Chapter Text
Eventually, Logan sat back, giving Virgil’s forehead a gentle kiss and stroking his hair back. As he did, he caught sight of a flash of red and moved back further to better inspect the damage. Thankfully the skin was intact, merely a little tender to touch and reddened, “You hit your head. When did that happen?”
Virgil huffed out a laugh, “When I was running from my dorm to hug and cry with my boyfriend. I uh, lost my footing and fell up the stairs.”
“You fell up the stairs?” Logan teased gently, wiping tears from his cheeks and shifting to check the other boy for injuries. His skinny jeans were even more ripped at the knees than usual, and hadn’t provided any protection from the rough stone staircase.
The astronomy student stood shakily, moving to the other side of the room to retrieve a first aid kit and setting it on the bed, “I’m going to need you to remove your jeans please, love.”
Virgil smiled slyly, doing as he was instructed to and settling himself on the edge of Logan’s bed, “If you want me to take my clothes off, just ask,” he purred.
“I did,” Logan responded, kneeling in front of him and watching him blush and look away. He ripped open the packaging on a disinfectant wipe and gently dabbed at Virgil’s scraped knees, wincing as he noticed how scraped and bruised his shins were as well. “You should be more careful. You worry me when you’re so careless with yourself,” he murmured softly, moving to clean the scrapes on his shins and taking some dressings out of the first aid kit.
“Logan~” Virgil whined, sitting back with a groan, “You really don’t have to wrap me up in gauze. It’s just a few cuts.”
“And risk them becoming infected? Oh, no. You fell up the stairs, so now you can deal with looking a little less edgy in those ripped jeans for a few days,” Logan smirked, beginning to wrap the dressings around his legs and knees. He tied off the last one and leaned forward to rest his head in Virgil’s lap, gently cupping his thigh with one hand, “Thank you, Vee. For understanding.”
Virgil gently stroked Logan’s hair, twirling strands around his finger. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while - Logan tracing patterns on Virgil’s thigh, the psychology student playing with his hair - until Virgil took a deep breath and asked, “Is it treatable?”
The astronomy student sat up, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes and nodding, “Thanks to Patton, they caught it while I still have a chance of being cancer free. It’ll take surgery and a lot of treatments that are going to be tough going. There might be times where I can’t do anything with you, and I’m definitely not going to be able to balance school and exams on top of it.”
The purple haired boy’s eyes widened and he reached out to grip both of Logan’s hands in his own, squeezing tight, “I understand. I-I’ll come and visit you whenever I can. I know you’ll need care and support an-“
“Virgil, I’m not leaving town.” Logan assured him, laughing softly and moving to sit next to him on the bed, never dropping his hands, “Mom and dad are renting me an apartment near campus, so that I can stay close to you all. And I wanted to ask you to move in with me.”
Virgil’s head snapped up and a brilliant smile spread across his face, reaching his eyes in that way that made them sparkle, made his whole being light up with overwhelming joy. He nodded enthusiastically, reaching to cup Logan’s cheek, “Our own little place? With an actual living room and a TV that we don’t have to share with eight near strangers?”
Logan laughed at that, “I can get mom and dad to bring the TV from my room at home. We can have movie nights with Patton and Roman. Watch some Disney films on a bigger screen than your laptop. And the place we chose has a bathtub as well. Perhaps when you’re stressed from assignments, I can run some nice, hot water, maybe drop in a bath bomb…”
Virgil hummed softly, closing his eyes and leaning into Logan’s side, “That sounds incredible, Logan. And the best part is that I get to be close to you, and make sure that you’re okay, and be there if anything happens. That’s all I want. I want to support you.”
The astronomy student smiled, opening his mouth to answer and letting out a pained cry instead as his head throbbed and a wave of dizziness washed over him. Virgil caught him as he began to topple backwards, gently laying him on the bed and moving a pillow under his head. His hands shook with every movement, but adrenaline fuelled him as he instructed Logan to lay still, “Do you need anything to help? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“No! No hospital… Not for a headache. Just some painkillers and a… A trash can would be particularly helpful,” he mumbled, skin drained of colour and clammy. His boyfriend nodded, dragging the trash can over from the side of his desk and helping him sit long enough to retch up what little he had put into his stomach so far that day.
