar felt tight on his neck and so he tugged at it and looked away. “Yeah, whatever.” He picked up his cap and put it back on.
While he was looking away, Deacon was apparently snooping through the phone because the next thing he heard was “So it was a girl that was distracting you after all.”
RJ’s head whipped around so fast he could have gotten whiplash. “You don’t know what you’re talking about Deac. Leave it alone.” He tried to get to the phone again but Deacon just turned and leaned against RJ to limit his movement.
“Ooo, I don’t know what you did but I don’t think she likes you much, bud.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head.
“Wait, did she reply?”
Deacon studied him and being able to watch his eyes moving had RJ feeling very claustrophobic. He shoved Deacon off him and grabbed his phone more easily now that Deacon’s focus had shifted.
She had replied, not that it was a very nice message. Just a “Don’t text me again unless you’re clean,” which didn’t exactly make him feel any better.
Deacon’s eyes softening in what RJ could immediately recognize as pity was the last straw. He picked up Deacon’s glasses and threw them at him. “Don’t steal my shit again.”
Deacon put on the shades and RJ felt himself relax a tiny bit. “Hey, are you good?” Deacon asked. He leaned back on his hands in a calculatedly non-threatening way.
RJ’s mind warred with itself for several seconds, waffling back and forth between answering the question and putting up a wall. But he’d never been good at letting people in. “Fuck you, Deacon. Stay out of my business.”
As soon as he said it he knew it was an overreaction but no way was he going to back down now so instead he left the room and then the apartment. He wandered the neighborhood for a while, trying to work off his nervous energy but found he needed something more. His hands itched to pull out some cigarettes or anything. But Lucy’s text kept ringing in his mind.
He pulled out his phone and typed a reply. “I’m trying.” He sent it before he had a chance to overthink and delete it.
A response came pretty quickly this time. “Try harder. Duncan deserves to have a father.”
If it had been anyone else or about anything else, the taunt about trying harder would’ve made him want to give up, to get worse even. But Duncan was the one thing in this world that RJ couldn’t bear to fully give up on.
He hadn’t seen the kid since he was still in diapers, years ago. He really had cared about Lucy as much as he could back then but seeing Duncan for the first time had changed his world. Trying to get back to some semblance of normal life without him had been almost impossible. But when Lucy had found his stash hidden in Duncan’s stroller it had all fallen apart pretty quick.
He pulled up the most recent picture he had of his kid and just sat on the curb and looked at it for a while. It was about a year and a half old now but he would take whatever Lucy would give him at this point.
He let out a sigh finally and stood and slipped his phone back in his pocket. At least she hadn’t told him to quit drinking.
He headed towards a bar a couple blocks away. The drinks were ass but the Happy Hour deals made up for it. He just hoped Deacon wouldn’t bring up any of this when he finally stumbled home. It was easier when he and everyone else pretended nothing was happening.