Chapter Text
"Sorry.. I'm sorry.. I- I can't, I don't wanna-.. ugh, I can't do this an-a-anymore.." Your voice, crushed and thick from the tears and snot on your face, barely reached your nurse as she hurried to quickly but peacefully bring you back to your hospital room. It was a difficult task when she had half of her mind on your endless cries for mercy and the other half feeling disappointed and upset at what had just transpired.
Everyone, especially those kids, knew how fragile and unstable you were. Some reacted perfectly fine given that they barely saw most of what really happened to you on a daily basis what with the hallucinations, panic attacks and mindless ramblings to people who weren't there. The seizures, the vomiting and the urination as well, though you had partially gotten over that in your slow recovery. Some of your classmates actually tried to act normal to bring about a sense of familiarity, like they didn't look at you any different so it was okay to be yourself, to enjoy the sweet moment as it came because who knew when such a light-hearted time would come about again.
But other, especially that blonde, angry boy, was so caught up in his anger and guilt that he was still blaming himself and others for what had happened. Yes, it was common for the victims' family and friends to feel a thirst for vengeance, even a blood-thirsty one but it was never the right choice. People become so consumed by their rage, in order to quell the dark storm within them that they forget the person who was hurt the most, the person who needed the most love and support.
So, Satsuki was deeply saddened that the boy had to express all that rage and ferocious nature right before you. He should've known. He had seen you twice before hand, first hand experience to how torn up you were inside and yet he still let the anger get to him.
It angered the nurse so because she could understand that anger, that anger that could cause a person to go insane, but you didn't need that. It was once you had entered the familiar space of your hospital room, when nurse Satsuki rounded the side of your wheelchair so that she was kneeling before you, eye-to-eye, as one of her hands were tightly gripping the arm rest. She could see that you hadn't even noticed her, hadn't even registered that you were still in the presence of another person with your eyes scrunched closed, mumbling nonsensical murmurs that begged for pity and forgiveness.
"[Name]... You're alright, no one is here but you and me." She was nervous to touch you, however shook off those shaky thoughts as she allowed her free hand to reach out to you, gently, with a feather-like touch that felt like the complete opposite of how you used to be touched.
As expected, you had flinched enough to move the wheelchair a few millimetres but you didn't push away. Your eyes snapped open, bright and glassy from the tears, red-rimmed and your expression just screamed how utterly exhausted you were. Your eyes fluttered about, taking in your surroundings to which Satsuki allowed you the time to recognise where you were, no longer within the vicinity of the screaming match that had occurred only a few minutes earlier.
However, even as you had made sure you were here, in your room, you refused to speak. Biting your lip that glowed bright pink, you never made a sound. This continued for the rest of the day.
"I'm a bit nervous, Sensei," Satsuki commented to your doctor, as he was finishing his rounds, "what happened?"
Of course he knew who she was talking about, she was one of the most high profile cases in the nation so he brought his full attention to Satsuki, "I've always been watching out for the signs but today, in front of all her friends, she had a mental break and screamed that she wished she was... that she was dead."
Akihito exhaled deeply, eyes calculating and sad, "Anything else?"
She nodded, gripping her hands tightly in front of her stomach, "[Name]-san also expressed that she doesn't understand why she's still alive... That she was waiting for heroes to save her but they took so long.." The woman could feel herself reaching the brink of tears, swallowing thickly as she recalled how she had stood by and listen to that cry, broken and so desperate that you yelled for everyone to hear. Either out of your own volition from the pain and mental anguish or from a distraught part of yourself that wanted others to feel some of the pain that you endured.
To even hold them responsible.
"God..."
"I wish everything j-just stopped.."
"I-I wish I was dead... I d-don't get a-anything, why am I even alive."
"T-They d-did this t-to me and I-I don't know why I-I'm still alive... Y-You're h-heroes, r-right? Why-.. Why was it so dark and-and so painful, I WAITED FOR YOU TO SAVE ME!"
Your Doctor rubbed a hand over his jaw and nodded solemnly, "alright.." he looked to the ground, before meeting the nurses' eyes again, "How is she at the moment?"
Laying in bed alone, it was like a complete switch had been pressed as you remained expressionless and unresponsive. It was just like the first week that you had been admitted to the hospital, in a zombified state where your energy, mental strength and overall will to power through these horrific times were just... depleted.
