Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The color of her eyes was so alive, like wet, sleek seals playing in the foam of stormy seas. There’d always been something in them that enthralled him. Even now, her gaze crept under the painfully tight bite of temper and offered soothing fingertips against throbbing sores.

The silk kosode* held the scent of her journey through his castle and the faint accrual of centuries. It reflected the sheer span of time his abode had existed before Lisa had come to him. She smelled of the wind that came off the mountains carrying a distant salt of the sea, and the damp, watery fragrance that always rose through the stairs from the bowels of the castle. She smelled utterly familiar and completely his. But she wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” she said simply, eyes honest and despondent. “I didn’t know.”

Perhaps it was the reminder of just how honorable and decent Lisa was. More likely, it was the genuine sympathy offered in quiet solidarity, without expectation of explanation. Whatever it was, her apology broke temper clean and the demons of wrath and vengeance momentarily fell back.

What have I done? horror whispered. 

It all came to him at once; terrifying apparitions of his ugly nature wielding cruel truth to flog him. The bloody, burned ruin of his quarters. The venomous, disrespectful inquisition in the face of her poorly-timed but undeniably well-meaning attempt to help. His calculatedly intimidating tactics to frighten her into leaving. Putting his hands on her in such a beastly manner. Showing her every faucet of the monstrous creature he truly was.

What have I done! terror gasped.

The softly seeking brush of her hand against his wrist slammed reality into the forefront of his thoughts. “My Lord, please,” Lisa said quietly. “Let me go.”

In an instant, self-loathing overwhelmed everything else. That he would ever touch her like this… The remnants of fury vanished like mist under an unforgiving sun. Emotions that Vlad had recklessly indulged in, howled back into their coffin and slammed the lid down. He released her as gently as possible and retreated out of her physical space. Immutable command held him still while he composed himself, but shame was a prickling judgment that refused to allow him to breathe.

You have ruined this. The bleak honesty was unwelcome, even if it was accurate. You were so careful not to show her your true nature and in one mad, rash, stupid moment, you’ve undone everything. She cannot hold any illusions. She sees you as you truly are now. 

The cloak of a civilization that he’d worked so hard for settled over him in a tattered hush and forced him to speak. “My apologies, Lisa of Lupu.” His voice felt strange, like the words rolled out of his throat alongside tumbling gravel. “You have come upon me in an unseemly moment. Forgive me.”

Forgive me.

The request sat between them like a thief on the highway. His promise of safety lay broken, as hollow as could be. I told her she would be protected from my subjects. How ironic I could not protect her from my own horror.

There was a small sigh behind him, and she spoke. “You need not apologize.” He could hear the sincerity in her words and it stabbed him like the sharpest blade. 

Lisa’s staunch integrity, her goodness, was something that had amused Vlad when they’d met. But the more he’d seen of its authenticity, the more he’d felt the centuries that stood between them. Vlad Dracula couldn’t remember when he’d last seen virtue equal to hers. He didn’t think he’d ever had it himself. Having that bounty of decency directed at him now was unbearable.

“I startled you in a private and painful moment. It’s certainly understandable,” Lisa continued. 

How is it understandable? he wanted to ask. Lisa was not a fanciful woman, nor was she one who would coddle his feelings for the sake of politeness. Somehow, some way, she seemed to accept his behavior as reasonable.

That doesn’t mean she won’t fear you. 

That was a grief of a different sort. It’d been a novelty to have her trust, and yes, one that had come to have deep meaning for him. Vlad didn’t move among anyone–human or demon alike–who didn’t tremble or tense in his presence. No one had ever let their guard down with him like Lisa had.

She never truly put it up, he remembered with painful recollection. Not when we first met and not in the months since then.

“Is it?” the vampire lord whispered, feeling a shiver of dread wrack his body. He forced himself to still, ignoring the panicked trembling that wanted to shake him like the glass vials in his laboratory when the castle transported. 

It’s too late now, Vlad reasoned with cruel honesty. You cannot change time. This was not the first instance that he had wished to and it would likely not be the last.

He couldn’t blame Lisa for the fear she would now have of him. Given this appalling scene, it would make perfect sense that she would no longer be comfortable around him. After all, he had gone out of his way to make her afraid, hadn’t he? Understandable or not, Vlad knew nothing would ever be the same, and he only had himself to blame. 

Would she flinch if I put out my hand to escort her? Will she move away when I come alongside her to read over her shoulder during a lesson? Will she still wish to walk with me on a tour of the castle, and join me for dinner, and—?

The questions flung themselves at him until Vlad had to move, even if it was putting more distance between them. The burgeoning emotion was a threat of a different kind, and the door to the hall offered damnation and salvation all at once. 

“I will have Celia escort you to your room.”

“Vlad, wait,” Lisa said. The tension in her voice made his alarm soar. Her accelerated heartbeat deadened what little remained of hope.

She doesn’t want to return to her room, she wants to leave. The knowledge made his immortal limbs brittle as dust. She’ll suggest it would be best that she leaves, and what will I say, what words might possibly assure her that I–. 

