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Harry’s Hilarities: A Harry Potter Joke Book by kmichee
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Dec 2025
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Summary
What do you call a sleeping Norwegian Ridgeback?
Snorebert.Would Harry Potter make a good Quidditch Keeper?
No, but Oliver Wood.Why didn’t Draco Malfoy want to hear any of Hermione’s jokes?
He was afraid of the punchline.What did the Dementors name their musical group?
The Azka-Band.~
Just a collection of Harry Potter jokes I’ve written over the years.
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When Remus breaks up with his boyfriend of three years, Sirius offers to let him move back into his old bedroom in the flat they used to share. But when Remus unexpectedly accepts his suggestion to have rebound sex, Sirius must finally confront his long-held feelings for his friend — and whether Remus might reciprocate them.
or,
He extends one hand towards Remus, palm up, and waits.
Remus raises one eyebrow at him, his voice half teasing, half curious when he asks, “Are we dancing?”
Sirius’ smile is slow and deliberate. He matches Remus’ mocking tone. “I thought you didn’t dance.”
“I don’t,” Remus says, but he takes Sirius’ hand and lets himself be pulled upwards and into Sirius’ personal space. Only their hands are touching, but the few inches of air between them already feels like a conductor. “You’re not gonna say something about how dancing is a prelude to sex?”
Sirius hums and it draws Remus’ eyes to his mouth, down to his throat. “I don’t think wasting my lines on you is necessary anymore.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 135,698
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 34
- Kudos:
- 139
- Bookmarks:
- 37
- Hits:
- 5,096
Bookmarked by kfics
11 Nov 2025
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Remus and Sirius have two things in common: their love for their godson and their mutual hatred for each other. But when suddenly, they're all Harry has left, they need to overcome their past differences to build a shared future. Bound by grief, memories and a promise they never expected to fulfill, they have to learn what it means to be a family.
~~~
Or, James and Lily die in a car accident shortly after Harry's first birthday and Remus and Sirius discover that their friends named them his joint guardians.
(Inspired by Life as we know it)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 91,317
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Comments:
- 349
- Kudos:
- 621
- Bookmarks:
- 165
- Hits:
- 16,914
Bookmarked by kfics
16 Oct 2025
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A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety by greenvlvetcouch (mpr3g)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
13 Nov 2023
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Summary
Remus loves Sirius, and Sirius loves Remus.
That’s just the way it is—call it a law of the universe or just the way the world works—but after four years away, Remus gets a call from Sirius asking him if he remembers a promise they made freshman year.
And, of course, Remus remembers. How could he not?
Something like a love story from the summer of 1978, full of Southern Cuts and Old Style, shitty motel rooms, and questionable decisions. Poor excuse for poetry and late night dancing, a trip to Vegas, and one too many honeymoon suites.
Cherry pop rocks, too-tight pants, and a road trip across the U.S.
Series
- Part 2 of HIGHWAY NINETY
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 243,539
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 1,111
- Kudos:
- 9,432
- Bookmarks:
- 4,429
- Hits:
- 649,279
Bookmarked by kfics
16 Sep 2025
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Summary
Sirius Black. 24. Captain of the Gryffindor Lions Hockey Team. Gay but not out, laser focused on his career and has not so much as kissed someone since joining the major league.
Remus Lupin. 26. Captain of the Gryffindor Phoenix Paralympic Hockey Team. Uses forearm crutches because of an accident that made him lose movement is his lower body and he has worked incredibly hard to get 25% of his movement back is his legs, but he needs the crutches to fully movement as he needs to. Gay. Out. But incredibly self doubting.
Bookmarked by kfics
18 Aug 2025