Nonexistent .
Whenever she tried to ask if you were alright, if your food was okay, if you needed anything, she got nothing but silence in return. The woman wasn't expecting a lot, but the stillness that surrounded her after asking a question or trying to prompt you to speak was utterly chilling, like she really was the only one in the room.
Days and nights all seemed to start to blur into a meaningless string of time that continued on forever. People moved around you, your nurse soaked a cloth in warm water and cleaned you and the very few visitors you got, were almost like unrecognisable blurry figures because you just didn't know how to cope anymore. Lying down in bed was so tiring and when you were awake, you just wanted to sleep but when you even dared to sleep a wink, you could feel big, rough hands gripping your thin arms and feel the disgusting heat of another mans breath along your neck.
The only sleep you could be blessed with was when you had either exhausted yourself to unconsciousness or had been injected with that drug that sedated you to make your muscles relax and your brain foggy. It reminded you of when you were with Akuma and sometimes it was like this was all a dream. Nothing was real. It was almost like you just couldn't tell what was real or not anymore.
You had no idea at all how much time had passed when you heard the door open, almost echoing in your brain when you slowly turned, body screaming to stop with a half-hearted attempt to see who was bothering you so late in the afternoon. The sun was no longer shining into your room that nurse Satsuki insisted on opening everyday for you. So, with the darkness of dusk allowing you to see that it was growing closer to nighttime, one figure turned to two and then three and then another came in, all spacing out and watching you like the weak, languid creature you were.
"[Name].." It echoed, it made your skull throb, you turned back towards the wall and whined.
"My... swe-et girl.." Choppy and slow, you would say that this was the result of you having been drugged and sedated but you couldn't even remember when that would've happened, not even being able to remember what you did an hour ago, what you ate today, what you were thinking about a few minutes ago... it kind of just felt like nothing. A void.
Someone grabbed your hand, the touch foreign and warm on your cold skin that was being pulled from the confines of your blanket. They pulled your hand close to them, leading them to also pull you closer as your shoulder rolled back awkwardly and silently. Half-lidded eyes unfocused on these people and you guessed they were all watching you. Talking to you, and then four figures turned to five when another materialised by the wall.
"[Name]-chan, you better listen up, my princess." Akuma's raspy voice was almost enticing, deep and smooth, you looked at him for a moment, seeing that his appearance hadn't changes since the last time you saw him.
"Stop.."
"What, [Name]?" The person next to you got closer, holding your hand tighter and you pulled away. Your hand wouldn't come loose, you told them to stop again. They didn't listen. You tried to move but you felt trapped, the blankets were holding your feet down and this person was keeping you still, whining and coughing with a dry throat, you could feel your mind becoming blurry and shaken with your rapid breathing and increased panic.
It felt like it was taking everything out of you to fight it and get away but your body was just giving up and was fighting against you.
"[Lastname]-san, please give her some space."
"Wha-" You were released, but they never went far from you. It was the first time in days that you had finally reacted to someone and actually spoken, "here.." Satsuki produced a cup of water out of nowhere and held it out for you. Staring at it, she smiled gently and knelt down so you were both eye-to-eye. Still holding the water for you, you swallowed thickly and sat up, huffing when you could feel your back and armpits becoming so hot that you just wanted to sit in the shower under cold water for hours. You couldn't remember the last time you had showered.
"Would you like me to?" Your nurse asked quietly and you tried to reach for the cup. It was so close to you, you merely had to lift your arm a bit and reach only a short distance but when you had the cup in your hand, Satsuki knew that when you tried to grab it that it wouldn't work how you wanted it to. If she had let go of it when you grabbed it, it would've fallen and spilled on the bed beside you. She just gave a small smile and brought the cup closer to you, resting the rim on your bottom lip so you could tilt your chin up and drink. It was almost something akin to nirvana.
"[Name]-san." Someone said your name. You found yourself huffing after finishing the cup of water, desperately trying to formulate the words to get more. Satsuki took the cup and poured more water in from a see-through pitcher that was on the bedside table next to you. You drank more.
