Chapter Text
As usual, Atsushi’s eyes lit up when he saw the entrance of the Old Country Store as they parked. Cracker Barrel was always exciting, but the fact that he was bringing two people who had never been before made it even more exciting. He couldn’t wait to explain the rocking chairs outside, the history of the store, the menu, the peg game, and just how much of a staple to American road trips it was. Since he was from Japan, he remembered the first time he went to Cracker Barrel, and how strange and special it was. He wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but he was intrigued enough by the chain to go back on his next road trip, and he fell in love with it more and more each time he visited. He hoped this time, the same thing would happen to hide and Xrek, that they would get that sweet strange feeling from the store, and maybe even would want to go back in the future. No matter how they felt about it though, he looked forward to seeing their reactions.
Imai, Yuta, Hide, and Toll watched as Atsushi put his arms around hide and Xrek, and started showing them around the store. Imai could hear bits and pieces of their conversation, if it could even be called that. It was basically just Atsushi talking on and on about the store, explaining every object and food item that didn’t exist in Japan. He didn’t know who he felt worse for: Xrek, who had no clue what Atsushi was even saying, or hide, who came back from the dead just to listen to someone rant about some yeehaw American chain. Still, in a weird way it was cute seeing Atsushi so passionate about something so silly. He was glad he was watching it happen from the sidelines, though, and didn’t have to actually listen to the rambling.
Once the host called out Imai’s name--pronounced wrong, as usual--the seven of them walked to their table. Atsushi not only translated the menu for hide and explained the items he didn’t know, but he also went into a history of the menu and told him what the more common orders were, courtesy of some video on YouTube where someone tried all the menu items for the chain’s 50th anniversary.
“I want fried chicken,” hide said.
“Oh, that’s the newest menu item!” Atsushi exclaimed. “Maybe you should go for one of the classics, since it’s your first time here?”
The X member paused a moment before responding. “I want fried chicken,” he repeated.
Atsushi chuckled awkwardly. “Okay! Anything you order here is great, so I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. What about Xrek? What will they have?”
“Oh. I’ll just ask them to point to something they see on someone else’s table that they want.” Despite hide saying that, Atsushi went on to explain the menu to Xrek.
“Poor Xrek,” Hide said. “Having to listen to Atsushi say all this bullshit that barely makes sense to us, let alone an alien who doesn’t understand Japanese or English.”
“This reminds me of the Spongebob Squarepants episode where Spongebob was stuck in Rock Bottom and no one could understand him because he didn’t spit in between words,” hide replied. The Buck-Tick members--minus Atsushi, who was still talking to Xrek about Cracker Barrel--just stared at him. “What? None of you have seen Spongebob?”
“I’ve always wanted to see it,” Yutaka explained, “but we were in our thirties when that started. So we didn’t really get the chance to watch it.”
“Wow. I pity you all.”
“You were trapped at Area 51 for years,” Toll said.
“Listen. At least I’ve seen Spongebob.”
The waitress came, and they all gave their orders. She stared at Xrek strangely, but somehow couldn’t tell they were an alien. Yutaka and Hide did try to disguise them while they were in the car, but they weren’t sure if they did a good job.
After they got their drink orders, they started playing the peg game. However, while Atsushi was playing and trying to show hide how to play, the Xrek picked up the second peg game that was on their table and put it in their mouth. “No, Xrek! Don’t do that!” Atsushi shouted. “It will spoil your appetite!”
“That’s what you’re concerned about?” Toll asked rhetorically. “I was more concerned about the destruction of property. We’ll have to buy another one from the store to replace it for them.”
“That won’t do. The ones on the tables always have mismatched pegs, and have different color options from the ones you buy at the front. It won’t be right!”
“Why are you both concerned about such unimportant things when the main concern about them eating the peg game is that it will give away that they’re an alien?” Hide whispered. “Have you two forgotten? The fucking FBI is after us!”
“This is a family restaurant,” Imai replied. “Watch your language.”
“You’ve been waiting all trip to say that, haven’t you?” Yutaka asked, while Hide teasingly covered his ears. Imai nodded in response. “Thought so.”
“Sorry about that, guys,” hide said. “I forgot to mention that the folks from Xrek’s planet also eat wood and plastic sometimes.”
“The two materials used in the peg game,” Hide replied. “How convenient.”
To prevent Xrek from eating the other peg game on the table, Atsushi tried to show them how to play. They figured it out right away, and ended the game with only one peg left. “Look at that, Atsushi!” Hide said. “It was their first time and they still did better than you.”
