Chapter Text
“Uh…Jason? You alright there?”
Jason blinks, rubbing his eye to clear his vision. He didn’t realize he was zoning out. “Yeah, yeah I’m good.”
Leo puts a hand on his shoulder “You sure? You’ve been leaning over the bridge for, like, ten minutes now. And, not to alarm you or anything, but people are staring.”
Jason pushes up from the railing and looks around him and sure enough, people are watching him with different levels of judgement.
“Do a flip!” One of them yells, the delinquents around him laughing. Jason frowns. They want him to do a backflip? He would, or at least, he thinks he could do one, but the teens walk away before he could try.
“Ignore them.” Leo murmurs, stepping up next to him. His mouth falls into a grimace, a shiver racking through his body “I don’t know how you could lean over so far. Being up this high is sending food straight to my culo .”
Jason shrugs, and gazes down at the crevice below him. The people walking look like ants to him, nothing but a speck of dirt between the canyons. Jason understands Leo’s fear, after all, the only thing separating him from an early death is a thin bar that could not have passed safety regulations. But when he closes his eyes and inhales, it feels like something calmed the storm within his mind. It feels like he could breathe again. He wants more.
He wants to go higher.
Squinting his eyes against the sun, Jason scans the area for anywhere else they could go. So far, he’s seen nothing but the same orange rocks that go further than time itself. It looks beautiful, the type of beauty you see in the bricks of a building or the cracks on a sidewalk. Pretty, but the same. He feels tiny here, like the rocks are going to consume him whole and spit out nothing but a husk of the person he’s used to be.
But you’re a shell already. A shell with a corpse inside.
He jolts, whipping his head around. That sounded too close this time, like it’s less of a memory and more of conversation, like someone is talking to him. But there’s no one around. Well, aside from Leo who’s gripping the railing like it’s tethered to his soul.
Jason lets out a heavy breath, easing his rapid heart. He can’t afford to lose his mind more than he already has. He knows nothing of himself, not his past nor his present and he doesn’t have a clue on what he’s doing here. The only thing he knows is that he’s in Arizona, he did something illegal to land himself with a bunch of adolescents who have serious asshole syndrome, and he wants to be as far away from the ground as possible.
Wow , he thinks sarcastically, what a recollection
After a while, he finally turns to Leo who has not let up his grip at all. A pit drops in his stomach.
“Are you really that scared of heights?”
“Oh.” Leo starts, his voice a bit shaky “There’s loads of things I’m afraid of. Including but not limited to heights, bugs, fire, water, the dark, tangerines, bassinets, vulnerability, questions that expose my vulnerability, talking about my fears, so honestly, now that I’m thinking about it, this is a very scary conversation.”
Jason huffs out a laugh, shaking his head fondly. In a time of unknown, he’s glad to know he’d be friends with Leo a thousand times over. It comforts him, knowing his past self did something right, that he finally knows what’s true. Leo is one of his best friends and there’s no doubt about that.
“I’m grateful you’re my friend Leo. Past me knew what he was doing to choose you.”
“Yeah.” Leo starts, not making eye contact. “As well as making Piper your girlfriend.”
“Y-yeah” He stumbles, not expecting the shift of conversation “And that Piper is my…girlfriend.” The word is clay on his tongue, uncomfortable and heavy.
“You still don’t believe she’s your girlfriend.”
Jason scratches the back of his neck “Well, she’s wow, and I’m…ow”
Leo faces him, his stare intense and heated “I’m not talking about standards, Jason. I mean your memories. Piper said not to mention it, but it’s worrying us that it’s taking you this long to remember. Usually the fog would be gone by now.”
A spark lights up in Jason’s chest, a web of frustration that’s been building up since he woke on that damned bus “You guys keep saying that, but everyone keeps skirting around the details. I don’t remember anything Leo, not a single thing yet everyone seems to have all of my memories except for me. I don’t know what episode you’re talking about ‘cause it seems like this whole time I’ve been awake has been one long continuous ‘episode’ that I can’t shake off. How long do they usually last? And please don’t be sarcastic this time.”
Leo’s eyes are wide, his mouth slightly open. “Well, usually they’re…huh.” He tilts his head up to the sky, his hands fidgeting in front of him “They usually go on for….hm. That’s weird. I honestly don’t know.” There’s sincerity in his gaze, a slight panic as well.
Jason tosses his hands in the air, shaking his head in exasperation “So we’re all just dumb here. No one knows a damn thing.”
“What I do know.” Leo starts, reaching up on his toes to pat the top of Jason’s head “Is that you usually do get your memories and you’re back to yourself again.”
“I don’t know who I’m supposed to be.” Jason whispers, settling his eyes on the clouds above them. The air has gotten colder since their conversation began, the winds sympathetic to his anger. The chill doesn’t bother him, if anything, it’s a comfort against the heat emitting from Leo’s hand on top of his hand as well as the Arizona sun that’s had a personal vendetta against Jason since he’s stepped outside.