It helped the heat alleviate only a little. It did nothing to take away the complete exhaustion that tormented your body and made you so weak. You simply fell back into the pillow behind you and listened to the man speak. He seemed familiar but your brain couldn't really comprehend a coherent thought when you tried. You only recognised the person who had been with you from day one. The person who never hit you when you soiled yourself. The person who brought you outside once or maybe twice and more importantly the person who cleaned you, fed you and kept you company.
This emotion of relief and comfort you receive from her... the more you spent time to think about it, the more you became wary of her. But still, she hadn't hit you or reprimanded you yet.
"How are you feeling these days, [Name]-san?"
"Huhm.."
The fifth figure steps closer to you, "My dear, it looks like you're about to get some good news!" His eyes gleamed, but your eyes were probably playing tricks on you because his eyes, sclera and all, were the blackest shade of black. Dark, full of nothing, void of life. Still, the smile on his face was as childish and happy as always when he tied you to the table and prepared his new sets of 'medicine.' Satsuki noticed that you were looking at someone who wasn't there. She called your name. But you couldn't look away.
She looked at your doctor, "You're sure about this?"
Dr. Akihito nodded, his eyes solemn, "She's well on her way to a physical recovery. She just needs sunlight, light exercise as well as food and water to be able to walk out of here. But I'm afraid being surrounded by the same four walls, day in and day out won't do her any good. She needs to move forward, not stay in one place while everyone else is trying to force her forward."
Your fathers were relieved, nervous and frightened but thankful that they got to have you home again. No more having to wait for visiting hours, no more sitting in your room wondering when they would have their baby back.
"You hear that?" He grinned, his lips almost splitting his face, you shook your head, watching him like a baby watches their father. He chuckled and held his hands to his chest like a doting parent, "you might be going home! Isn't that great, my darling! No more hospital rooms!" He scoffed, "This room is such a drag. Not fit for you at all."
"Home.."
They said home and you thought dirty, shit-stained floors, stainless steel tables and chains around your ankles and wrists.
You couldn't say how much times past after that. The sun rose, your eyes almost fell closed but you forced them open for the fears that Tamotsu would come back and then the sun was shining. Satsuki was speaking a lot, all the time, it all became mixed and echoey in your head and you just stopped trying to make sense of it. The sun would fall and you would be alone again, it occurred quite a few times and your nurse even tried to get you to get out of bed.
Slapping her away, she only received and harsh and gravelly groan that made her give up and promise to try again soon. Soon just resulted in the same thing. Pushing her away and panicking when she tried to reach out and grab you. More incidents of anxiety attacks and depressive mood swings occurred from your bodies need for the tranquillisers where you got more doses of midazolam. Your parents were told that it takes around to years to fully recover from the effects of tranquillisers.
Satsuki, concerned about your discharge from the hospital that would be happening soon, wanted to help you get even a little stronger, and took it upon herself to ask you many times, forcefully and determined, if you would be okay with her touching you. As always, you didn't answer or just just closed your eyes and blocked her out. She still saw your eyes drifting to a corner of the room and the first time she gently grabbed your wrist to try and pull you to sit up, she almost got a fist to the jaw, luckily dodging quickly so you only managed to slightly knick her chin. She didn't lose faith in you nor herself, though.
That morning, she came in and greeted you, finding your eyes already on her, red rimmed and cheeks blotchy. It was know use asking when she already knew so she opened the curtains and allowed the morning sunlight to fall inside and touch at your leg that was hanging out of the blanket. She glanced at the scar on your foot, pink and prominent compared to the pale whiteness of your skin.
"[Name]-san, how about some more stretches, huh?"
Silence.
"I'm sure your muscles hurt and feel stiff from always being in bed, why don't you try standing up?"
Silence, it was like you were in a coma, on another plane of consciousness while your eyes simply gravitated towards whatever caught your attention. Even though your focus was very easy to waver and lose. She sighed and sat at your bedside; she knew that she had to be proud that you could finally let her sit by you and look at her without losing your mind in a panic, but she knew you could do so much more. She knew you were so much stronger.
Especially when she knew how many people obviously cared about you so much. It had made her so happy to see so many people gather around you and bring food to reunite and help you cheer up if only a little. Hell, even the number one hero of the nation came by himself to see you and he was nothing like he was on television. He was so troubled and saddened by what had happened to you. So, Satsuki knew that you had people waiting for you to get better, no matter how long it took.
