Chapter Text
Ranma was having a bad day. The sort of bad day one only gets to experience when everything they knew and loved about the world turned out to be a dramatic lie. A cruel twist of fate that proved that for every ounce of hope for a brighter future an individual could dream of, there was always going to be that reminder from the universe that it would show up to crush it all underfoot like the cruel mistress of life that it was. Leaving one writhing on the floor in agony at how unfair things could be once you left your guard down for it to sucker punch you in the stomach. Left staring up at the sky between the buildings of an alleyway as the dank smell of trash slowly grew to become all that one could take in with an acceptance that perhaps this was all there ever was, and ever would be.
Which is to say that Ranma was currently sulking in a random alleyway because his Pops wouldn’t buy him a Famicom.
One might be surprised that Saotome Ranma, child amongst children, who had grown up on the road with what one might generously describe as ‘the absolute bare essentials’ half the time, and ‘whatever the two have managed to steal’ the other half of the time, would be interested in something as luxurious as a Famicom. The reason for this though easily stemmed from one simple issue that has plagued Ranma since the earliest days of his martial arts training.
Ranma doesn’t lose.
He had however been a heavy practitioner of the Saotome arts of ‘tactically withdrawing to find a way to win when the opponent least expected it’. The exact strategy he had to deploy after the other boys in his class finally found something, something that he couldn’t defeat them in through sheer martial artist prowess: family home life.
In the future, Ranma would of course come to understand that not every challenge needs one to rise up to the occasion. It was only when it had ‘martial arts’ tacked onto it that he actually needed to care about whether or not he was the best at it, or at least better than whoever the challenge was.
At the moment though, Ranma was (according to his Pops at least, since he seems to pick a new month at random every year) a freshly 12 year old boy who was in the middle of constantly vying for the vaunted status of being the top dog. Said junior high being a place that had the society of well respected dogs constantly trying to have the status revoked for defamation reasons. A court case that would later lead to the student body declaring whoever was on top of the social ladder as the ‘top wolf’. This of course led to a new lawsuit from the local werewolf yokai population that confused everyone, as they were the only group that was able to understand dog law, but that’s a story for another day.
The story of today was how Ranma had apparently lost when it came to family home life. Every boy there was seemingly able to agree on the matters that scored or didn’t. This almost entirely boiled down to, as junior high boys will do, ‘the biggest, coolest, most expensive things’.
Home’s were the first blow. As much as Ranma tried to argue the point that the biggest house out there was getting to live out in the open skies, or in the many grand temples in Japan, his arguments were cruelly shot down by the other boys arguing about how it obviously didn’t count unless you owned it, something that left him kneeling over with the psychic damage that first blow caused.
Family ended up being another major loss. As much as Ranma could argue with his Pops, it was clear that the two did love each other. Even if his old man could be a selfish, lying, conning, short sighted, lazy, hard-headed, arrogant idiot who got the two into more trouble than any of their travels were worth, he was still his dad, and always put in the effort to make sure Ranma was able to keep moving after their training. He knew that most of the other kids there didn’t have anywhere near as involved dads, so he was certain that he was able to cinch the victory.
Until junior high boys did as junior high boys do, and landed the decisive blow against him: “Okay, but what about your mom?”
It was something almost all martial artists end up experiencing one day, but many wish beyond hope to never face. To fight against an opponent and realize that you lacked a crucial technique in your arsenal that let your rival land the decisive blow that sent one flying against the wall hard enough to wind you.
A few of the nearby students were of course confused at how and why Ranma suddenly flung himself against the wall. Most however were more curious about what Ranma would pull off if he failed the final round of this competition.
Ranma in all honestly didn’t even care about not having a mother up until that point. It wasn’t like he experienced a grand epiphany that told him that he suddenly craved a mothers affection that was missing his entire life. It was the sudden knowledge that not having one meant that he could lose in competitions like this that had his mind reeling. What else did his old man take from him? A cool older brother? A sweet younger sister?
Every story that the other students shared only made him realize that as a practitioner of Anything Goes, he had to figure out how to use every tool available to master the martial arts of ‘having a family.’His old man had been absolutely useless when he asked him about ‘how to get a little sister’, and had fled at high speeds when asked about where to find his mother. It was obviously something that involved a lot of work, that he was leaving Ranma to figure out how to get one on his own.
Something he was trying to leave out of his mind for as long as he could. Beyond the other two, Ranma finally thought that he had them beat. He lived a great life! He got to explore all over Japan, he learnt martial arts from various masters and learnt them fast, often mastering the techniques he could use for himself in weeks. Even if things could be harsh sometimes, it was the type of wild exciting life that even the boys could begrudgingly admit was ‘cool as well’.
But nothing was cooler than the Famicom.
Ranma didn’t understand why a piece of plastic that made little bits of color dance across a tv screen was suddenly the best thing out there. But when faced with the overwhelming majority of the boys in the school all agreeing that only the coolest amongst them were those that owned one of those vaunted systems, his final loss was final, decisive, and complete.
Ranma fell to the floor so hard that it cratered from the blow of his complete and utter loss. Yamcha posing as the surrounding boys realized they finally had a way to defeat Ranma that didn’t involve trying to fight him at his own game.
Knowing that if he left things as they were, the boys were going to hound him relentlessly with their newly learnt technique (or about 1-2 weeks before they got bored and moved onto something else). With his school life on the line, he understood that there was only one option that would let him survive to see the next day.
Which is how he ended up where he was, staring up in the alleyway after his Pops had thoroughly and completely destroyed any hope of him continuing to live undefeated in high school.
It’s not like Ranma actually expected him to buy the damn thing. He might have had his honor and morals, but his Pop’s honor and morals was an entirely separate issue. Especially when it came to defeating the other boys at his school. Despite his acceptance that he’d even take a stolen system just to get a one up on the other boys before returning it later, his Pops was too busy saying that he had to go on some ‘hunt for a dragon’s hoard’ after he heard it had a potion to ‘cure all that ails him’.
