Chapter Text
The first time Chuuya had lost control it had been an accident. Going on the information provided by Kouyou and other witnesses at the scene, it had been an emotional response. An extreme reaction to the trauma of being exposed to so much loss in such a short amount of time, compounded by Chuuya’s struggles with his sense of self.
This was only the second time, but it seemed that Chuuya had more awareness of what was happening to him. He demanded the return of his friends from the white haired man in front of him. Something that was impossible.
“Do not stop me,” Chuuya growled through gritted teeth.
Dazai took a step back as this time Chuuya embraced the rage and anguish that overtook him. Only the second time, and yet despite the aftermath of the first, Chuuya was willingly succumbing. Chuuya wanted revenge for the lives this conflict, this man, had taken. Enough that he was giving his humanity over to the unknown. Dazai had to wonder if it was worth it? Chuuya was giving up something he valued immensely. Were the lives of others really worth so much?
“Corruption.”
The word left his lips in a quiet whisper, he had no other way to describe what was happening to Chuuya. Strange unfamiliar red markings snaked up Chuuya’s arms and appeared on his face. These were not part of his usual ability. Then there was the toll this stage of Chuuya’s ability took on him physically, add to that this momentary willingness to throw aside his humanity to become a raging beast. What else could you call this but corruption? Going this far corrupted both Chuuya’s body and his ideals.
As he watched his partner rage, Dazai had to wonder if Chuuya might regret his decision when it was over. He watched Chuuya destroy all that lay in front of him with frightening ease, as his body was crushed under the weight of such power.
Even Dazai was a little frightened by just how swiftly this power Chuuya had stumbled upon swept their enemies from the board. Mere minutes passed before Dazai seized Chuuya by the wrist to end his rampage, yet the destruction he’d rained down in that time was catastrophic. If Mori had wanted a weapon, he certainly had found one in Chuuya.
Dazai watched lucidity return to Chuuya’s eyes. He looked like he was going to say something, opening his mouth to speak but shortly falling unconscious. This time Dazai didn’t just drop Chuuya, instead he gently lowered him to the ground and laid him down. He then pulled out his phone and immediately called for help. This time Dazai didn’t leave Chuuya’s side. Not until he was safely tucked into a hospital bed.
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Hours after Chuuya had rained pure destruction down onto the ‘Pale Quin’, Dazai came back from an errand to find Chuuya’s hospital bed empty. A spike of panic ran through him, and he made a mad dash for the roof, (though he would deny this fact.) He opened the door panting for breath, and quickly scanned the roof, there sitting on the edge of the building was Chuuya. He was smoking again.
Dazai hoped he wasn’t planning to try and fall again. Was that how those around him felt every time he tried to take his own life? Fear? Worry? It was so alien to him and it was starting to vex him that he was even experiencing such emotions, especially towards Chuuya. Dazai shook his head, he was letting himself get off track, carried away. He stepped closer, uncharacteristically tentative. Weary just like the time Chuuya had been standing on the edge of his apartment building, asking if he was human.
It wasn’t as if Dazai couldn’t understand or have sympathy, though he didn’t blame people for questioning his ability to. It was true that inside he often felt empty, he was 16 years old and bored of life. But maybe that was the reason why he could empathise with Chuuya….Just on this alone. The feeling of not being quite right in your own skin. They were different, but they were both struggling with their humanity; in different ways, struggling to understand if they had any….And what it even meant to them.
Dazai felt awkward, it wasn’t a feeling he was used to having, and it only made him more uncomfortable. Well, it was probably supposed to, he realised.
He accidently kicked a rock, announcing his presence prematurely. He watched the way Chuuya tensed, and then….relaxed.
“Any sign of that white haired bastard?” Chuuya asked, his voice sounding oddly calm, considering what had happened the night before. Dazai wasn’t going to lie, he’d panicked when he’d found that Chuuya wasn’t where he’d left him. Momentarily afraid that Chuuya had gone off to do something stupid while drowning in a strange sort of grief. Afraid of how he’d explain to Mori and Kouyou that he’d failed his partner twice.
