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Hermione is back in England after eight years. Her first order of business is to attend a dinner party hosted by DILFs.
The Eight Rules for Fucked Up Individuals: A Dinner -
1. Leave work at the door. If you must talk about work, take a shot.
2. Wear Black. This isn’t a funeral, but we are mourning the people we used to be, and the expectations of who we’ll never become.
3. Compliments must be specific; the more unhinged the better.
4. You cannot say “I’m Fine”...Unless you give a 3-5 sentence monologue explaining why you are absolutely not.
5. Everyone is encouraged to share their pettiest opinion. The smaller the hill, the harder you die on it.
6. Crying is allowed. If you cry, you get first dibs on dessert.
7. Everyone must toast to something they’ve lost. Metaphors are allowed.
8. If you fall in love, you must declare it. Lust counts.- Language:
- English
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Bookmarked by Schwurbs
10 Oct 2025
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“You are at St. Mungo’s. You were in a coma.” He looks me over again, taking a pause. “I am a Healer here now,” he says, like it explains something. My fingers stretch, drifting across his sleeve. He looks down, like I’ve thrown mud at him.
Forcing my vocal chords together for the first time, I whisper, “What’s your name?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,386
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 1
- Comments:
- 399
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Bookmarked by Schwurbs
06 Apr 2025
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Theodore Nott: Positive Meddler by orolin for The_Taco_Writes
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
03 Jun 2024
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If Theodore Nott knows one thing, it is that Draco Malfoy is hopelessly in love with Hermione Granger.
Sick and tired of watching them dance about each other, he decides enough is enough.
Or - Theo recruits Ron to help him push the two idiots together. Chaos ensues.
(A Dramione from Theo’s POV)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,111
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- 2/2
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- 2
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- 143
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Bookmarked by Schwurbs
08 Nov 2024
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Hermione blinked, absolutely shocked, to see the tall, lithe form of Draco Malfoy looking curiously at her as he halted in his steps, his head cocking slightly to the side.
“Granger,” he drawled, lip curving in amusement. “What the fuck are you doing in my bed?”
******
Hermione and Draco haven’t seen each other in seven years, and now they’re stuck alone together on a writer’s retreat in Theo’s countryside house. Do they even know each other at all? Surely writing each other smutty stories and pushing them under their bedroom doors would be a great place to start?
- Language:
- English
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- 54,141
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- 15/15
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- 2
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- 717
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- 2,166
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- 62,099
Bookmarked by Schwurbs
06 Nov 2024
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Post Hogwarts. Kids still at war. Angsty, angry, and men and women doing it in hotel rooms. This is obviously an AU by now.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,622
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 12
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- 558
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Bookmarked by Schwurbs
01 Dec 2021