Which means that his Pops was running off to get scammed into buying another bogus concoction just like when he believed he finally found his miracle cure with the tonic of “yeti holding an eel and a crane while riding an ox”. He honestly didn’t know what his old man expected, but both of them were a bit terrified with the chest hair it gave him for the next few weeks.
But Saotome Ranma, as said early, doesn’t lose. At best, he tactically retreats until he can find a new solution to his problems.
Shooting up from his spot on the ground, it suddenly came to him: a disguise! If he could disguise himself by throwing on some clothes and then pretending he was another person, why couldn’t he disguise himself by covering up what he was missing in his family with another person’s family?
Chuckling, Ranma finally understood why his old man must have left him to figure this out. Of course it was another layer of anything goes, just like the starving orphan routine! While that trick might have required him to act like he had less family than he did, the reversal was to act like he had more family using other people! He couldn’t believe he doubted his old man for a moment there. Everything always became a lesson if he was just able to dig deep enough and find the technique that would allow them to come out on top.
He knew just the people to use for this disguise as well: The Hibiki’s
Really, Ranma was proud to know that the Hibiki’s were as supportive of disguises as they were. He was certain the first time aunty Shiori had seen him messing with her makeup and clothes that she’d be way more upset about him touching her stuff. He was certain he had almost figured out how his pops pulled off one of his disguises when she walked in on him. Instead of getting mad though, she just got weirdly emotional and told him that he was free to practice his ‘disguises’ whenever he wanted while he was at her house. She even went out of her way to buy him a bunch of clothes that he could use for them!
It was strange that almost all of the clothes were girl clothes, but Ranma figured that she was just a practical person and knew that he had plenty of his own clothes for his other disguises. Though he couldn’t help but suspect that maybe aunty Shiori just always wanted a daughter to play dress up with.
That definitely helped Ranma feel better about everything at least. A good scam was all about giving the other person what they wanted so they didn’t realize how good of a thing they just gave away was after all. Finding and returning wallets, car keys, and lost children for a quick snack was always an easy way to pinch a few quality meals when he had the time. He had no idea how people kept losing their kids though. The little gremlins seemed to cling to him like velcro after he talked to them for half a minute, and cried when they were peeled off of him. He would think that their parents would notice the little tykes wandering off if that’s how they acted around a stranger like him.
But like every good scam, you needed to make sure the mark didn’t lose too much. Which is why he of course also made sure to have her promise to not tell his old man about any of his disguise practice. He was genuinely afraid at the time when he was explaining to her that it would probably lead to nothing but trouble if he ever found out.
Thankfully, she seemed to understand. Someone as nice as aunty Shiori would only be taken advantage of by his Pops if she was nice enough to buy disguises for Ranma. He could already picture his old man doing everything he could to swindle her out of her money even after she looked after Ranma so often. Taking her for everything she has before uncle Ryotaro would come back to find that his Pops had somehow managed to even steal the Hibiki’s walls. His Pops just had no restraint when it came to these sorts of things, and it always got them in trouble because of it.
Ranma remembered that both uncle Ryotaro and aunty Shiori were home when he dropped Ryoga off at his home, which made things both easier and harder.
Just like how he knew uncle Ryotaro would put a stop to his Pop’s antics, he also knew that he would step in if Ranma tried to pull off his plan of using the Hibiki’s for his disguise. He always seemed a bit more nervous about having Ranma around so often and how aunty Shiori was treating him. He only ever saw them together once before when he was around, but he was able to tell that they were definitely talking about him from whatever hushed argument they were having.
He would have tried to listen in more, but then Ryoga entered his field of view and activated Ranma just like a pokemon trainer on the road enters attack mode whenever a random 10 year old makes eye contact. Making him forget whatever was going on until Shirokuro finally broke up the fight by sitting on Ranma.
Hmm, maybe Shirokuro would be a good backup disguise family if the Hibiki’s fell through…
Ranma shook his head, he could think about backup plans once the first one actually failed. He knew exactly how to get around uncle Ryotaro after all. As much as he tried to be the stern one ensuring that Ranma didn’t spend every day over at Ryoga’s, he was always a sucker for whenever Ranma showed up after he got a particularly nasty injury while learning a new technique.
All Ranma had to do was find out an appropriate level of injury that would let him use the Hibiki’s as a family disguise for a week, and he’d be all set!
With his Pops having run off for who knows how long, he could probably go for something that could really have him knocked out of the fight for a few days. With how much the other boys at school were all about fighting with family life at the moment, it wasn’t like he’d need to actually throw punches and kicks for a while anyways.
With Ranma’s level of technique and endurance however, it was a hard ask to find something besides his Pops that could manage that level of a fine line between something that can be walked off, like a full body bruise, and an actual proper injury that doesn’t also leave him a pile of paste on the ground. It wasn’t like he could just get hit by a train and be fine after all.
Ranma paused in his thinking. This pausing of all thinking was, unfortunately, an old Saotome technique that Genma has mastered. It was an elusive skill that allowed one to latch onto the perfect way to complete a technique and then ignore all other thoughts to pull it off with a level of expertise that would normally take a martial artist years to perform. A technique that Ranma has thankfully used almost exclusively for martial arts, but every so often activates it for other ideas. Or as he’d learn in the future, when attempting to flirt.
That was why, with perfect clarity of mind, Ranma realized that if he got hit by a train, the resulting injury would probably be a lot more than he’d be able to survive. But if he hit a train instead…
A short time later, after Ranma decided that smashing into the side of a train going over 200km/h was a good idea, the perspective meanwhile, was wildly knocked loose from him and was now being sent flying across the ward. Finding its way to a house a good distance away, one where a certain family was trying to also figure out Ranma’s current family problems. Though, with quite the difference in understanding of what exactly the problems were.