"How about you sit up for a bit, hm? When was the last time you looked out the win-"
Knock knock
"Excuse us."
Craning your neck to see the newcomers, you breathed out a sigh when more unrecognisable people came to greet you. Four people came inside and closed the door behind them. One, whom you vaguely recognised but your mind was just too fuzzy to really think of a name, like it took too much strength to put a name to a face. His face was somber, tired eyes watching you with messy, black hair falling around his face. Something about him seemed almost...
"Do you recognise me, [Name]?" He spoke slowly, with a low voice and you turned towards him to find a more comfortable position. Nurse Satsuki stood from her spot on your bed and greeted the others with low, muffled voices.
"..I'm your homeroom teacher, A-"
"Aizawa.."
He froze, Satsuki froze and Mirio, Nejire and Tamaki were frozen into silence too, after hearing a voice that didn't belong to the person that they had arrived with. It was like time had stopped, watching when you reached out an arm half-heartedly before pulling it back into yourself and keeping it by yourself. Actions contradicting the way you said his name and the way your eyes looked alive, if only for a second when you identified the person before you.
Your voice made something crack inside him. It was so lifeless and dry, croaky and so much different to the way you used to say it in class.
A pitiful whine that grated on his nerves, "Aizawa-senseeiii~~!!!" when something didn't go your way like when you tried to have a small break during hero combat training and Aizawa didn't allow it, making sure you went to your absolute limit. The man was relentless. Or the loud and unnecessarily obnoxious, "Hai, Aizawa-sensei!" As if you were competing with your classmates to be the loudest, sometimes even managing to fall into a small, childish competition with Kaminari even though the blonde was terrified of his teacher at the same time.
And of course, the serious, "Aizawa... sensei," he heard that honestly made him pause for a moment when you saw something that wasn't just. He often had to stop you to make you rethink what you were about to do but most of the time, nothing could stop your feet from running towards someone who wasn't being treated right or a low-class villain that was terrorising people. He would stop to see the fire burning in your eyes, the way your lips were turned to a stern frown. It was often in those moments when he was quite satisfied with having a hero like you in his class.
Looking down at you now, it was like he was looking at a different person. It hurt. It made his chest squeeze painfully tight and he waited for you to say something else. To cry at him. To yell and swear at him. To just do or say anything to reassure him that you were really here and alive. But alas, Satsuki watched with deep sadness when you merely stared like a mannequin. Eyes void and expression as plain as nothing.
"I looked for you... everywhere I could. I kept up with everything in the investigation and followed every lead." His mouth started running as the ball of guilt inside him threatened to explode and consume him whole. The only thing keeping him standing before you was the straining muscles in his face that he forced to stay stiff so he could properly articulate his reasonings to you. And of course... he knew what had happened when your classmates tried to have a meal with you out in the sun. His hands clenched into fists, "I looked, every day and every night, whenever I could... I'm.. so sorry."
Somewhere... in your mind, a little girl was bare and small, crying and screaming for all the pain she had endured and all the torment she survived. Somewhere, a girl was trembling with tears and snot, screaming that it was okay, he tried, that was all she could ask for, so she couldn't really say anything else.
But that girl was broken and withering in your brain, locked away and oppressed for all the injustices and crimes that had been committed against you. Half of your mind screeched that you were so weak, you deserved it for not being strong enough while the other half mumbled, shaking and alone, questioning what you had done to deserve this. Lost and utterly defeated.
So, when your lips parted, and Aizawa waited with a bated breath, all you could whisper was, "I waited..." He sucked in a breath but couldn't speak for the lump in the back of his throat, "I ... called All Might.. and they beat me so much I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move..." Satsuki, Mirio, Nejire and Tamaki hung onto every sound you made, your nurse even more so when you had never said these kinds of things before. Aizawa gripped the railing on the side of your bed that was near your head.
"So, I c-called you.. I called out for Aizawa-s-sensei.." He saw your lips trembling but still your face hadn't changed. He forced himself to keep his eyes on you, "nothing happened.."
And that was it. No reassuring words that would lead to forgiveness and mutual trust being rebuilt, no cursing his name for not being able to protect you. Just the biggest failure of his career and how he could do nothing to defend himself nor help you anymore than you could help yourself.
"Sensei..."
