Chapter Text
They prepared a bulletin board for the whole endeavor–of course they did, and it was placed in one room that Hood wouldn't dare to enter; the women's bathroom!
Him and Pablo are squished inside a stall together, and before them on the door hangs the mighty board… with just one sticky note attached.
The left upper side of the board has the first letter of Pablo's name written on it while the right side has Cecil's and the middle of the board is separated in half by a piece of tape.
A bright neon yellow note sits on Pabs's side referencing the incident with Hood's voice modulator as the first proof they have.
He looks at his own side and; this is going to be so much harder than he expected.
"Any ideas?" Pablo asks him.
"You already have a point, I'm not helping you."
"So your head is just as empty as mine. Got it."
Cecil huffs, then he makes a gesture mirroring a handset using his pointer and pinky fingers.
"Maybe we should ask him to show us how he would pick up the phone?" He says curling the fingers of his other hand like he's playing with a cord, but he stops quickly and the frown on Pabs's face tells him that it's not a good idea.
"He's around twenty not twelve, even if he was a little younger he would've still grown up with flip phones especially if he's from the poor side of Gotham."
Cecil shrugs, a bit embarrassed that he even came up with such an idea.
"Let's question him about fax machines instead."
"Pablo I'm almost forty and I have never in my life used one of those, nor do I know what they are actually for."
"… Maybe language then, you're good at that."
"New generation slang you mean?" Cecil raises a brow and asks; "have you seen his bookshelf?"
"…"
"He hangs out here all day every day. I doubt that he has contact with people his age, or that he uses social media enough to pick up modern slang– if he even has socials. Honestly I think this guy is too angry for the internet in general, even for the local news. There's a very good reason why we don't have television down here."
Pabs nods solemnly.
"Remember what happened when the boys tried to watch soccer on his projector?"
Both of them hiss at the memory. Boss was much scarier back then in the early months of his crime career, especially to his newer employees.
"I'm still a little put off by the fact he does power point presentations for us."
Pabs clicks his fingers.
"He makes presentations! We should ask him about school!"
"That's too on the nose–"
"If we start our own conversation about it and then ask the boss then it wouldn't be too weird."
"–last time we talked about it it turned into one big bitching session about most of our crew having to drop out of high school. I don't want to have to go through it again."
Pabs rests his back against the wall with puffed in annoyance cheeks– like a toddler. It's probably something he picked up from his daughters.
"We should check if he still has his wisdom teeth."
Cecil can tell that his friend is just shooting blanks now, but it's better than nothing.
"That's a great Idea– if we had access to his face hole– which we do not." Besides a lot of masochists liked to keep their wisdom teeth alive and bleeding every now and then. Cecil licks at the flesh of his lower gum, and winces at the idea of ever going to the dentist. No one will be putting hands in his mouth without payment first! Going to some weirdo with an oral fixation, and giving said weirdo his hard earned money just to pull a tooth was ridiculous.
"Don't call his face-hole a face hole. That's weird. Besides I don't think we have the right… equipment… for the boss to reveal his face hole to us."
"I don't know Pabs. You see– if we taped your breasts together then maybe– "
Cecil doesn't have time to finish, and maybe that's for the better because Pablo's eyes were already widening in shock at the frankly inappropriate comment. It was true though, his friend was masculine with a bit of a healthy chub, and Cecil was sure that if they taped his tits together they could've passed for a real deal. Maybe they wouldn't have seduced the boss, but someone else? for sure.
Oh– yes, there's a reason why he wasn't able to finish the sentence.
A door opened and an unmistakable sound of heels clicking against the tiles followed.
Cecil immediately sat down on the toilet seat and pulled his legs up above the ground so his feet wouldn't be visible through the space in between the door and the ground of the stall. Pablo had no other option than to sit on top of him in a position that was proving to be far too painful to hold for long due to Cecil's bony knees and– bony everything else, fortunately excluding his cock.
Thank you Jesus for your gift of impotency!
Pabs is smiling at him awkwardly the tip of his wide nose touching against the top of Cecil's far too long, far too crooked one.
He holds his breath trying his hardest to keep still.
His hands are placed on his friends waist and they are so close that some might call it an embrace. Cecil missed this kind of contact. It's been years since he was genuinely hugged other than a side hug from his co-workers and his weird elderly neighbor who tells him that he reminds her of her late husband.