“You don’t have to be anything.” Leo comforts, the gap of a missing tooth showing through his small smile. “You’ll figure it out.”
Jason bites his lip, tapping his fingers against the railing “I want to be better for Piper, I really do. I don’t mean to be a jerk to her.”
“You haven’t been a jerk, Jason.”
“Not out loud, but, I know she feels wronged by how I’ve been treating her. I mean, if you’ve noticed the distance, imagine how much bigger it is to her. This amnesia thing sucks.”
“If you want, I could tell who you used to be.” Leo offers, finally removing his hand from Jason’s head.
He nods.
A light shines on the shorter’s face, a contagious joy that has Jason excited to hear about himself as if he was a legend “First off, we would never have this conversation before. When we met, you were such a stick up the ass. I annoyed you a lot, I think, which is fine, I annoy everyone a lot. But you weren’t mean to me like everyone else was. I-I can’t remember exactly when we first met, but I do remember feeling safe around you–ew no, immediately no. I am not going to scare myself by being mushy, so we’re gonna move on. Um, yeah, you had routines like you came straight from ROTC, super military boy.”
His eyes suddenly go wide, his voice jumping five octavies “WAIT! I DO REMEMBER YOU! YEAH YEAH!” He suddenly begins hoping around, snapping his hands to a weird offbeat. Strangers around them are squinting at the scene and Jason feels his face heat up even more.
“Leo, please stop doing that. I think you’re scaring them.”
“You have no right to talk about fear, Superman, when you were literally folded in half over the railing.” But the boy does calm down, catching his breath. “I do remember you.” He says again, his voice at a reasonable volume now “It was before you officially came to the Wilderness School. You were standing a few feet away from the doors, looking like a scary security guard. You were sniffing the area like a werewolf and kept flipping this coin in your hand. At first I thought you’d be some obnoxious rich asshole but then you spotted me in the trees and smiled and I knew this weird furry was going to be my friend. Imagine my surprise when you showed up a week later. Or at least, I think it was a week. That part’s still fuzzy–oh are you good?”
Jason was not good. In fact, he was very much bad. His head was an array of flashing lights that sent bolts of electricity through his nervous system.
Wolf, Militia, Coin, wolf, Militia, Coin
The words flashed in his mind like a broken headlight, pain following each letter. Someone had to be grabbing his brain like a mound of meat and ripping it out through his ears, leaving nothing behind but rot and a sense of something missing. He knows these words heknowsheknowsheknows but that has to be a lie because nothing’s there. How could he remember a thing that’s gone if he doesn’t know what was there in the first place?
He’s going to lose his freaking mind .
And find it where, child? I hope it’s not too far.
Jason slams his hands on his ears, shaking his head back and forth as if that’ll rid him of this parasite invading his psyche. Even his thoughts aren’t his anymore.
Something grabs his arms and he shoves them off, backing himself into the railing. The hands are back now, more this time and they pull at his clothes to drag him away.
He fights hard, twisting and turning his body vigorously but they won't let go. They’re going to kill him.
They’re going to kill me.
“Jason.” A melodic voice speaks to him, drifting into his conscience like honey in water
‘ Breathe~ ’
The air he takes in fills his lungs and leaves him breathless. He lets it out slowly, following the commands like a lifeline.
Breathe, Jason
Relax
and
Breathe~
And Jason does. He breathes like he hasn’t before and opens his eyes to a glorious sight. Piper sits in front of him– when did he get to the floor –and holds his face in both hands. Her eyes, a normal kaleidoscope of all the sage greens and light mahogany are set in a deep brown; an endless universe that pulls Jason in, needing to see what else is inside. It’s an endless sea, a solid earth and for the first time in his life, Jason wants to be grounded, tethered to the world inside her eyes.
She blinks and he does the same, the chord snapping between them.
“Are you with me?”
He assesses himself, his chest feeling lighter than it has all day. He makes to stand up, someone grabbing him under the arms to help. It’s Leo, his face set in a pointed line as he straightens out Jason’s clothes.
“I’m okay.” He answers, surprised to see that they’re alone. Leo notices his shock.
“Piper yelled at all of them to go away, and they did. I swear this girl is magic.”
Piper rolls her eyes, swaying slightly on her feet “It’s whatever. People just listen to me, I guess.”
Jason smiles, a fondness growing in the pit of his gut. “That was amazing, Pipes, thank you.”
She tilts her head down, a sheepish smile growing on her face. “It was nothing.” Her irises catch in the sun that started to peak over the canyons, casting a pink glow in them “I just knew what you needed, and I did it. It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Jason steps in front of her, holding each of her hands in his. She glances up at him and he swears the pink solidifies into a ruby “ You are a big deal, to me.” He catches Leo over her shoulder, who’s studying the ground very intently. Jason chuckles and looks back at his girlfriend. A wave of guilt envelopes him “I know I haven’t been the best b-boyfriend to you and I’m sorry for that. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. One minute I’m sleeping and the next, I have both a girlfriend and a best friend who I can’t even remember. And I’m trying, really hard and–”
Piper holds up a hand, or at least she tries with both of them tucked securely in Jason’s “You don’t have to apologize. I know things have been difficult, especially today. You don’t have to worry about my feelings when you have a lot going on. The most important thing you could do for me is take care of yourself. That’s what Leo and I are here for, to take care of you, not the other way around. I would literally implode if something happened to you because you were trying to protect us when you’re not okay.” She says this softly, rubbing her thumb on the back of his hands. “You come first right now, so don’t try to force your memories back for the sake of our comfort.”