There was a crisp scuttle of soft soles on burnt debris and then the drag of one foot from her weight distributed too heavily on one side. His supernatural ears heard the creaking tendon and off-kilter pressure that forced the give of Lisa’s ankle seconds before her pained utterance. His instinctive reaction was wholly protective.

Speed had to be tempered with gentleness, or his impact could break bones. Vlad rarely had occasion to be so careful, but his controlled motions while conducting experiments now served him well. It was an immense relief to have calculated correctly, meeting Lisa’s fall with softly considerate arms. She thudded into his shoulder and he had to remind himself to yield to it, lest she hurt herself against the rigidity of his form. The slight adjustment of pressure and willful slowing of his movements ensured her safety.

The scent of Lisa’s bed was still on her, hidden under the other scents. It was a compounded wealth of images that translated themselves from smell into knowledge. The slight sweat of waking abruptly, and moving with determination. A yearning warmth that seemed almost wistful, as though she’d flushed in response to his touch. The tired mellowness that whispered of a passage of time his limbs no longer felt. A mild acidity of nerves that had his shame flooding anew.

The nerves were vibrating in her limbs as well, the tension of surprise molding her slender contours into a stiffened form. Her expression was pure shock, eyes wide, soft lips parted. “Vlad,” Lisa gasped. “I never even saw you move!” Her hand gripped his shoulder and he felt the heat of her fingers through the fabric. 

“My apologies,” he said hastily, the words awkwardly foreign on his tongue. He could feel the thunder of her heart through his tunic, so loud he would have sworn it was the blood in his veins. “I sought only to prevent injury.”

Not to hold you, he added silently. Not to be this close. It was dangerous for both of them; his self-control was still re-establishing itself. The upheaval of his emotions were sharply honed edges against frayed tethers. 

“It’s quite alright. Thank you, you saved me from a nasty fall.” Lisa looked up at him from the circle of his arms. His bloody decadence and emotional turmoil had new aspects of the close proximity registering simultaneously. It created an intensely lush experience that tempted and tormented.

Her skin was pale, luminous and soft, challenging the kosode* in its flawlessness. Stonecrop, musk mallow, and chamomile fragrance plumed out from her collar and spritzed the air between them like humidity from her bath. The sunlight scent of her hair was fiercely tantalizing; it deepened and blended with the hot air of his ruined quarters. The wealth of gold strands slid under his hands, tresses sleekly smooth. Her hair felt just as wondrous as it looked and he would have sworn that all the fine fabrics in his possession weren’t as soft.

Desire was a rioting mob against a weakened portcullis and Vlad steeled himself to not react. You’ve already done irreparable harm to her impression of you, he reasoned. There is no chance such feelings are returned, and to reveal them would be the final straw. Desire was not what Lisa wanted from him, and he would do well to remember that.

But it was harder than it should have been. 

“You are welcome, Lisa,” Vlad murmured, watching the sheen of her eyes react to the lamplight. They truly were otherworldly in their shade, as though she were a selkie always yearning for the salt of the sea.

The spell was broken when he felt her slender frame ease back from him. The heavy crush of regret was irrational; her reaction was nothing more than what he expected. Vlad shifted back too, bracing her to standing until he realized she was trying to put weight on her injured ankle. 

“Don’t,” he advised swiftly, taking her hand and settling his arm firmly against her shoulder so that she leaned against him. “Let me get you seated and have a look.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “It’s not that bad, I think–.” She was already letting her injured foot down again.

Vlad knew better than to argue about this with Lisa. She was very independent, and while he respected that, he’d heard the strain in her muscles when she stumbled. She couldn’t hear it, and thus she didn’t know how bad it had been. It was very possible she could have wrenched something and putting more weight on it could cause the muscle to tear. Such a thing would take months to heal and she would never accept the bed rest needed for proper healing. It was simpler and for the best, to simply overrule her on this.

“–it’s alright for me to–” 

It was nothing to scoop his arm under her legs and lift her up; the weight of her body scarcely a consideration. “Oh!” she said with fresh surprise. The hand that had been grasping his shoulder now clutched and she tensed again, looking up at him with obvious alarm. 

He started toward the door, painfully conscious of how still and taut she held herself. There wasn’t fear in her gaze, but there was an awareness that drew a slight flush to her cheeks. Being in his arms was obviously uncomfortable for her and wasn’t something he’d considered until the action was already underway.

This was much too forward, manners fretted. You’ve forced her to be near you when it would be natural for her to prefer distance.

It was the most practical solution, logic argued. You are merely trying to prevent further injury. 

That’s well and good, manners retorted. But it doesn’t address her unease, or show consideration for her discomfort.

“I should have asked,” Vlad began apologetically, deliberately not looking at her.

“Oh, that’s fine but…” There was no artifice in her words, but the way she trailed off had him glancing at her. Lisa bit her bottom lip, obviously fretting. “I’m worried about the strain. Please don’t put your back out,” she finished with concern.

