Chapter Text
White airy foam swirled on Levi's cup of chai latte. Detached leaves floated in the air, covering the ground like a colorful warm rug. Levi's gray eyes followed the time pass as the trees bared their branches with each passing minute.
I like you. Hange's words echoed in his mind. Last time, he was the one that confessed, on the way back from Shinganshina after almost losing them. Losing Erwin reminded him what was important but Hange's mind still wandered back to their lost comrades, to losing Moblit. The guilt, too heavy to bear, kept them fighting, moving forward for humanity, for their comrades. His confession was turned down, and yet they would share a couch after sleepless nights using each other as anchors.
Pain rung through his hand, pulling him back to the warm coffee shop. The numerous conversations of strangers became louder as his consciousness slowly returned. A strong scent of coffee brushed his nose, barely distracting him from the pain. Was this karma? For all the nails him and Hange had pulled off? Was this what it felt like? Like a snake with pointed scales slithering under his skin through his muscles. Had they laid their eggs inside him to torture him, to punish him? The snakes had started slithering up his palm and last night it reached above his wrist. Farther than ever before.
He grappled at his forearm, hoping the pain from his grip would push the snakes away. The only thing that kept him going, were those three words, still ringing in his ears. A scene that repeated in his mind. If it was punishment for his past then at least he was gifted with Hange's blushing face at their first confession to him.
"Levi, Sorry, we're late!" Isabel's bright eyes shone as she placed her bag and coat on the chair in front of him. Farlan nodded at Levi as he followed her lead. The pain began to subside at their presence.
"Did you want anything else Levi?" Farlan offered. "I just got the job offer today so drinks are on me!"
"I'm fine with my chai, just get something for you and Isabel." Levi sipped his warm latte remembering the first time Hange made it for him after reading about world-renowned tea recipes in a book from Grisha's basement.
Farlan and Isabel sat down after quickly receiving their orders.
"Sooooo Levi," Isabel began with a smirk on her face. "How's Dr. Zoe ?"
"Hange? Uh, they left two weeks ago."
"WHAT?!" Isabel slammed her fists on the table, shaking everyone's cups.
"Relax Is! I just paid for these!" Farlan complained already protecting his hot matcha tea in his hands.
"And you just LET THEM?!" Isabel's voice cracked in anger.
"Did you want me to tie them up and lock them up in my room?"
She sighed sitting back in her chair, picking up her Americano and bringing it to her lips.
"What were you even expecting Is, they're just his doctor. Nothing more. This isn't some romance movie. " Farlan teased.
Levi's eyebrow twitched. Sure Hange was just his doctor but there were many nights where he held their hand and Hange didn't pull away. Some mornings Levi even woke up with Hange's fingers intertwined in his even though he had never reached out for them. It was like an unspoken agreement, an intimate touch they both initiated until they became comfortable and at ease.
"Anyways, what's your new boss like Farlan," Levi tried to change the conversation before he remembered too much and brought back the searing pain on his hand.
"Oh he's great. Better than that your old selfish ex Erwi-"
"NO!" Isabel shot up from her seat. "We can't just move on from this. They saved you! They found you and took you to the hospital. We wouldn't even have known if they hadn't called us. We saw how Hange held your hand while you slept. You can't tell me there is nothing there Levi."
"Is, c'mon. Let's not talk about that anymore." Farlan grabbed unto Isabel's arm and pulled her back down.
"Well we should! We can’t keep running away from these conversations. Levi, I know you don't want to get hurt but you can't just let them go again."
"Again?" Levi's eyebrows raised curiously. Had she remembered something too?
"That day in the hospital, I was by the door. I heard you telling them to go home. I know you think you were doing what's best for them but you are just pushing them away."
"Oh, you heard that." Levi sipped on his latte.
"Yeah, and just like all your other relationships you pushed them away and gave up. You think any other doctor would go as far as Dr. Zoe has with you?"
"No, but -"
"Exactly Levi, no one would have done that for their patient. I just wish you would be honest with yourself for once." Isabel sighed and picked up her drink. "I'm leaving."
"IS…. REALLY?! Ugh, sorry Levi, she's been having a tough time at work and she always looked forward to your stories with Dr. Zoe. But…" Farlan placed a gentle hand on Levi's shoulder. "You never let yourself be a little selfish. Maybe this time, you should." Farlan walked out after Isabel closing the café door behind him.
Levi sighed looking into his cup. They were right and yet, he didn't feel like he deserved it. In his mind, he wasn't worthy of Hange. They had always given up the title of "hero" in the Survey Corps while everyone touted him as "humanities strongest". He always believed no matter his strength it was Hange's mind that had gotten them that far, all the way up to the day of their sacrifice. How could he be worthy of someone selfless enough to accept the label of a titan crazed maniac in order to protect humanity?
