the dove is on morphine
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Dazai had done enough already, hadn’t he? Slinking out into the light, drenched in all the shame of his past— Wasn't it enough? To stand in the blinding heat of it, bloodsoaked in sunlight and disgrace?
He just wanted to get high. He wanted to feel the heavy, sick weight in his arms, flooding the cavity of his head, the warmth of bliss coursing through his veins, making it all—if only for one fleeting, pathetic moment—tolerable. Bearable. Less sickening than every other moment Dazai had been cursed to be alive.
Series
- Part 1 of the dove is on morphine
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i know how to stop the bleeding. i don’t know why i do. by anatomyofacynic
Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
27 Oct 2025
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Call it routine. Call it something else if it helps.
The water runs pink. The stitches stay shut.
Chuuya’s not here out of love. He’s not.Whumptober 2025 - Day twenty-six - "Nothing like a relapse to reach the kid who was sacred.", Relapse, Drawn Curtains
Series
- Part 6 of Whumptober 2025
- Part 2 of the dove is on morphine
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Touch Me Like You’ll Let Me Drown After by anatomyofacynic
Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
16 Dec 2025
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Summary
The plan had been set earlier. Dazai was almost certain of that. He could remember sitting very still and thinking about how it would work, how long it would take, what he'd need. That part had been clean. Calm. Everything after that was just... filler.
That was always how it went. The plan came first, sharp and orderly, like a diagram drawn in ink. Everything after was penciled-in loosely, erasable. Dazai was already past the important part. Tonight was just killing time until it was time to stop.
And Chuuya was convenient.
Touch didn’t save him.
Touch didn’t make him feel human.
Touch just made the waiting less boring.Hurtcember 2025 - Day ten - Touch, “Fuck you.”
Series
- Part 6 of Hurtcember 2025
- Part 3 of the dove is on morphine
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Summary
Oda is not stupid.
He knows that Dazai is touch-starved. Knows that Dazai is touch-averse.
His guess is that when Dazai has been touched, it has not been kindly. Dazai flinches from touch, but he seems starved for it.(or: Dazai has a habit of turning up on Oda’s doorstep after his failed suicide attempts, and Oda figures out pretty quickly how desperately the loser needs touch even if he dissociates every single time it happens. Oda doesn’t really care how long it takes for Dazai to learn that not all touch is scary.)
Series
- Part 1 of catzai chronicles & odasaku’s guide to not dying (today)
- Part 5 of the dove is on morphine
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Summary
He could’ve gone to Odasaku.
He could’ve gone to Doc.He could’ve gone back to the container, thrown up until he passed out, and called it a night. He could’ve gone under the water and just waited. But his legs were already walking again. And they weren’t going toward any of those places.
Dazai knew this part of the city too well. Knew the slant of the road, the neon buzz of the bar sign three blocks up, the iron stairs past the alley where the dogs always barked. He didn’t need to look up to know where he was going.
He knew this part of the city because—
Because it was where he lived.
delirium drags dazai somewhere he didn’t mean to go. his body chooses chuuya for him.
(or: he should’ve died on the way to the door. survival isn’t the mercy people think it is.)
Hurtcember 2025 - Day twenty-four - Delirium, “Why me?”
Series
- Part 8 of Hurtcember 2025
- Part 6 of the dove is on morphine
- Part 5 of Morizai my beloved dead dove