Chapter Text
Long-distance fucking sucks (they're not LONG distance long distance, but they're long-distance enough that Sokka constantly feels distraught.) Everyday Sokka is an onery, insufferable, grumbling wreck. It's hard to go from seeing someone every day and being able to hold and cuddle and kiss them whenever you want to seeing them a few times a year. Dartmouth isn't far from Juilliard, but taking the five-hour trip for anything other than emergencies and extended holidays is inconvenient and impractical.
He feels most bad for his friends. Poor Aang has to live with him in his less than pleasant state, and Toph has to listen to his insistent whining during all of his shifts. Even the people he doesn't see every day have to put up with his nonsense. Whenever he calls his father, it's the same old thing: "How are you son?" "I miss Zuko." "How are the classes going?" "I miss Zuko." "Get up to anything fun lately?" "Nothing is fun without Zuko." It's both comical and pathetic.
It especially rubs salt into the wound that Zuko doesn't seem to be experiencing the same thing. Whenever Sokka calls him, he's always in a rush to go do something, talk to someone, or go somewhere. It especially irks him when Zuko brings up his "best friend" Jet who's the leader of the violin section in the Orchestra. It's always "Jet this" and "Jet that" and "Jet's so cool!" Even his sister seems to prefer Jet to him. Whenever he calls her, she gets a love-struck, dopey look on her face about whatever Jet's latest "amazing" feat is.
"Hey Sokka," Aang said warily as he walked through the door. He slung his backpack by the door and tossed his keys onto the hook as he walked into the living room. "You look miserable. More so than usual, which is really saying something these days."
Sokka rolled his eyes and scowled as he slammed his laptop and shoved it to the other end of the couch. "Whatever. It doesn't really matter."
"Yeah well," Aang started as he took a seat beside him, "You've been a real tool lately. Very Un-Sokka-like."
"I just miss him."
"I feel that, I really do. Even though I never made a move, I really miss Katara sometimes. But I'm not a dick to all my friends about it." He turned to give Sokka a pointed look before walking away to hole up in his room.
Sokka pulled up his hoodie and sighed. "Easy for you to say," he grumbled. "You can't miss something you never had."
~~~
"And then he made me clean it up even though it wasn't my table."
Zuko didn't look up from his paper, "Uh-huh, that's crazy babe."
Sokka narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, and I just really feel we all should start drinking milk directly from the udder."
"That's nice."
Sokka quietly examined his boyfriend as he scribbled something out on his paper. He watched the dark strands of his ponytail swish back and forth and he watched the way his eyebrows furrowed while he was concentrating particularly hard and he watched as elegant, precise fingers ran through drills of whatever piece he was annotating. He watched as his face lit up when Jet walked into the room and he watched them laugh and he watched as Zuko showed him his sheet music for his opinion. It sucks to feel insignificant to the person you care about most, Sokka discovers.
Zuko settled back down at his desk and chewed his pen thoughtfully before looking up at his phone screen, as if Sokka was some sort of afterthought, "Sorry if I seem unfocused, it's a busy week for Orchestra."
"Yeah."
"You know how it gets."
"Yeah," Sokka says sullenly. He knows exactly how it gets, but that doesn't mean his feelings are any less hurt. "I think I'm gonna go to bed." He doesn't even let Zuko finish saying goodnight before he's ending the FaceTime.
He sits in his bed with his knees pulled to his chest and tries to disassociate from life, but it isn't working (he's never been good at removing himself from his emotions.) He thinks about a game he used to play with his mother and sister in childhood called "Big Feelings" where they'd all talk about their day and how they handled an issue that arose "big feelings" and how they'd handled and what they could've done differently. He didn't remember whether it was the advice or back rub his mom would give them after they shared, but he knew he always felt a lot better afterward. He really missed her.
~~~
"Has Sokka seemed off to you these last few months?"
He and Katara had decided to go out for afternoon tea, but last night was still eating at him. Sokka had seemed so dejected.
Katara sipped her tea and tapped her fingers on the table's edge, "Actually yes. He's been super high-strung whenever I call. I asked Aang about it a few weeks ago and he said that he's been really depressed and kind of intolerable."
"Really?" Zuko buried his face in his hands and sighed. "I've been a really shitty boyfriend. Last night he-"
"Is everything alright here," their waiter asked politely. "Can I get anyone a refill?"
Katara smiled offered her cup, "More lavender chai please."
"Coming right up!" He took the cup and walked briskly away.
"You said you didn't like it. Why are you getting more?"
"Because." She peaked around Zuko's head at the waiter's retreating figure. "He's got a really cute butt."
Zuko gave an exasperated sigh and threw a balled-up napkin at her.
"Hey!"
"Can we please focus?" He brushed his hair back and took another sip of his tea, "Last night he seemed really out of it, hung up before I even got to say goodbye."
"That is weird," she said distractedly. "Almost as weird as how long this refill is taking. How am I supposed to appreciate him if he's not around for me to ogle?" She sighed and laid her head down on the table, "Being single is for the birds."
Zuko rolled his eyes and downed the rest of his tea. He loved hanging out with Katara but she struggled to walk the line between knowing when to listen and knowing when to share. If he were really honest with himself, he didn't need Katara to tell him he'd been neglecting Sokka, so let her wallow in self-pity and only snorted a little when the waiter rejected Katara's number.
"It's not funny!" she whined. "I'm humiliated!"
"Then maybe you should act less thirsty in public."
