certifiedcrocodile



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    A memory loss fic where Shane gets hit hard in the head and wakes up in the hospital. He thinks he is 27, sneaking around with Ilya and still in the closet, only to learn that they are married.

    ~

    Tears spilled down his mother's cheeks. “No, honey, you’re not twenty seven. You're twenty nine. Almost thirty.”

    Shane snorted. “That can’t—”

    “It is, sweetheart. And Ilya is…”

    She glanced at the door where two large shadows stood just beyond the frosted glass window. The shorter one embraced the much, much taller one.

    Shane’s heart started beating frantically in his chest. His head pounded as he tried to take in what he was hearing, tried to process what the fuck his mother was saying to him.

    “Ilya,” he squeaked. “Ilya is what?”

    “Ilya is your husband.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,241
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    976
    Bookmarks:
    221
    Hits:
    13,348

    06 Jan 2026

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  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “You wrote about us having sex while Hayden watches!”

    “Fictional us,” Ilya corrects. “Real us would never do that. Probably.” He pauses. “Unless …”

    “No!”

    Ilya Rozanov has always been competitive. But when his husband’s best friend starts calling a little too often, Ilya discovers a new arena for dominance: Archive of Our Own.

    Armed with a pseudonym that fools absolutely no one, explicit tags that would make a sailor blush, and a truly impressive commitment to pettiness, Ilya wages psychological warfare one kudos at a time. His weapon of choice? Extremely detailed fanfiction about why Hayden Pike will never, ever measure up.

    The problem? Hayden writes back.

    What follows is the most unhinged rivalry in hockey history: a battle fought not with fists or slapshots, but with comment sections, kudos, and increasingly creative ways to humiliate each other in front of thousands of readers. Featuring: footnoted statistics, educational sex advice, one very concerned wife, and Shane Hollander wondering what the hell he did to deserve this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,367
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    196
    Kudos:
    2,082
    Bookmarks:
    348
    Hits:
    10,105

    06 Jan 2026

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  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Hayden Pike is notoriously terrible at noticing the many details his FanMail videos contain. It's a good thing that fans know how to keep silent.

    or,

    After the outing, we find out that a bunch of fans had already received fanmail from Hayden that featured mildly incriminating Hollanov lore but kept it to themselves.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,477
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    272
    Kudos:
    2,737
    Bookmarks:
    386
    Hits:
    11,965

    01 Jan 2026

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  4. Public Bookmark *

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    After Val's surprise at the end of Thunderbolts*, Bucky is terrified of losing Sam's friendship. He doesn't, but things certainly get a lot more complicated. Fortunately, he has a team of the least socially-skilled people on the planet to offer him support and terrible advice.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,061
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    177
    Kudos:
    1,422
    Bookmarks:
    285
    Hits:
    19,966

    04 May 2025

  5. Public Bookmark 31

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    How much Christmas is too much Christmas? Bitty’s been in Christmas mode for two years, and he’s just ready for it be over.

    Or, a month in the life of Bitty’s book tour.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,626
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    198
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    1,524

    12 Nov 2025

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