I like you. Those soft words kept ringing in his head. Why did they say it this time? Was it pity? Was it an excuse? Was it…regret?
Levi licked his lips and stood up to leave his cup by the baristas. He picked up his coat and winced. His fingers burned with pain. He had gotten used to ignoring it again as the pain resurfaced, but he couldn’t let that stop him. Not again.
----
"C'mon Hange, forget the paperwork." Pieck pulled Hange, her arms intertwined in theirs pulling their bicep against her breast. "You've been studying those clinical trials non-stop. I've missed you."
"You're drunk Pieck. I'll get you home then go back to work."
"Hannnnngeee please don't burry yourself in your research again. Pretty pleassee." Pieck pouted cutely with her heavy eyelids flapping.
"Even your cute face won't convince me. Let's go." Hange pulled Pieck as they grabbed her coat and bags.
It was a lively night at the Underground. Wednesday .50₵ wings always filled up the place but it was especially packed tonight. Hange stretched their neck above the crowd and finally found Moblit and Nifa laughing in a corner exchanging old med school horror stories.
"Hey guys I'm taking Pieck home! She's done for the night! But you guys have fun!"
They waved happily and Hange waved back. Hange grabbed Pieck's hand then wrapped their other arm around Pieck's shoulder pulling her close as a new wave of customers rushed in desperately trying to order before the prices went back up.
"Hold on, it's getting a little crazy here," Hange warned her.
"You know I never mind being pulled into your chest, " Pieck pressed her face against Hange's chest, blushing and smiling at their warmth.
"You're going to be so embarrassed when you get sober and remember this."
They were almost close to the door but suddenly a wave of bulky biker men pushed past them knocking Hange and Pieck into a corner. Hange threw their hands up against the wall protecting Pieck from the incoming crowd. They sighed, towering over Pieck as the crowd pushed them against Pieck's body.
"Sorry Pieck, I swear these bastards are so rude. Is there no damn limit to how many people they'll let in. Greedy bastards."
Small thin hands went up and cupped Hange's chin. Their eye's widened in shock as Pieck's lips came in close to theirs.
"Pieck, don't.." but Pieck had already pulled their face into a gentle kiss. Hange's heart panged as they gave in to the familiar feeling. When their lips parted, they could only stare pitifully at Pieck.
"Hah, I guess it wasn't just the dreams, was it Hange."
Their eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what they could say to satiate Pieck's feelings. Hange's heart had moved on a long time ago, even before Levi.
"Hange…" A low voice called out to them. Hange's eyes widened and their head snapped towards the doorway, now empty. Only a small frame stood there.
"Levi?" they called out in shock. "What are you doing here?"
Levi's eyes traversed down from Hange's eyes to their arms still against the wall, their body pressed against Pieck's.
"I see. I guess you're busy."
"Oh," Hange pushed off against the wall and dug their hands into their pockets backing out until a wide gap was between them and Pieck. "No, no, I'm free but I have to take Pieck home first… Wait what are you doing here? I didn't see Isabel or Farlan come in."
"I went to the office to find you but saw you were gone already. Had a feeling you were here for the wings. You usually came late on Wednesday's."
"Yeah, it's our tradition Mr.Ackerman," a drunk Pieck rudely responded. "You should know, it's our time with Hange so wait…your…turn!" Pieck poked and pushed Levi with each word.
"Pieck stop…"
"I say what I want to who I want Hange. You can't tell me what to do anymore. You don't even… like me anymore. " Pieck's eyes watered as a whimper shook out of her lips.
"Pieck, no…don’t… c'mon. Don't cry. I'm sorry." Hange cupped Pieck's face and brushed her tears away then pulled her in for a warm embrace. "Let's take you home. Sorry Levi, we can talk at our appointment tomorrow."
"I'll help you. Let me order you a taxi," he responded. Hange froze, unsure if it was the best idea to let Levi help take their needy ex home. Still, a second set of hands with a drunk Pieck did sound nice.
"Sure…"
---
"Alright Pieck, go to sleep. I left you a cup of water on your bedside. You better wake up for work, dummy." Hange closed Pieck's bedroom door behind them. Levi stood by the front door staring at them.
"Um, thanks for your help Levi. You didn't have to do that."
"You're right, I didn't but I wanted to talk to you," Levi opened the door and they both stepped out of Pieck's apartment.
"Couldn't it have waited until tomorrow?" Hange said as they rolled their shoulder. It had started to become sore from carrying Pieck's limp drunk body.
"No, this isn't about my fingers."
Hange began to step down the staircase first knowing Levi wasn't familiar with the complex.
"You sure? I can tell when you're in pain y'know. I lived with you for a month."
Levi stopped at the top of the stairs, Hange was already half way down. He smirked, a small scoff escaping his mouth.