If Vlad hadn’t been so intent on moving carefully, he might have stumbled. The sweet absurdity of her words had the corner of his mouth kicking up. She was worried his back couldn’t handle her weight. Lisa wasn’t upset about his proximity to her, she was concerned he would hurt himself. The longer he thought about it, the more hysterical it became. Vlad’s smile widened.

At least she still sees you as a man, his heart whispered. Somehow she thinks of you as human. It was deeply reassuring and soothed the fear she would try to leave. At least for the moment, she wasn’t seeing him as a monster.

Somehow she forgot you’re supernaturally strong and that even if, for some bizarre reason you could ‘put your back out,’ it would regenerate in the blink of an eye. Truth be told, Vlad wasn’t even sure that he could pull a muscle. He certainly couldn’t remember doing it in the last several centuries.

The mental image of Lisa fussing over him while he hobbled around with a hot compress and a cane had him grinning. A snicker slipped out. Lisa’s head tilted to the side, puzzlement apparent in the furrow of her brow and the purse of her lips. She was utterly charming and completely oblivious to what she’d just said. For some reason that struck him as even funnier and he started to laugh.

“I don’t understand how back injuries can be funny, so it must be something about me,” Lisa began, smiling back at him. “But it is good to see you laugh.”

There is that sweetness again, he thought and shook his head slowly. He didn’t wish her to believe he was mocking her.

Making his way carefully around a charred lump that had once been an elegant settee, Vlad paused so he could look at her when he spoke. “Lisa, I’m not laughing at you; merely the idea that you might be heavy enough for me to pull a muscle. For that matter, that I could pull a muscle.”

He felt the moment she realized. Her muscles went lax and there was a deep inhale that went to her belly. The tension between the breath and body was released in an amused chuckle. Unbidden, it made him think of other activities that resulted in sudden releases of tension and pliant muscles. Vlad made a conscious effort to keep his hands light.

“What a ridiculous fool you must think me!” Lisa laughed. There was no self-admonishment in her words, only a sense of enjoyment and shared humor. “I confess, I didn’t even consider how your physiology might differ from a man’s!”

And that’s the beauty of it, Vlad thought with a profound sense of wonder. Your reaction wasn’t one of fear or disgust. 

He smiled at her, resisting the ridiculous wish to squeeze her tightly. It was an odd urge and he couldn’t say where it had come from. “My physiology is different,” he agreed, moving toward the door to the hall. “For example, my strength far exceeds that of an average human man.”

“How do you know?” Lisa asked curiously, peering at him. “Was there an equation, or experiment you used to determine it?”

Shadowed memories of bloodthirsty battles and single-handedly decimating rock, flesh and wood in a frenzy of darkly pleasurable destruction wafted under the question. Men torn apart under his hands like unwanted weeds pulled from the dirt. The impossible limitlessness inside his limbs that surged out in flame, magic, and fury. All things Vlad thought best not to share at this moment. There were safer examples. Ones that wouldn’t return to the unpleasantness he’d already subjected her to.

“I can move the castle with the strength of my magic, Lisa. My magic is housed inside my body, therefore the two are not separate.” 

Her eyes widened and for a moment the vampire lord regretted being so flippant. His power was something that divided them, and only reminded her of how inhuman he was. You have put fear between you again, he berated himself. You have…

There was a sparkle of keen intelligence and she grinned. Vlad blinked. Belatedly he recognized the fascinated thirst for knowledge glittering in her eye, and she shifted toward him to meet his gaze.

“You can move your castle?!” she yelped eagerly, the sweet curve of her hip rocking into his belly. “I knew you had unique powers, but I thought them merely a characteristic of vampires. You say it’s magic? What comprises your magic? Do you use specific spells then, or just think it and it happens? Is a spell like a scientific formula? How did you learn?”

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes gleamed. It was not an unusual response from Lisa to new knowledge. But he wasn’t as in control of himself as he normally was, and she was far closer than she had ever been before. This time it was a devastating vision of what she might look like, eager and willing, under his hands. And unfortunately, her line of questioning only made the impression stronger.

“Wait, is your magic instinctual or did you have to have a teacher? What does it feel like when you use it? Is it satisfying or exhausting or both? Can you measure the energy expenditure you’ve used? How long can you use your magic for? Will you drain yourself at some point? What—?”

The questions conjured an erotic urge so primal that Vlad Dracula veered off his careful course toward the hall door in favor of his dressing room and the chair inside the door. There was a brief thought about the somewhat intimate nature of those quarters, but frankly, between her questions, his desire, and movement of her body against his, this was the safest option. Her questions were thankfully interrupted by her need to breathe and he used the opportunity to explain.

“I am happy to answer your questions, Lisa, but first, let me attend to your ankle.”

Give me a moment to put you down and think about something else, he added silently. They approached the closed door and he hesitated. It was only a moment before he decided they were well past his attempts to shelter her from his supernatural nature.

