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GREEDY, UNGRATEFUL, AND IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Jul 2024
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Summary
“Sweet Salazar’s poxy dick, what is that?” said Theo, stepping from the floo into Draco’s dimly lit study.
“This is Mrs. Malfoy’s progeny,” said Draco dryly. The orange abomination sat on his desk, too close to his ledger for comfort. The animal’s expression was excessively judgmental. Draco sneered back. “I am not allowed to kill it.”—Chapter 5, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
A one shot about books, biscuits, and rodentia (or: the perils of gift-giving) inspired by Draco and Crooks in BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 3 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Bookmarked by dearlucid
23 Nov 2025
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Summary
Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
Series
- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,892
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 5,625
- Kudos:
- 3,439
- Bookmarks:
- 1,082
- Hits:
- 154,341
Bookmarked by dearlucid
22 Nov 2025
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,324
- Kudos:
- 29,110
- Bookmarks:
- 11,531
- Hits:
- 1,715,199
Bookmarked by dearlucid
15 Nov 2025
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The Threads Of Fate Tangle And Twist by Misthios
Fandoms: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021), League of Legends
07 Dec 2024
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Summary
“About that,” Vi says. “How’d you end up here? What did a girl like you do to get tossed into this two-star shithole?”
“Really? That’s how you ask? No subtlety in it?”
“Uh, yeah? I saved you from getting shanked in the shower, so fair’s fair. What’s your deal, topside?”
“Caitlyn,” she says. That isn’t right. That wasn’t the answer Vi was after. Names are easily given away but so seldomly remembered in Stillwater, but it echoes in Vi’s head. She almost doesn’t hear the actual answer. “And though I have no doubt a thousand people have given this answer before, I did nothing. I was doing my job, and then I was here. No trial. No sentencing. No crime to speak of.”
*
Half a decade into Vi's stay in Stillwater, a topsider turns up, raving about being a Councillor's daughter.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,310
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 2,127
- Kudos:
- 14,690
- Bookmarks:
- 4,324
- Hits:
- 417,946
Bookmarked by dearlucid
05 Nov 2025
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Summary
What if the Deathly Hallows was done differently?
What if some of the bad guys were not so bad?
What if there was a lot more collaboration and communication?
What if Draco ends up on the run with the Golden Trio?Rules:
Please do not tell Rodolphus where Severus hides the good wine.
Please do not cast Muffliato spells around Phineas.
Please do not tell Draco he is about to go camping.Series
- Part 1 of Oops! I Joined The Good Guys Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 97,894
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 2,458
- Kudos:
- 5,892
- Bookmarks:
- 2,692
- Hits:
- 233,523
Bookmarked by dearlucid
08 Oct 2025
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Two's Company (But they want a crowd) by TossLotsofsauce
Fandoms: KPop Demon Hunters (2025)
02 Jan 2026
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Summary
Finally, Zoey blurted it out, voice soft but sharp:
“Have you ever thought of… something besides monogamy?”
Mira’s thumb stilled on the screen. She looked up, slow. “…What?”
Zoey’s hands twisted in her lap. “Like—not open relationships. Just… not just one person. Have you ever thought about being with more than one person and it still being okay?”
She wasn’t looking at Mira. Her voice was tight, like it hurt to speak. Mira watched her with a furrowed brow, still quiet.
“I feel so guilty all the time. Because I love you, Mira. I love you, and this doesn’t change that, but I see her and I want to make her smile and I want her to hold my hand and I think she’s beautiful and weird and sweet and I—”
She finally looked up, tears shining in her eyes.
“I think I ruined us. And I’m so sorry.”
Mira just stared at her. Wide-eyed. Silent.
Zoey’s heart dropped. “Say something.”
Mira exhaled like she’d been holding her breath for a month.
Then she visibly deflated—shoulders dropping, head tilting back against the wall—and let out a quiet, choked laugh.
“…Oh thank god.”
or.
Rumi moves in with two strangers and they fall in love boom
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 421,874
- Chapters:
- 39/46
- Comments:
- 13,107
- Kudos:
- 31,288
- Bookmarks:
- 4,210
- Hits:
- 1,088,901
Bookmarked by dearlucid
17 Sep 2025
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Summary
As her marriage arrangement with Draco Malfoy pends over the summer after Graduation, Pansy Parkinson attempts to find any and all distractions. A new job at the Ministry clears her head, while her unexpected work partner, Hermione Granger, gives her a new light to her most undesired expectations in her inner pure-blood circle.
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Summary
The Battle of Hogwarts is over, but the scars of war remain. As Hermione Granger returns to Hogwarts for an unprecedented 8th year, she is determined to rebuild, heal, and move forward. But when she’s forced to share a dormitory—and her daily life—with Pansy Parkinson, the sharp-tongued Slytherin who once stood against everything she believed in, Hermione finds herself drawn into an unexpected storm of tension, rivalry, and self-discovery.
Haunted by the past and burdened by their choices, both Hermione and Pansy must navigate a Hogwarts that feels both familiar and foreign. Through reluctant alliances, clashing ideals, and moments of vulnerability, they begin to unravel the facades they’ve built to protect themselves. But as walls crumble, they’ll face questions neither of them is ready to answer: Can forgiveness mend what’s been broken? And is there more to their connection than either of them is willing to admit?
Amid the chaos of rebuilding a school—and a world—they thought they knew, Hermione and Pansy must confront their differences, their shared history, and the growing storm between them. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to step into the tempest.
Enemies. Allies. Something more?
Series
- Part 1 of Tales of the Storm
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Summary
What do you want me to say, darling?
That I'm sorry?
