Chapter Text
Felix arrived at exactly six in the morning. He should have waited until Chan messaged him, or at the very least told someone -- maybe left a note for Minho -- before leaving the dorms. But that hadn’t been a part of the deal. No, the deal was that he would be able to be by Jisung’s side first thing in the morning and there was no way Felix was letting any second slip by without a fight. Plus, he hadn’t slept well.
How could he? Chan wasn’t there, Changbin wasn’t there, Hyunjin wasn’t there, Woojin wasn’t there, and of course, Jisung wasn’t there -- who could possibly sleep when over half of your family was at the hospital. Or just half of them…
The nurse at the information station had shown him the way back to the VIP section without too much hassle, though Felix did have to pull up a couple of YouTube videos to prove who he was -- vowing to never forget his ID again.
The first thing Felix noticed was Changbin and Hyunjin molded together in the far corner seemingly deep asleep. There wasn’t anyone else in the small waiting area, except for the receptionist beckoning him forward.
“I presume you are here for Han Jisung?” the middle-aged man questioned as soon as Felix was close enough to hear, “I took the liberty of printing a picture of your group so we didn’t always have to bother you all for ID. I can show you back if you’d like. Your friend Christopher is, or was, sleeping back there last I checked.”
“Yes, please. I’m Lee Felix by the way,”
The man smiled and stood, casting a glance to the other sleeping members and adding, “They have been out since last evening -- slept through your friends visit and everything. Anyway, come along then. Since you are here so early, I won’t time your visit -- but if someone asks you to leave --”
“I’ll leave right away sir. I promise,”
“Goodman,” the man led the rest of the way in silence and simply motioned Felix into the room before turning back around.
He’d been right about Chan, their leader was indeed asleep. Awkwardly slumped over in the guest chair face smashed up against Jisung’s body and free arm resting on the younger’s waist.
Chan was the only one asleep. Much to Felix’s surprise and elation.
“Hey ‘lixie,” Jisung’s voice was soft, but not weak, he had one hand running through Chan’s untamed hair and was almost sitting up -- at least as much as the pillows would allow. He still seemed far too small to Felix, “morning,”
At a loss for words, Felix quickly moved the short distance -- already feeling the tears gather in his eyes -- and carefully pulled Jisung into a hug without disturbing their sleeping leader, “Ji --” swallowing thickly he continued, “Does Channie-hyung know? How long have you been awake? Gosh, you scared us…” Felix could feel Jisung frown against his chest when his voice cracked but didn’t pull away.
“He was asleep when I came to and I didn’t want to wake him up,” Jisung’s breath warmed a patch of Felix’s sweatshirt as he spoke, “It was five-ten or something when I check.”
“You should have woken him up or called the nurse,” Felix squeezed his eyes shut tightly, “you were alone for more than a half-hour…” feeling Jisung’s scoff against him was comforting, “What if something had happened Sungie?”
“‘Lix...this is a hospital,”
“I missed you,”
“Hmm, Felix?” Chan’s mumble was sleep latent, disorientated, “You’re here already? ‘Lix, what time is it?”
“It’s a bit past six Hyung,”
Felix had never seen Chan snap awake so fast. He jerked up, nearly pushing the chair into Jisung’s heart monitor, wide-eyed and already crying, “Sungie,”
“Morning,”
Felix was pushed slightly, though not fully off of Jisung, he ended up with one of Chan’s arms around him while the other had shoved itself between his chest and Jisung’s shoulder.
“You’re awake…”
“Yeah, but you should still be sleeping,” Jisung managed to sound pouty even with his face squished between the two Aussies, “I was very careful about not waking you up…”
Felix could feel Chan try and respond, could feel his back tighten with an intake of breath and pause briefly before exhaling. He could feel this happen three times before Chan finally spoke, “I should page your doctor, get you to a private room, wake up Changbin and Hyunjin, call the others,” he sniffed and pulled out of the hug marginally, “How are you feeling? Dizzy? Numb? Do you hurt anywhere?”
“Channie-hyung,” Jisung sighed out with a whine, “I wouldn’t have let you sleep if the answer to those were ‘yes.’ I’m just, I don’t know, heavy I guess. Achy too, but only a little. Now, hug me again.”
