Chapter Text
Tim was scratching the handles of the weirdest bike/car combo Jason had ever seen.
That itself was weird enough, but it also showed up without anyone driving it—which is not that surprising; most vigilante vehicles can drive themselves—in the middle of patrol and trotted up to Tim like it was a cat or something. It was also purring. Straight up purring like a cat, which was not something Jason was aware cars could even do.
Tim was babbling at it like it was a baby, which was honestly a little bit disturbing; Jason hadn't known the kid could even sound like that. He sounded mushy, like he was actually being reunited with a long-lost relative.
"Care to do the introductions?" he asked, because a minute more of Tim's baby speech and he would start shooting, which would break his streak and B would give him his disapproving face, despite the whole thing being Tim's fault.
"Red Hood, this is the Supercycle," Tim said, a hundred percent serious. "The cycle is semi-sentient, and I'm his favorite person." He sounded very proud of this fact, puffed out his chest and everything. With how serious he acted all the time, Jason sometimes forgot that Tim was still a teen. The Supercycle—apparently—gave a loud purr at that. "You can pet him; he likes the spot behind his handles."
Jason pet the car.
For some reason, he thought it would feel different than touching a normal, non-sentient car, but the feeling was the same. Well, expect the rumbling sensation under his touch.
"Where did you even find a sentient vehicle?" because those were not a thing as far as Jason was aware.
"At this dig site, he was buried in the ground. It was the first actual Young Justice mission, actually," he smiled nostalgically, the weirdo. "He took us around the world all on his own! The cycle can turn himself and anyone on him intangible, which was lucky 'cause otherwise the Great Wall would have a hole in it. He was just looking for the prison of the guy who stole from him though!"
Jason wanted to bang his head on something. Why would anyone have been okay with Timmy and his little friends getting a vehicle like this? This sounded like the kind of thing that definitely needed an intervention for someone who was an actual adult.
"The 'cycle is stolen?"
"Oh yeah, this guy, Rip Roar or something, stole him from New Genesis." Where the fuck is New Genesis? "I had to fight him for the Supercycle," Tim added, still petting the vehicle.
"You…fought the guy who stole from New Genesis?" Jason asked. He still wasn't sure about what exactly New Genesis was, but he heard it mentioned in context with gods and Darkseid, so it was probably something ridiculously overpowered.
"Uh-oh, the guy thought he could still control my baby 'cause of some imprinting stuff, but we both called for him, and the 'cycle chose me,'" he preened. Fucking hell, the kid was such a car guy. "And Rip Roar burned to crisps, so he can never hurt you again." The kid hugged the vehicle. "Yes, he can never touch you again." Jason was not kidding; it looked like the cycle was trying to melt into Tim. What was his life?
"Burnt to crisps?" No way he heard that right.
"Yeah, the cycle covered him in some kind of oil, and he caught on fire because of the lava the mountain was sprouting." Ah, because that was normal. "We also saved a seikh, which is how Bart got his spaceship."
What were the Justice League doing when Tim was a rookie hero? Who even let the speedster keep a spaceship? Jason had so many questions. Yeah, yeah, Dick and the Teen Titans also got into all kinds of trouble as far as Jason knew - and there were probably a ton of stuff Dick omitted when he had been telling freshly Robin Jason his adventures with the other sidekicks - but they had been much more seasoned heroes. Timmy and his friends were truly green, just starting their hero carriers.
Also, Jason saw pictures of Young Justice in their early days; most of the kids barely reached 5 feet on a good day. Nobody should've let them out in the wild.
"That's nice of him. Also, by semi-sentient, you meant that he took you places on his own?" he asked, and Tim nodded enthusiastically. Asking the kid about his adventures with his team always managed to get him filled with energy.
"Yeah, like Disco Inferno. I honestly thought we got transported into a different dimension, but nope." He shook his head. "We were just under the Earth. This Dante guy made a deal with little succubi demons that looked like winged monkeys and kidnapped criminals for the demons to feed on and keep them as slaves, basically. Made them think they died in their sleep. The whole place looked like an 70s disco, which is like the equivalent of the bad place, so that was weird."
Disco…inferno? Everything the kid said fucking worried Jason, because his Robin tenure was not filled with this much crazy. Gotham crazy? Yes, very much, but not actual, mind blowing crazy.
Tim, at least, didn't look bothered, still petting his vehicle. Seriously, a car can't like getting pets that much.
They were also supposed to be patrolling instead of standing around in a random alley, but they could just say they were taking a break if anyone asked about it.
"Yeah? How did you got out of the whole disco hell?" he crossed his arms, just to do something.
Tim sighed. "I'm not actually sure; we, as a team, actually got possessed by the succubi, which was kind of embarrassing." He rolled his eyes. "I think we got into a fight with Supergirl—not Kara, but with the one who had wings of fire—and then tried to destroy a hunting convention? Which is not surprising; we liked to scare hunters even when we were ourselves, and I think Supergirl defeated Dante in the end. Because the mind control lost its power," he shrugged. "Honestly, the whole thing is very hazy and still feels like a fever dream, but everyone in the team remembers it happening, and even Supergirl corroborated the story."
Jason took off his helmet just to let Tim see his expression - one of complete bewilderement - before pointing a finger at him. "I have no idea why anyone would let you out of the house."
Tim just smiled at him, like he wasn't actively causing Jason a heart attack just by telling him his misadventures. "It's not like B could've stopped me. And after Batman gave me the Redbird, I no longer needed Agent A to drive me to fight crime, which was great 'cause do you have any idea how weird it is when you're being driven to fight crime in a white minivan."
Jason shook his head, because no, he did not know what that was like. "Why was A driving you around?"
"Because I had no license and car, were you not paying attention?" Tim's eyes were not visible under the domino, but he was rolling his eyes; of that, Jason was sure.
"And after that, Batman just let you keep your bat-issued car and the semi-sentient one too?"
"I mean, 'let' is a strong word to use. I used Redbird in Gotham, and the cycle was with us when we had the Young Justice missions. And now he's no longer with us because he's raising his kid on New Genesis." Nope, Jason was not touching that. "If you want to talk about stuff B did not let me have, then you should ask me about the Batmobile. Or the Batplane. Pro tip, don't let Bart drive if you don't want Batman to find out you embezzeled a Batmobile. Or the Batplane you took out for a ride in secret."
Was Tim seriously trying to get him to believe he managed to get his hands on the Batmobile or the Batplane? Jason was not stupid; Bruce was too neurotic about anyone touching his precious vehicles to let Robin—any Robin—take them out for a ride.
Jason flicked Tim on the forehead. "No way you managed to do that. How would you even embezzle a Batmobile?"
Tim grinned at him. "The Batarang budget is bigger than you would think; it was pretty easy," he hummed a little. "Well, not anymore because Batman introduced some safeguards because he was pretty pissed about having a wrecked Batmobile just lying around in the San Francisco junkyard."
"How did you ever manage to make anyone believe you're the well-behaved one?" Jason wondered.
"One of the biggest mysteries of my life. Want to take the 'cycle for a ride?"
Jason very much wanted to, yes. After they finished patrol, just to not have B freaking out about them disappearing.