11 Works by Calistra
Listing Works
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An unofficial, unauthorized, and completely unholy anthology of incidents MI-5 and the Vatican swear never happened.
Contents include (but are not limited to, because God has abandoned us):🔫 Alucard learns to shoot like a cowboy. Gunslinger hat included. Dignity not.
🎮 Gameplays that result in actual war crimes. Screams in 15th-century Romanian. Vampire rage-quitting.
📹 Live streams that nothing could have prepared the internet for. 13k followers in 4 minutes.
📦 Unlicensed Hellsing merch: Alucard plush with LED fangs. It giggles when you stab it.
🩸 BloodCon UK: Cosplay. Smut fanfics. Sheer fan chaos. Anderson is traumatized (again).
🧠 Mandatory group therapy. Spoiler: it does not help.
📺 The Office, but everyone has guns. HR is dead. So is Integra on the inside.
🏠 Keeping up with the Hellsings: family game nights. Online shopping. Seras just wanted to sleep.
🧹 The maids spill the tea: support group for very traumatized survivors of Integra & Alucard as a couple.
💍 Fake marriages with real sexual tension: the neighbors regret everything.Each chapter is a standalone disaster. Some connect. All should probably be exorcised.
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Flesh and blood respond faster than faith.
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Welcome to the Hayakawa Household! Featuring:
🔹 Aki, the exhausted single father by circumstance;
🔹 Denji, a golden retriever in human form;
🔹 Power, a raccoon that gained the power of speech;
🔹 Makima, observing the chaos like she’s at the zoo;
🔹 Also, Kishibe is here. He's tired too.They fight devils by day, and each other by night.
No real plot, just vibes and suffering. -
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Desire never loosens. It tightens again and again.
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Assigned as chaplain to a remote convent attached to a psychiatric hospital, Father Peter brings silence and discipline with him. For the young Sister Agnes, his presence becomes a form of devotion she has no language for.
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Alucard doesn’t crave Integra’s flesh so much as the one thing he has never managed to break: her will. Watching it strain, even for a moment, is the nearest he comes to pleasure — because power means nothing until it endures pressure.
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A man returns to the ocean with the body of his dead wife — a druidess whose rituals once kept their village safe. The sea was her sacred place, and committing her remains to the water is an ancient tradition. But as he lays her into the waves, he realizes her love comes with a price: he, too, is now bound to the deep.
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"You're not repulsed by my sins, Father. You're afraid they made you hard."
Five years after the war, the Vatican detains Integra Hellsing under the guise of an international tribunal. Charges include collusion with demonic forces, and unleashing global-scale catastrophe.
London hasn't fully recovered yet, and the Church intends to exploit the opportunity to consolidate power. With Alucard gone, they believe the Iron Maiden will be easy to break. Father Alexander Anderson is appointed as her moral examiner in a preliminary investigation.
He believes his conviction incorruptible. However, what begins as interrogation becomes confession — not hers, but his. As her unholy gospel carves its way into his faith, Anderson finds himself no longer the judge, but a willing witness to the true legacy of the vampire king.
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Sometimes all we have is a few minutes in the kitchen, and a hunger that won’t wait.
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Integra hates her human reproduction homework, but Alucard is a very thorough teacher.
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Power tastes sweeter when it trembles in your hands. And they are both starving.