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"Merlin, I really can't handle you being this quiet" Arthur said to his manservant, sitting down cross legged next to him as he polished Arthur's own boots. "If I'm being quite honest, I'm rather worried about you."
"Why is that?" Merlin asked, refusing to meet the prince's eyes. "You're always telling me to shut up. You should be happy."
Arthur shrugged, thinking over that thought. "That's a fair point. I probably should be happy…but I'm not. I'm afraid I've grown used to your terrible rambling."
Merlin bit his lip. "Sorry, my lord. I didn't know you felt that way."
"Can you at least tell me what's wrong?" Arthur asked. "Maybe I can help whatever it is that's troubling you."
His servant laughed bitterly. "Oh, I don't think you can help with this."
Arthur didn't know what else to do. If Merlin wasn't going to tell him what was wrong, he'd just have to guess for himself. "Is it…a girl?"
"Maybe" the sorcerer said, putting down the pair of boots he had been polishing and picking up another.
"Why, I didn't know you had it in you" Arthur said, clapping him on the back. "Well, who is it then? And what did she do to make you so upset? Was it Morgana? She is pretty scary."
"Slow down, slow down" Merlin said, continuing to glide his brush against Arthur's boots. "You don't know her. But it doesn't matter now. She's already dead."
"Oh" Arthur said, shocked. He hadn't been expecting that and he wasn't even sure he could respond properly to that. "I'm so sorry."
Merlin shook his head, tears falling from his eyes. "No, you're not. You were the one who killed her."
Arthur was confused. There was no way he could've killed anyone Merlin had loved. And if he had, he was sure there had been a good reason for it. "Merlin, what on earth are you talking about?"
"You don't even realise" the servant replied, putting down the boots and rubbing his eyes.
"No, I don't" he said, shaking his head. "Oh, the girl that escaped from the bounty hunter. Merlin, you helped her escape! She was a creature of magic! Do you not understand how dangerous that was?"
"Actually, I do understand. Better than anyone" Merlin said, standing up. "Arthur, just forget about it. You don't understand how I feel. Don't yell at me for this, I've suffered enough."
Arthur stood up, following him. "No, tell me what it is. You're right, I'm sorry for yelling at you. Seeing her dead is punishment enough. Just please talk to me, I want to help."
"I'll tell you, but you're going to hate me" Merlin whispered, shaking his head.
Arthur rolled his eyes. He already knew what was going on. "Is this about your magic? Because if it is, you can shut up. I already know everything there is to know about you."
Merlin gaped. "You knew?"
"Of course I did. You're an idiot for being so obvious. In Camelot of all places" his friend replied. "I just wanted you to tell me in your own time."
"And you don't care?" He asked, frowning.
"No, of course not" Arthur said, starting to choke up. "I have certain feelings towards you, and this doesn't change anything."
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Feelings?"
"Yes, I think we both understand what I'm saying. You're not that useless" Arthur said, nodding. He couldn't believe he was admitting all this. "Don't say anything. Please. I'm not going to take advantage of you. Not while you're like this. If you feel the same, you'll talk to me about it later. When you're over this."
"It's not easy to get over someone you loved dying" Merlin said, biting his lip.
"I know" Arthur nodded. "And that is why I cannot bear to watch you get hurt."
*
"So, remember that thing you told me ages ago?" Merlin asked, watching his master write something he assumed was important.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course. How could I forget that one thing I ever said to you? Please be more specific."
Merlin frowned. "Bounty hunter. Ring any bells? You killing the girl I loved?"
"Can we not bring up the fact that I killed her? She wasn't a woman when I killed her, she was a beast" he pointed out. "And yes, obviously I remember what I said. I was terrified."
"Well, I think it was dumb that you were terrified" Merlin said. "I've always loved you. I watched you try and win Gwen's heart and I knew that there was no hope for me. So there was no harm in moving on."
Arthur sighed. "Merlin, you have to know that those feelings for Gwen aren't real."
"Well, they sure as hell did look real" Merlin argued. "Can you blame me for believing you loved her? You never shut up about her. And you always moped whenever she spoke to me. Always jealous."
"You're an oblivious idiot" Arthur said, shaking is head. What was wrong with his manservant? "I wasn't jealous of you talking to her. I was jealous that she was talking to you."
Merlin gasped. "Oh, wow. Do you still feel that way? About me?"
"Yes, I do. I still love you Merlin" Arthur said.
The sorcerer nodded. "That's pretty handy. Because I love you too. You were just too dumb to notice it."
Arthur rolled his eyes, standing up out of his chair and leaning into Merlin, almost pressing his lips to the other's. "Just shut up, Merlin."
"Apologise for Freya first. The girl I helped escape" Merlin said, shaking his head. "I did love her, after all."
"Fine" Arthur said, cupping Merlin's cheek. "I'm so sorry for killing the woman you loved, Merlin. It pains me to know the pain I put you through."
Merlin wrapped his arms around his lover's neck. "That's better. A lot better."
"May I kiss you now?" Arthur asked, resting his hips on the servant's hips.
"Mm, you may" Merlin chuckled, smiling against Arthur's mouth.