That request was met quickly -- this time Felix dodged enough to allow Chan to fully wrap around Jisung, “I’m so glad you’re awake Sungie...I can’t even tell you…”
“I can stay with him while you go get the doctor or call the others,” Felix knew he could have volunteered to do those things too, but he wasn’t ready to let Jisung out of his sight just yet.
The guilt, which he was sure the others were also feeling, had pooled heavily. It started to the moment Felix realized what Chan had been crying about, and even seeing Jisung couldn’t empty it. He had always been the one most affected by that first incident in the practice room -- probably because he was the one that caught Jisung. The one who some claimed saved his life.
“You might have saved his life Felix-ah. I know Jisungie’s head is thick but,” Changbin tapered off quickly still blinking somewhat blankly at the polished linoleum floor and the half-empty juice box they’d been forced to take, while Chan handled a phone call, “so, like, don’t be upset about anything...we all owe you.” Changbin paused again. Finally adding under his breath, “I know I do…”
Except Felix never felt that way. Never felt like he had saved Jisung from anything, not really. He should have known before everything had happened and prevented it all -- but that wasn’t useful, thinking that way wasn’t useful.
“‘Lixie, shut your brain off and cuddle with me…” Jisung pouted playfully tugging on Felix’s sleeve, “Hyung’s gone and I’m cold now.”
Felix hadn’t seen or heard Chan, but apparently, the older Aussie had listened.
“‘Lixie?”
“Yeah, yeah, so needy,” Felix was careful to not hit any wires nor the spot on Jisung’s lower chest where the monitor was supposedly still residing, and climbed into the bed with him, “We haven’t even had a discussion. No serious topic -- premature cuddles.”
“With you? Never premature anything,” Jisung snuggled into Felix’s side a bit before mumbling, “I’m sorry. I guess I really need to tell each of you that, I just...I don’t know. Completely forgot,”
“Ji --”
“No, really. It’s scary ‘lixie. I totally forgot about it. Right up until the very end I swear I had no clue,”
Felix could feel the legitimate fear flowing from Jisung, he was shaking slightly, “Ji I --”
“Absolutely no idea ‘lix. It was like the practice room except no one was there and I knew,” Jisung paused and gripped tightly to Felix, “I knew I was dead ‘lixie. I knew it!”
“Jisung you aren’t --”
“I knew it, Felix. I knew it! And I knew Chan-hyung would find me,” he was dissolving slowly, “he’d find me and he’d just fought with Bin-hyung and,”
“You gotta calm down Ji Ji, your heart monitor is beeping like crazy,”
“And then Chan-hyung would have to tell you all and, and Binnie-hyung would blame him,”
“No, he --”
“He would!” Jisung squeezed Felix’s arms in emphasis, utterly distraught, “he would, because they’d just been fighting and then Chan-hyung came home -- and he would and it’d be my fault,”
“Sung --”
“And then --”
“No,” Felix quickly covered Jisung’s mouth, loosely, just enough to get him to stop. His skin was warm and tacky, “Ji, you are fine. You didn’t die. Chan-hyung didn’t find you that way. Okay? Stop thinking about those things,” the idea of that alternative made Felix feel ill, “We’ll never let it happen again.” Felix removed his hand slowly, “ever.”
“You don’t know that...any of that....”
“I know that none of us are gonna let you alone for a while. I know that Binnie-hyung loves Chan-hyung just as much as he loves you. And,” he leaned into Jisung some more, cuddling the way they would sometimes after a scary movie, “I know that worrying about ‘what ifs’ isn’t helpful -- it’s just gonna hurt you. Someone once taught me that, you know? Someone who is about forty percent squirrel and --”
“Only forty!?”
*~*~*~*
“Maybe forty-two,”
Chan could hear the tired but still indignant reply from Jisung and tried to smile at the sound, but the conversation he’d overheard was still painfully present circling around his head.
He’d been returning to tell them that Jisung would be moved to a private room within the hour and that Felix needed to leave so the others could come in, he’d been elated -- truly elated -- for the first time since he failed to keep Woojin. But hearing Jisung say that he ‘knew’ he was dead, ‘knew’ that it was inevitable, and then spiral into how Chan himself would have reacted to it. That cut past his happiness sharply.
Because Jisung wasn’t wrong. Chan would have been the first to the studio in the morning. He’d have gone in not even knowing that Jisung never returned to the dorms.
The worst part was that Chan could see it too, he could see the entire scene in his head, how everything would play out.
“Hyung?”
