monstersofmen
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Draco Malfoy is ready to propose to his girlfriend, Hermione Granger, and enlists the help of The Boy Who Lived (yuck) and Theo to find the perfect ring. When the jewelry store is taken hostage by some goons with a vendetta, Hermione and her friends come together to make them regret it. A textfic.
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What if he never became an Auror, had a completely different routine, never ventured into the Muggle world, and spent 18 months in the cold Northern prison?
All he had to do after Azkaban was hold it together.
Continued fistfights land him back in the DMLE’s holding cells. He waits out the holding period, needles Potter, and gets released, on repeat.
After another scuffle, the Ministry has had it. They come through with one last deal, and Draco almost wishes he was headed back to Azkaban when he finds out the terms. Because he’s going to be the guinea pig for their newest project; a rehabilitation program headed up by the one and only Hermione Granger. He gets to learn about the Muggle world, attend sessions with a Mind Healer, and try to keep his nose clean.
Everyone seems hellbent on his redemption.
Draco tries to decide whether or not he’s worth it.
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“You’ll do this.” Potter stated, standing. Suddenly. Rapidly. He unfurled, and Draco saw the hardened Auror persona, the defensive man, clearer than anything else he had seen in months — years. “You know why, Malfoy?”
Draco narrowed his eyes as Potter leaned over the table.
“Because you owe her.”
Series
- Part 2 of The Hum Hallelujah Universe
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Hoggywarts Primary School is rife with holiday cheer and Yuletide events. From Christmas plays, to cookie walks, to carolling, there's full evenings for wizarding parents around London and their children. Draco is a tired and lonely widower, dressing Scorpius in his elf ears and trying to get him to eat his peas.
When he finds out his son's best friend is none other than the daughter of the now divorced Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, Draco discovers that maybe Christmas has something for him after all.
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It’s 2010, and the Ministry has overstepped, ruining the lives of the magical population between ages 25-34 with the Marriage and Repopulation Act. And Hermione has been promised to Draco Malfoy.
As a matter of course, she is determined to not fail; she will be a dutiful wife, a friendly hostess, and a decent companion, but she will never love Malfoy.
Draco, meanwhile, has had a minor crush on the Golden Girl since he was 14. It’s divine fortune that he was given the gift of her matrimony, but he's frustrated by her refusal to engage in anything further than a paper marriage.
When he realizes she likes the leading men in the Muggle romcoms he’s shepherded into watching, he enlists the help of his friends to try to become the man of her dreams. Even if it involves a little bit of Theo’s Transfiguration Trickery.
But what happens when he's more comfortable as his Transfigured alter-ego than as himself?
A romantic comedy marriage law AU based loosely off of the Bollywood film, Rab Ne Bana De Jodi.
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First, he stretches. Then, he exercises. He eats breakfast, and watches the street he lives on come to life -- the old man and his corgi, the baristas at the coffee shop, the woman who jogs, the daughter and father, and the Indian grocer all making their appearance. Then, he showers, shaves, dresses, and heads to his job as an Auror, where he has been on desk duty ever since he was pulled from the field because of The Incident.
Draco lives his life by his Ministry mandated Mind Healer routines, and he is trying to get back to being Potter's left-hand man, but the cannonball to his careful regimen comes in the form of a very cranky Hermione Granger.
Banter, fluff, eventual smut, an ensemble cast of friends and family and weddings and babies. Told in mostly Draco's POV, but the occasional random one, because who says Draco is the most reliable of narrators?
It’s a character-driven slow burn.
[Author's Note: I give blanket permission for this fic to be bound, translated, narrated, and for artwork, so long as you are not making a profit off of it. For more info, feel free to message me on IG, monstersof.men.]
[9/8/25: I am beginning minor chapter edits.]
Series
- Part 1 of The Hum Hallelujah Universe
Recent series
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- Words:
- 223,744
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Recent bookmarks
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Summary
A wartime romance between a soldier and a healer told nonlinearly.
- Words:
- 55,062
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- 8
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- 389
Bookmarked by monstersofmen
19 Apr 2025
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Public Bookmark 433
Mystery Work
Part of WWHidden
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by monstersofmen
08 Mar 2025
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Hermione is a rebel. She knows better than anyone that the line between good and evil is thin. That thin line is grey. Like Malfoy's eyes. Now he's here, at headquarters, equal parts provocation incarnate and persistent glimmer of hope.
[EXIT from Hermione's POV.]
Series
- Part 2 of EXIT Universe
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- English
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- 106,460
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- 25/25
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Bookmarked by monstersofmen
19 Feb 2025
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Public Bookmark 536
Mystery Work
Part of Revision
Summary
This is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon!
Bookmarked by monstersofmen
18 Feb 2025
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“Well, we have exactly”— Draco glanced at the bedside clock —“fourteen minutes till midnight. We have to consummate this marriage before then, otherwise we’ll be arrested. So, unless you believe that sleeping with me is worse than spending an eternity with the Dementors, would you please pick a position?”
- Language:
- English
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- 81,456
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- 13/?
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- 5
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- 588
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- 3,276
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Bookmarked by monstersofmen
14 Feb 2025