She punched him in the arm, face bright red and burning. Zuko couldn't have kept in his laughter if he tried.
~~~
"Well I don't care, all I know is that you need to get back fucking home and figure it out!"
Aang was usually such an easy-going and forgiving guy. Whenever he was pushed to the end of his patience and snapped, it was actually terrifying. You had to work pretty hard to get him to that point.
"Yeah," Sokka gulped, "I'll be right there."
He groaned as he struggled to push the door open while carrying the weight of his hockey bag. "Aang!" he called. "I'm back! Please don't kill me!"
"Why would he want to kill you?"
Sokka whipped his head around to the couch at the familiar voice. His hair was pulled back messily, hoodie rumpled (Sokka's hoodie he'd been looking for for months,) and he had dark bags under his eyes. He was the prettiest thing Sokka had seen in a long while.
He tried to speak but the words died in his throat. He could feel the waterworks coming on, but couldn't be bothered to wipe his eyes. Anything short of tackling Zuko in a hug seemed a waste of time. So that's what he did.
"Oomf!"
Zuko's arms are suddenly full of a crying Sokka. He can't help but feel his heart break a little at being the cause of Sokka's pain. He gently wrapped him in a hug and situated themselves so that Sokka was lying on top of him with his head tucked into his neck. "Shh, shh, it's okay," he soothed, rubbing calming circles into Sokka's back. "I'm here now baby, and I am so so sorry I haven't been present for you the way you deserve."
It does little to pacify him. "I just," he paused to wipe his face with his sleeve, "It's been really hard. Harder than I thought it'd be. And sometimes..." He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt a fresh wave of tears coming. "I just..."
"It's okay, don't cry," Zuko murmured softly, "I've got you, you can tell me."
The warm arms wrapping themselves tighter around his back help give him the strength he needs. "It's really hard when I always miss you so fucking much and I don't feel like you feel the same way."
Zuko felt like shit. He had been missing Sokka. Terribly. He spent all his time hyper-fixated on his classes and his friends and whatever cheap distraction he could find for that very reason. Maybe he wasn't going about it in the right way.
"And don't even get me started on that fucking Jet guy. You're happier to see him than you are to see me!" Sokka sat up on Zuko's chest, glaring at him with red eyes. If it were an appropriate moment, Zuko would've pointed out how adorable he looked. He settled for softly placing a hand on the left side of Sokka's face and bringing him in for a soft kiss.
"Don't distract me when I'm mad at you," Sokka said half-heartedly. He sat back again and felt his resolve snap and anger dissipate as he looked at Zuko with his messy hair and oversized hoodie. He leaned back down and captured Zuko's lips, moaning when Zuko deepened the kiss and brought up his legs to cage him on both sides as if he never wanted Sokka to leave. It was so nice to be close and feel him the way Sokka had been longing to.
Zuko leaned back when Sokka began nibbling on the sensitive skin of his good ear. It was hard to fall into their natural rhythm when he felt so guilty. He lovingly cradled Sokka's face and kissed away the hurt look of rejection. "I owe you an apology. I do miss you. Every. Single. Day. I miss you when I wake up and when I have my morning tea and when I go to class and when I go to practice and when I'm out with friends and when I'm talking to literally any person who isn't you."
"Then why-" Sokka started with a look of confusion on his face.
"The only way I know how to deal with it is to avoid it. So I distract myself constantly. Anything that keeps me from fixating on the empty feeling I get away from you. I've even taken up knitting twice a month at the Senior Center just to kill time. I don't even like yarn. It's scratchy," he said with a pout.
Sokka snorted as he felt a wave of relief wash over him. It made him feel so much better to know he wasn't in this alone, but it still left one question. "And Jet?" he asked.
Zuko laughed and kissed Sokka's nose simply because he could, "There's nothing going on between me and Jet, and if there were, I'm certain Katara would choke me in my sleep for making a move on 'her man'. Jet's actually the one he let me use his car to come down here." He nuzzled into Sokka's hair, bringing him closer to properly cuddle him again. "I'd never hurt you," he said softly, "Not in a million years."
Sokka closed his eyes, absentmindedly tracing patterns into Zuko's chest, "I suppose I've always known that, but I'd be lying if I said it isn't nice to hear." He sat back up, intending to make some smart-alecky comment, but the words caught in his throat when he saw the intense look Zuko was giving him. "What?" He scrubbed a bit at his face. "Do I look that bad?" He probably did, all red and blotchy and tear-stained. Real sexy stuff.
"No." He gently tugged the ponytail out of Sokka's hair and tucked a few wayward strands behind Sokka's ear. "I think you look stunning," he said, cradling his jaw.
Sokka kissed him with all the love he felt running through his body and then some. "I love you so much. So much it's borderline embarrassing."
Zuko laughed and flipped their positions so he could straddle his lap, "I love you so much too. So much," he began trailing kisses across Sokka's jaw, "That I want to really show you."
"But Aang..." Sokka trailed, finding it increasingly hard to focus when Zuko started sucking on his pulse point.
"Will be gone awhile," Zuko replied huskily. "I asked him to give us space a few hours."
Sokka squeaked at the sudden movement of Zuko standing up and picking him up as if he were a fragile piece of glass. "I can walk you know!" he squawked. He tried to wriggle out Zuko's grasp, but Zuko held fast. "Let me spoil you tonight," he said.
Sokka stopped fighting and wrapped his arms around Zuko's neck as he was carted to his bed. One night of being pampered couldn't hurt.