“Hey! Last time you and Imai didn’t do better than they did this time, either!” Hide took the peg game from Xrek and did it, leaving only one peg left. “Whoa! How did you--?”
“--You memorized the solution too, Hide?” Toll interrupted.
“Fu--fudge!” Hide exclaimed, trying to avoid having to hear the same over-done half-joke from Imai.
Only instead of Imai interrupting, hide did: “Only he didn’t say fudge.”
“A Christmas Story references aside, why did you have to blow my cover, Toll?”
“If everyone knows that I memorized one of the solutions, they have to know that you did, too.”
“What kind of logic is that?”
“Toll logic,” Yutaka answered. “Don’t question it.” Toll didn’t know what his brother meant by it, but he smiled anyway.
Their food orders came, and fortunately the waitress didn’t question the missing peg game. The members began to eat their meals, but then silence filled the restaurant. “Did something happen?” Imai asked.
“This is the FBI,” someone--who was in the store part of the Cracker Barrel so they couldn’t see him--said.
“Do you think he whipped his badge out like in the cop movies?” hide whispered.
“Now isn’t the time for jokes,” Atsushi replied.
“You’re the one to talk,” Hide said. “You’re the one who got us into this mess!”
“Not on purpose.”
"Does it matter? God, what if they take us all to Area 51 and we all gotta pretend we’re dead like hide?”
“And watch movies all day,” Yutaka added. “Shit! We’re fucked.” Imai wanted to tell Yutaka that this is a family restaurant, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“You all need to be quiet,” Toll whispered. “Act normal.”
“Today, two individuals, a human and an alien, escaped Area 51,” another person, presumably a member of the FBI, said. “We followed them to this location, so no one is allowed to leave until we find them and those who assisted them in escaping.”
Imai didn’t know what to do. By listening to Atsushi and stopping at Cracker Barrel, he may have endangered not just himself, but also his bandmates, hide, and Xrek. Not only that, but the FBI’s claim that “a human and an alien escaped Area 51” sent the whole restaurant into chaos, which made it even harder to focus on figuring out an escape plan. He worried that this really would be the end, that they would either die or spend the rest of their lives at that cursed facility.
That was, until they heard it.
That voice.
Atsushi could immediately tell that it wasn’t on the radio; it was right there, in that Cracker Barrel. Dolly Parton was in the Cracker Barrel, and she was singing Jolene. Everyone got up from their tables to see what was going on, but before they could leave, Dolly entered the restaurant. Mic in hand, she winked at the Buck-Tick members’ table and continued to sing that iconic song.
“She’s making a distraction for us,” Imai whispered. “Let’s get moving!”
The seven of them, plus practically everyone else in the restaurant, moved closer to Dolly, all wanting to cheer but feeling like it was too far in the song to do so. Slowly, they all moved back into the store while the FBI members watched and waited for her to finish performing. Once they were in the store, the seven of them crouched down and crawled around the shelves and racks to find a way to the exit without being seen.
Once Dolly was finished singing Jolene, she spoke for a moment about how she was in town and decided to put on a surprise performance at Cracker Barrel. Imai didn’t believe her explanation; they were in the middle of nowhere, and it seemed strange that she was randomly putting on a performance the same day that her collaboration with Lil Nas X released. It seemed unbelievable, but he genuinely thought the only explanation was that she knew about them storming Area 51 and went to save them.
After Dolly’s little speech, she started singing 9 to 5. “I love this song!” Atsushi exclaimed.
“Shhh!” everyone, including Xrek, replied.
“Atsushi, we have to leave!” Hide whispered.
“But when else will I get the chance to meet Dolly?”
“I promise we’ll meet her one day,” Imai answered. “But right now, we gotta go!”
“You better mean that!” Atsushi ran out of the exit, and the rest of them followed. Once he was outside of the store, he shouted, “Dolly really came through!” as he ran to the minivan.
“This is really just like the Hannah Montana episode!” hide replied. “Remember? She met the kids at the diner when they went back in time somehow? And they had to worry that if she didn’t talk to their dad, they would cease to exist?”
At that moment, due to all the stress and excitement they had just experienced in those last few minutes, and because of just how many movie and television show references hide kept making, Atsushi hugged hide. “I’m so glad we got you out of there! Now we can show you things other than American movies and TV shows.”
“Yeah, because showing him Cracker Barrel really turned out to be a good idea,” Imai replied, though he joined in the hug because he was so stressed over what had just happened back there. For some reason, prompted the other Buck-Tick members to join in, creating a huge group hug.