When his insides finally felt as empty as he did, he passed it back to Virgil, who set it to one side and helped him shift underneath the blankets of his bed. The psych student grabbed a tissue, gently wiping his mouth and chin, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. He could feel the man’s hands shaking as he ran one down his arm, taking his own limp hand briefly to squeeze it gently. He didn’t squeeze back; too emotionally drained to and exhausted to even move his gaze.
“Rest your eyes for a while, Lo,” Virgil smiled, “I’ll come back to see you later tonight. I’ll ask Patton to text me when you wake up. And promise me you’ll schedule your surgery soon?”
Logan’s grunt in response seemed to be enough for him, and he moved to pull his skinny jeans back on, leaned over to kiss Logan’s damp hair, and left the room.
---
Virgil sighed, throwing his bag onto his bed as he filed through the door of his and Roman’s bedroom, the former following close behind. He leaned into the wall, cheek pressed to its cold surface, and stood in silence, staring ahead, eyes blank. He clenched his fist slowly, eyes stinging as they blurred with tears and he pounded his fist into the wall, trembling, holding back sobs.
Roman was at his side in seconds, hands on his shoulders, guiding him to sit next to him and cradling the sobbing boy against him, “That was a bit of a shock, huh? I can’t begin to imagine how you feel, Virge.”
He gently rubbed his back as Virgil’s sobs grew louder and his breaths came as noisy gasps. He felt the boy’s hands grip him, nails scraping his back, and only held him tighter, “It’s okay. Cry it out. This must all be so hard for you.”
“I-It… It’s m-mo… More d-d-diff--icult… For Lo-gan…” His roommate managed between gasps before dissolving into hysterical sobs once more, “F-eeling… So-sorry for my…self is… Is s-self…ish. B-but I… Why wouldn’t he t-t-tell m-me?!”
Roman frowned deeply, moving Virgil onto his lap and rocking him gently back and forth, letting him cry it out until he could hear the sobs stopping - his lungs struggling to take in air as he gasped and whined, body tense and trembling. He waited for silence to fall over them before burying his face against Virgil’s neck, “It’s okay to be angry. At the cancer, at Logan, it’s okay.”
“Wh-why would I be angry at Logan?” Virgil asked, moving away, his face scrunching up as he looked down at his best friend.
“You’re hurting, and I can tell, Virge. The fact that he didn’t tell you hurts, doesn’t it?” His voice was soft, gentle, and he rested a hand on the other boy’s cheek, clearing away his tear trails. He watched Virgil’s eyes glitter with tears again, lips slightly parted as he considered the question, as he let himself think of something besides his fear for his boyfriend, let himself look past his guilt towards feeling the way he did.
Virgil’s hair fell into his face and he nodded helplessly, tears falling down his cheeks again, soaking Roman’s fingers, “I… I shouldn’t! I shouldn’t care about that! All that should matter is that I’m there for him, because I lo-… I care about him so, so much. And I know now. That’s what really matters, isn’t it…? He’s the one who’s suffering and I have no right-“
“You have every right!” Roman cut in, his voice coming out louder and more angry than he had intended, making Virgil flinch. He let his expression soften, then continued in a quieter, softer tone, “Pain isn’t a competition, Virgil. Overreacting when it comes to pain is such bullshit! It’s a universal experience, and whether the worst pain you’ve experienced is a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, you have the right to your feelings, and to your reactions. To you, it matters. Whether other people see that or not is inconsequential.”
“That’s a big word,” Virgil chuckled through his tears, trying to steer the conversation away.
Roman raised an eyebrow at him, “I know big words… But that’s beside the point! You’ve just had a big shock, and you’re coming to terms with it. And on top of that, you’re coming to terms with the fact that you really should have known this sooner. Right?”
The psychology student shrugged his shoulder, refusing to meet his roommate’s eyes, “Well, honestly, it was Logan’s to tell or not tell.”
“Bull. Shit. This affects your future as well, Virge-“
“My future doesn’t matter if it doesn’t include Logan in some way, Roman!” Virgil snapped, then sighed, curling in on himself. “He makes me feel safe, Ro… I feel safe and I feel loved when I’m with him. I love my parents, but they have other kids now. I don’t even have a room there anymore, you know? My posters were all in boxes. They told me they’d have to, so it’s not like I didn’t expect it, but it still hurts, y’know?”
