PaintedMagpie
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The problem is, no one knows how to market Ilya Rozanov's (in his own words) sexy Euro masculinity to an audience of white straight men.
He needs the best. And if it happens to be his secret lover’s mother who despises his very existence, so be it.
+16319607169
See? That is what I need. Do not care that you are not professional. You are best
This is Ilya RozanovYuna
This is a fucking joke, right?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,112
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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Bookmarked by PaintedMagpie
12 Apr 2026
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Pieces Still Stuck In Your Teeth by howlsmovinglibrary
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
22 May 2024
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“I mean it,” she said. “Don’t kill anyone, Astarion. You’ve gotten what you wanted. Seven thousand lives was enough.”
“I don’t take orders from you anymore. You just said so, yourself.”
“The moment you kill someone,” Rose replied, “is the moment I'll know that my next task is to stop you.”
“Darling,” Astarion grinned, “I would sincerely like to see you try.”
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The Vampire Ascendent has crossed a line. Eleven years after making the biggest mistake of her life and losing the man she loved, tiefling wizard (now Archmage) Rosalie decides it’s time to put this Astarion in the ground for good. Hopefully, both her head and her heart are strong enough to see this awful task through to its end.
(A lovers-to-enemies, ‘we’re divorced and going to make it everyone else’s problem’, Vampire-Ascendent-aesthetic-but-make- it “I can STILL fix him’ fic)
Series
- Part 5 of Rat Bastard Boi (BG3)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 188,837
- Chapters:
- 27/27
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- 2
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- 5,099
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Bookmarked by PaintedMagpie
23 Nov 2025
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Gale Dekarios is a four-time Formula 1 World Champion at the top of his game, until he's involved in a crash that nearly ends his life as well as his career. Two years later, he's invited back to the sport by his old race engineer Aumar Elminster, now the Team Principal of the newly reformed Weave Racing. The only catch? His new teammate is a rich, spoiled daddy's boy who represents everything Gale hates about the sport.
Astarion Ancunin is an F1 rookie, with only one season under his belt. As one of the sport's most promising talents, he's thrilled when he's invited to be part of the renowned Weave Racing team. The only catch? His new teammate is a failed relic who expects Astarion to be his Number 2 driver.
Now, the two unwilling colleagues will need to learn to work together or watch both their careers go up in flames.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 111,669
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- 21/21
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- 1,891
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- 827
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- 205
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Bookmarked by PaintedMagpie
18 Aug 2025
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"You want to go down this road?" asked Shadowheart. "At least do it well. If you need a fake date who’s pretty, charming, and distracting for both yourself and others? Who won’t take it too seriously, but also won’t fuck it up by being embarrassed the entire time? You don’t ask me. You ask Astarion.”
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A year after their adventuring party officially disbanded to enjoy their fame and immense wealth to the full, tiefling wizard Rosalie (reluctantly) asks Astarion for some help with a large, fake-date, ex-girlfriend sized problem.
Series
- Part 4 of Rat Bastard Boi (BG3)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 39,803
- Chapters:
- 8/8
- Comments:
- 544
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- 3,696
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Bookmarked by PaintedMagpie
09 Aug 2025
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In which Astarion is an ex-olympic figure skater and Gale is a famous musician. They get paired together as Dancing on Ice's first ever same sex couple. Shenanigans ensue.
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“How did you even get in? I very definitely remember locking up.”
“Ah,” Gale looks ever-so-slightly abashed. Only slightly, though. Mostly he looks a little proud of himself. “You know how the receptionist is always asleep?”
Astarion's eyebrows shoot up.
“Gale Dekarios, you shady thing.”
“I only borrowed it! He's never been awake enough to ask about spares, so. It was easier to just sort it out myself.”
“It would have been easier to ask me,” Astarion points out.
“Mmmm,” Gale hums, doubtfully. “I don't know if I'd ever consider you the ‘easier’ option, Astarion, I feel that would be doing your commitment to cantankerousness a great disservice.”
I'd be extremely easy if you weren't so fucking annoying, Astarion thinks.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 487,607
- Chapters:
- 38/42
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- 2,469
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- 3,181
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Bookmarked by PaintedMagpie
09 Aug 2025