He even went to the barber a couple of times– which was pointless because his long hair didn't require frequent haircuts if any, and he was unable to grow a beard– he went there and spent his hard earned money just to feel the soft embrace of another human beings fingers on his face and head. And after that he felt bad because said barber only agreed to cut his hair, and not work as some kind of emotional whore for a touch starved bitch-less slut that Cecil was proving to be.
Are you okay? Pablo mouths to him.
The heel clicking stops before their stall. Fuck.
Slowly the person that entered kneels down on the floor and soon enough her head peaks through the gap. Cecil's greeted with one large afro puff and a sweaty forehead– it's Tash. Tash who was supposed to be working out right now, yet she's here all up in their business.
As it turns out a women's bathroom surprisingly comes equipped with at least one woman, who would've thought?
She curses underneath her breath at the sight of their position, then she mentions something about the fact that at least they aren't naked in there, and gets back up just to knock at the door.
Cecil would open, but Pablo's ass is in the way of the doorknob.
"Do I even want to know?" She asks.
"Depends if you're willing to keep a secret." Cecil responds.
"Jesus – I know we're a bunch of thugs, but I think our boss is pretty open minded if you keep this kind of thing in your own home instead of the workplace bathroom. Why are you in the ladies room anyway?"
"Because Cecil is a lady."
"Hey!– I… I don't know if that's a compliment or not, and even if it wasn't I have a feeling that you will call me sexist if I get offended by it."
Pabs snickers.
"To answer your question we're here because we only have three girls in the crew and none of you piss at this hour."
Pablo's eyebrows furrow.
"I know that because Adeline usually uses the second men's bathroom by the garage when she's working on the cars, and both you and Martha are already doing your usual work out routine which means you came here with an empty bladder and a bottle of water that stays untouched until you end your jogging– which means that the possibility of someone coming here at this exact time is almost zero." He nods to himself, prideful of the information he had gathered, but also disappointed because they got a visitor anyway.
"That's why we picked this bathroom." Pabs backs him up, supportive as always.
"You picked it for what? and I think you might've forgotten about something else people use toilets for."
"Please, we all know that girls don't shit."
Pabs finally gets off his lap and opens the door after Cecil's statement falls flat against it.
Tasha's face is stern, but there's slight amusement hidden within her wrinkles.
"I'm kidding!" Cecil puts his hands up, as well as his ass up from the toilet seat. He walks out of the stall trying to cover the visible edge of the board with his back. Pablo is already outside and standing by the sink leaving Tash placed in between them.
Her posture is rigid, she's around Cecil's height which leaves Pablo looking awfully small in comparison to them. He looks her up and down trying to discern what she might be looking for here at this hour, because yes– emptying her bowels is a possibility, but Cecil spent enough time in society to know what someone looks like when they need to take a dump. Tash does look like she has a need for something, but it's definitely not for waste disposal… more like–
"You came here to smoke, didn't you?"
There's a twitch in her left eyelid that speaks of nicotine withdrawal.
This is the only room where the fire alarm isn't working." Cecil quips already knowing that he's on the right path.
"I'm pretty sure Hood prohibited smoking on the premises." He grins.
"I'm pretty sure he also prohibited fucking on the premises."
"That's great, since it's not what we were doing at all, and I would've asked if you were ovulating to come up with such an idea, but I know you already had your menopause, so that means you're just a pervert."
Her big eyes widen a fraction, and he's preparing for a slap in the face, so he starts speaking quicker. Say something worse about someone else to distract her!; his mind screams.
"–and If you're going to accuse someone of intercourse then look no further than Rodney and Martha in the supply closet. That's also why I know no one would come here with period problems because you're too old, Adeline had a hysterectomy, and Martha hasn't had hers for a while because she's pregnant."
"–She's what!?" Tash whisper-shouts, then her head snaps towards Pablo and she asks; "Did you know about this?"
"What no– of course not!"
"Martha fucked Rodney?" She asks Cecil again, calmer this time.
"That's what I just said, yes."
"When– how?"
"How? I would assume vaginally if she got pregnant, but anal is not a safe form of protection either so–"
"Cecil!" Pablo gestures at him to keep it more tame.
