Sienna_kangaroo



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Shane Hollander's pubic hair goes viral, the internet colour-matches it to Pantone 15-1214 (Warm Sand), and Ilya Rozanov - creates accounts on Reddit, TikTok, Instagram, Tumblr, AND YouTube to anonymously defend his not-boyfriend's crotch using genetics Wikipedia and advanced hockey analytics.

    Features: a one-star Calvin Klein review ("very poor elastic, ruined my life"), Svetlana and Rose who have never once been wrong, and the most romantic use of the word "melanocytes" in the history of the English language according to Ilya Rozanov.

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    16 Mar 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Words:
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    14 Mar 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya: He should buy lottery tickets because he is the luckiest man on earth 
    Ilya: He should get on his knees and thank god everyday that he got to fuck you
    Shane: Oh my God stop
    Ilya: What? I do that

    Or: The man who topped Shane in Mexico posts about his experience, Ilya contemplates murder, and the other queer NHL players get caught in the crossfire.

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    12 Mar 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    A few months after the FanMail incident, Yuna Hollander decides to do what she does best. With the added benefit of having another son to lovingly manage, of course. The internet, unsurprisingly, loses its shit.

    Or, Shane and Ilya go on the press run to end all press runs, courtesy of Yuna Hollander.

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    English
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    25,561
    Chapters:
    12/12
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    12 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Is someone chasing you?” Ilya drawls. 

    He turns, and yeah, this guy doesn’t look like much of a smoker. Ilya’s learned through time and experience that stoners come in all shapes and sizes, but it’s clear that he isn’t one: hair cut neat and short, straight-laced, brows furrowed into a scowl, shoulders all tight—too squared away. He’s probably not much of a drinker, either, if Ilya had to guess. 

    And he’s wearing a fucking suit, for Christ’s sake. 

    So boring, Ilya thinks, strangely delighted. He wants to take him by the collar and scruff up his hair, if only to see what he might do in response. 

    Or, Shane's struggling with anxiety. Hayden thinks his grumpy weed dealer might be able to help. 

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    10 Mar 2026