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The Dread Pirate Bonnet Shows No Mercy (Lord Jeff Doesn't Want Any, Thanks) by Dracothelizard
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
17 Apr 2022
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Summary
Ed throws the book on the floor in front of Stede. “What if I want to be ravished for a change? Ever think of that?”
Stede stares up at him, mouth open, then closes it, then he frowns in thought.
“That’s what I thought,” Ed mutters, shoulders sagging as he drops into one of the chairs.
Despite knowing the man behind the reputation, Stede still wants Blackbeard. Everyone does.
“I’m a pirate captain,” Stede says, picking the book from the floor and brushing some dirt from the cover.
“And?”
Stede smiles at him, cheeks still flushed. “I think that means I’m allowed to ravish you.”
- Language:
- English
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- 8,085
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by AZae
16 May 2023
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Bookmarker's Notes
With the knife, it’s a lot easier to cut off the top button, and the shirt falls open. Ed watches Stede, enjoying the growing heat in his eyes as he looks at the newly exposed skin. While Stede has seen him in various states of undress plenty of times by now, Stede always looks so happy , like he still can’t believe he can look his fill and touch Ed whenever he wants to.
Stede leans forward, free hand resting on the armrest above Ed’s head, dragging the knife up to tilt his chin up. He’s grinning, and from this angle he almost looks dangerous. -
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Summary
Stede Bonnet Is late picking his children up again, and Ed is in charge of looking after them this time.
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Summary
The thing is, they’ve been trying to take it slow. Not because they aren’t a sure thing, they were both in far too deep before they ever even got together, but because it’s new and exciting and they want to do this properly. It’s just that…
It’s just that Stede is obscenely fucking hot and Ed is a bit in love with him. How is he supposed to resist?
(He will. Will do for as long as Stede needs him to.
Fucking hell, though.)
Day 28 of OFMD Kinktober: Virginity, marking, “you like that, huh?”
Series
- Part 28 of RoughWinds OFMD Kinktober 2023
- Language:
- English
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- 2,320
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by AZae
16 May 2025
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Summary
“Oh, God," Stede wheezes. "I just— I didn’t want to intrude or make you feel that I was— was treating your body inappropriately—”
Ed huffs a laugh, pulling the fastens on his leather trousers apart.
“Stede, love,” Ed says, “I am begging you to treat my body inappropriately.”
Stede’s heart— Ed’s heart— their heart, right now— pounds, and his brain fuzzes over, and he still feels that incredibly pleasant prickling, like he’s gone extremely sensitive all over his body.
“I mean,” Ed keeps going, navigating his way upwards to meet Stede’s eye while he separates the final joins on his pants for him. “How many chances like this are we gonna get, you know? If you don’t like it, I’m obviously not gonna make you, but— If you were thinking it. You know. I was thinking it, too.”
for ofmd kinktober, day 22: denial!!
also for ofmd flufftober, day 22: body-swapping!!
Series
- Part 22 of a secret garden [our flag means death kinktober 2022]
- Part 1 of deep in the heart of me
Bookmarked by AZae
29 Mar 2025
Bookmarker's Tags:
Bookmarker's Notes
“What?” Ed asks. His fingertips find his own leather belt, and Stede jerks at the sensation of his hands on him. Tugging at the buckle, freeing the belt from its confines with a slipping hiss, he asks, “Don’t you think it’s hot being in my body?” Stede’s breath catches. Ed’s chest tightens in a different way, a more straining kind of pressure, and he loves it. He wishes he could train his own body to do the same thing. “It’s—” Stede starts, before his throat thickens. He takes a wheezing breath; Ed huffs a laugh, tossing his belt aside. “Oh, God. I just— I didn’t want to intrude or make you feel that I was— was treating your body inappropriately—” Ed huffs a laugh, pulling the fastens on his leather trousers apart. “Stede, love,” Ed says, “I am begging you to treat my body inappropriately.”
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Tags
Summary
Stede is divorced, rebuilding a life in the UK and working at Jim's non-profit community centre. His 6-month stay is running out and, well, turns out a fake marriage is an option to stay, because tropes are fun. Ed's got his own shit going on, you'll find out more in later chapters, but he thinks a sham marriage to this weird guy is probably going to at least be a bit of a laugh. Will update weekly.
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“No, no, absolutely not, Lucius, you didn’t tell me he looked like that!”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Lucius!” Stede hisses. “He’s gorgeous, we are not doing this!”
Lucius is saying something but Stede honestly has no idea what it is because blood is pounding in his ears and the pub has almost entirely emptied and this night has very much gotten away from him and the most stunningly beautiful man has just walked in. And Stede has had four glasses of horrible wine and god, all that leather, and Christ almighty, look at his hair. His hair.
- Language:
- English
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- 38,568
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- 8/8
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- 5
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- 769
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Bookmarked by AZae
29 Mar 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
“Fuck off!” Ed laughs, and it is a lovely laugh. He tilts his head back, exposing a glimpse of his throat under his long, salt and pepper beard
“What does a ‘tech security guy’ do exactly?”
He says in an artificially bright and bubbly tone, “‘ Hi!I’m Stede, I’m 46 years old and I’ve never been with a man! Seeking someone to teach me literally everything about how it all works, thanks, bye!’ Can’t exactly put that on a Grindr profile, can I?” “Yeah, no, your phone would probably overheat or something, Jesus,” Ed mutters.
Ed’s so close he can feel his breath. He’s dropped his voice, speaking in low, growling tones. “I don’t wanna oversell it, but this might be even better than mini-golf, sweetheart.”