With a well placed arc, the perspective landed firmly inside the Hibiki family house. Ryoga, who was wandering over to the kitchen to grab a snack, fixed the angle of the perspective before ending up in the laundry room.
The perspective, now properly angled to look towards the kitchen table discussion, was able to catch the two parents of the Hibiki household staring each other down.
Laid out on the table between the two were a dress, a makeup set that had seen heavy use, a journal that was filled with different names in a messy scrawl, and dozens of other items.
Neither of them were willing to blink first until Shiori finally slid forward a single photo that she'd taken to look over.
In the photo, he could see someone who easily looked like she could have been Ranma’s sister. Black shoulder length hair, a light amount of makeup to soften some facial features, and an outfit that gave the girl a sporty, tomboyish look.
Beyond all of that though was the expression of the girl in the photo. It wasn’t just that she was obviously happy posing for the camera, but that she looked so proud of herself as well. As if she had accomplished something great simply by looking the way she did…
Ryotaro sighed in defeat. “Okay, so maybe I do have a niece instead of a nephew.”
Shiori’s smile was so bright and blinding that just like the few times they’d had this talk before, Ryotaro wondered if maybe he should just say yes so he’d get to bask in it for a few more minutes. But he knew he had to be the reasonable one here. Even as he saw her frown as he raised a hand. “But that doesn’t mean we can just adopt her.”
Blowing a raspberry at her husband, she picked herself up to start dragging them over to the couch. Now that her victory was firmly secured against Ryotaro, she happily claimed the perspective as they all settled into the living room. Ryoga on the other hand finally found his way out of the kitchen with his snack as she took in the sight of them all together. Unable to stop the pride and happiness of having them like this…and yet…
Shiori rubbed her forehead. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten to have the full family together like this, while still feeling so stressed. Her husband was rubbing at her back as she leaned against him, her son was busying himself thinking up new techniques for his next fight with his rival, and Ranma-
“Shit, I’m hopeless.” Here she was, finally getting the chance to enjoy being with her family, and all she could think about was the fact that it felt like they were still missing one.
The soft sigh from her left told her she wasn’t the only one who noticed how she was feeling.
“Shiori…you’ve already done more than anyone would ask of you, and no one even needed to ask either.” Ryotaro, her husband and the one person she feels could be an anchor in the chaotic storm that her life felt like at times… and the person who was currently doing his best to convince her that she can’t just grab their niece like a stray cat off the street to adopt her.
“But that doesn’t mean we can just take Ranma in. Even if you’re right and Genma would avoid the courthouse like the plague, what about my sister? They’d have to notify her too, and there’s no way my old family would just let Ranma go like that. Being her uncle actually makes things harder in this case, not easier.”
“I know. But you’ve seen her! How many times has she come here looking like she picked a fight with a moving truck?” Not for the first time, Shiori questioned why she couldn’t just feed the whole legal system to a pack of wolves. Genma along with it. The family registry office was on thin ice depending on how they acted in the future too.
Her husband, as usual, was being frustratingly reasonable and not at all helping encourage her in her wolf based attack plans. “Come on, Shio. You know Ranma isn’t that bad about this. She trusts you, and has had a dozen chances to come clean if things were really bad.”
The shifting of his hands to wrap her up tight in a hug was comforting in the exact way she could tell was going to leave her too relaxed to try to keep arguing about this. The traitor.
Ryotaro simply smiled as he brushed his hand through her hair. “If she really needs help, she’ll come here and ask for it. She’ll probably be shy about it, but if it’s serious she will come. So until that happens-” a peck on her forehead that had her grumble, but smile up at him nonetheless “-let’s just enjoy this bit of peace before we’re all lost again, alright?”
With a sigh that makes her feel as if all the stress is leaving her body, Shiori nods. Letting herself fully sink into a comfortable embrace with her husband as she got to listen to her son work on his techniques. Yeah, maybe she can just let herself enjoy this rare type of day…
A few minutes into their relaxation, there was a loud knocking on the door.
“If that’s a door to door salesmans, I’m going to eat them.” With a groan, she got up to go deal with whoever it was until she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning back to see Ryotaro with one of his signature grins he got when he was in just as chaotic a mood as she was.
“Come on Shiori, you can’t just go off alone to eat people annoying us during family time.” The grin grew an inch wider. “Not without letting me help.”
For a moment, Shiori completely forgot about whoever was at the door and was instead consumed by the immediate and urgent need to kiss her husband silly for the next hour. Unfortunately, another knock on the door dragged her away from that thought with a tsk as she marched back over with her husband in tow to see who was bothering them this late in the evening.
Only to instead have to stare down at the source of the earlier arguments. One Ranma Saotome who looked… bad. Horrible even. The fights Ranma got into before would always leave her looking beat up with bruises hiding under her clothes, but never as bad as it did now.
The smell of blood hit her at the same time as she noticed that Ranma was bleeding from a wound on her head. It hit her right after that Ranma was clutching at her arm not out of the cute shyness she sometimes showed in front of her, but with how it seemed to have somehow been dislocated with a massive bruise covering most of it from the shoulder down to her forearm.
The worst part of it in Shiori’s eyes though, was the expression she had.
Ranma Saotome was standing in front of her, obviously struggling with her half-started attempts at asking Shiori for help, and she looked guilty about it. As if it was her fault that she got injured.
She wasn’t sure how he was connected yet, but she was almost certain this was Genma’s fault. She quickly decided wolves were too good for him. She was going to feed him to a pit of hungry foxes.
