want to place it on my bookshelf
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She’s a civilian. Useless. Sheltered. A silly little bookworm caught up in a tangled web she doesn’t belong in. Surely she couldn’t be of use to a group of S-class criminals, right? No, of course not.
Well, she also has a bad habit of being wrong…
So maybe she’s got a secret locked in her mind, and as it turns out, a lot of people want it. Life would be easier if she knew what it was. Never mind that though, these criminals are in need of some serious therapy. That, she can work with.
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,341
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- 29,404
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- 11,642
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- 1,741,191
Bookmarked by MaggYme
30 Dec 2025
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Dramoine
Everyone is afraid of Neville and he gets matched with Pansy.
Beautiful dynamics between the characters -
Oh fuck no by Shalea
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
08 Feb 2025
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“𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. 𝙲𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚝; 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖 𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚞𝚑… 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕, 𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎? 𝙾𝚑 𝚋𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛… 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚢, 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞?”
Eloria blinked once, then twice. “Bilbo, we really need to get our shit together. You speak, I understand not a single fuck. I speak, you understand what? Exactly. Not a single fuck.”
or
Eloria finds herself in Tolkien's world, just in time to go on an adventure with thirteen dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard she all knows too well.
Of course, it would be great to change certain things for the better, prevent the death of some characters and find a way home in the end.But how the fuck is she supposed to do that when she doesn't even speak their language?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 105,496
- Chapters:
- 20/?
- Comments:
- 276
- Kudos:
- 735
- Bookmarks:
- 168
- Hits:
- 19,698
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08 Feb 2025
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tolkien hobbit
ofc and dwarves cant understand each other
well written -
The Dam's Prayer by Cuptivate
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms
28 Dec 2018
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Summary
The great Kingdom Under the Mountain has been reclaimed and King Thorin's rule has brought peace and prosperity to the region once more.
The mountain is bustling with dwarrow that have come from all over Arda to make it their home and work their craft and do their trade as they have yearned to be doing for over a century.
But who does all the cleaning? Who does all the washing?
This story explores the life of dwarrow that have not learned a craft and find life rather hard, even in the glory of Erebor.
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The rating has been changed to 'Explicit' for Chapters 11 and 12. A summary of those two chapters is offered at the beginning of Chapter 13 for anyone who wishes to skip them.Bookmarked by MaggYme
05 Jan 2025
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Darrow falls asleep of dwalin by accident. Bad boss gets thrown unto jail. Dwalin falls for her. Happy end . No smut
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Two years after the death of Voldemort, Kingsley Shaklebolt announces that the wizarding population has had a significant decrease since the war and to rectify the situation the wizengamot has decided to pass a law that states all unmarried witches and wizards between the ages of 17 and 30 will be married and have 3 years to produce a child.
When Hermione goes to the ministry for her husband selection, the very last name she expects to see is Draco Malfoy.
Mature rating for later chapters.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 82,289
- Chapters:
- 40/40
- Comments:
- 430
- Kudos:
- 1,778
- Bookmarks:
- 645
- Hits:
- 66,573
Bookmarked by MaggYme
12 Nov 2024
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Dramoine
Marriage law.
Just incredible, theo is with Luna and Pansy threatens everyone.. love it -
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Summary
Ministry Directive 32
To ensure moving past any and all lingering Blood-purity views, all Pureblood wizards and witches are henceforth forbidden from marrying other Purebloods.
Unmarried Purebloods who have aided, abetted and otherwise were tied to the Death Eater movement, are furthermore obliged to, without exception (unless it involves Directive 24), marry a Muggleborn. They have one year to find adequate spouses. Non-compliance with Directive 32 will result in a fine of 150.000 Galleons and 5 years’ incarceration in Azkaban.
***
“I understand.” Lucius Malfoy folded his hands on his cane and sat straighter. “As you may have noticed, Directive 32 has some of my former associates in a bit of a tizzy.”
Hermione snorted before she could help herself. Lucius blinked at her as if she had spat on the floor. “Apologies, please continue,” she said.
“Ah, well… I have come to you with an opportunity. As I have been told, you receive dozens of proposals a day. In person as well as in the form of letters. Were you to agree to my proposition, that would all go away.”
“And what exactly are you asking of me, Mister Malfoy?”
“In short, to marry my son and thus keeping him out of Azkaban.”- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 282,150
- Chapters:
- 46/?
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 2,229
- Kudos:
- 2,237
- Bookmarks:
- 887
- Hits:
- 147,908
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30 Oct 2024
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Bookmarker's Notes
Heroine signs a contract with lucius to marry draco because of some law..
Ron Is an toxic asshole ex.
Magical house is Match maker