Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

(Note posted on the refrigerator)
To the many current inhabitants of the Wayne Manor,
Do endeavor to be present for breakfast and dinner. If you are not present during those times, please do not create a mess in my kitchen by attempting to cook. Your skills lay in other areas. If there is nothing in the refrigerator for you to have as your meal, I will prepare you something.
Sincerely,
Alfred Pennyworth

(Group text message)
From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
Who caused Alfred to ban everyone from the kitchen?

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Wasn't me. My money is on Bruce

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Jason, Dick, Tim, Cass, Damian
No.

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
I don't buy it. You were was always the worst cook ever. I've seen you ruin microwave hot dogs. Who can't microwave a hot dog?

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
You should have seen what happened when Alfred was sick for a few days. Bruce tried to cook chicken noddle soup. It didn't go well.

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Father, Todd, Grayson, Cain.
Stop sending me these inane text messages and discrediting my father. Grayson is one the one responsible for Pennyworth's ban.

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Oh shut up, mini bat. :p What'd Dickie-bird do anyway?

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Father, Todd, Grayson, Cain.
You have showcased your ignorance again, Todd. What sense does it make to tell me to be quiet and then proceed to ask a question?

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Jason, Dick, Tim, Cass, Damian
Jason. Damian.

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
The growl doesn't quite come through over text message. 

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie
I, uh, tried to bake some cookies after patrol the other night. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then, well, I lost control of the situation. :/

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Nice going. Way to get everyone banned. Some of us can and like to cook.

(Post-it stuck to the refrigerator below Alfred's note)
Sorry, Alfred. :)
-Dick

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Alfred Pennyworth
May I bake with you still?

From: Alfred Pennyworth
To: Cassandra
Of course. I would be delighted.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Alfred Pennyworth
Thank you. :)

(Post-it placed below Dick's note)
You still are not allowed to bake or cook without my supervision,  Master Richard.
-Alfred

Chapter Text

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
Alright, who used the last of my shampoo? It's incredibly disappointing to grab the shampoo bottle and try to use it only for air to come out.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Replacement
No one cares about your shampoo. I know there's a crap ton of extra bottles in the closet, use one of those.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
My shampoo is specially bought from my barber. There aren't extras in the bathroom closet because I haven't been to the barber in a while

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson
 I can tell. You are starting to look like an ungroomed ape, Grayson. It's making you even more of an embarrassment to be seen with.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Replacement
You use special shampoo?! LOL.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd
Have you seen Dick in the morning? He spends an inane amount of time on his hair. It's verging into the ridiculous.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
 Excuse me for taking pride in my appearance. And besides that, Timmy, I know that you spent a serious amount of time on your appearance this morning for that WE meeting. I had no idea that you owned that many ties.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
Wait. Isn't your meeting now?

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Replacement
Oooh, is Timmy texting during his meetings? Naughty boy. Bruce'll be maaaaaad

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd
Shut up. It isn't my fault that you two keep making my phone buzz with your messages. Do you think that maybe next time you could keep me out of the shampoo crisis?

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
Hey, no one ever admitted to using the last of my shampoo! I wouldn't mind so much if they hadn't left the bottle sitting there looking like it still had shampoo in it.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Replacement
 No one cares!

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D
It was you, wasn't it?

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Replacement
 Maybe. Does it really matter? It's just shampoo :p

(Notebook paper stuck onto the refrigerator with a Superman magnet)
House Rules
1. Don't use hair care products belonging to someone else without asking permission. Especially when there isn't much left and you don't intend on inform the owner of said product that you used it.

(Added in red pen)
2. Don't get riled up over shampoo!

Chapter Text

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
Barbara suggested texting you to practice my writing. Is that okay?

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Absolutely! Anything in particular that you want to talk about?

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
I did not have anything in mind.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Well, hmm. It must kind of weird for you to be staying with all of us at the Manor. Have you stayed there much before?