Turning to her husband, who looked shocked as he kept muttering something about ‘a moving truck’ to himself. She caught his eye and gave him a look that spoke pages. Thankfully sparing the writer from having to show the entire internal dialog that the two shared in the moment.
Shiori didn’t give Ranma time to overthink how to ask for help anymore. She grabbed the girl who she considered her own daughter and brought her to the couch so she could sit down and get treated. She’d question her about how this all happened later. Her complete focus for now was to make sure Ranma was okay, and stop Shirokuro from licking her wounds in an attempt to help.
Unfortunately, before Shiori could start asking Ranma exactly what had happened to her, a problem showed up that she had forgotten about in her rush to take care of her.
“Ranma! So you decided to come after all!! Prepare to face the wrath of my new technique!!!”
Her son, Ryoga, and the silly rivalry that he had with Ranma. Who somehow always still seemed to have the energy to fight him even after his ‘sparring’ with her dad. Not even sitting Ryoga down at one point and explaining that Ranma is in a very difficult position that will mean he'd need to look after her at times had properly gotten through his head all the way. His unwavering desire to have Ranma as his rival clashing with the values that she and Ryotaro helped instill in him about protecting those that needed it.
Luckily, before Ranma could stand up and try to fight with what she was starting to suspect is a dislocated arm of all things, Shiori managed to evoke a phrase that to this day she didn’t fully understand why it worked, only that it flips a switch in the two kids that she desperately needed at this moment.
“Alright! Sibling time!”
Ryoga and Ranma froze at the time. Then, as if by magic, she watched as the very air seemed to change between them as their dynamic swapped over from two rivals who were about to ignore all logic and reason into the dynamic that she found downright adorable if not confusing for how quickly the switch could happen.
“Ranma! What happened to you!? Did you get into a fight on the way here!? Was it an adult!? I swear that when I find them I’ll make sure they can’t lay a hand on my little sister ever again!”
“Wha-Ryoga! Seriously it’s… it’s not like that! If ya’d've done the same thing I did, you’d be paste against some wall!”
“You can say that all you want Ranma, but we both know that you just get embarrassed having your big brother look after you! I’m not going to let my little sister try to act tough after finally meeting her match from some random thugs!”
Watching Ranma sputter while trying to recover from how Ryoga was acting, she couldn’t help but look fondly upon the two as they did their usual song and dance. Ryoga, like her husband, took the lesson she gave him to the extreme and kept trying to act like the big brother in shining armor to his ‘little sister’. Ranma for all her love of playing out her roles always seemed to struggle with the familial affection she’d get from herself and Ryoga, giving some truly adorable reactions even while bickering with her ‘older brother’. The arguments that she should have been the big sister by technicality falling on deaf ears to the practical joy of Ryoga playing out his role and Shiori getting to spoil the daughter she always wanted.
“-like to see how well you’d handle getting hit by a train dumbass!”
Much like a parent enjoying the scenery of the park while watching their children play before hearing one of them say something that would change the rating of the story, what Shiori heard coming out of Ranma’s mouth reminded her that she looked like she got hit by, well…oh fuck if Genma let her kid get hit by a train she was going to create an entire tunnel system of hungry foxes to throw him in. First though, she needed to help her kid.
Placing a hand on her son’s shoulder, she forcefully pulled him away from the half finished reply he was giving about ‘simply suplexing the train like Sabin’ which told her that there was a second martial artist she needed to throw in a pit for teaching her kids stupid techniques like Martial Arts Train Brawling. “Ryoga, Ranma’s going to need some new clothes and a blanket. Can you get those for your little sibling?”
Snapping back to attention, he gave a salute like a soldier preparing for war as he ran off…into the basement. Well, she needed to buy some time to speak with her kid anyways, so that works out. Ranma meanwhile looked like she was finally starting to bleed less, though it seemed to be because all the blood in her body was diverted straight up to her face with the size of her blush.
With Ryoga distracted with running off to grab Ranma a spare blanket from the linen closet and then her clothes from her room, Shiori knew that she likely had at least 10 minutes to get something out of Ranma while Ryotaro was thankfully grabbing something for her injuries from the first aid kit.
Rubbing at the bridge of her nose, Shiori tried to shift her mind into ‘Ranma translation mode’. The special mindset she used to figure out what Ranma was actually saying when she said something like “I’m afraid of cats because Pops tossed me into a pit of starving cats when I was a kid while covered in fish sausage to learn the forbidden art of the Nekoken” into something roughly along the lines of “I’m afraid of cats because a feral one stole my fish in a scary way when I was a kid and Pops said it was a learning experience”. She might have thought Genma didn’t deserve the kid, but even she could tell that he wouldn’t be that insane.
Besides, if Ranma really hated cats, why did she teach herself to purr of all things? It was adorable of course, but probably a misplaced attempt at getting over her fears in the weird convoluted Saotome way she’s come to expect of her. She wouldn’t be surprised if whatever idiot scheme Genma pulled this time was because Ranma was arguing about taking the train.
She really hoped that her kid had an actual good explanation for all of this. If not…well, the Pack has always been good to her. Surely they wouldn’t mind hunting down one martial artist for sport?
Turning to look at him, she saw Ryotaro had also arrived to help with her injuries and he was bringing his full focus into it. Shiori swore he was practically glowing with the intensity of i-oh no.
Ranma Saotome, sitting on the Hibiki family's couch, could only think on the many mistakes he’d made in his life that had led him to this moment. Most of them he quickly realized were actually his Pop’s fault, but even he couldn’t be blamed for the sheer stupidity that had possessed him in the moment leading up to how he ended up injured like this.
Ranma Saotome, future heir of the Saotome martial arts school of Anything Goes, Man Amongst Men, threw himself at a fucking train and had absolutely no good explanation for why.
