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Lucius Spriggs and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by poading
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 Jul 2022
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Summary
Drowning isn’t the worst thing to happen to Lucius Spriggs. Top five. Top eight. Definitely at least top ten.
Somehow, drowning’s not even the worst thing to happen to Lucius this week.
No, that particular honor belongs to an event that comes around midday. Literally. In the most vulgar sense. God, he wishes he was dreaming. And on second thought that would be a nightmare, so actually, no thank you.
Or: Lucius Spriggs spots the co-captains reconciling through the window of the captain's quarters after nearly drowning and hates his life so very very much.
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Tags
Summary
“I may not understand it, and I definitely don’t like it, but for some focking reason that is beyond comprehension, my boss has a weakness when it comes to you. And I’m—” he chokes back bile. “I’m absolutely certain you’re the only person in this whole god forsaken ocean who can talk sense into him. So, get in the focking dinghy.”
Bonnet’s lips twitch ever so slightly into a smile. “Well, maybe if you were to ask me nicely.”
“Get in the dinghy.”
“What’s the magic word?”
Izzy screws up his face, trying to recall anything he’s ever heard about magic. The memory comes to him of some insipid story Bonnet told the crew one night about a girl and a dress and some fucking mice, so he says, “Bipity focking bopity focking doo.”
“I was looking for please, but I suppose that will do.”
After realizing Edward isn't actually better off as Blackbeard, Izzy Hands seeks out the last person on earth he'd like to spend any length of time trapped in a dinghy with: Stede focking Bonnet.