When they were done, hide looked at Xrek, who was staring at the sky. “What is it, Xrek?” The alien pointed up, and hide looked to see a UFO in the sky. “Whoa! Are they gonna take you home?” Xrek nodded.
“Aw!” Atsushi cried. “I wanted to get to know you better!”
“hide, can you ask your friend to give us a ride?” Hide asked. “After what just happened back there, the idea of going back to driving is really unappealing.”
Before hide could say anything to Xrek, though, a bright light engulfed the seven of them and the rental car, and they started floating into the sky. “Just like the movies!” hide exclaimed.
“I just hope we’re not getting abducted,” Toll replied.
When they got in the spaceship, an alien was waiting for them. “Xrek!” he exclaimed, and then hugged his friend while saying something in their language. Once they were done with their hug, he turned to the others. “Thank you for taking care of Xrek until I could come and save them," he said in Japanese. "I got on my way here as soon as I heard the plan to storm Area 51 was confirmed, but our planet is super far away. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them; I’m so glad they’re safe.”
“You’re welcome!” Yutaka replied. “I’m glad we got to meet you guys! This ship is so cool!”
“Really?” the alien replied. “This is one of the cheapest ships back on my planet.”
“We have nothing like this on Earth,” Imai explained.
“Nah, there were way cooler spaceships in Area 51,” hide said, sitting down on the UFO’s couch and crossing his legs. “Anyways, these dudes need to get dropped off in New Jersey.”
Imai glared at hide. “I heard that, You said, ‘these guys.’”
“Yeah, and?”
“You’re coming with us,” Atsushi answered. “We’re not risking you disappearing again!”
“I was just gonna go back to Japan!”
“We can’t know that for sure,” Toll explained. “We’re actually going to Japan soon. We’ll take you with us. Besides, don’t make Xrek and their friend have to fly around more.”
hide sighed. “Alright, I’ll stay with you guys for a while. It’ll be fun, anyways. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, and we still have more things to catch up on.”
“You’re going to make us watch Spongebob, aren’t you?” Hide replied.
hide smirked. “Maybe.”
The UFO started flying towards New Jersey, and Xrek said something to the other alien. “Oh, Xrek wants me to redact my statement of gratitude to that one,” he said, pointing to Atsushi.
Atsushi took a moment to realize he was being spoken about. “Wait, me? What did I do?”
“They said you were super annoying and kept trying to explain stuff to them. They had no clue what you were talking about, and felt so lost. The fact that hide, the one person who they knew before today, also had to deal with your rambling made it worse. They just wanted me to find you guys as soon as possible so they could finally see a familiar face.”
“I’m sorry! I thought they would like hearing about Cracker Barrel! Everybody does!”
“That’s not true,” Yutaka said.
“I don’t like it,” Hide added.
“It’s annoying,” Imai said.
“I don't think anyone likes it," Toll admitted.
The four of them looked at hide. “Well, at least you’re passionate about it?” hide replied.
“Thanks, hide!” Atsushi exclaimed, smiling. “Oh, by the way, Friend of Xrek, have you ever been to Cracker Barrel?”
“We’ve arrived!” the alien replied.
“Wait, really? Already?”
“Thank God,” Hide said. “I thought we were going to have to go to Cracker Barrel again.”
“Thank you for the ride,” Imai said. “I’m glad we got to meet you two.”
“If you’re ever in the cosmic neighborhood, call us up!” Yutaka exclaimed while writing down his phone number. “I’d love to see you guys again.”
“And take you to Cracker Barrel!” Atsushi added.
“Let’s get going,” Toll said, afraid that they actually would end up going to Cracker Barrel again if Atsushi kept talking to the aliens. “Thanks for the ride. See ya!”
And with that, the five Buck-Tick members, hide, and the rental car were sent out of the spaceship. Imai drove the members back to their houses, but hide stayed with him while he drove the minivan back to the rental car place. Somehow, this trip that just started as an excuse to go to Dollywood and something they were doing for the meme turned out to be the wildest trip he had ever been on. The discovery that aliens were real--and that they found Atsushi’s rambling about Cracker Barrel even more annoying than he did--was amazing enough, but what really made the trip special to Imai was finding hide. This journey wasn’t just about making memories with the members or the friends he made along the way, but also discovering a friend who he thought was lost to time. And that made everything--dealing with being in the same car as the members for hours, with Atsushi’s ever-present desire for Cracker Barrel, with the FBI trying to catch all seven of them, with all the American shows and movies he knew hide would force him to watch over the next few days, with the fact that he would eventually have to fulfill his promise to Atsushi and find a way for them to meet Dolly Parton--worth it.