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Never Mind the Bollocks by The_Sinking_Ship for shiftylinguini
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
31 Dec 2023
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Summary
If someone told Harry six months ago that by autumn he would be single, living on whisky and toast, and dancing the night away with Draco Malfoy, he would have told them to get their head checked.
And yet, here he was.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 118,583
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 468
- Kudos:
- 3,535
- Bookmarks:
- 1,295
- Hits:
- 89,765
Bookmarked by Kyossin
30 Jan 2026
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Summary
Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,497
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 1,163
- Kudos:
- 5,642
- Bookmarks:
- 1,830
- Hits:
- 128,708
Bookmarked by Kyossin
30 Jan 2026
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Summary
“Dark. Everything is dark.
And from the dark, an even darker dark emerges. Like smoke, perhaps shadow, or maybe even living, the darkest dark slithers towards me. Closer, and closer, dark approaches, never seeming to slow or stop.
So I run. Run, run, and run. The darkness is never ending, the fear is overwhelming, and the pain is mind-numbing. My lungs fill painfully with frozen mist. My veins throb and burn down to every limb. My eyes well and overflow, thick drops falling in chains down my face.Then, something warm emerges. Like sunbeams, perhaps cozy flames, or maybe even living, the lightest light slithers through my fingers. Tighter, and tighter, light wraps around my wrist, climbing across my skin until the dark doesn’t seem so dark anymore.
So I stop. I breathe, breathe, and breathe. The darkness is limited, the fear is only in my head, and the pain is bearable. Everything is… okay.”
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Also on Instagram (@drarstar_) & Wattpad (@drarstar_)
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We don’t support JK Rowling’s transphobia here.
Bookmarked by Kyossin
08 Jan 2025
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Summary
Harry and Draco meet in Madam Malkin’s and instantly take a liking to each other.
Just kidding. They don’t, but Harry does get sorted into Slytherin, and they do become extremely good friends.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 204,813
- Chapters:
- 37/37
- Comments:
- 1,203
- Kudos:
- 8,218
- Bookmarks:
- 3,154
- Hits:
- 277,215
Bookmarked by Kyossin
02 Jan 2025
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Tags
Summary
AU. The Sorting Hat doesn’t just let the Sword go when it falls on Harry’s head in the Chamber, but also Sorts him again, this time into Slytherin. Harry is furious and terrified, and the adults aren’t helping much.
Series
- Part 11 of Advent Fics 2016
- Part 1 of Choices
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 182,853
- Chapters:
- 60/60
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 2,824
- Kudos:
- 13,695
- Bookmarks:
- 2,846
- Hits:
- 544,555
Bookmarked by Kyossin
02 Jan 2025