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
I like to be with my family. I know Tim and Bruce well but I do not know you Jason Damian or Alfred very well. I have not stay as long before now at the Manor.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
I like being with family too, sis. :D One of the best ways to get to know someone is to live with them. You find out all sorts of things about them that you wouldn't otherwise.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
I have learned that Jason likes to read and that Damian dislikes being alone since we have lived together. Did you mean things like those?

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Yeah, things like those. :) I would be careful mentioning those to Jason and Damian, they both like to act tougher than they are.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
Barbara has told me that before. I still don't really understand what is meant by that.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Just that they don't like their weaknesses, or anything that's softer (Reading most novels, cooing over kittens, watching the sunset, things like that) about them, to be pointed out.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
I understand that some. I still do not understand why someone would want to hide themselves from their family.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
I think you might have picked the wrong family then. ;)  It's a defense system. If you don't let people see who you truly are, they can't reject the real you. Some people don't understand that by not showing who you are, then no one can ever accept the real you.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
You don't do that, not that I have seen. But you understand it because Bruce and Tim and Jason and Damian all do that.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Pretty much. I haven't seen you do it much either. Of course, we haven't spent that much time together.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
You were away from Gotham when I was here. And I left when you came back.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
Just sort of missed each other, I guess. You want to try and fix that? I have some time right now, do you want to meet up for food or something?

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson
Angelo's is one of my favorite places to eat from. We could meet there.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Cassie
It's a date. I'll see you in a few. :D

Chapter Text

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne
The woman in a purple, floor length gown with the champagne flute.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Woohoo. I'll handle her.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie
Jason, don't alienate the guests.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
I think he's planning on wooing, not alienating, the guests.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
Cass, why are you helping him pick out his victims *cough* I mean dance partners?

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne
Seemed like fun. :D

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
Great. Now, Grayson has Cassandra using the irritating faces.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie
You mean smilies? Haha :P
Why is Cass Cassandra but I'm still Grayson?

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
Cassandra's name isn't ridiculous and vulgar.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie
You could always use Richard like Alfred does.

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
I don't think so.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne
I don't like to be called just Cain.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Awww, does Damikins have a soft spot for his sissster?

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
Aren't you busy inflicting your attentions on that fake blonde?

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
I'm never too busy to bother my itty-bitty baby brother. That's a solemn promise.

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
Solemn? You?

From: Alfred Pennyworth
To: Cassandra, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
I would recommend that all of you stop sending each other messages. This is an important event. Please act as the mature and responsible people that I know you to all be.

From: Cassandra, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
To: Alfred Pennyworth
Sorry, Alfred/Alfie/Pennyworth

(Notebook paper stuck onto the refrigerator with a Superman magnet)
House Rules
1. Don't use hair care products belonging to someone else without asking permission. Especially when there isn't much left and you don't intend on inform the owner of said product that you used it.
(Added in red pen)
2. Don't get riled up over shampoo!
(Added in various pens and markers)
3. Don't drink the last of the milk and then set it back in the fridge. Who does that?
4. Never look in someone's sketchbook without permission. Never.
5. When a bedroom or bathroom door is closed, KNOCK FIRST
(Added by Alfred Pennyworth)
6. Do not send messages to one another using your cellular phones during important events. It is very rude to do so.

Chapter Text

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
Alright, this is it, guys. The success of this operation depends on each of you completing your missions. Is everyone clear on what they have to do?

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain, Pennyworth
I have my part well in hand, Grayson.

From: Alfed Pennyworth
To: Cassandra, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
You have no need to be concerned, Master Richard. It will all go well.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth
I have the things that you wanted, Dick. I can't wait. :)

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd, Alfred Pennyworth
Everything is taken care of. You've been planning this for weeks. There's nothing left to do but wait until we can set everything up.

From: Jason Todd
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
Dickiebird, would you just chill out? It's Bruce. He probably won't even realize that it's his birthday until someone points it out to him.