Nodding to the dressing room door, Vlad commanded it to open for him. As they stepped over the threshold, her hands tightened on his shoulders as she pulled herself closer to him. Lisa craned her neck looking for the mechanism that had opened it, and her supple arch had him gritting his teeth. Intellectually, he knew it was an attempt to haul herself up to peer over his shoulder. Physically, it felt like an invitation that he very much wanted to accept. 

Vlad groaned silently. Her softness was paired with a vitality that did needful things to his skin, prickling it to an awareness that he’d long ago believed was beyond him. If the vampire lord wasn’t absolutely certain it was unintentional, he would have sworn Lisa was seducing him.

Lisa’s question interrupted his thoughts. “You opened that with magic, didn’t you?” she said breathlessly. Abruptly, her grip on his shoulders loosened, body twisting back to settle in his arms. The transition was so quick he felt her breath in his hair, the warm huff like a little, heated raincloud against his cool skin. 

“Yes,” Vlad said. The word was tight and sharp, betraying his tension in a manner he did not want to disclose. He cleared his throat. “Yes I did; it seemed the most logical solution to the issue of opening the door without jarring you.” The chair was an island in the midst of an emotional tempest and he turned toward it as smoothly but quickly, as possible. He needed to assess her ankle, call Celia to take Lisa back to her room, and spend the next several hours getting himself back under control.

“And how did it feel when you did it?”

I didn’t even register it, Vlad answered silently. I was distracted by the way your body fit against me like water washing over the banks of a river. The dark help us both if it overflows. But that was not what he was going to say.

“To be honest, it would be similar to asking you how you feel when you’re chewing.” Lisa’s light chuckle eased the tight sensation cradled in his lower belly. It was still heavy and full, but less immediately demanding.

“So you don’t notice it until someone comments?” Lisa finished for him.

“Yes, precisely,” Vlad said appreciatively. 

She really was very clever, especially for one so young. There were many things he simply didn’t have to explain to Lisa, a multitude of leaps of logic and reason that she intuitively grasped. Even when she didn’t understand, her questions were not exasperating or foolish, but thought-provoking. Her queries often challenged Vlad to rethink his approach to something, or build upon his base knowledge to flesh out what was fact, rather than merely theorized.

“Here we are,” Vlad said, coming up alongside the chair. He paused, trying to determine the best way to sit Lisa down without jostling her but also maintain her balance. The seat was large enough but there were no arms on the chair for her to lean on and…

“It’s a bit forward of me,” Lisa said calmly, pausing until he looked at her. Her face was so close that he could see the tiny flare of her nostrils before she spoke. The quiver of her skin was a rosy dawn as life pulsed through it. The urge to press his lips to the warmth was an irrational insistence. “But it would make the most practical sense if I embraced you when you set me down. It would align my back to the chair and make sitting down simpler.”

Vlad almost whimpered. How did ordinary men deal with this sort of temptation? It was difficult enough not to show his reaction on his face, let alone while the length of her body was pressed into his. Lisa wanted to know how he used his magic? Well right now, it was keeping her shielded from what his body felt when he was so close to her.

It was a frantic, short mental sprint to determine that her suggestion was the most logical. Unfortunately. “Of course,” he agreed cordially, dropping his gaze to her chin. He was too unsettled to risk his feelings being apparent in his eyes. “Simply practical, after all.” He waited a moment and then softly murmured, “I’ll need you to put both your arms around my neck so I can ease you onto your feet.”

She nodded slowly, eyes on his face. The arm that had been resting against his chest crept up, as though she might cup his jaw for a kiss. “Thank you for carrying me,” she murmured, hand brushing his collar. The hush was unexpected, a sudden decline in the animated excitement of the moments before.

“You are most welcome,” Vlad softly responded, skin prickling as he felt her hand drift over the hair at the nape of his neck. It was hardly a sensual caress but it had his breath catching all the same. “I am sorry that my poor behaviour led to your injury.” He bent down, allowing her feet to touch the floor. Vlad was careful to keep his arms around her waist to take her weight. But when Lisa had found her footing, she remained pressed against him, arms around his neck.

Lisa’s brows knit, and she looked at him with clear disagreement. “I don’t think it did,” she said firmly. “I wasn’t watching my footing. That is not your fault.”

You never would have been in the middle of that mess if it weren’t for my stupidity, he thought. 

“It would be the only fault I could not claim then,” he replied “My outburst drew you.” A thought occurred. “And my guards failed to thwart you.” 

It was a fact that he would be personally addressing with Celia at the earliest opportunity. Temper and displeasure rolled into a neat blade whetted by retribution. Lisa could have been killed, he thought vengefully. Celia knows her duty and yet failed to keep her safe. If she’d done it properly, I’d never have ended up threatening Lisa, or exposing her to the ugliness of my nature.

“You are thinking ill of Celia,” Lisa said with obvious distress. The dismay in her voice had him raising his eyes to meet hers. “It is not her fault, my lord.” The eyes that reminded him of tidepools in moonlight were earnestly concerned and she spoke with a swift urgency. “She did her best to persuade me to stay but I was the one who didn’t listen. I was very devious in my attempts to escape her.”