Roman gently pulled Virgil into a hug, holding him close and kissing his hair as the other took deep, shaky breaths, trying not to cry again. The actor closed his eyes, burying his face against Virgil’s neck, “Virge, I’m so sorry. I’ll help you through this, I promise. I’m here for you,” he whispered, knowing he couldn’t make this better overnight.
“You guys are the only constant I have,” Virgil whispered back, clutching Roman close, as though he feared that if he let go, his friend would disappear. And maybe a part of him did.
---
Logan hadn't been to classes for most of the week, and Virgil and Patton had been taking turns watching over him, though The psychology student disliked being separated from him for too long.
Today the astronomy student had an ashen complexion, his eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenched. He had spent an hour hunched over a plastic trash can, retching as Virgil gently stroked his back and his hair, wishing he could have been at his side through everything. And now he did the only thing he could; he held Logan’s hand tightly in his own, assuring his boyfriend that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Logan smiled at him, nodding very slightly and letting his eyes close. The purple haired boy waited until he had drifted off into a light sleep before taking a black glitter polish out of his bag. He had taken to painting his nails in the moments while Logan slept, or sketching, but his drawings seemed to take on sinister tones more often than not. It helped to distract his mind from the thought that he might still lose the man he loved, from the pain that seeing him so sick was causing him, and from the resentment he still couldn't help but feel at having been the last to know.
He sat with his back against the side of Logan's bed, legs crossed at the ankles, and slowly, carefully painted a first coating of glitter onto his nails.
Virgil wasn't aware of the passage of time as he focused all his attention on not thinking, on blocking out his thoughts and painting his nails until they sparkled like black rainbows in the light. So removed was he from reality that the gentle voice by his ear made him jump, smearing nail polish around his cuticles.
"Sorry, Vee," Logan chuckled, kissing the other boy's cheek and sighing happily, "Thank you for staying with me. I know it hasn't been a very fulfilling week, and I had hoped to take you on more dates now that we are back on campus."
Virgil settled down quickly, his shoulders relaxing as he capped the polish and scraped away the excess with a dry nail, "Logan, you can't help this, and I'll stay with you every day if I can."
The astronomy student buried his face against his boyfriend's neck, pressing gentle little kisses there until he giggled at the ticklish feeling. He sat back, looking down at his sparkly fingers, "I was saying before that your nails are very becoming."
Virgil turned and captured Logan's lips with his own, "Sit back, Sanders. I brought blue just for you."
Logan smiled fondly, rolling his eyes and settling back against his pillows, "You planned to paint my nails?"
"I came prepared in case you felt better and would let me," Virgil explained, settling on the bed with Logan and taking his hand. He fell silent again as he put all of his concentration into not getting polish on the other's skin, and Logan watched with a fond smile.
They sat in comfortable silence until Logan broke it, using his unpainted hand to tilt Virgil's chin up, "Are you alright? Your eyes seem sad somehow," he mused, taking in his boyfriend's body language. As he did so, Virgil shifted, a wall seeming to go up around him as he straightened his shoulders and plastered a broad smile on his face.
"What are you talking about, Logan? I'm with you. How could I be sad?"
“Virgil, you can talk to me, you know that?”
“I know, but there’s nothing to talk about,” Virgil responded, kissing Logan quickly and going back to painting his nails. No matter how hard he tried to be a good boyfriend, it wouldn’t save Logan. No matter how hard he had tried to be a good son, it hadn’t saved his mother.
He painted the last nail, capping the nail polish and tucking it back into his bag, "You must be thirsty. I'll get you a drink. Stay here and rest," Virgil smiled tightly, standing up and pressing a gentle kiss to Logan's hair as he left, closing the door behind him.
The psychology student had been distant since Logan's confession, and he grinned suspected it was due to more than the hurt the boy had expressed at being the last to know. But he wouldn't push. He didn't have the right to press the issue right now, considering he was a part of it. All he could do was his best to make Virgil smile while he was here.
Logan sat with his hands in the air, fingers splayed, scared to relax in case he touched something and ruined the paint job. The purple haired boy returned with a glass of water and his pills, snorting at the sight. He settled on the blankets next to him and chuckled, “If that’s how we’re doing this, open your mouth.”
