BetterAlive
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The Age of Aquarius by Temptress_of_Dalliances
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV), The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
07 Jul 2025
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Summary
At 40, Stede Bonnet has mastered the art of a carefully curated life, complete with homemade marmalade, Survivor nights, and a wardrobe that would make a fashion editor blush. But when his coworkers invite him to trivia night, Stede’s well-kept secrets start to unravel.
Between surprising everyone with his encyclopedic knowledge and navigating awkward truths about his love life (or lack thereof), Stede begins to wonder if stepping out of his comfort zone might lead him to more than just a victory.
Maybe, just maybe, he’ll find the connection he didn’t know he was missing.
[TL;DR: this is basically 40-year old virgin, but you know without a lot of the "hitting on drunk witches" and other things like that but keeping the other elements that weirdly has endeared me to the movie all these very very long years. But with like Stede being Andy, which you know is a pretty great idea.]
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
13 Feb 2025
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The 40-Year-Old Virgin
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Edward Teach, lead vocalist for a metal band, has been taking wedding singer gigs at a local event venue for the past few months, finding it a fulfilling change of pace in his life. A hopeless romantic, Ed is engaged to be married in less than a week and is completely in his element when he meets Stede Bonnet, a recently relocated professional attending a wedding where Ed is performing. Stede is swept away by Ed’s charismatic performance and the two hit it off right away. Stede promises that once he eventually sets a date for his own wedding with Mary, he wants Ed to be the wedding singer for theirs as well. Tragedy strikes when Ed’s fiancé leaves him at the altar, sending Ed spiraling into depression and swearing off wedding gigs entirely. In an attempt to help Ed get back on his feet (and hopefully spend more quality time with his new friend), Stede convinces Ed to help him plan his own upcoming wedding. Needless to say, as Stede’s wedding grows closer, so do Stede and Ed <3
This story is loosely based on The Wedding Singer (1998) and inspired by the parallels between Ed's Episode 10 songs and the infamous "Somebody Kill Me Please" scene from the movie.
Series
- Part 1 of Grow Old With You
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 194,142
- Chapters:
- 93/100
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 567
- Kudos:
- 307
- Bookmarks:
- 77
- Hits:
- 15,315
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
18 Jan 2025
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The Wedding Singer
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2021.
Notting Hill, London, U.K.
Stede had a mid-life crisis and gay awakening simultaneously, which resulted in an amicable separation from his wife, a not-so-amicable separation from his father, a complete wardrobe overhaul, and the purchase of a bookshop.
This left him more content with life than he had ever been, but also made him crave someone to share it with. He’d never craved anything before.
Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.
Ed Teach shot to higher levels of fame than he’d ever imagined he would. He truly loved acting, but it became a chore when suddenly the whole world knew his face and he couldn’t ever let the mask slip, even when the cameras weren’t rolling. He missed home, he was tired, and he was just so bored.
He needed something to change before he lost his mind.
An 'Our Flag Means Death' Social Media AU, originally posted on Twitter.
COMPLETE
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Stede has been stuck alone on this planet for a millennium. He’s fine with it.
Until one day he’s not alone anymore.
Series
- Part 1 of Robo Love
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Summary
Paleoclimatologist Stede Bonnet can see all of the warning signs of an impending climate catastrophe, but no one ever listens to the scientists. Conditions tip over into disaster much sooner than he expects, and his son, Louis, is stranded in a New York City that's half underwater with the most deadly blizzard in human history brewing. Stede needs to get to Louis. So what if that guy from Louis' favorite tv show keeps telling him he doesn't have the survival skills to make it to New York.
Survival expert and "famous television guy" Ed Teach is on filming hiatus (because the weather has been absolute shit) when the world ends. His mom is in New York City, which just got slammed by a massive tsunami. And according to that annoying blond scientist, a globe-altering snowstorm ever is on the way. Ed is abso-fucking-lutely going to NYC to get his mom. He'll figure out where to get the gear along the way.
Stede's annoying as shit (Ed's words), but he's got the arctic gear, and Ed's an egotistical asshole (Stede's words), but he's also got the advanced survival training. So they grit their teeth and reluctantly team up. Because they also have a common goal: rescue the people they love.
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
18 Jan 2025
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The Day After Tomorrow