The blonde, muscular and almost overpowering, came to his teachers side but the man was unresponsive. You didn't know why. You watched them communicate silently and without words needed and then your teachers was seated on a chair in the corner of the room.
"I don't suppose you remember me, [Name]-chan?"
The blonde sat on the side of your bed, sinking into the mattress while you stared up at him, his blue eyes focused on you while his mouth held a heavy, fake smile. Was he trying to console you now? You didn't want to hear him if he was going to say all the things everyone else did. You knew it already, Akuma sympathised with you, teasing the petty heroes and their false, empty condolences, while you laid in bed and waited for him to speak so he could leave, sane and safe back to his friends and family, feeling satisfied while you were left to your own paranoid, pained self and your mind that walked along the cliff into insanity.
"You were... taken after me and my friends met your class... I versed all of them at the same time and won!" He laughed shortly and you watched him, wondering what he was saying, why he was saying this to you? The smile fell from his face to form a small simper, barely seen, "they all care about you so much, you know? I could tell when I first met them. They were always so dispirited, no matter what they were doing."
"Even so!" His voice was loud, as if demanding that you listen to him. You couldn't hear the clock ticking on the wall, Akuma's voice was being outspoken and pushed away, "They went through some tough things and endured well."
"Mmm.."
He grinned, getting comfortable on the bed as he explained what had happened when you were away, seemingly taking your low murmur as a positive answer to keep going. How everyone; including you, he said, had been preparing for the provisional hero license exam but you didn't get to take it.
He told you about the battles in the license exam saying peoples names that felt like someone you knew but you couldn't formulate a face. You didn't bother. Then he told you about this battle that happened between Bakugou and Midoriya but again, you found yourself lacking any care or curiosity towards it. He told you about the school break but there wasn't much he could tell you about your class as he wasn't with them.
So he told you about the hero-work studies, about how Midoriya had gone to Nighteye's agency with Mirio and found a little girl who was held captive and horrible things were done to her.
He told you that they managed to save her, how Midoriya practically destroyed and tore the place apart to get her to safety.
Oh.
How he managed to... and then his quirk.... and then they took them down... and how Tamaki; the boy who was also in your hospital room had... and how Nejire managed to... and later after... they helped her get better.
He was smiling, whether he knew or not, and it made something boil inside you. Something in your brain burned and your vision was blurry , "I know it's hard now, I mean I don't know personally, but I believe you're strong enough to get through it. Have faith and don't give in to the thoughts in your head."
He wasn't saying those things you hated. The whole, 'don't think about it, you'll be okay, I'm sorry,' and he wasn't making any excuses seeing as he had made sure to follow the police through everything and was there to break into the place you were being held against your will. Something inside you was relieved by it. But still, your dull nails were digging into your palms. Akuma laughed, Tamotsu flashed in your mind and you flinched.
You just... couldn't listen anymore, blocking it out until you were alone again.
"How dare you even suggest that." [Lastname] Fumiya pointed a stern finger at Aizawa's face and the black-haired hero possibly immediately regretted his words. Sitting in the cafeteria, Satsuki had sedated you after experiencing an unforeseen anxiety attack that triggered a seizure. You had been dazed and falling unconscious when Aizawa and your two fathers were going to see you. All Might showed up too, after he had heard what happened the last time Aizawa went to see you.
As you were getting the 'okay' to be discharged to surround yourself in a more loving and emotionally-supportive environment, Aizawa had suggested that you come back to the dorms, only if you wanted to, so you could be around the people closest to you; after your parents.
To say Fumiya was livid, was an understatement. Meanwhile Tomoharu watching in silence, eyes stern and disbelieving, "You think we'll just put our child back there right out of hospital."
"Okay," Aizawa nodded, blinking slowly as he knew his suggestion wasn't entirely thought out, "You're right, that was my mistake. But, I mean that perhaps she should visit the dorm so she can see her friends. I've never seen them so torn up, they were doing everything they could to find [Name] and [Name] needs them too."
Before Fumiya could say anything Tomoharu spoke up, hands held on the table in front of him, "You're right.. but we're keeping her home until we decide it's okay for her."
"Of course," All Might replied, "You're both her parents, we have no complaints." Sensing that the tension had been quelled, the former number one hero sighed and sat back in his chair, taking short glances to Aizawa who had gone silent. Sure, he was silent most of the time unless he needed to speak but this silence spoke volumes of how torn up he really was.
