dearlucid
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GREEDY, UNGRATEFUL, AND IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Jul 2024
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Summary
“Sweet Salazar’s poxy dick, what is that?” said Theo, stepping from the floo into Draco’s dimly lit study.
“This is Mrs. Malfoy’s progeny,” said Draco dryly. The orange abomination sat on his desk, too close to his ledger for comfort. The animal’s expression was excessively judgmental. Draco sneered back. “I am not allowed to kill it.”—Chapter 5, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
A one shot about books, biscuits, and rodentia (or: the perils of gift-giving) inspired by Draco and Crooks in BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 3 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Bookmarked by dearlucid
23 Nov 2025
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Summary
Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,892
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 5,613
- Kudos:
- 3,402
- Bookmarks:
- 1,077
- Hits:
- 152,717
Bookmarked by dearlucid
22 Nov 2025
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,315
- Kudos:
- 28,996
- Bookmarks:
- 11,482
- Hits:
- 1,706,601
Bookmarked by dearlucid
15 Nov 2025
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The Threads Of Fate Tangle And Twist by Misthios
Fandoms: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021), League of Legends
07 Dec 2024
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Summary
“About that,” Vi says. “How’d you end up here? What did a girl like you do to get tossed into this two-star shithole?”
“Really? That’s how you ask? No subtlety in it?”
“Uh, yeah? I saved you from getting shanked in the shower, so fair’s fair. What’s your deal, topside?”
“Caitlyn,” she says. That isn’t right. That wasn’t the answer Vi was after. Names are easily given away but so seldomly remembered in Stillwater, but it echoes in Vi’s head. She almost doesn’t hear the actual answer. “And though I have no doubt a thousand people have given this answer before, I did nothing. I was doing my job, and then I was here. No trial. No sentencing. No crime to speak of.”
*
Half a decade into Vi's stay in Stillwater, a topsider turns up, raving about being a Councillor's daughter.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,310
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 2,127
- Kudos:
- 14,669
- Bookmarks:
- 4,314
- Hits:
- 417,137
Bookmarked by dearlucid
05 Nov 2025
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Summary
What if the Deathly Hallows was done differently?
What if some of the bad guys were not so bad?
What if there was a lot more collaboration and communication?
What if Draco ends up on the run with the Golden Trio?Rules:
Please do not tell Rodolphus where Severus hides the good wine.
Please do not cast Muffliato spells around Phineas.
Please do not tell Draco he is about to go camping.Series
- Part 1 of Oops! I Joined The Good Guys Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 97,894
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 2,454
- Kudos:
- 5,851
- Bookmarks:
- 2,675
- Hits:
- 231,884
Bookmarked by dearlucid
08 Oct 2025