"Sorry" For a second he feels like a scolded teen.
"How do you know about it? She told you?"
"Of course not, you know she doesn't like me. Rodney told me they did it when he got a little drunk, and then I found out that Martha's tracking app somehow got connected with the work computer, and there were a bunch of notifications about her missing her period so I clicked on them and…." Cecil takes a moment to look blankly at the wall "Shit– do you think that means she hasn't seen them?"
"Oh my fucking god– she doesn't know."
Tash rests against one of the sinks and sighs looking at them both with such displeasure as if they were the one's responsible for Martha's misfortune.
"Are you going to tell her?"
"Of course I'm going to tell her." Tash shakes her head in disbelief.
"… How are you going to tell her?"
"Anally, dipshit." She rolls her eyes. "I won't tell her outright, I'm just going to bring it up as a possibility. You're safe with your weird spying habits. Why didn't you say anything though?"
"I was hoping someone else would! She's mean to me. If I told her she would probably find a way to blame it on me."
"The pregnancy?" Pablo asks looking like he's going to have a migraine soon enough if they don't stop talking about it.
"The tracking notifications."
Pablo smiles awkwardly at the response and rubs at the base of his nose with a painful furrow of his eyebrows.
"It was kinda your fault for clicking on them."
"But I didn't put them on the computer for fuck sake."
Tash blows the cigarette smoke onto his face. Pabs has the decency to open the window.
"So… what exactly are you doing here if you aren't fucking?"
He kind of hoped that this whole thing would make her drop the subject, but of course it didn't. Cecil wasn't the only one obsessed with gossip around here.
"I don't fuck. I don't even know what fucking is." Pablo for some reason decides that it's time to defend his honor.
"You have two children, not one– two" Tash even shows him the number with two of her fingers, she pushes her hand out gesturing wildly at them.
"Yeah, and both of them were the result of making love." Pablo says proudly before his face twists into something slightly concerning. "One of them was at least... the other–" he scratches at the back of his head.
"Nevermind."
Tash raises a brow.
"Not ready to unpack that big boy?"
"Shut up."
Cecil doesn't like where this situation is going, so he moves to the side and opens the stall door fully so Tash can see their conspiracy board.
"What the fuck is that?"
They tell her everything, and Cecil even asks if she wants in, but Tash declines saying that the boss is going to be pissed once– if he finds out.
"If he finds out." Cecil corrects, but she just scoffs at it.
"How do you even prove someone's age when they don't fit into most of the social standards?" Tash mutters, but she doesn't seem surprised about the fact that they think Red still has the word teen in his age, and when Cecil asks her why, she says;
"Are you kidding me? That boy doesn't even know how to drive, of course he's a kid."
"What are you talking about? The boss drives all the time." Pablo's head tilts, and Cecil finds himself mirroring the gesture.
"He drives sure, but he doesn't know how to drive."
When she sees that they still don't understand she sighs and takes a moment to press her cigarette into the sink to stop it from burning
"He knows how to drive to avoid the cops, or in a chase, but the basic knowledge of road rules? that doesn't exist in his book, nor do parallel parking, and we all know what that means."
"Red Hood doesn't have a driver's license." Pablo mutters.
"Bingo." Tash tosses the rest of her cigarette into the bin. "Take care boys, don't cause too much trouble, and don't tell him that I told you." With that she leaves the bathroom. Pablo grabs his shoulder bag from the ground and prepares himself to leave as well.
"I thought we would be going home together?" Cecil glances at him confused. Pabs only winks at him and slowly opens the bathroom door.
"I'm sorry, something came up with the kids. I have to leave early, and you probably won't want to be riding with me to school since you aren't feeling well."
"What?– I feel…" he focuses on the noises outside the room, a raspy modulated voice yelling at someone. "Yes, you're right– I'm not feeling great."
"Yeah, that's why we're here in this bathroom, because you puked."
"I did!"
"Let's find someone that will drive you home then." Pablo's warm hand rests on his shoulder and as his friend tugs him out of the bathroom Cecil makes sure to look extra worn out. He hunches his back and holds his breath until a flush enters his cheeks.
When he sees Red Hood looking their way he cries out;
"Boss! Boss! I puked!"