Chan flinched at Changbin’s unexpected near-silent question.
“Are you alright? Do you need to sit down? Did something happen with Jis --”
“No, no Binnie. He’s fine. I’m fine,” Chan nodded more to himself than anyone else, “I’ll grab ‘lix and send Hyunjin in -- did you call the others?”
“Yeah,” Changbin nodded skeptically, “They are on their way and Seungminie said he’d call Woojin-hyung. Why don’t you stay with Ji and I’ll get ‘lixie, huh?”
“Uh, yeah sure. That works too,”
Changbin didn’t say anything else and took the two short steps Chan couldn’t take moments before, “Sungie~ if you ever do that again I’ll destroy everything you hold dear in life,”
“Wah~~ But that means destroying ‘lixie!”
Chan walked in as Jisung said this and watched the younger dramatically wrap himself tighter around the other Aussie.
“And yourself!” his hand almost struck Felix in the mouth as Jisung sprung a finger out to point at Changbin accusingly; hissing as it tugged on a cord, “you can’t do that Hyung.”
“Be careful Sung!”
“Watch what you are doing!”
“Are you alright?”
Both Chan and Changbin had reached Jisung quickly to check on the IV needle -- Felix having already restrained the limb carefully -- which was still in place.
Jisung’s wide eyes caught Chan’s attention quickly, “What is it Sungie?”
The bed-bound boy shook his head slowly, eyes still comically wide, “Nothing,”
“Come on Felix-ah, we gotta let others see Ji and let the doctors move him to that new room,” Changbin transitioned, already untangling the sunshine twins, “Once Ji Ji has his own room we can all stay as long as we want to.”
Felix was resistant but eventually allowed himself to be manhandled.
“Message me when Ji has his own room, Hyung,” Changbin spoke as he ruffled Jisung’s hair fondly, “So we can bug him into submission,”
“Love you too,” Jisung called out.
He looked exhausted, and that hurt Chan. Everything seemed to hurt Chan at the moment. Everything cut, everything burned.
“Hyung?” Jisung’s arm was still being held by Chan -- though he was quick to release it when the younger spoke, “I’m really sorry. You know that don’t you?”
Chan could feel his throat close up as he tried to speak, tried to say that Jisung didn’t need to be sorry for anything, but he really couldn’t.
“I didn’t mean to make you worry...I really didn’t...it just got ahead of me and then the next thing I knew I was falling and --”
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty leader and friend over the past couple weeks!”
The outburst silenced Jisung instantly, leaving his mouth open mid-word, “What?”
“Some of this is my fault Jisung -- most of it -- I don’t know, all of it. Binnie was right last night,” Chan continued to speak, ignoring Jisung’s attempt to protest, “he was. I’ve been locked up and preaching about being there for each other but I haven’t been anywhere but in my head. Just, stop apologizing. Please.”
Whatever Jisung was going to say next was interrupted by a knock on the wall behind them, “Hello Jisung-ah. It is very good to see you awake and alert -- you gave your friends a bit of a nasty scare I think. I’m Dr. Lee, the doctor who was on call when you were admitted.”
“Nice to meet you, sir,”
“He’s been awake for a while, I’m not sure exactly how long. He decided not to wake me up, otherwise, I would have called you immediately,”
“It’s not a problem Chan-ah,” Dr. Lee easily dismissed the concern, “The nurse was aware, but felt it best to wait. Jisung is fine -- as you can see -- I’m going to exam him briefly; take some blood, explain the monitor to him, etc. And then he’ll be moved to that private room you asked for,” the older man’s warm smile was comforting, “So, Jisung-ah, how are you feeling? Any dizziness, or shakes? Confusion?”
Chan watched carefully, mostly for signs he might be lying, as Jisung shook his head, “No, not really. I was confused at first, but it made sense once I saw Chan-hyung sleeping in the chair -- so, not really. Sore I guess.”
Doctor Lee hummed reaching into his pocket, “That’s understandable, you took a bit of a fall. You have some bruising along your ribs and face from it. Look at this light for me please,”
“What are you checking for?” Chan didn’t mean to sound so tense, but his question sounded high strung.
“Concussion,” Jisung responded before the doctor was able to, “I’ve been through this before,” the nonchalant tone lessened the tension in Chan’s shoulders significantly.