"She's barely even alive anymore..." Fumiya was choked up and Tomoharu reached out for him, holding his hand tight, "I need my little girl, I still can't- I c-can't... believe this.."
No one could, still, after so, so long. Who would've believed something like this could happen to such a sweet and happy girl. And in the dormitory of the one of the best classes of the top school in the nation for heroes. It was almost like a slap to the face and a kick to the throat to the society of heroes and the people who believe in them. To think that such a strong and promising girl could be taken and tainted so horrible within inches of her life.
Still, even though many knew this would affect you and haunt you for the rest of your life, many, many people believed in you and in the striking girl that you used to be to be able to persevere through what happened to you.
"Come on, [Name], you're going to be going home soon, so let's do more exercises. You want to at least walk out on your own two legs, right?" Satsuki rounded the bed and opened the curtains. The medicine relaxed you but it also brought you to a point where it somehow felt like you were floating. Like you were in a dream. Moving your fingers took so much strength, like they were being held down with bricks and you opened your mouth to tiredly lick your lips and your jaw started moving, rolling the bones as you felt it in front of your ear in your skin. It felt so weird and uncomfortable, unreal and you had completely forgotten that you weren't alone.
Satsuki fixed up your blanket until a stench caught her by mild surprise, lifting the blanket to see a wet patch, "Sweetie.." She brought a chair by the bed and grabbed your wrist, "Let's sit on the chair, okay? I'll clean your bed." Again, in your half-conscious state, you had soiled yourself and let yourself lay in your own urine for an hour or so because the warmth maybe... somewhat comforted you? With heavy limbs and a wet backside, you landed in the chair with a low 'squelch,' neck rolling back and not even strong enough to support your head. Your sights strayed on the white ceiling. Dizzy and unfocused.
"O--.." Something muffled was heard merely because of how quiet it was inside your room and then you were bring lifted, the soles of your feet meeting the cold ground and you almost lost balance if not for the chair beside you that you held. Your nurse offered a hand to you and you held on, letting her guide you to the bathroom. And like a helpless child, you were stripped and led under warm water that drenched your hair and ran the dirt that had accumulated on your body down to the drain where you watch the droplets run down your arms, your breasts and your stomach. Something twisted in your stomach from the sight of your own body and your mouth was suddenly full of saliva, throat tightening and lurching when you leaned forward and watched yellow acid and a milky substance fall to the ground in front of you. A hand was on your hand and something was being said but you didn't hear any of it over the sound of the shower head plummeting water on you.
"Your body was made f-for me," he huffed, laying his body over your own while he opened you and left traces of himself all over you, inside you, you were intoxicated by the stench, barely able to form a coherent thought as you were placed in every which way he desired. Clothes torn to shreds as your ripped sleeve was rolled up and shoved into your mouth to quiet your grown of pain.
So when Nurse Satsuki put on your shirt, and then a sweater over the top with long pants, you felt a bit better. She brought you in front of the window and let you look outside even though you were clearly not really looking at the same thing she was. She grabbed your forearm gently and cradled it against her stomach, guiding you out of your room. She had to take slow steps to make sure you kept up, taking one step after another and it took twice as long than it would've if you were sat in a wheelchair but that hardly mattered when you were finally out of bed and really moving. Well, it still seemed like your feet weight five kilograms each but it was her job and by her own choice that she wanted to help you.
She brought you down to the first floor and held your hand so gently that it was almost like a feather being swept over your skin with the most careful touch. You felt the warmth on your feet and then it travelled upwards as you walked further from the shade into the sunlight. Even though the sun was shining, the weather around you was still a bit cold. It made you squeeze your arms into your sides further when she brought you to a bench and allowed you to sit.
"We're lucky it's a nice day again, today."
She was speaking to you even though your couldn't form a word. You were a bit grateful for the noise she made. Shivering a little more, "Are you cold, should I get a blanket?"
Nodding. She went to stand and you were about to stand too until she lightly sat back down again with you, you looked in her direction, "Would you like to sit and wait for me? I'll be quick, or should we go together?"