"You knew the whole time?"
"Of course, Levi. I'm your doctor. It's my job to know."
He stood pensively still frozen in place, Hange waiting for him half way down. His glare burned through the stairs, then slowly his eyes began to lift until it met Hange's curious honey brown eyes.
"I wanna show you something. Come with me. Not as my doctor but as my friend." His eyes bore through theirs. Hange's mind frazzled by the stare of his pearl river gray eyes.
"Fine."
Levi raised his hand up to them, offering it like he had done before in his bed. Hange sighed but instinctively grabbed his cold hands and held tightly, wondering if this would be the last time they'd hold them.
---
City lights glared from miles away, like a starry night in a dark sky. Hange's eyes brightened at the sight. The overlook was old and made of hundred year old bricks hidden in a barely lit path off a far-off road and yet the lights of the city still shone bright enough for them to see. A smile spread across Hange's face, their cheeks flushed with excitement.
"How did you find a place like this, Levi? It's beautiful!"
"Just an old spot of mine." He walked up and stood beside Hange, staring at them while their hands gripped the brick barrier that stood between them and a couple hundred meter fall.
"It looks just like a sky full of stars, bright, shining." Giddy chuckles escaped their bright smile.
"Yeah, I knew you'd like this spot somehow. You always did like stars."
Hange's smile faded and turned to Levi. "How would you even- Oh, right the mystical dreams that somehow tells you everything about me. You could just say you stalked me. Sheesh."
"I would never know any of this unless you told me."
"Hah, when have I ever told you about my telescoping hobbies back when I was a kid."
"You didn't, but I remember you looking at the stars a lot after a long day. We can't see them here because of light pollution but I was hoping this was close enough."
Hange sighed, the only time they could remember looking at the stars in front of Levi was in one of those dreaded dreams they were trying to forget.
"You're always so vague with your words. Why can't you just be straightforward for once in you-" Levi breathed in sharply through his teeth, his left hand immediately gripping his right wrist.
"Are you okay?" Hange immediately grabbed his arm, leading their fingers down his forearms to his hands, ready to begin massaging them. "Has it been hurting a lot?"
"It's fine Hange don't worry- ACH" Hange had begun to massage Levi's wrist but immediately dropped his hand, shocked at Levi's reaction.
"It spread? Your pain is spreading? Levi….WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG?!"
Levi had one eye closed as he winced in pain and another open staring at Hange as he grabbed at his right arm.
"It doesn't matter Hange there's nothing more you can do. You've done more than enough."
"Levi," Hange's eyes began to well up. "It's my fault isn't it. It's my fault it's spreading. Listen just forget what I said before, it probably stressed you out so don't worry about any of the nonsense I spouted. Just let me take care of you. Let's try something different. I'm sorry Levi, it's my fault." Tears fell down Hange's face as they grasped for Levi's hand again.
They gently held his hands in their palm and began to slowly massage them again, changing their pressure points to deal with the spread. Tears fell down their cheeks to his lifted fingertips, sliding down to the middle of his palm. "I'm sorry," Hange whispered under their breath.
Levi's left hand released his forearm then reached out and placed itself gently on Hange's face, brushing off the tears as Hange continued to work through his hand.
"It's not your fault Hange. Please don't cry."
"I'm sorry, I… I care about you Levi. I know it may have been cruel to leave but I care about you. I thought it was what was best for you but I've only hurt you more and you've been hiding this pain while I was enjoying myself with those stupid lights."
"It's fine." The back of his fingers brushed Hange's cheek, drying their face then cupping it back in his palm. "It's why I brought you here, so you can enjoy yourself. I didn't come here to make you feel guilty."
Hange's watery eyes lifted from his hands connecting with his quartz eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Stop Hange." Levi's hand's slowly slid down their face and gently wrapped themselves around Hange's neck pulling them closer.
"Stop worrying about me for once and let me make you smile." Levi pulled them closer until they could feel each other's warm breath. His soft lips brushed against Hange's hesitating then relinquishing and engrossing themselves to the allure of their mouth.
Hange gasped lightly as their lips touched, still shocked, they tried to pull away but Levi's hurting right hand captured both of Hange's using the grips on their wrists to bring them closer and deeper into the kiss. Like waves, their lips crashed, breaking into each other, parting and then closing into each other again. Levi pulled back to give Hange a chance to breath.
"Your hand Levi, " They stared at the right hand that tightly held both of theirs.
"I don't care if they're searing in pain."
His fingers ran through their brown side bangs pulling them behind their ear. Levi's silver eyes drowned themselves in Hange's, passionately tracing his fingers as they traveled their blushing face. Finally, his lips parted.
"I can live with this pain as long as I'm with you."
He brought their face back down until their forehead and noses touched.
"Because… I like you too, Hange."