“Yes, checking for a concussion,” Dr. Lee parroted as he pulled back, “All clear on that front as well, by the way. Now, what about pain around the new monitor?”
“Oh, uh, this thing?” Jisung awkwardly motioned to the slight bump under his shirt, “it’s a bit sore yeah. I bumped it earlier and it kinda hurt some.”
Doctor Lee hummed quietly, “I think that is likely more related to the bruising than the actual device, but I’ll make a note and keep track of it while you are admitted, alright?” he turned to Chan, “Currently, the alerts are sent to Jisung-ah’s, Changbin-ah’s, and your phones, correct?”
“Yes,” Chan quickly glanced down to Jisung, who looked marginally confused, “it sends updates about your blood sugar levels to us. We can change it so it is just sent to you...if you want that?” his hesitancy must have been glaringly obvious because Jisung was quick to brush that idea aside.
“No, I think there should be at least a few people notified -- at least as long as I need to wear this thing,”
“Well, that answers my next question,” Doctor Lee, chuckled kindly, “We have a good idea of what the underlying cause is for your hypoglycemia, but we are going to need to get another sample and send it off to a lab to get confirmation. I’d like you to have that monitor on at least until we can get a response from them.”
“Okay,”
Chan easily recognized that look, the schooled one Jisung gave when he needed to seem in control. That look normally meant his anxiety was sky high and he was overwhelmed, “you’ll be alright Jisungie. You are in great hands.”
“That you are,” Doctor Lee repeated, “Your friends have been very thorough -- keeping me on my toes. Anyway, the nurse will be in shortly to get that blood sample and then you’ll be moved to that private room. Given how many visitors you have had, I’d imagine by then the room will fill shortly.”
“Thank you very much for everything doctor,” Chan immediately responded, “It really means the world to us, knowing that he was being looked after so well.”
*~*~*~*~*
Changbin was antsy. Felix bouncing impatiently beside him and Hyunjin fluctuating between joyful desperation and emotional fear probably intensified that feeling. As did seeing Chan breakdown -- for the second time in two days -- just outside of Jisung’s room. Chan didn’t get like that very often, granted Changbin also knew that Jisung wasn’t admitted to the hospital very often either.
“You sure he was alright? Binnie-hyung? Like awake and talking?”
Hyunjin had been asking questions like that nonstop since Changbin had reentered the waiting area; the repetition wasn’t helping his nerves either.
“Awake, joking, and smiling Hyunjinnie,” Felix thankfully answered.
“If you are really sure…”
“Completely sure Hyunjinnie,”
“Okay,” Hyunjin sounded anything but convinced and even through his growing -- unjustified -- aggravation, Changbin knew he couldn’t blame him, “I just want to see him, you know, make sure.”
“I’m sure we’ll get to really soon Hyunjinnie,”
Thank god for Felix, Changbin carefully released a deep breath, “Don’t worry Hyunjinnie,” he spoke softly trying to relieve the tension in his neck and shoulders by rolling his neck from side to side, “Channie-hyung is gonna stay with him until Ji is moved into that private room and then all of us can visit and stay as long as we want to. You just have to be patient.”
“Can we see him yet!?”
Seungmin’s unexpected voice caught Changbin off guard.
“Seungmin, you can shout this is a hospital,” Minho chided as the group approached Changbin, though he quickly added, “but can we?”
Changbin nearly snapped -- he wasn’t sure if it was his own fears and anxieties or if it was exhaustion. He even took a deep breath and opened his mouth to tell them off, then he saw Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Felix exchanged glances like they often did back at the dorms. 2000 line’s ESP Jisung had called it. Changbin’s rage deflated at that thought, dissipated just as quickly. Normally, it was Jisung who noticed his anger and it was Jisung to scurry off and inform the other 2000 liners.
“Not yet Minho-hyung,” Changbin managed level, “Soon though. Jisung was just gonna be checked out and then moved to a different room.”
Jeongin asked something, Felix answered, then Minho spoke, Hyunjin questioned, Seungmin repeated the question, and then Changbin tuned them out. He’d left Jisung quickly. Far faster than he’d wanted to because it was clear Chan needed time, but the longer he waited out here -- the longer he listened to the questions and the rising excitement and apprehension -- the more Changbin wished he’d stayed back there a few seconds longer.
He really wanted to apologize.