He knew that the best he could do was beg for their forgiveness and let him stay for a bit until his dad was back from his latest dumbass scheme. Though as forgiving as they were he’s half certain that even they wouldn’t hold back on throwing him out the door to fend for himself.
Before he could start coming up with an excuse, Ranma’s danger senses tingled as he caught the intense look of Mr. Hibiki looming down at him. Unable to hide the squeak of the intense glare the man had that seemed like it could pin a charging bear in place with a single glance.
The fact he was holding a bottle of unlabelled clear liquid and was bringing a rag towards his face was not helping those feelings.
"Don't worry kid. This will only hurt for a minute, and then it'll be alllll better." Oh fuck they figured out how badly Ranma messed up and they decided to show him just what they thought of him trying to ask for help after that stunt he was so dea-
The sound of Ms. Hibiki karate chopping the top of her husband's head sounded out through the room as she stood glaring at her husband. "Ryo! I understand you're tense because of...everything right now, but what have I said about toning down your intensity with the kids?"
Looking sheepish, Ryotaro could only rub the back of his head with a laugh as the aura around him seemed to vanish as quickly as it came. "Ah, sorry Riri. I just saw how hurt Ranma was and…yeah."
With the blazing aura surrounding him gone, Ranma could feel himself breath again. Without the fear coursing through him, he was able to remember that Ryoga's dad was just like that, and didn't mean any actual harm. The number of times he’d spooked him by calling upon that whole aura of murderous intent while trying to clean a stain on the floor had Ranma shudder at the memories. Thankfully it never went beyond that as far as Ranma knew. The times he came back home with bloodstains on his suits were probably from him helping out someone who got hurt and bled all over him like a dumbass.
When the man got down and began to wipe at his forehead, he realized that he was currently the dumbass that was bleeding all over his suit. The sting of antiseptic nowhere near the pain in his heart that he was now at the same level of the nameless individuals he used to make fun of.
There was only so much delaying that he could hope for though. When the blood was cleaned up and a bandage applied, he had to deal with the full force of two stares looking down at him now. It’s fine. He has this. All he needs to do is figure out a way to lie his ass off to some of the nicest people he ever met.
So when Shiori knelt down next to Ranma, gently rubbing at his hand as an expression that showed raw concern while looking over his injuries, especially the arm that Mr. Hibiki was carefully trying to figure out how to pop back into place, it was never more clear to Ranma-
“Hun…can you tell us what happened to you, please?”
-that he was completely and utterly fucked, and had no choice but to spill everything immediately.
“Well…I kind of…got into a fight with my Pops and then after the fight I thought that it would be a good idea to hit a train while it was moving and that’s how I got hurt like this”
Shiori blinked twice, before she gave him her best disarming smile that she could. “Look kid, my hearing is good but it’s not 3pt font good. Can you run that by me one more time?”
“I got into a fight with my Pops and then after the fight I thought that it would be a good idea to hit a train while it was moving and that’s how I got hurt like this?”
“Okay, that’s on me, I set the bar too low. One more time hun. It’s okay, whatever happens we won’t be upset with you.”
Internally Ranma had successfully imagined and pulled off a 1 to 1 rendition of the Press X to Doubt.jpg expression when he heard those words, but he knew there was no lying his way out of this one. So, taking a deep brea-ow what the fuck!?
“Ryo! You’re supposed to warn people when you snap their arm back into place like that!”
“I was about to tell her to take a deep breath and she took a deep breath. Obviously she’s experienced with this type of thing because she took one the moment I was in place.”
“Ryo, honey, she took a deep breath because you grabbed her on her dislocated arm. You know that-” Shiori paused as she looked towards Ranma with a strange expression flashing across her face. “-that she’s different from our son and I. It’s not as easy for her to handle the pain.”
Ranma was confused about what exactly they were talking about. Did the Hibiki’s have some secret martial arts technique that protected them from pain? It’d explain a few things about Ryoga but-no! Now wasn’t the time to be distracted by martial arts. That was for the other 95% of his life. He needed to tell the truth before the kami that used his life as a sitcom could think of a new convoluted problem to show up and interrupt him.
“I got into a fight with my Pops and then after the fight I thought that it would be a good idea to hit a train while it was moving and that’s how I got hurt like this!”
Finally shouting out what happened, Ranma closed his eyes shut and waited for the other shoe to drop directly onto his head. He’ll be forced to actually explain his dumbass thought process and then have to beg for forgiveness from the people he had tried to trick into helping him with his stupid family scheme. Why did he even feel he needed to go so far with this anyways? Was it because he kept fighting with his Pops about the whole ‘man amongst men’ title whenever his old man tried to use it as an excuse to force Ranma to stop doing something because it ‘wasn’t manly enough’?
No. As dumb as Ranma could be, he knew the real issue was that the actual easy way to convince the Hibiki’s about this was to keep play-acting as their daughter. Shiori had all but joked that she would have loved to add Ranma onto the family register as her daughter at any time, he’d just have to let her know and Ryotaro would have the paperwork done by tomorrow. He had to appreciate the dedication she had for playing along with Ranma’s disguise practice. Even going so far as to have a lot of the paperwork pre-filled and only requiring Ranma’s signature.
But now, he had all but given up on hoping they’d go along with things. Opening his eyes so he can watch the faces of the two people who were probably stewing in anger and disappointment looking down at him with…confusion and concern?
Shiori and Ryotaro looked over at once another, before even gentler than before she began to rub her thumb over his hands. This must be a secret martial arts technique that the Hibiki matriarchs learn as a lot of the tension simply slides out of his body with the simple motion. A small smile crossed her face as she spoke again. “Sorry hun but…could you explain exactly what you mean by you…hit a train? You weren’t accidentally clipped by one at the station then?”
Blinking in confusion himself, Ranma was suddenly hit with the thought that holds the greatest dopamine rush a pre-teen could experience while being talked to by an adult. The legendary ‘wait, am I not actually in trouble for this?’