Chapter Text

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
What crawled up B’s ass?

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
He’s still in a mood? I thought it was just a bad patrol.

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
No way it’s a bad patrol. Something crawl up and died in his ass.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne
Is it near the anniversary of his parents’ death? He gets upset then.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
No, that’s in two months.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
Where’s Dick? Did they get into a fight?

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cassandra
Grayson has decided to pursue his failed relationship with Gordon again. Father does not approve obviously.

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Yiiiiiikes. B’s trying to tell Dick who to date again? He’s like 26 and B’s still trying to control him. Hahahahaha, sucks to be him.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne
I like that Dick and Barbara are dating.

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
B’s never gonna let him live free. He’ll be 60 and B’ll be telling him what to name his grandkids.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
Wouldn’t Dick’s kids be naming his grandkids?

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
SO NOT THE POINT TIMMY!

Point= B=Controlling

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Todd, Grayson, Cain
Stop this inane discussion.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie
You guys know that I’m in this group message, right? I’d like if you could stop talking about this. Bruce and I will be fine and my relationship with Barbara is my business.

From: Jason Todd 
To: Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement
Sensitive much? Hahaha ^.^

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Jason Todd
Of course, Dick, *we’ll* stop.

From: Cassandra Cain
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim
Good luck with your relationship, Dick.

Chapter Text

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
I think I’m dying……..
What the crap was in that sandwich?

From: Alfred Pennyworth
To: Cassandra, Bruce, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
What sandwich are you referring to Master Jason?

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
The sandwich that was in my fridge! Someone left it there and I ate it and now my stomach is trying to kill me!

From: Alfred Pennyworth
To: Cassandra, Bruce, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
I’m afraid that I don’t know which sandwich you are referring to. However, I will be visiting you this afternoon with all the supplies necessary to survive a bout of food poisoning.

From: Tim Drake-Wayne
To: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Wayne, Jason Todd, Alfred Pennyworth
I haven’t been to your apartment in weeks. I’ve never left food there either.

From: Cassandra Wayne
To: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Tim Drake-Wayne, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth
I haven’t been to your apartment. I’m sorry that you’re sick.

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Father, Todd, Grayson, Cassandra, Pennyworth
Ha! Serves you right, Todd!

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
What did I ever do to you brat

From: Damian Wayne
To: Drake, Father, Todd, Grayson, Cassandra, Pennyworth
Do you want a summary or a detailed report? Your insults to my person are numerous

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
Hey, calm down, guys. We’ve all done things that we regret. Let’s not pick fights over texts of all things.

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Jason, Dick, Tim, Cass, Damian, Alfred
Why would you eat an unfamiliar sandwich?

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
It was in my fridge! Why would I distrust it!

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Jason, Dick, Tim, Cass, Damian, Alfred
I’ll be there later.

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
Great. Yeah. No need to do that B. I don’t need an investigation, just need to know who left the world’s worst sandwich ever that’s evil in MY FRIDGE!

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
Speaking of things that we regret….

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
I’m going to kill you

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
It was weeks ago! I forgot that I left an extra sandwich in your fridge while I was patrol in the area for the jewelry traffickers. I didn’t think that you would eat it weeks later!

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
If I survive my stomach’s attempted murder, I will kill you

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
I’m sorry jay-bird! <3 (: <3

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
You cut that smilie shit out right now

From: Alfred Pennyworth
To: Cassandra, Bruce, Timothy, Richard, Jason, Damian
Please, Jason, I know you are in a great deal of discomfort, but do watch your language. And Richard, I would advise on being more considerate in the future. It isn’t polite to use another person’s home without their knowledge.

From: Jason Todd
To: B-man, Dickie, Mini Wayne, Cass, Replacement, Alfie
Sorry Alfred

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce, Jay-bird, Timmy, Lil D, Cassie, Alfred
I’ll try to do better in the future, Alfie.