Not that Jisung would accept it of course, but Changbin still wanted to apologize. He shouldn’t have acted like a child, shouldn’t have argued with Chan, should have been a better hyung and known something was wrong. Or, at the very least, he should have demanded Jisung leave with him.
That was the real thing that kept jabbing Changbin’s gut. He’d screamed about caring for each other, screamed about Chan’s lack of self-care, he’d shouted, yelled, accused, the works. Yet he hadn’t cared enough to make Jisung come with him.
Changbin had no right to yell at Chan when he also couldn’t see what was going on around him. “I should probably apologize to him too…”
“You say something, Binnie?”
“Oh, no Hyung. Just mumbling to myself,”
Minho didn’t seem to buy it, but didn’t press either, “I asked the receptionist, she said they were just getting Sung situated and that Chan would be out to get us in a couple minutes.”
Changbin was relieved when it took Chan less than one, he was also thankful to see Chan smiling and slightly flushed rather than so sullen.
“Wow! Everyone is here already?” Chan even sounded at ease, “Well come on then. Jisung is waiting impatiently -- the doctor said he has to be here another couple days at least, so he isn’t too pleased.”
“You sound pleased though,”
Changbin snorted quietly at Sungmin’s remark, glad for the normalcy.
“Jisung is entertaining when he’d pouty,”
“Don’t tell him that Hyung,” Minho faked disgust, “we’d never see anything but if he knew,”
Beside him, Felix laughed warmly and behind him, Changbin heard Hyunjin snicker. Those sounds relieved the remaining tension.
“You guys took for-ev-er!” Jisung stated the second the door opened, already opening his arms for Hyunjin -- who’d darted passed the others.
“You’re lucky it wasn’t a nurse,”
“You look so much better,”
“How dare you scare us like that,”
“I called Jinyoung-hyung too. He’s gonna stop by after their concert if he can,”
“Have you eaten, yet?”
“He just woke up, Hyunjin -- of course he hasn’t eaten yet.”
“You never know Seungmin,”
“Hey Ji?” Changbin found himself easily speaking under the sudden chaos.
“If you apologize, I’ll kill you,”
“Ya! Brat!”
“Hey, no hitting! I’m on my sickbed,” Jisung’s dramatics went unnoticed -- or uncommented on -- by the others, “but --”
“Ya! If I can’t you can’t,” Changbin carefully pulled Jisung into a tight hug then, “how about we are even?” he whispered slowly, “no apologies, but also no guilt allowed?” he smiled slightly when Jisung nodded.
“Guys! This is still a hospital!” Chan’s voice covered them and the room silenced, “Now, we have all been cleared to stay the night -- if we want to -- and they’ll bring in a few cots for us, but it’ll be tight. Ji Ji has to be here for at least a couple days -- his doc wants to run a couple tests.”
“I’m staying,”
“Yep!”
“Me too,”
Changbin, who was still wrapped around Jisung, could feel the younger struggle a bit so he squeezed tighter, “I’m not going anywhere,” the statement was more for Jisung than the others.
“I’m scared Hyung…”
Despite the chatter around them Changbin still heard, “I know. Me too,” they all were, “but we are in this together Ji.”
Changbin could feel Jisung pause -- pause to find his own resolve, pause to wait for the volume to increase again, “You won’t leave though? Will you Hyung?”
“Sung, even if I left -- I wouldn’t leave you. Understand. I have no intention of leaving; none of us do. But even if we did we wouldn’t be leaving you,” Changbin said it as firmly as he could -- as honestly as he could. “I won’t leave you, Sung. I promise, okay? But only if you promise me too.”
Jisung didn’t say anything, but the nod was enough for Changbin.
“Hey! Binnie-hyung you can’t hog my Sungshine~” Felix whined as best he could.
Changbin squeezed once more, waiting for Jisung to relax -- signaling he was ready to face the others again -- and then pulled back with a dramatic eye roll, “yeah, yeah.”
Felix easily took his place, pulling Seungmin with him and adding Hyunjin along the way.
“You good Binnie?” Chan was watching everything from the wall near the door.
“Yeah Hyung. I think so,”
“That’s all I can ask for,”
“Idiot,”
“Hey!”
“You know I love you, yeah?” Changbin managed to ask as he joined Chan on the wall.
“I do. And I love you too,” his leader paused briefly, “I think we’ll all be okay. Once things settle. I think we will be.”
“Yeah, me too Hyung. Me too.”