Jumping on the slim chance to escape consequences, Ranma immediately begins explaining in more depth. “Well, y’know how my Pops is. Always planning some new scam or getting caught up in trying to find a new technique to learn so he can teach me if it’s any good. Except that he was going off about some stupid potion that was meant to ‘cure all that ails him’ which is of course just the old man convinced that if he goes on a wild goose chase to hunt down some weird ointment from a ‘dragon hoard’ in Juuban that’ll make his head smell like mud for weeks he’ll suddenly have hair again.”
Ranma missed the look of very visible concern on the Hibiki’s faces at the mention of a dragon in Juuban, too caught up in grousing to notice. “So of course we had a big fight about it because I needed his help with something actually important, but it’s not like he ever has time to help me when I need it. It’s always ‘boy! Come carry these supplies!’ this or ‘boy! Go distract that teacher while I search through these scrolls’ that. Always calling me that when he knows what he should actually be calling me!” The fiery look he catches in Shiori’s eyes with an encouraging nod only makes him feel more in the right. He wasn’t no damn boy, he was meant to be a man amongst men by his Pops own words!
“So, well, we had a fight as usual and that’s…that’s when I hit the train.” Squirming under the gaze of the two, his incredibly valid reasoning for why this happened was interrupted by Ryotaro.
“Wait, so you were having a fight with Genma, sparring as usual, and then you…hit the train. You weren’t hit by it?” There was a look in his eye, as if he was begging for his life to be just a fraction more sane than he currently felt it was.
Unfortunately, he was dealing with a Saotome, who completely misinterpreted what he was despairing over. “I didn’t punch it or anything Mr. Hibiki! I just…hit it with the side of my body. It’s why my arm was…y’know.” Ranma gestured at his no longer dislocated arm as Ryotaro dragged his hands down his face while muttering something about his family.
Shiori meanwhile, looked like she was trying to murder the wallpaper with the force of her glare. Gripping at the nearby couch cushion hard enough that it must have been strong enough to handle a wolf tearing into it with how intensely she was using it as a stress ball. “Okay. You had a spar with Genma and then just so happened to have hit a train. Okay…okay hun. Where’s Genma now then?”
Ranma watched Shiori carefully for a time. Trying to get a read on what she was feeling until she thinks that maybe, just maybe…he might have gotten away with this! Sure, Shiori looked angry but she wasn’t being angry at him which was…confusing, but he wasn’t going to complain. Letting out a sigh of relief as he continued. “Probably in Juuban by now. He said if I wasn’t gonna come with him then he’d just have to take care of this himself.” This was the first moment of truth. If he could get past this next part, he’d feel confident that he could even pull off his original plan. “So I was wondering…would I be able to stay here until he comes back? It wouldn’t be longer than a week and I pro-”
“Yes!” Thrown back by the sheer intensity of Shiori’s sudden shout, Ranma watched as she cleared her through with embarrassment. “I mean, yes. Of course you can stay here Ranma. You’re always welcome to stay with us for as long as you need.”
The smile she gave him was so warm and earnest he had to turn away with the blush that crossed his face. Poking his fingers together as he pulls the classic Saotome move of ‘try to take everything you can get if you haven’t been kicked out yet. “And uh, this is probably going to seem really weird so it’s fine if ya say no but…while I’m here would ya mind if I…call ya mom and dad?”
The look of pure shock that crossed Shiori’s and Ryotaro’s faces told Ranma that maybe he had messed up and gone too far. Getting to stay at the Hibiki’s until his Pops was back was already stretching it. But when he opened his mouth to blow it off as a joke when he was almost bowled over by Shiori all but tackling him in a hug. The force of the blow was enough to wind him and cause tears to prick in the corner of his eyes.
“O-Of course, dear. I-I, I m-mean we'd be happy…” Ranma could hear her struggling to speak through a sob before she continued. “We'd be happy to take you and... Our house is your house too... if you really want, that is. And of course you can... you can call me m-mom, sweetie. Of course you can. You’ve been through so much…” Ranma could feel the tears in the corner of his eyes start to turn into proper crying as Shiori squeezed him tight. A whimper of pain slipping out that for some reason only causes her to squeeze him tighter. His only hope was giving a pleading look to Ryotaro, which seemed to knock him out of his shock enough to smile fondly at him. Moving over to pat Shiori’s shoulder.
“Come on Riri, you’re overwhelming her. You need to let her breathe.”
“Nhhh… s-she’s just too adorable! The way she looked at us Ryo!” Thankfully, she slowly loosened her grip even if she still held Ranma close, wiping at both of their eyes as as Ranma saw that she was crying hard enough to seriously struggle to compose herself
Breathing a sigh of relief that everything seemed to work out, Ranma was certain that getting to use the Hibiki’s as his stand in family to one up all the boys in class was now cleared. There was only one last hurdle to jump.
“Thanks again for everything…mom and dad…” Oh that was going to feel weird to get used to until Pop’s was back. Before Shiori could tackle him into another hug though, everyone heard the sound of a bunch of fabric hitting the floor as they turned to look at a Ryoga who was looking at the scene before him in horror.
“Oh Kami…it finally happened! I got lost and wandered into an alternate universe! Don’t worry mom and dad, I’ll find my way back to you soon!” With that shout, Ryoga proceeded to run…directly down into the basement again.
Ranma silently wondered as he got up to chase after the idiot before he got lost again if his Pop’s was dealing with as much weirdness as he was with the Hibiki’s. It’d be just his luck if he actually found a dragon the one time Ranma decided not to follow. Which of course would have increased his cool status with the boys through the ceiling. Oh well, he supposed he could always pray for his old man’s good luck on actually finding that place. How long could it take?
