Work Text:
Pete's messing around on Twitter, aimlessly scrolling through his feed when he notices Patrick's doing another Q&A session on his own Twitter. He clicks over to Patrick's page to read whatever insane questions are being asked of his friend tonight and skims through the usual ones about how great Patrick looks, things about the album, things about Fall Out Boy in general. There's one though that catches his eye and he wonders if Patrick will answer it.
Lady Cyanid @lady_cy
@patrickstump have u ever self harmed? like cut or burned urself? bc i do and i want to stop. what would u do to stop?
Pete winces at the admission of self-harm and almost hopes that Patrick will answer this one. A few minutes later, he gets his wish.
Patrick Stump @patrickstump
@lady_cy Your body is a temple. Please be kind to it. There are lots of other ways to deal with stress than hurting yourself. Please be safe
Pete smiles and hopes it helps the girl. Patrick's good at that, helping people. Another tweet to Patrick catches his eye.
Angry Emo @angry_3m0
@patrickstump you shouldnt tell people how to deal with self harm if youve never done. you dont understand.
Patrick Stump @patrickstump
@angry_3m0 I understand that mindset a lot more than you'd think.
Pete frowns, the words leaving a little too much to his imagination for him to be comfortable. He flicks through the flood of @replies to Patrick's tweet and then tries to click back over to it, only to find that Patrick's deleted it. That's not like Patrick at all.
Pete opens his text messages, tapping on the thread for Patrick.
saw ur tweet. wnna xplain?
Not really.
u can tell me u knw
There's nothing to tell.
i thk ur lyin
I don't want to talk about that, okay.
Pete doesn't bother replying, just calls Patrick. He answers after three rings.
"I think you need to tell me what you're referring to when you said you understood that mindset." Pete says instead of greeting Patrick.
"It was a long time ago and it doesn't matter." Patrick snaps, his irritation clear, even over the phone.
"Bullshit. What'd you do? Cut, burn, scratch? Tell me." Pete says, concern in his voice.
Patrick sighs, static on the phone line. "I used to cut."
"When? Why?" Pete demands, an overwhelming desire to have Patrick in front of him, so he could check him over for scars and new cuts.
"It started when I was fifteen. Then I stopped when I joined the band. Then it got bad again after I first gained the weight. There were a lot of reasons why." Patrick says. He sounds tired.
"You don't do it anymore, do you?" Pete asks, gripping the phone tightly in his hand.
"I haven't done it in years." Patrick says softly.
"Why?" Pete asks again, feeling tears burning in his eyes at the thought of Patrick ever hurting himself.
"Lots of reasons. I hated who I was, what I looked like. I was lonely. I just ached a lot and, when even the music didn't help, the pain did. It was a release." Patrick mutters.
"You were going to kill yourself when you were twenty one." Pete blurts out and then winces.
"Yeah. I was. But I didn't." Patrick says after a beat of silence.
"When did you stop cutting?" Pete asks.
"After you went to Best Buy. I came so close to losing you that I couldn't bear the thought of putting you in that same position." Patrick says quietly.
Pete sucks in a shaky breath and wipes at his eyes. "Come over tomorrow?"
"Yeah." Patrick agrees.
"You could have talked to me about this before. Then. You know." Pete says, biting at his lip.
"No, I couldn't have. I wouldn't have. I saw the shit you were going through and I wasn't going to add to it. Especially not with something of my own doing. Look, it's in the past, I don't do it anymore and don't even have the urges to do it. I'm better now. I'm okay. Just like you're okay. Right?" Patrick soothes.
"Yeah. We're okay." Pete agrees, sighing.
"Are you gonna go to bed now and stop reading my Twitter?" Patrick asks, and Pete can hear the smile in his voice.
"Only if you sing to me." Pete says, even though it's been a while since he's had to make Patrick sing him to sleep.
"I can do that." Patrick says easily.
Pete hears him picking up his guitar and then he starts strumming. "Honey is for bees, silly bear. Besides, there's jelly beans everywhere...."
Pete curls up in bed, letting Patrick's lullaby soothe him to sleep.
Everything's okay.