Chapter Text
Asami doesn’t many regrets in her life. Not many that lingers around for long, anyway.
She regretted… not being able to save her mother, when she was little. But then again, there was nothing she could do about it anyway. She was six, and helpless—so, after years and years of survivor’s guilt and regret, she lets it go.
Then the whole thing with her father happened—she regrets it too, when her father had basically left her after lying to her for a decade. Then proceeded to try to harm her and her friends. Asami didn’t know what she regretted about that—it had been purely his fault! She might be nice, but she’s not the kind of person who’ll take shit from someone else. It wasn’t her fault. None of it was her fault.
And so she lets it go too, for a while.
And then her father died.
While he was trying to save her. While he was trying to redeem himself.
Sometimes Asami just wanted to sit down and laugh at how the world works. At how ironic it is that, after five years of not talking, of hating and crying and regretting, when she just finally started to try to mend their relationship again—he died.
While saving her life.
It was the only regret that Asami allowed herself to carry with her, even after years. She regretted not talking to him sooner. She regretted being so drowned in her own anger that it took her too long to finally try to forgive him.
A regret she had no choice to participate in. A regret she couldn’t prevent.
But it was okay. Asami could live with one lingering regret in the back of her mind. Right?
One.
Until now, that is.
If there was one thing that she learned from her past is that not to take things for granted. Ever. The life she has, her work, her good friends, her Korra —she never took any of it for granted. Ever.
But regardless, she was still a human. She does get angry. She does make mistakes.
And this mistake…. Asami doesn’t think she’ll ever let herself hear the end of it.
A fight. That’s all it was, a fight. A rough one, yes, but—couples do get into fights, right? They do. It was all normal, all a part of the process.
But apparently, not when your girlfriend is the fucking Avatar.
An Avatar, a person who keeps constantly sacrificing themself for the greater good. An Avatar, who might jump into battle at any moment of the day. An Avatar, who might die in those battles that they keep getting into. At any moment.
Asami would never forgive herself for not realizing it sooner.
I should have said I love you before you left. I should have said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I love you.
Anger is a terrible thing.
It’s human, to feel anger. It happens. But it does… terrible, terrible things. Like what it did to her father, how it turned him into what he was. How it turned Amon into a terrorist. How it turned Zaheer and the Red Lotus into murderers. How it turned Kuvira into a dictator.
Anger. It happens. But Asami shouldn’t have fallen into it like many others did.
She did anyway, though.
Korra had left off to work storming out their home, not giving her time to say any more words. And Asami, she had been too angry, too full of her own pride to run after her and tell her that she was sorry. That they shouldn’t go off like that without making things up with each other. That she should have said I love you.
Had Asami known that Korra was going to go into a full on blown battle and end up injured enough to be put into a coma, Asami would have said it. She would have run after her no matter how her pride screams, tell her that she’s sorry, that she didn’t mean it. That she loved her.
I love you. I love you. What she wouldn’t give to tell Korra that right now, as she sat beside her hospital bed, Korra bruised and beaten up in front of her. She was so weak that they had to put her on a fucking ventilator. They almost lost her twice today, had they come to Korra’s aid a second too late.
It was scary. It was so scary. And all that Asami could think of was that she hadn’t told Korra that she loved her.
She doesn’t know how long she’s been watching Korra breathe.
It felt like months. Years. She doesn’t know how much longer she could go on like this.
I’m sorry, she keeps whispering to her over and over again, hoping that Korra could at least hear it, wherever she is right now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry we fought. I’m sorry that I told you that I hated you. I don’t. I love you. I love you so much and I don’t know what I would do without you. I’m sorry. Please, come back.
No answers came. No improvement, no sign of Korra waking up soon. They stayed idle, in the small corner of the hospital room at the end of the hallway, while time went by as it always has been.
And once again in her life, Asami lets regret overtake her.
It was late at night when Bolin had finally succeeded in dragging her away from her seat beside Korra’s bed that Asami heard the news of Korra waking up.
And she’d gone mental.
“I told you I can’t leave her!” Asami screams while she pressed on the gas, “ I fucking told you it was a bad idea!”
“Asami, please!” Bolin begged. “I’m sorry !”
She stops.
“I….” there’s thick pain in her throat, the way Bolin had exclaimed I’m sorry that shook her out of her panic and anger. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Fuck, Bolin, I’m sorry.”
“It’s—it’s okay,” he said carefully. “Can you pull over? Let’s pull over and breathe for a sec, okay?”
“O-okay,” Asami breathes, even though her mind was screaming for her to get to Korra right now right now. “We—we have to go. We really have to go.”
“I know,” Bolin says softly. “I know, but let’s just try to breathe .”
She does.
“Let me drive.”
“No,” Asami says almost immediately. “No, I—”
“ Asami, ” He chides, “I know you have to get there as fast as you can, but it’ll be useless if you don’t get there in one piece. Alright?”
She felt like a child. “Okay.”
“Good.”
The rest of the ride was more or less silent.
“Thank you,” she tells him when they finally arrived. “For—for looking out for me. I really… I’m sorry. And I—”
“And you,” Bolin cuts off, “Need to go. Now.”
“I—oh, shit, right, okay—” Asami practically slammed the car door open. “I—I’ll see you there—”
“ Go!” Bolin yells, and she begs her feet to take her as fast as she could.
The next thing she knew was that she was holding a panicked Korra in her arms.
Her cold hand cups her cheek gently. “Hey. Hey, Korra.”
Korra’s mouth was open through her ventilator. She was awake, wide awake, but scared. Her hand reaches out for her.
Asami . Asami. I’m sorry.
“Hey, hey it’s okay—” she reaches down to wipe the tears off Korra’s cheeks. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
I’m sorry, Korra kept mouthing instead. I’m sorry.
“I –I know you’re scared,” Asami almost sobs, “but you’re going to be okay.”
Asami, I’m sorry.
Her heart breaks. “Oh, Korra. I’m sorry, too.” She moved down her arm to hold hers and squeezed them tightly. “I’m so sorry, love.”
Korra tried her best to squeeze back.
“Just… next time, can you not go into a fight and fall into a coma to prove a point?” she half laughed, half sobbed when she says it.
Korra smiles. I love you.
She smiles back. She felt like she could say it back a million times. “I love you, too.”