[One week later]
Genma swore that whatever fool wished for something as horrific as a dragon upon him would suffer the full extent of his wrath!…If he managed to survive long enough to escape this deathtrap that is.
For once, the older martial artist felt glad that he did not have Ranma with him to help bail him out of this situation. Some may call him airheaded, shortsighted, lazy, greedy, or driven by his own desires, he was far from heartless. Especially when the subject came to his own son.
Ranma Saotome, his son, and the next heir to the Saotome school of anything goes. From a young age he knew that he had the potential to become an amazing martial artist, with his ability to pick up on the lessons he provided. True, one could also say the same about literally anything that the boy was learning at a young age, soaking up anything that one would give him like a sponge as long as it involved physical activity. If Genma was a different type of person, Ranma likely would have excelled at any sports that he dreamed of while helping take the school he was a part of all the way to nationals.
More than once Genma had sat by the open fire and gazed off into the starry night while wondering with the kind of regret one only has when their dream has yet to be realized: ‘maybe I should have trained that boy to be a baseball player for the Hanshin Tigers?’
Genma Saotome however, had a dream. A dream of creating the strongest martial artist of this generation. Anything to achieve his goal would ultimately be worth it to see his son getting to achieve the dream he could only meekly think about while under the cruel heel of his master training him. Sure, there were mistakes on the road, training techniques that went wrong. Some stealing had to be done to keep their journey moving forward resulting in delays once his boy got caught. Along with that whole contract business that added another distraction as he had to ensure the boy also had to be the manliest man of this generation as well.
Yet despite it all, Genma had succeeded in creating…a significantly above average martial artist for his age.
A roar echoed through the building he was in. With a flurry of movement Genma vanished from one hiding place to the next. Cooling his head again so he could use the Umi-Sen Ken. This was not the time to reminisce about his disappointments. Ranma Saotome will become the greatest martial artist in this generation, he simply had to figure out how he could fulfill all the obligations involved in that while still making a martial artist like no other.
Looking down at the bottle that he’d since lost the ability to read the label of, he couldn’t help but wish that ‘The Potion That Cures All That Ails You’, or ‘TPTCATAU’ if you wanted to describe it to someone like you had food caught in your throat before sneezing it out, had the ability to solve more more than just his most serious issue.
Brushing his new head full of hair back under his bandana, he couldn’t believe that the old man who gave him the information for a cure all really would lead him to something that would cure his greatest issue after all these years. Quests like these weren’t supposed to actually lead him to what he wanted. He was meant to endure trials, learn new techniques, suffer many close defeats, and then learn that the true gift was everything that he had learnt along the way! It was the exact sort of thing he loved, and he was upset at first that the boy wouldn’t get to experience that same joy.
Instead, he found just what he was looking for…and with it, the curse that made him realize why that old man must have sent him here instead of taking it for himself!
He understood now that while it cured one issue, the potion was magical in how it would take away another! Ever since downing the concoction, his eyesight was leaving him squinting at the blurred, distorted shapes around him. He gained his hair, and lost his vision to appreciate it. A true fool’s trap, and one he’d need to go on another 20 year journey just to cure in all likelihood.
But first, he had to survive his new number one problem of his life. The blasted beast that was guarding this cursed treasure.
This dragon was a more dangerous enemy than any Genma had ever faced before. Its movements were swift like a coursing river. Its blows had the strength of a great typhoon. The worst was whatever ki abilities it seemed to have, which were as mysterious to him as the dark side of the moon! The only way he would get through this was if he could truly be a man amongst men, and use all of his combined skills to show it what a true martial artist could do!
Another roar dangerously close to his hiding spot had him quickly abandon that plan for survival as he ran off to the next place that hadn’t yet been torn into by the dragon, of which there was precious little left remaining.
For once in his life, Genma bemoaned that he wished his old master was here. He wouldn’t dare risk using Ranma as bait to lure the attention of this beast, but the foul little gnome would be perfect for drawing its ire. He must be long dead by now though after being trapped in that cave…ohhh, he swears he could almost hear his voice!
His thought bubble was interrupted when said Master burst his way through it, yelling at his face. “Stop imagining that I’m dead, you useless student!”
For a moment of brief horror and confusion, Genma could only stare as he saw…his master in the flesh. Standing before him while he was fuming in the way he always did whenever a particular ploy wasn’t going the way he wanted, or when he hadn’t been a horrific leach to a woman in the last 5 minutes.
“Hmph! Look at you, hiding around like a scared rat! I’m surprised you sensed my presence after how well I’d been working to mask it.” The squint of Happosai’s gaze was one that was trained from years of lecherous smirks that would make anyone with a soul caught under it to shudder involuntarily. Simply being near the old master left a feeling like a slug crawling against your ki with how oversaturated in negative karma it was.
Paralyzed under the gaze that brought years of torture to mind with a single glance, Genma was really beginning to regret that he was in a story that seemed to read his mind and bring him what he wanted in the worst possible way. Even the monkey paw that he used when he was young to become the greatest teacher of strange and exotic martial arts didn’t seem to cause a tenth of the issues he was dealing with now! He hadn’t even gotten any benefit from that damn potion for this one!
Another bonk on the head drew him out of his thoughts with an even more irate Happosai glaring down at him. “For shame Genma, I had thought I taught you worse than this! But to steal the treasure that all balding men seek and then keeping it to yourself? I would almost be proud of you…if you hadn’t taken what was rightfully mine!”
A truly cruel and evil glint sparkled in the eyes of the true master of anything goes, and Genma instantly knew that he was about to be subjected to something cruel and life threatening. Reaching out to bring his master closer into hiding when he heard the shuffle of the dragon approaching. “Master, please! We can go over my punishment later, but we need to hide!”
