Chapter Text
Nicky had a good time playing with Luca at their sleepover, even if it hadn’t exactly been their original plan. He had fun running around the yard and the pizza Shane and Roz made was yummy and it was cool staying up late to watch movies in the big blanket fort Roz helped him and Luca build after dinner. He’d fallen asleep with his head on Luca’s shoulder in the middle of the fort, halfway through Cars.
He’d woken up hours later to warm sunshine on his face and quiet voices in the kitchen. He didn’t get up right away, comfortable where he was. Luca was curled around him like an octopus and the blankets were warm around them. Plus, he needed a bit of time to think. Not about anything in particular, it was just that sometimes Nicky’s thoughts moved so quickly he had a hard time holding onto them. It was better to think when it was quiet, before too many of them started popping up at once.
He had been sad yesterday. He had been sad for a while, really. He kind of knew why. Nicky had always thought he liked going to the centres. They were fun. They had lots of toys and things to do and most of the staff were nice even if they did tend to come and go with seemingly no real permanence that could be a little disorienting. It was good for Big Nicky too, because then it wasn’t something he had to think about. He already had so much other grown up stuff to think about. He didn’t have to keep track of his little things if he just used whatever was what the centre, didn’t have to worry about finding time to drop in his schedule if he just paid to reserve a slot at a centre whenever he needed.
It was a good way to do it. It was how a lot of people did it. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to do it, according to Nicky’s doctor and stuff, for complicated brain reasons Nicky never understood when he was big let alone when he was little, but it worked. It was definitely better than not dropping at all, like Luca used too. It wasn’t Nicky’s fault that it stopped working all of a sudden.
Well, maybe not all of a sudden. Maybe since that night at the hotel when he had slipped and brought Luca down with him, or maybe it had happened the other way around, or maybe they were just both little at the same time and it hadn’t been either of their faults. It wasn’t like having a mommy or a daddy was uncommon for littles, it was just that Nicky had never met a little that had one. Not him, or Luca, or any of the other littles in the league that he spoke too with any kind of frequency. They were too busy, their schedules too all over the place. Centres or nannies were the usual play.
But then Luca had wanted his daddy and his papa, so Nicky helped him find them. And then Luca kept wanting his daddy and his papa, and he kept having them. He had a bunny, and a bedroom, and someone to look after him when he was sick or sad or just little for no reason at all without even having to think about it. He didn’t have to sign any waivers or pay anyone any money or hope that there was a free slot at a centre. And he always had that. It never went away. Luca had a daddy and a papa always, even when he wasn’t little.
And Nicky had gotten a taste of it too, that night. Hazy had taken him back to his room, he had helped Nicky put on his jammies and brush his teeth and he’d read him a story for bedtime. He’d gotten Nicky crayons and paper at the breakfast table and he’d played with Nicky when he got bored at the airport. The only difference was that when Nicky was big again, it was all over. He didn’t get forever. Which he knew was what he wanted. What he’d thought he’d wanted and what he’d told Hazy he wanted, but well…he’d changed his mind now. He just didn’t really know how to tell anybody that.
So Nicky kept doing what he had always done, because centres were better than not dropping even if they stopped being fun and started being scary. Luca got sick because of his teeth and he was little at the rink. Shane and Roz had cuddled him, bundled him up and took him home without a thought. Nicky had watched and sticky, hot jealousy at settled in his stomach. He’d driven himself straight to a centre that afternoon but it hadn’t fixed it. Nothing had. Luca came over and Roz kept checking on him because Luca was his baby but Nicky wasn’t anyone’s baby and the jealousy had tipped over. It was still there, really. It wasn’t as hot in his belly now but it was still there. Because Nicky was comfortable and he had fun, but in the end he would go home to his own empty house and Luca would stay here with his daddy and his papa.
Nicky sighed, shuffling out of the cocoon of blankets and Luca’s arms super-duper gently. He paused when Luca snuffled in his sleep, patting his head gently until he stopped wriggling around looking for Nicky. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly as he walked slowly through Shane and Roz’s living room, yawning to himself as he followed the voices. His tummy was hungry. He would have to ask Shane or Roz for breakfast, because Nicky didn’t know where anything in their kitchen was and he wasn’t supposed to play in kitchens when he was little anyway. He did sometimes, when he slipped too late to go to a centre and he got hungry, but he had snacks ready just for that in one of his lower cabinets. Sure, sometimes it was a little messy when Nicky spilt the milk trying to make himself a bowl of cereal, but he never touched the stove so technically he never did anything wrong.