“Yeah, Superman.” Leo interrupts, throwing his arm around Jason’s shoulders “You are officially Clark Kent until you’re feeling better. And if that takes a while, who cares? Old Jason would never let me hug him like this. I think I’m enjoying you more; so soft and squishy like a big golden Twinkie.”
“I think you’re just hungry, Leo.”
“You know me best, Beauty Queen.” Leo shoots a finger gun, Piper throwing her head back to play along. Jason smiles. He supposes it could’ve been worse: He could’ve woken up in the middle of nowhere, no memories of his past or who he was, with enemies chasing him for months on end until his mind comes back to him. Instead, here he is, two genuine people who love him wholeheartedly telling him he doesn’t have to worry.
The relief sinks to his bones, a gratefulness almost bringing him to tears. He inhales again, the exhale bringing him more clarity than he had all day.
“HEY YOU!” A gruff voice yells and they all flinch, slowly turning to face their nightmares.
Leo lifts up a hand “Oh, hey Coach, we’re just…sightseeing?”
Coach growls, marching towards them with each word. They all instinctively take a step back. “Why am I hearing reports of three teens causing a scene and making everyone flee from this area? Was there a monster or something? Did one of you take a crap and couldn’t make it to the bathroom.”
Piper’s face scrunches up in disgust.
“Monster?” Jason asks, the word tasting familiar on his tongue, like a foul odor “Why would we see a monster?”
Coach is staring at him, searching his soul and stripping him bare. Jason forces himself to look somewhere else.
“It’s not my fault everyone can’t handle my hot self.” Leo gloats, flexing his biceps and hitting outrageous poses. The Coach audibly gags and hits Leo with his bat.
“Stop that preposterous display of ungodly body contortions; your face is hideous enough” He suddenly blows his whistle, the sound echoing off the canyons “Now you miscreant rats, everyone is on the SkyWalk seeing that NONE OF YOU COULD BE UNSUPERVISED FOR A FEW GODS DAMNED HOURS!” His chest is heaving, pointing each of them a look. “Such embarrassing displays of human evolution.”
Leo makes a finger heart. Jason genuinely thinks this kid wants this unstable man to kill him. “You know you love us, Coach.”
“I would never utter such an egregious lie. Move it, Valdez, or shall I make a baseball out of your knee caps.” He gears up like he’s actually going to take a swing. Leo yelps and scampers away, Piper shaking her head before following after him. Jason begins to move, but he’s stopped by a grip on his arm. He looks back, Coach glaring at him with a deep scowl.
“Who’s your father, kid?”
Jason blinks, staring at him in utter disbelief “Uh, I mean no disrespect sir, but I only just remembered my first name.”
His grip hardens “Do you know anything at all?”
Jason shakes his head “No sir.”
Coach loosens his grip, wiping his hands on his pants as if he touched mud. Jason feels mildly offended.
“Now look, I was letting things slide since you seem to get along well with Piper and Leo, so there was no real cause for concern. But there’s something about you kid and it’s confusing the heck outta me, and I am not a fan of being confused.”
Jason understands that all too well. “I understand, sir.”
Coach nods, swinging his bat around in his hand absentmindedly “You seem to be telling the truth and I would know; I could sniff out liars like fertilizer on grass. I don’t know what your intentions are, but if anything happens to McClean or Valdez, I’m having your head for dinner.” He holds up two fingers to his eyes and shoves them in Jason’s chest, before stalking off.
Jason sighs. Just when he thinks he has everything figured out, something comes to knock it down. He doesn’t know why Coach is signaling him out. Maybe he was aggressive before, he did punch that Dylan dweeb without a second thought before. He’d hate to think of himself as a violent person. Leo and Piper don't seem like the type of people to keep company to those who are aggressive. Still, Coach, as unruly and highly unprofessional as he is, wouldn’t call Jason out if he didn’t have a reason too.
Jason ruffles the back of his hair. Staying out of trouble sounds easy enough. The Grand Canyon doesn’t have much to offer asides from rocks and the occasional trail. Now he’s supposed to head to the SkyWalk. A spark lights up in his chest. He’ll finally get to go higher.
Yes, little one. Make sure you don’t clip your wings; the sun is blazing high.
The voice is loud but for once, he stands steady.
Yes he answers, his steps confident I’ll fly high
Ah it responds, a melodic voice filling itself into the crevices of his brain
Jason Grace
It’s nice to finally meet you.