torikinnie



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  1. Rec *

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    Summary

    Ilya picks up on the third ring, breathing heavily into the phone. Shane hears a door slam shut through the device. “Do not yell at me.” 

    Shane stares at the half-empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. “You suck.”

    “I suck? I scored hat-trick! In your stupid body! I have not eaten in six hours, Hollander. I have not pissed. I have not laid down. I want to go home.” 

    “Rozanov–” 

    “Your mother has called twenty times. Your manager has called thirty times. Your father text me picture of crossword puzzle and ask for help. Clue is about American President from the 1980s. I cannot help!”

    OR: the hollanov bodyswap fic. 

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,370
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    12
    Comments:
    649
    Kudos:
    22,537
    Bookmarks:
    4,732
    Hits:
    220,494

    21 Mar 2026

  2. Rec *

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    Summary

    After a mix-up leaves Hayden with the wrong phone for three days, he ends up learning more about Ilya Rozanov and his secret girlfriend, Jane.

    Another Hayden-Finds-Out, because we can't have too many.

    *now with the extra continuing Hayden-Rozanov friendship text threads*

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,661
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    15
    Comments:
    2,527
    Kudos:
    33,846
    Bookmarks:
    6,997
    Hits:
    347,757

    19 Mar 2026

  3. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ilya looks over from the sofa as Jackie heads into the living room, perking up in interest. “You are calling Pike? Was good play today. You remembered how to score! Well done.”

    Hayden groans. "Rozanov? Dude, what are you doing in my fucking house?

    "It is girls' night," Ilya informs him primly. "I am one of girls."

    Or: Game day at the Pike house.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,116
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,151
    Kudos:
    52,226
    Bookmarks:
    4,244
    Hits:
    347,757

    18 Mar 2026

  4. Rec *

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    Summary

    It’s not going viral because Jane’s true identity was exposed—or even because Ilya was blatantly sexting in public. That part’s as expected as Shane doing yoga or any human being on earth breathing.

    No, the texts are going viral because no one can believe how bad this “Jane” is at sexting.

    The women of the world are outraged. The men of the world are baffled. No one can understand why Ilya Rozanov, whose abs have their own fan club, is wasting his time on ‘a piece of cardboard that wished to be turned into a real girl’ (this particular joke has 300k likes and counting).

    Or: After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.

    Now available in Russian

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,196
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,287
    Kudos:
    40,516
    Bookmarks:
    8,507
    Hits:
    240,140

    18 Mar 2026

  5. Rec *

    Tags
    Summary

    A video of Shane sucking Ilya’s dick is leaked. Over the next twenty-four hours, Ilya goes on an odyssey.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,200
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1,595
    Kudos:
    53,522
    Bookmarks:
    12,790
    Hits:
    575,235

    18 Mar 2026