Suffice to say, Nicky was pretty surprised when he wandered into the kitchen and found not just Roz and Shane, but Hazy too. He was sitting at the kitchen counter with a coffee, talking to Roz, like magic. Like maybe Nicky dreamed too loud and he heard him. That would be nice. Nicky wasn’t stupid though. There were lots of reasons for Hazy to be there, and him being there for Nicky was way down at the bottom of the list. Still, even if he wasn’t there for Nicky didn’t mean Nicky couldn’t take advantage of it.
He didn’t bother with silly things like saying hello or good morning, bee-lining for Hazy and climbing up onto his lap, flopping comfortably over his thighs. It made Hazy laugh, warm hand settling on Nicky’s back while he hung over his legs and kicked his feet a bit. “Hazy, airplane?”
“Hello to you too.” He greeted, scooping Nicky up under the armpits to sit him on his lap properly, which was not playing airplane with Nicky. He pouted at Hazy, but it was chased away quickly when Hazy started bouncing his knees and jostling Nicky around. Earthquake was fun too, Nicky giggling as he was shaken around, his head getting a bit dizzy. Hazy stopped before it got bad-dizzy though, letting Nicky flop back against him to catch his breath. “I heard you and Luca had a sleepover.”
Nicky nodded. “We played mario with Anya and had pizza and we watched movies.”
“Sounds like a fun night little man.” Hazy said, knee still bouncing. It was gentler now, but Nicky liked the movements anyway. “Roz said you were a bit sad at the start.”
Nicky flushed, pursing his lips even as he nodded with a shrug. “I was being silly. I’m not sad anymore.”
A bald-faced lie, but no one at the centres could ever really tell when Nicky was lying. Or when they did, they didn’t care enough to try and pry the truth out of him. There wasn’t any point when he was only there for a few hours at a time, if he wanted to lie they weren’t going to press him. Hazy hummed. He didn’t sound like he believed Nicky at all.
“You sure?” He asked. Nicky thought about telling Hazy the truth for a minute, but right as he decided it wasn’t worth it they were interrupted by Luca appearing, running as fast as his legs could carry him over to Roz, who seemed to have anticipated this and had knelt down to scoop him up easily.
“Good morning malysh.” Roz greeted, pressing a kiss to Luca’s cheek. “Did you have a good sleep?”
Luca squealed a bit, then he pointed to Nicky and Hazy. “Hazy!”
“Da, Hazy has come to pick Nicky up.” Roz said, bouncing Luca on his hip. Luca babbled the way he did when he was really little and didn’t remember words very well. For a moment Nicky was so distracted trying to figure out what he was trying to say he didn’t realise what Roz had said. When he did, he whipped his head around to look at Hazy.
“You are?”
“Yes sir.” Hazy said easily, squeezing Nicky a bit around the middle comfortingly. “Did you think I was just gonna leave you here all weekend to eat Hollanders rabbit food? I had to come rescue you.”
“Oh fuck you.” Shane replied, not looking up from the pantry he was digging around in. Nicky giggled a bit.
“Thought you were just visiting.” Nicky admitted. “How’d you know?”
“Know what?”
“That I wanted you.”
“Just had a hunch.” Hazy said, grinning at Nicky with a wink. “Goalie superpowers.”
“That’s not real.” Nicky huffed, crossing his arms. “Luca told on me.”
Luca, the traitor, squealed happily at hearing his name. He waved at Nicky. Nicky, because Luca was still his best friend even if he was a traitor, waved back.
“I think he was just worried about his friend.” Hazy assured softly. “He didn’t want you to be sad.”
“I was just being silly.” Nicky tried again. He was being silly, really. He was a big boy, he could just ask for what he wanted but he didn’t. He didn’t know why it was so hard, but it was.
“Silly sad is still sad.” Hazy replied easily. “I’m glad he said something, I don’t want you to be sad either.”
“Oh.” Nicky blinked. He didn’t know what else to say. “Okay.”
“How about we have some breakfast and then get this show on the road yeah?” Hazy asked. “Lisa will be happy to see you, she’s missed you.”
He missed Lisa too, he hadn’t seen her in forever. She was even busier than Hazy and Nicky were. It was rare for Nicky to see her when he was big, let alone when he was little, but he loved it when he did get to see Lisa. She was what Nicky had always imagined a good mama would be like. She played with him and she brushed his hair and she kissed his cheeks, laughing when she got her lipstick on them. She did that when he was big too, after the few and far between games she would get to attend in person. She’d brush it off with her thumb and a teasing grin, pinching his cheeks and telling him he did a good job even when they lost.
Maybe, Nicky realised, he might actually get what he wanted. Maybe he already had it.