What utter rubbish, Vlad thought, slight amusement tempering the wrath. There’s no contest between Celia’s supernatural abilities, and your attempts to escape her. Devious indeed! 

“You need not concern yourself,” he said soothingly, gaze moving to her nose. It was safer for both of them if he kept his eyes fixed somewhere safe. “Celia’s oversight isn’t—.”

“She’s been so kind to me, Vlad,” Lisa said, obvious worry in her voice. Her hand tightened against his neck, curling up in a beseeching hold that drew him down and closer to her. It made him tense in response, his focus moving to the light pull of the strands of his hair and the heat of her palm. His eyes fell to her lips.

“I know what she’s already been through because of me. She shouldn’t be punished further. Please don’t discipline her because of me.”

She should be punished for her failure, Lisa, he thought. A wintery, brittle feeling bloomed in his chest. It could have been your life. Do you understand that you might not be here now to ask for consideration for her? That I might have found you, broken and bleeding? You would have gone where I cannot follow, just like Elisabetha. There would be nothing—!

“Vlad?” Lisa’s fingertips grazed his cheek and he shuddered; a hard, reactive thing of dread and agitation. It warned him how tenuous his hold on himself was. Reacting was something he should be able to choose to display, not something that happened involuntarily. “Are you alright?” she asked.

No, he thought honestly. I need distance from you. I need to understand what has happened tonight. I know what isn’t possible, but not what I am going to do about it.

Falling back on his manners, he offered her a slight smile. “You are very considerate but I assure you, I am fine.”

She swallowed hard, the movement drawing his eye. The soft, proud lines of her neck against the lace collar of her nightgown sunk beneath the fine fabric in an inviting path to blissful insanity. Her inhale was quiet but then she spoke.

“Are you truly, Vlad?”

The question was delivered in a hushed rush but her voice never wavered. He met her gaze again, assurance on his tongue. The luminous pools of infinite possibility watched him with a concern that quite simply staggered him. Lisa’s decency was something Dracula could never hope to match or truly understand. It was a mystery to him and he knew it. Perhaps it was one of the reasons she fascinated him so. In immortality, mysteries were very rare yet one of the things he most enjoyed.

Vlad racked his brain on how to answer her, when reality attacked him. He was foolish to assume this was merely concern for him. Lisa was asking for  her own safety and well-being. She needs to be assured that this will not happen again, he realized. She needs to know that I will not terrorize her in the future.

He took a breath and pushed down the immediate flare of wounded pride. It was a reasonable request, and certainly one that he would ask for if he was in her position.

“I am aware of the need for mindfulness in the future,” Vlad said. “I will conduct myself with the utmost care for the remainder of your stay here.” He was unaware there was a tiny dewdrop of anxiety that slipped into the words. It clung to the fear that her residence might very well be over now.

“My indecorous behaviour was the result of painful memories and a poor choice on how to weather it. I did not mean to…upset you.” He didn’t want to say the word that was most appropriate for what he’d done. Shame was spattering itself over composure and he found his gaze slipped away from hers. “My sincere apologies for my monstrous behaviour.”

Lisa blinked, her whole face changing. “Don’t say that,” she stated firmly. “You are not monstrous. I’m disappointed you would arrive at such a false conclusion.”

Had Vlad not been making such a conscious effort to school his features, his jaw would have dropped. “How can you say that?” he blurted. “After what you’ve witnessed? After what I’ve done!”

“I’ve seen a man grieving. In the most healthy manner? Perhaps not,” she agreed. “But certainly in a manner that many have used. That most would understand. The only difference is your ability to come back from it, to hold your power within it.”

“It makes me infinitely more dangerous,” Vlad argued. The words slipped out before he could stop them. “I attacked you!”

He barely held back his oath and felt himself stiffen, eyes raking over her face for the realization his reminder would provoke. It never came.

“I know you didn’t mean it,” Lisa said gently, as though she were trying to place the words on him as softly as possible. “And you already apologized. This was not what I was talking about anyway. Something else concerns me.”

His brows rose and he found himself trying to read her face again. If not that, what? the vampire lord wondered. What could be more important to you than your safety?

There was something unbearably gentle in her eyes. Something that felt too enormous to accept. “You need not weather your memories alone,” she said with sincere kindness. “Nor the obvious grief they carry for you. Even if you prefer not to discuss it with me, I know that Erasmus or Celia–.”

You wish me to–?!

The dread twisted inside the disbelief. Talking about Elisabetha would not end well. Thinking about her had started everything, the wreckage of which he currently found himself fumbling through. To speak of her was unfathomable. Vlad chuckled, the sound rueful and glum. He shook his head slowly. 

“No, Lisa. It is better for everyone if I do not speak of it.”

“Of her,” Lisa corrected, almost whispering.