Because I'm not.-----------
Everybody knew it. It was an unspoken truth. There wouldn't be any Wizarding World without the Farrows. If the Sacred Twenty-eight were a royal court, the Farrows would be the royal family.
Always perfect, always proper, always in the highest positions. Prefects, head boys/girls, headmasters/
headmistresses, ministers. The Farrows ruled their world ever since the first Farrow was selected to be taught by Rowena Ravenclaw.Ruthless, clever, and calculating. That's how they climbed to the top and stayed there for a millennium.
But as their empire crumbles beneath their feet under the pressure of upcoming war, will they stay true to their family credo?
Per aspera ad astra
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Summary
“You’re glowing,” Zoey whispers, nearly reverent with her words. An observation turned praise, a prayer on her lips.
“What?” Rumi’s voice is hoarse. She turns her head awkwardly to get a view of her shoulder and cries out in alarm.
“What?” Mira gasps, waking from where she’d obviously drifted off. “Oh, shit,” her voice drops when she sees the glow emitting from Rumi’s shoulder.
OR
Nightlight Rumi: A Study by Mira and Zoey
Series
- Part 1 of color me in
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,864
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 402
- Kudos:
- 4,037
- Bookmarks:
- 652
- Hits:
- 37,205
Bookmarked by dearlucid
13 Jul 2025
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I am tired of myself today (I should like to be someone else) by ILovedHerAndSometimesSheLovedMeToo
Fandoms: KPop Demon Hunters (2025)
27 Jun 2025
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Summary
A chill swept through Rumi as, suddenly, Mira’s body tensed. The hotheaded woman was practically shooting lasers at her screen. For a second, Rumi worried she might actually crack the phone in her shaking hand.
Whatever Mira was looking at was bad.
Then, in what was undoubtedly an unconscious action, Mira’s eyes shot down to her own in a panicked flash.
'Oh,’ Rumi swallowed sharply, ‘so it’s about me.’
Or
A couch doomscrolling day takes a turn for the worse when Huntrix's new comeback promo posters are released. Not everyone is a fan of Rumi's new look.
Bookmarked by dearlucid
13 Jul 2025
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Summary
But now, every time her hand brushes Rumi’s waist in passing, she feels a thousand imaginary eyes narrow.
She starts wondering who’s screenshotting what.
She starts pulling back.
Just a little.
Bookmarked by dearlucid
13 Jul 2025
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Summary
Zoey kisses Mira in front of Rumi and Rumi can’t help but focus on how she’s been left out.
Bookmarked by dearlucid
13 Jul 2025
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I Would Bring You the Stars and the Moon by GutterWitch
Fandoms: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021)
09 Mar 2025
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Summary
“Houston, do you copy?”
Caitlyn panicked, feeling extraordinarily unprepared having been thrust into her new position without so much as even a handbook to consult. What were the formalities? What was she supposed to respond with? Where was the damn push to talk button…
“Hellooo? I said Houston, do you copy?”
Caitlyn fiddled with her headset, having finally found the green button on the side and hastily letting out a rather breathless reply. “Um, yes. Hello? This is Houston. I copy.”
There was a long pause in which Caitlyn sat twiddling her thumbs, anxiety pushing the frantic pulse of her heartbeat through her eardrums. Was that wrong? Did she already fuck up? She took a steady deep breath, finger hovering over the talk button until the familiar voice of the astronaut came through her headset once more.
“Damn, Houston. I didn’t expect you to sound so sexy.”
OR
Caitlyn has been assigned as the personal capcom to one of the astronauts currently on a year long expedition at the international space station. Cue long months of pining and desperate longing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 94,555
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Comments:
- 3,552
- Kudos:
- 41,631
- Bookmarks:
- 7,190
- Hits:
- 1,086,570
Bookmarked by dearlucid
11 Feb 2025
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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Apr 2022
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Summary
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
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Summary
Hermione is asked to give her opinion on a mysterious collection of dark items found by the Department of Mysteries. Croaker's there, Harry's there, Pansy's there, what could go wrong?
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Summary
At this very moment, Hermione Granger is a tiny muggleborn child who's tried half a dozen spells. No one is scared of her. No one knows to expect her.
"We're really doing this," Pansy eventually says, breaking the silence. "We must be insane."
"We're saving the country." Hermione tears her gaze from the sunrise across the treetops of the Forbidden Forest to find that Pansy is already looking her way, something resolute in her gaze. It's too solemn of an expression for a child, but Hermione's probably isn't better.
Series
- Part 3 of Around the Clock
- Part 150 of HP Works
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Summary
"Charlie said that it was taken to a preserve in Ireland, but we should check on it anyway. To make sure it's being taken care of."
Hermione, who has never had an encounter with a dragon in which she hasn't been scared out of her mind, doesn't agree. Harrie's experience with dragons has been much worse than hers, but Harrie's a different kind of Gryffindor. The utterly ridiculous, daredevil kind. "Go back to sleep, Harrie."
"But the dragon."
Series
- Part 161 of HP Works
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Summary
Padma and Parvati might not agree on everything, but they know one thing for sure, they’re both ready for a change. Padma is worn out from her Ministry job, and Parvati is tired of pining after Lavender 24/7. So, they decide to open up a potion shop in Hogsmeade but of course nothing goes quite as planned because you can’t stop fate, and you certainly can’t stop Jupiter.
Or wholesome double getting together wlw with strong winter vibes
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Summary
Viktor was subtle but straight-forward. He had questions and he asked them and he got to know her that way. And Fleur?
Fleur was a mess who aired her woes about her crush to her friends. In French....too bad Hermione speaks French. Sshhh!