Logan stared at him, raising an eyebrow (a gesture which Virgil returned with added sass) and did as he was asked. The psychology student popped Logan's pills into his mouth and held the glass of water to his lips as he took a large mouthful and swallowed, then another. He sat back eventually, sinking into his pillows with a lazy smile, "I'm so lucky to have you, Virgil."
Virgil set the glass aside, crawling up to lie on top of Logan with his head against the astronomy student's chest. He let out a small sigh, gripping at the fabric of his shirt, "No, Logan. I'm the lucky one here."
---
"We've lost Patton and Roman," Virgil announced, coming up behind Logan and hugging him, face pressed to his back. Logan chuckled, reaching back with one hand to rest it on Virgil's arm, the other holding a box of cereal which he tossed into the cart.
"Let me guess; the candy isle?" He asked, trying to keep moving with his boyfriend latched onto him. The purple haired boy stumbled, only holding him tighter.
"Nah. My bet's on toys," Virgil responded, grinning and letting Logan in favour of holding the side of the cart to feel like he was helping. "If I'm right, you need to buy me a stuffed animal."
The astronomy student rolled his eyes, "You are as much of a child as the others, Vee. If I'm right, I get the Ravenclaw onesie," he responded, holding out a hand.
Snorting, Virgil extended his hand to shake Logan's, "You're right. You're so mature, Logan. You're the only adult amongst all of us infants right here."
Pushing the cart on, Logan leaned over to kiss Virgil's cheek, "I'm glad you see it too, Virgil. Now, to the candy isle."
Virgil nodded and placed a hand on the side of the cart again as they began to move, coming to an abrupt stop at the end of the isle and turning back to Logan frantically, “Abort, Logan. Abort!”
The astronomy student furrowed his eyebrows, about to question Virgil when he spotted Patton pushing his own cart, full of candy. Roman stood inside, wearing a plastic crown and carrying a foam sword.
The most dramatic man child of the group’s eyes fell on Virgil and he pointed to the boy with his sword. Patton carefully swivelled the cart in their direction, slowly advancing toward the isle as Logan rubbed his temples and let out a loud sigh. Roman merely grinned, hopping out of the cart (not ‘hopping’ so much as clambering) and grabbing Virgil’s hands, pulling him close to his chest as he danced with him around the isle, singing ‘Someday My Prince Will Come’ loudly as they spun and twirled. Virgil’s annoyance and embarrassment slowly turned to fits of giggles and by the time Roman finished the song, ending their dance with a dramatic dip, he noticed tears in the eyes of his soon-to-be-ex-roommate and best friend, a fond smile on his face.
The theatre student gently pulled him back to his feet, pulling him against his chest, “I’m going to miss living with you, Virge. Can I call you for emergency Disney and dance parties?” Virgil nodded and Roman turned his attention to the other two, “You guys wouldn’t have believed it had you not seen it, but this kid can dance! There’s a giant theatre geek hiding away in there.”
Virgil rolled his eyes, “Roman, I’m literally wearing a Dear Evan Hansen shirt right now. It’s hardly a hidden side of me. Dancing, on the other hand, isn’t something I do anymore.”
Roman grinned as the purple-haired boy blushed scarlet, “He took dance lessons for years! Ballroom, ballet, jazz, tap!”
“Yeah, but I don’t dance anymore,” he shrugged, pointing a finger as Roman opened his mouth again, “And I don’t sing either. No, I’m not auditioning for the show. Drop it. Not. Happening.”
Logan tried to school his expression into neutrality, reaching out for Virgil’s hand, “You don’t have to audition for anything. I never knew you danced though. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Virgil moved from Roman’s side, smiling up at his friend, “It never seemed important,” he chuckled, flipping Roman the bird when he pouted. “I actually did do theatre in high school though. Got a few starring roles, even. But it’s not for me. Not anymore, you know?”
Nodding, Logan dropped the subject, “Now, if you children are quite done, we move into our apartment tomorrow and we have no cutlery or dishes or food or drink or cleaning supplies o-“
Virgil gently placed a hand over Logan’s mouth, huffing out a laugh and shaking his head, “We get it, Lo. But I can think of something more pressing we need to buy…”
---
“Virgil was absolutely right, Patton,” Logan muttered as he taped the last of his boxes shut and lay down on his bed, glancing over to his black and yellow clad roommate, “These pyjamas were much more pressing than plates.”