Elisabetha’s gentle face swam up from memory and Vlad closed his eyes. No, my precious, he thought. You are gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Rest in the darkness of memory, and have the peace I cannot.

He opened his eyes to the empathetic gaze of his student. “It was centuries ago.”

Small, capable hands were stroking his hair now. It was similar to how he would pet the wolves and hellhounds; a thing of mutual comfort and familiarity. It should have been insulting, or at the very least annoying, but Vlad wanted to lean into the careful caress and surrender. It was a dangerous urge and one he absolutely could not indulge.

“But you would never stop loving her,” Lisa said simply, offering another long, gentle stroke down his hair. “And you would love with everything you have. Thus you still mourn.”

She sees much more than you would like, logic warned him with urgent alarm. Understands things that are dangerous to you. He knew it and yet, standing here holding her as she touched him–understood him–gave more peace than the vampire lord could have imagined, especially given the turmoil of the hours prior. 

“Sharing what we love brings joy,” she continued. “Remembering someone in the happy moments of life has power over the grief. Painful memories can torment, but the beautiful ones can also heal.”

“You have seen what remembering wrought,” he retorted, his voice rougher than he had intended. It was sharpened by apprehension and distrust. Lisa’s intentions were good ones, but Vlad was haunted by Elisabetha. When you were haunted by love there was no healing to be had, only a raw wound that stayed open.

“I have seen a depth of emotion from you that needed an outlet,” she agreed. “And I understand why you would be afraid of what your feelings can do. You take your power and responsibility seriously. You would not want to risk negating either one. But emotion is one area that you cannot truly control, only manage.”

“I did have it under control,” Vlad muttered hoarsely. But then you came along and everything has become confused. 

Light, cool fingertips stroked down his cheek and inconceivably, his mind quieted. The tangle of shadows wheeling madly inside his heart slowed. The caress was pure comfort, as innocent as sunlight warming a daisy. But the understanding on her lovely face was too much for him to accept, coaxing an emotion that was dangerous. Vlad closed his eyes again, inhaled deeply, and fought for his self-mastery.

“There’s a difference between controlling emotion and acceptance of it. Control is repression, which only works for so long. It will come out eventually and it will cause damage.” Lisa spoke with measured calm, slightly softer than her normal tone, as though she knew he couldn’t receive these words without kindness. “Acceptance is when the emotion flows through you instead of boiling in a vast well. When it flows through you, the sorrow can pass. You do still feel grief, and yes, it does hurt, but it’s not the only thing that holds space inside you.” 

The hand in his hair moved down, fingertips offering small sweeps across his shoulders. It wasn’t until then that Vlad felt how tightly he held them, rigid with tension. It was a deliberate act to relax them. Lisa paused, taking a deep breath and then another. Vlad was fully aware she was prompting him to follow her lead, but right now that aspect did not matter; he simply had to stay calm. Silently, he matched her. It made space in his chest and helped him feel marginally more settled. He opened his eyes to her contemplative face.

“The grief shouldn’t overcome the love,” she continued. Her smile was small, sadness crouched in one corner and understanding in the other. “It is an open doorway to the sweetness of what you once had. Once you step over the doorway, the room is filled with light.”

Lisa is so naive, the vampire lord thought. Disappointed resignation clothed the scaly creature of prideful contempt. More so than I ever imagined. She cannot envision a grief that poisons all the light. Cannot understand it.

Of course she can’t. The frigid reservation that he wore like a familiar cloak draped itself across his heart. No one can. No one has lived as long as you. No one has seen what you have, done what you’ve done. How could you expect her, of all creatures, to understand you?

“And if the room is haunted?” he asked harshly, straightening. The space between their faces expanded and he remembered that distance was wise. Vlad took her hand from his face and placed it on the edge of the dressing room table. She needed the support to keep off her injured ankle. It would be better for everyone if the support wasn’t from him.

When he stepped back from her, it inexplicably made the room colder. “What if there are shadows lurking in every corner that dim that light and make it dangerous to stand in?”

Lisa regarded him with the same understanding. Pale eyebrows sat over perceptive, wise eyes. Inside them rotated a universe that still drew him, despite his better judgement. You should end this foolishness, pride warned. Stop this conversation, check her ankle and—.

“You know; whether you’ve lived ten years or a hundred, you can be haunted,” Lisa said with a wry smile. “Loss and love don’t distinguish between mortals and immortals.” Vlad’s long-standing hatred of humanity curled his lip up in a snarl but she didn’t stop.

“I’m not suggesting that what you feel isn’t intensely personal and immensely painful. I am only pointing out that whether the broken bone is in a bird or a human, it still needs to be set. Both creatures are vastly different but there is a shared need across all living things for care.”

“I am not living, Lisa,” Vlad reminded her shortly.

“And yet you have all the needs and feelings of any creature we would deem as alive,” she bluntly replied. “And you try to repress them, just as many humans would.” Her eyebrows had shot up, and the tilt of her chin warned him this was becoming an argument. “You try to pretend that your heart isn’t as broken or lonely.”