“Shibusawa? No…...I doubt there would be anything left...after well….” Dazai’s words trailed off.
“I hope you’re right,” Chuuya sighed, letting go of a long drag he’d taken. Expelling a plume of smoke into the morning air.
A strange silence descended over them, as if they both had something to say but didn’t know how to say it, or just didn’t want to go first. Without a word Dazai moved closer and joined Chuuya on the edge.
“Corruption.” He said after a while.
“Hmmn?”
“That's what we should call it.”
“It needs a name?”
“The possibility of it happening again are not 0. Particularly if you can’t get a handle on how and when you enter such a state,” Dazai explained.
“Corruption…” Chuuya tasted the word on his tongue.
Given the way it made him lose control, the way it burned up his body. He couldn’t argue that ‘Corruption’ was probably the most apt descriptor.
Chuuya shifted as another weird silence grew between them. It was then that he noticed Dazai was holding something.
“What cha’ got?” He asked, curious.
“Oh well….”
It wasn’t like Dazai to be awkward. He might not say what he meant, or get straight to the point, but he never faltered. At least as far as Chuuya knew.
“I remembered how you used to keep your hands in your pockets back when you were in Sheep.” Chuuya tensed up again at the mention of his old gang. Dazai waited for him to slowly relax again before continuing. “When we fought Rimbaud you finally took your hands out of your pockets, but only once he’d driven you into a corner. So the gloves only came off when you're in danger so to speak…When it was most needed.”
Chuuya nodded but didn’t interrupt. He still felt that way, except now he knew he was holding back something much worse than he’d ever realised. He’d known that he was supposedly some kind of vessel for something greater, but he was only now learning what that might actually mean.
“I noticed that your gloves got ruined so...I got you a new pair.” Dazai held them out for Chuuya to take, and couldn’t quite meet his partner’s eyes when he did. Deciding instead to look the other way. Chuuya blinked in surprise, the cigarette almost dropping from his lips.
“Dazai….”
“I think it would work like a mental barrier…...So you don’t just lose it whenever you're mad. It’s really inconvenient if you can’t at least control when you enter that state,” Dazai said, finally turning to Chuuya. Hiding behind his faux annoyance and the usual tone he used when playfully teasing or chastising Chuuya for being too slow, or too stupid.
“...Thank you,” Chuuya said actually feeling a bit stunned.
“And Kouyou said that perhaps having some words to say….might help. Not like calling the attack but that maybe it would help you focus, keep you aware of what you’re going into…..” Dazai trailed off.
“Ow! What was that for!?”
Chuuya had, not completely aware that he was doing it, reached out and pinched Dazai’s cheek.
“Oh, I thought maybe I was dreaming.”
“Idiot, you’re supposed to pinch yourself!”
“Oh yeah well…. Dazai was the one that was acting strange.”
“Strange?”
“Not like yourself- Creepy.” Chuuya said going back to staring at the sun rising on the horizon. Dazai had to wonder why he’d been trying to be nice at all. He huffed, he guessed that maybe Chuuya wasn’t taking his loss of control so hard this time. Perhaps he’d found some way of working it out in his head? Or maybe he was just doing a good job of hiding his struggle this time.
Silence descended between the pair again.
“Oh Grantors of Dark Disgrace,
Do Not Wake Me Again.”
Dazai turned to look towards Chuuya a little surprised. Watched as he took the cigarette from his lips, and blew a plume of smoke out into the morning air. He wondered if that might also be Chuuya’s wish….For such a terrible power to remain asleep in him forever. Though he must have realised it was too much of a trump card to never be used again.
“Dazai.”
“Hmmn?”
“Thank You.”
The pair sat there a while longer, in silence, watching the new dawn spread across the ruined streets of a newly peaceful Yokohama. It was after this night, and for the deed that brought it to an end that bloody conflict the pair became known by a shared title.
Soukoku
~
Double Black