His hand was smacked away though, the force of the blow knocking Genma tight into the crook where he was squirrel away in. His body barely able to squeeze in with part of his hand sticking out as his master approached looking as if he just came up with the perfect revenge.
“Now then Genma, you might have stolen away one dragon’s whisker, but I heard rumors that there’s a real dragon resting in this old rundown place. I think the best way for an old student to earn the forgiveness of his master is by-”
Whatever the foul blight upon all of martial arts was about to say next was covered up by the wall of wispy blue flame that suddenly filled the hall he was standing in. Genma yelped as he pulled back his hand that was licked by the flames, already feeling it wreck havoc upon his inner chi and ki pathways while also burning like the hottest flame on his physical body. Blowing on the smoking flesh as he glanced up at where his old master had been standing and…
Looking on in horror as somehow, the foul little gnome was still standing! The most powerful aura of Ki he had even seen the miniature demon pull off had left him looking singed and burnt with blue flame licking over his outfit. Despite his injuries, he even had the gall to laugh as he turned towards his new opponent. “Hah! You think that’s enough t-”
Moving at speeds that would make the Japanese transit system scoff like a tsundere and say that it wasn’t that fast. Where once was his master was the open mouth of the dragon. Then the closed mouth of the dragon…and then nothing.
It would later be said that the only reason that Genma had survived the dragon’s ire was that the sheer sense of peace that he experienced in the moment of seeing his master truly pass was enough for him to unlock the ultimate form of the Umi-Sen Ken, a feat that would normally only be able to be accomplished by someone who had truly let go of all attachments in life.
Those 10 seconds of inner peace interspersed with the sound of the dragon chewing down on what remained of Happosai would be a nirvana that Genma would never reach again. With its meal finished, the dragon flitted away at a much lazier pace than its previous hunt. The sheer amount of ki it was able to consume from such a small package was a wonderful boon as it continued to wait for its egg to hatch. As far as it was aware as well, there had only ever been one intruder in its domain.
When Genma’s senses finally came back to him, he could only blink in awe at what had just happened. His old master…gone. If the stories he had heard about dragons are to be believed, and from what he experienced first hand…he was finally free of that demon of a man once and for all!
Looking down at his hands, he couldn’t help but see the potion bottle he’d held onto this entire time. The potion that cures all that ails you. First it had his hair grow out, but in turn it took his ability to appreciate it. Then, his master was finally put to rest, but his hand…he could tell that whatever those flames did, it burnt more than just his flesh. It was unlikely he was going to be back to his previous level of skill being down a hand. Becoming the new master of anything goes was, in a twist of irony, out of his reach with his hand. Somehow, this potion had helped handle all of his greatest problems, but always with a cost that was a twist on his original desires.
As he thought this over while slipping away with the Umi-Sen Ken for hopefully the last time, a horrific realization came over him that had him quickly dashing as fast as he could back home.
The last problem that remained in his life was everything that was happening with Ranma!
Silently praying to the Kami that everything was going to be okay. Genma couldn’t help but imagine what fix the potion would attempt to cause to his son…and what the ironic twist would be.
As long as fate didn’t decide to laugh at him one last time by turning his boy into a girl, he figured that it couldn’t be too bad!
Takahashi felt that, all in all, he’d been living a pretty successful and happy life. Sure, things didn’t always go the way he expected them to and he had some wild twists and turns that came about.
Opening up his own pastry shop in the Nerima ward had been a challenging experience, but it was one that let him get away from his family and really start to strike it out on his own.
It was a good handful of years of that, managing the ups and downs of owning a business while living on his own when he finally managed to find who would be the love of his life, the person that would flip his life upside down. Of course, meeting the person you’d fall in love with because you had to help them fight off some sort of Oni chasing after some wolf pups in Tokyo of all places should have been a sign of how things were going to go, but he hardly regrets where it took him.
Thinking over all the wild things that brought him to where he was, with his new family in the Pack, would be a story he’d hopefully be able to bore the kids with when they got older. He never quite expected it, but he guessed he must have had a thing for women who were charming, a bit wild, and showed themselves to be good with kids.
With his pastry shop in the process of being moved to somewhere closer to his new home however, he was the best werewolf in the Pack to take on the job Shiori had asked of them all. As a newer member, he was also more than happy to show off that he could pull his weight as well with this. Keeping an eye out for a martial artist that was planning on raiding a dragon’s den was never good news for anyone. His job was to see if they actually found the place and if they needed to warn the nearby area if the dragon was angered by the disturbance.
It was a wonderful test of his new senses as well. Trying to focus on the scents and sounds of the nearby area instead of just keeping watch like he’d need to in human form. He swore he sensed someone entering the den at one point, but it was so faint he was certain it couldn’t have been more than a bird slipping inside to nest. The second time he sensed someone entering the dragon’s den, he was much more certain.
From how Shiori had supposedly described the man, the roiling ball of bad karma that came off of the short man that leaped into the den with the skill that only a martial artist could pull off left Takahashi certain that it must have been the Genma Saotome that his fellow member of the Pack was talking about. With how much he was failing to hide his presence however, he doubted he’d have to be on watch duty for much longer. They were either going to be fleeing from the entrance in the next few minutes, or-
A horrific scent filled his nose. Enough he had to cover his face with his paws as he tried to get the smell of burning ki out of his nose. He couldn’t imagine anything else having such a horrific scent as it burned, especially from someone with as rancid a soul as the man who tried to raid the den. The scene thankfully dying away after a short time. That however gave Takahashi all the information he needed to know as he stood up and went to go back to the place he’d originally stored his clothes.
There was no way someone could have been hit by dragon fire and let off a smell that distinct from his hiding spot without being all but turned to cinders. Well, if he was really as horrible as Shiori said he was, she’d probably be overjoyed with the news.
Genma Saotome was dead.
[Law and Order ‘Dun Dun’ sound effect plays]