It was a peculiarity of his character that he always enjoyed her bold spirit. It came from a place of intelligence, confidence and often wisdom. Right now though, she was wrong. Common sense was screaming at Vlad to stop arguing with her. Letting Lisa compare him to a man was a good thing. Wasn’t it what he’d been afraid he’d undone? If she was focused on his humanity then she wouldn’t look too closely at the monstrous aspects.

But pride was a tricky thing in himself, and an admitted weakness, just like his temper. Usually he could use both to his benefit, but nothing was going right tonight. “One could argue that a vampire doesn’t have a heart,” Vlad said. He was pleased that he delivered the words in a reasonably even tone. He gestured to the long-forgotten chair to indicate that she should sit. Lisa ignored it.

“And one could also argue that medicine is merely dabbing chicken blood on peasants,” she retorted, one eyebrow cocked as those it were scolding him all on its own. “We both know only fools would agree.”

Vlad felt his jaw clench, the teeth protesting the strain. His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. If they kept at this quarrel, he was going to say something he would regret. “I believe we’ve exhausted this subject,” he said with frosty decorum. “I should look at your injury and we should both retire.”

“Avoidance is also a human tactic. Another example of commonality,” she noted crisply. When she put out a hand to him, Vlad blinked with surprise. “And thank you; I would appreciate assistance with lowering myself into the chair.”

Avoidance, he thought irritably, not moving. As opposed to simple politeness. Avoidance suggests that I would be afraid to continue the conversation. As opposed to merely understanding the pointlessness of continuing!

He was not pleased by her request for assistance. It was most assuredly not a good idea to be close to her again, but he’d been the one who’d insisted she required help. Vlad took her hand and stepped toward her, closing the gap between their bodies. All his senses offered him a million varieties of heady desire–rich sensation, alluring scent, tempting heat, enticing images–and it snagged on the sharpened edges of emotion.

This is a mistake, logic whispered. Closer is too dangerous when you aren’t in control. Better to avoid.

“Avoidance keeps you safe,” he managed, looking down at the woman in the circle of his arms. It made no logical sense that it felt so right to hold her, or why she could calm him as easily as she challenged. It was just more evidence of why he should be cautious.

“Avoidance keeps you safe,” she said softly. The defiance in her words had not changed, but the delivery had. “Keeps you separate from everyone.” The pause wasn’t long but he felt its weight. Her indecision about the words she uttered next. “Even those who would like to know you.”

You would rue the day, he thought with bitter regret and not a small amount of cynicism. You think you want to know me, but you can’t possibly fathom what that would mean for your soul. 

To know Vlad was to live in the dark. And that was if he could truly be known at all; he couldn’t say. It was not something he had experienced as an immortal. Not that it mattered; a heart like Lisa’s was not meant for endless shadow. If she understood what was at stake she wouldn’t suggest it.

“You don’t understand what that would mean,” Vlad said with an air of calm, easing her down on the chair. “Much could be lost for someone who wished to know me.”

“And you don’t know what you could find by being known,” she replied as he knelt down. “How it would feel to be truly seen and understood.”

He resisted scoffing. Here was that perpetual hopefulness that shone bright and true. The part of her that was bewildering, dazzling and temptingly hopeful. Lisa believed that  to be known and understood would be a positive thing. That Vlad might find peace and comfort in it.

But you haven’t spoken about what would be found, he thought contemptuously. Did you consider what it might do to you to know? How it would break you? It wasn’t something he would be responsible for.

“Have you ever been seen and understood, Lisa?” he asked instead. Better to redirect this whole argument then to continue. He started to reach for her ankle when the hand on her knee came up. Light fingertips on his jaw drew his eyes up to her face.

The empathy he found there was confusing. It was almost as though Lisa knew things about him that he didn’t. As though she understood why Vlad would choose self-imposed isolation and to cling to the comfort of the shadows. It was disturbing and he didn’t like how it made his heart stumble.

“Yes,” she said softly. An unmistakable warmth was pouring from her eyes and it was as tangible as a hand laid over his heart. “And it has meant everything to me. That’s why I wish it for you.”

He didn’t know how to answer her. Here on his knees, gentle fingertips holding him hostage in the open air, Vlad was caught.

It was an offer, one that was fraught with a meaning he dared not clarify and a temptation that clutched greedy, hungry hands against his best intentions. Lisa was offering a connection that would draw them closer together, opening the doors past student and teacher. She was offering a path amongst the ruins of the evening, and his certainty that there could be nothing between them.

Any significant disclosure would drive her screaming to the hills, skepticism warned.

I’m not so sure about that, loneliness whispered. She hasn’t run from you yet and she’s certainly seen much more tonight than you ever intended to expose her to.

Against his better judgement, yearning was  peeking out. Somewhere between her unshakeable belief, and the eternal solitude that came with unimaginable tragedy, hope was knocking. An odd sensation moved under his ribs, pulling at the handles of locked doors and seeking something he couldn’t quite name.