You twitched, you could feel... something on your face pull, the muscle, or something it just felt weird, but you could see by the face she made that you made a face that clearly disagreed with what she said. Without a moments hesitation, she simply smiled at you and stood up again, leading you up as well so that you could both go together.
Until something on the ground made you pause. You saw the person creeping behind you. You wanted to believe that it was nothing but you imagination but even thinking that didn't give you the sense of safety that it would for others, because your imagination was becoming just as dangerous as the real world nowadays. Feeling you stop and tense so rigidly, Satsuki paused and looked, catching sight of someone behind you as she bowed slightly and smiled, "May we help you?"
Realising that this was a real person now, you turned to see a familiar face, one who you recognised from the small gathering that your classmates held on the grass not far from where you were currently standing. The most prominent feature about him that you recognised was his hair, one side white while the other was a deep red.
"Todoroki.."
Hearing you say this name, Satsuki saw the tension fall from his shoulders like a bucket of warm water. He didn't stop staring at you, silence hanging between the three of you when he finally spoke again, his voice careful and soft, "I'm sorry.. I wanted to visit and I thought it was you so I came closer... and I overheard..." His voice trailed off and Satsuki stared for a short second before perking up, "Oh! Of course, [Name], I'll go get a blanket and be back very soon, how about you both sit out here in the sun, hm?"
"Uh-"
"If not, it's fine." Todoroki quickly added, not wanting to pressure you at all, not that there was really anything to pressure you on. They were always complying to anything you wanted. You still weren't entirely used to it. But when you realised that Satsuki would surely take quicker to get a blanket than the two of you together, and that the warmth of the sun was something you didn't realise you had missed, you reluctantly, and surprisingly, agreed to take a seat on the bench again, Todoroki by your side.
After many seconds of staring at the ground, hands holding his knees, he began to speak, his voice stern but still so heavy with emotion, "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour, for the last time I was here with.. the others.."
He waited for you to say something. But it just felt like you were blending into a nameless background with all these other people; families, doctors and nurses and all that, walking by and conversing with each other. Each one caught your attention, you stared, they didn't know they were being stared at and even after a few months of being cared for, gently spoken to and treated, you still found the unfeigned voices of joy, sorrow or nonchalance around you, mystified you.
Picking at your fingers to do something, you saw someone look at you and they didn't look away. You turned away defiantly, alarmed.
"I-..." I was just trying to face the reality.. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings like that but now it feels like I'm back at square one..."
He risked a glance at you and noticed your skittish behaviour, watching you glance back up only to bite your lip harshly and then look away again, breathing accelerating worryingly fast for someone who was just sitting on a bench in the sun.
"Hey... hey, are you alright?"
The boy looked in the direction where you had been looking, finding nothing out of the ordinary and looked back at you, hating that your previously passive face was now appearing frightened and paranoid.
"[Name]." He slid along the bench, closer to your side and the subtle change in temperature, the mere feeling of a presence suddenly so close to you brought a squeak from your mouth, and yet, Todoroki moved slow, his voice steady and calm, his touch gentle and non-threatening. He slowly brought his thigh to barely touch the side of yours, "There's no one there. And if there was, I'd make sure they never got to you."
He mentally cursed his own poor wording, knowing that you were in this because they couldn't protect you. The night you disappeared had become such an eerie and horrible memory to them now. What was once a normal night after hanging out with the class in the common area and then turning into a small hangout with Kirishima had turned into a nightmare of a memory. Quiet and terrifying when you were gone without a trace hours later. It was so bizarre, still after so many months.
"What happened to you... was completely... it was the worst, it was horrendous and detestable, no one should go through that.. And I won't say I know what its like or something ridiculous like that just to seem like I can empathise and gain your trust. But I want you to know, I'll do anything, any-"
His voice was stuck. He glanced down in bewilderment and watched your hand, grasping onto his like a lifeline and he didn't waste a moment to turn his hand over and hold yours properly, entwining your fingers together so tight that it started to hurt. Skin turning white and trembling, he breathed in deeply and continued, looking at you when it seemed like even though you weren't listening, you were hearing him, in some odd way,
"I'll do anything to help you become the girl you used to be. We all will."
Your shoulders fell. A drawn-out breath fell from your pink-bitten lips and when Satsuki came back to place your blanket over your shoulders, no one but Todoroki and yourself knew what had just transpired, hands held tight.