Patton nodded enthusiastically, grinning, “He bought you a Ravenclaw onesie! He looooves you!”
Logan softened visibly, lying back on his bed and staring up at the ceiling with a lazy smile, “I love him. I even said it, but I don’t think we’re quite there yet, Pat. He’s there for me, and he’s not leaving, and that’s all I can ask for.”
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Patton scrolling through his phone and Logan staring at the cracks in the ceiling still and trying not to imagine the scars on his boyfriend’s pale hips and thighs. He sat up slowly, fixing his gaze on Patton, “I am worried about him, however.”
“Worried?” Patton asked, tilting his head to one side, “Why?”
“Because he’s handling this all so well. Because he isn’t mad at me,” Logan sighed, taking his glasses off to clean them, “He should be mad at me, Patton. I hid something huge from him. And he’s been quiet, but he won’t talk to me about it. I tried and it was like watching a computer restart. He just suddenly had this huge, bright smile, and he seemed almost too cheerful…?”
“You’ll be able to look out for him yourself from tomorrow,” Patton whispered, “And I’ll mention it to Roman as well. Virgil is our family now, Logan. If you think something’s up, we’ll keep an eye and help him in any way we can.”
When his roommate didn’t respond, Patton slowly stood up, moving to sit next to him on his bed, then flopped on top of his best friend and hugged him tightly. He heard a huff of laughter and allowed himself a smile, sighing against Logan’s chest, “Lo… I think this probably is tough for him. Just like it is for all of us. Just spend as much time with him as you can, and be honest with him from here on out. I think he deserves that, don’t you?”
“I do. And I wish I’d listened to you from the start, Patton,” Logan whispered, “You’re a smart man, and I’m sorry I didn’t take your advice seriously. I’m also sorry I had so little faith in Virgil.”
Patton squeezed him tighter, “You’ve told him now. And he agreed to move in with you, so that has to count for something, right?” Logan nodded, and Patton moved back so they were lying face to face, “I’m going to miss you, roomie.”
Virgil lay facing the wall, eyes unblinking and staring straight ahead. He had been like this for half an hour now, and was unaware of the theatre student watching him until he felt the mattress dip and a warm body settle in behind his.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Stormcloud?” Roman asked gently, nuzzling into Virgil’s hair and falling silent, giving his roommate time to gather his thoughts. He heard a few gentle sighs as the other student opened and closed his mouth again and again, shifting slightly and clearly aggravated.
When Virgil eventually sat up, his eyes puffy and pink from holding back tears, he took a final deep breath and said, “Logan fell going up the stairs today. Not like, a ‘whoops I tripped’ kind of fell. He just lost his balance.”
Roman instantly sat up with him, pulling his best friend into a tight hug and feeling his body shake as he finally let himself cry, “He’s probably tired, Vee. You both have put so much energy into the flat and moving.”
“He forgot the word for mug yesterday, Roman,” Virgil whispered, his voice cracking and breaking the more he tried to force the words from his throat. He tightened his grip on the theatre student, fists balling in his shirt and holding so tight that when he finally let go the material would be crinkled. “I shouldn’t have let myself fall for someone again.”
The two boys fell into a silence then, faces pressed to each other’s necks, Roman’s hand in Virgil’s hair, gently running his fingers through bright purple strands, the brown starting to grow back in at the roots.
Suddenly, the purple haired boy pulled away, standing up and leaving the warmth of his friend’s arms, a big smile plastered on his face as he wiped the tear tracks from his face, “Look at me. I’m a mess,” he laughed softly, taking a deep breath and letting it go. He grabbed his suitcase from the corner of his room and unzipped it, “Can you help me pack? I haven’t even started yet and we get the keys in…” he checked his phone and placed it back on the desk, “seven hours.”
“Fuck, its 2am already?” Roman asked, heading to their shared closet to start folding clothes from in there. “Take care of yourself, please? This is… A lot has happened in the last few months and I’m a little worried that you haven’t been taking time for yourself.”
“I’ll be fine, Ro,” Virgil smiled tightly, his eyes never leaving the clothes he was carefully laying out.
Roman paused, watching his friend for a moment longer before resuming, deciding not to push any further, not to comment on how pale his friend had been looking lately. For now they could just be fine.