What would it mean to be seen by you Lisa? he wondered, doubt and need pushing against each other like currents fighting for dominance. To be understood?

It doesn’t matter, regret interjected. You won’t be responsible for corrupting her. To know you–to truly see all that is held in your shadows–is to know evil. The turmoil within him wasn’t going to resolve itself right now. As so often in his life, he fell back on facts. 

“Lisa, I know you are well-meaning but this is not possible. You are suggesting something you do not understand.”

Dismay tainted her calm visage and she withdrew her hand. “You misunderstand me,” she said quietly. “I would not presume I would be worthy of such a disclosure. I did suggest Celia or Erasmus–.”

Vlad shook his head, quick to correct her assumption. “No, it’s not worthiness. Believe me, your willingness to hear my…,” he struggled for the right word. “History…means a great deal to me. I mean that it’s not possible for me to disclose that much of myself and have you remain untainted. I will not do that to you.”

He did not expect her to laugh, surprise melding to enjoyment in the genuine humor that crinkled the edges of her eyes and in the way her teeth flashed. “I’m sorry,” she said after a moment. “I truly am; I do not mean to make light of your noble intentions.”

Vlad was positively flummoxed. The description was ludicrous. There was nothing noble about him. Perhaps that’s why Lisa laughed?

“While I respect the virtue of your consideration, and truly, find it endearing, I must remind you that I am already damned, Vlad. In the eyes of both humanity and the church, I am already ‘tainted,’ as you put it,” she said mildly. “I was the moment I sought you out.” 

Her laugh was slightly less humorous and more bitter. “Even before that really, perhaps when the town priest convinced the villagers I was a witch because I taught myself to read.” 

Her logic was astounding, a slap against the blind spots in his rationalization. A dagger sheathed in the blood of horror and liberation sliced through his resolve. Lisa was so far from everything he considered evil that he hadn’t stopped to consider the slippery righteousness of the so-called Christian God.Was

Was their mere association enough to cast her out from the light of Heaven? He himself knew how unkind that deity could be; why wouldn’t God turn on Lisa too? Why would God choose to be fair now? Vlad acknowledged. There’s no reason He would, even if she deserved it. 

Lisa shifted, straightening in the chair as pride shook off regret. “When it comes to who we are,” she gestured in such a way as to include the two of them. “We’re both outside of the morality of the human world.”

Her voice gentled, the serenity of it pressing a soothing compress against his wrath. “I have chosen that, and I would again. And while I may not have your wealth of knowledge, or share your royal pedigree, I do believe that we are similar in that regard. You’ve chosen your path, and your principles. So too have I.”

Her words dug deep, burrowing into reservations and doubt. An irrational, reckless ache pounded in time with the pulse in her throat. It thudded against his skin and whispered promises, dreams and desires. There was something different about Lisa; there always had been, hadn’t there? A fearlessness, an intelligence; a wisdom that far surpassed her years.

She knew what she wanted and had chosen it with full understanding of what it would mean. By her own admission, she’d known the risk of involvement with him from the moment she pounded on the castle door. Hadn’t she asked for secret knowledge? And what knowledge was more secret than the spaces inside Vlad Dracula that even he himself did not want to look at?

But what would that mean? What would that look like? Would such disclosure drive them apart or would they both find something valuable in finally being known? Was he even able to open himself in that way? Did he want to?

“We live by our own principles.” Lisa smiled, confident in her assessment. “We seek truth, knowledge and wisdom, regardless of whether that finds us in conflict with the Christian God, or the Devil himself. As with all choices, there are consequences but we do not have to bear their grief alone.”

Her voice softened as she bent toward him, fingertips brushing his beard before settling on her knee. “You don’t have to be alone.”

Wild wings slapped against the confines of his skin, anxious to be free from his body and taste the promise in the air for themselves. The disaster of the evening had well and truly fled in the midst of revelation. He couldn’t move, the irony of being on his knees at her feet externally, repeated internally across heart and mind.

You don’t have to be alone.

Was there ever a choice before? he wondered. Someone who offered it so clearly and deliberately, without caveats or stipulations? Suggested itwith a certainty of kinship and understanding?

“Why?” he whispered.

Lisa’s eyes widened, settling back into lines that were a little sad. “Why should we be alone when the universe has brought us to each other? When there is a chance for peace in a world that knows so little?”

Scorn was an old friend, scooping both hands around her simplistic worlds to shove them aside. But logic could not deny it. Simplistic or not, it was as good an explanation as the most complex scientific reasoning. It’s only a chance, nerves warned. It is not a certainty. 

It should have stayed him. What she was suggesting was an enormous risk for both of them, with only the possibility of reward. But that was one of the things he admired about Lisa. She dealt in truth and fact. She would not promise something that wasn’t a certainty.

Testing them both, he put a hand on her knee. The bones felt fragile and delicate under his palm but when she placed her hand over his and squeezed, the strength there was unquestionable. “I don’t understand you,” Vlad admitted quietly. “But I do know that when I am with you, I do not feel alone.”

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