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With a frown on his face, Alec watched Magnus changing the sheets on their shared bed.
"What are you doing?"
Magnus looked up, a confused look grazing his handsome face.
"Darling, I'm changing the shee-"
"No." Alec cut him off. His voice serious and stronger than it had been for weeks. "No. That's not what I meant. I want to know what you are still doing here?"
His voice turned quite. "Here with me."
Realization dawned on Magnus. His confused expression changed into a sad one. 'Oh Alec' he thought with a sigh.
With careful steps he walked towards the wheelchair Alec was sitting in and kneeled in front of him so he could look into his lover's beautiful blue eyes, which showed nothing but frustration.
Magnus put his hands on both of Alec's cheeks and studied his boyfriend's face.
Alec got extremely thin the past months. His high cheekbones were poking out of his skin, which was now even paler than usual.
Magnus ran one of his hands tenderly through Alec's short wet hair, causing the younger man to close his eyes with a sigh. Even now he can't control the reaction his body has towards his lover's touch.
Placing his hand back on Alec's cheek, Magnus swiped both of his thumbs under Alec's eyes. He had terrible dark circles under them, evidence of long sleepless nights and tiering late night hospital visits.
When Alec opened his eyes again, he tried to avoid Magnus' intense gaze, but his lover kept his face in place and touched his forehead to his.
With one thumb caressing Alec's cheek Magnus whispered in a soft voice.
"Because I love you."
Tears welled up in Alec's eyes and he tried to get away from his boyfriend. But Magnus had put in the breaks on his wheelchair, without him noticing.
So Alec sighed again in frustration and shook his head, rubbing his forehead against Magnus' unintentionally.
"I can't do this to you." He sniffled lightly.
"I can't let you take care of me all the time.
"Alec, people who love each other, take care of each other. This is what couples do." Magnus explained softly.
"We're not like normal couples, Magnus." Alec shouted, wrestling his face out of Magnus' grip. He took out the breaks of his wheelchair roughly and wheeled away from his boyfriend.
Keeping his distance, Alec turned around and fixed his gaze on the older man.
The man he loves with all his heart.
And that is the problem.
How much longer can his heart still beat?
He blinked the oncoming tears away and took a deep breath.
"We should go out partying together. Hang out with friends in bars, dancing, having wild drunken sex in random public places like normal couples do."
Alec couldn't hold back anymore.
Small angry tears escaped and were running down his face.
"It should not be like THIS."
With his breath heavy, he gestured forcefully to their bed.
"You should not stay at home on a saturday night, changing the sheets, thanks to your sick boyfriend who shit on the bed, because he can't get up on his own or fucking walk 3 steps before collapsing to the floor.
You should not see me crawling to the bathroom.
You should not clean me up as if I'm your child."
Alec's voice was hoarse and he lowered his hand in exhaustion.
"How can you even look at me without disgust." he muttered.
Magnus was still kneeling on the floor in silence. His posture defeated and eyes full of sadness.
"Look at us. You used to love to go out, having fun, now you are stuck here, with me.
I'm weak and hideous.
I'm moody and can't control my feelings.
I'm incapable of doing anything." he shouted.
Alec looked away, as if he's ashamed and muttered, "We haven't had sex for months. Hell, I am even so sick that I can't suck my boyfriend off properly." he chuckled sarcastically.
"You deserve someone better."
The younger man shook his head and rubbed at his eyes. With one last sniffle he looked back at Magnus, head held high.
"I will die, Magnus" he said. "So here I am. Setting you free. Go."
There was a pause.
The lovers' burning gazes collided, and then Magnus stood up, his eyes red.
The older man turned away from his boyfriend and Alec suck in a breath.
His heart stung but he told himself, that yes, it's the right decision to let Magnus go, nevermind how much it hurts.
Because at the end Alec would be the one who would hurt him anyways.
But instead of walking to the door, Magnus went back to their bed and continued changing their sheets. Silently arranging their many pillows neatly, just how Alec did it many times before.
After that he went back to Alec, still without having said one word, and bent down to pick his weak boyfriend up and carry him in his arms.
Alec tried to push him away, sobbing and hitting his lover's chest with lame punches, but Magnus stood his ground, shushing him softly and whispering sweet nothings into his hair.
At the end he surrendered and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck, letting his head fall on Magnus' shoulder in exhaustion.
Placing a loving kiss on Alec's temple, Magnus carefully placed him on their freshly made bed and settled down behind him.
With the younger man's back against his chest, Magnus wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tightly as Alec continued to cry softly.
When Magnus noticed that Alec's sobs quite down, he softly whispered into his ear.
"I will never leave you. Never, you hear me.
Even if the doctors tell me that you would only have few more days, that still won't change my feelings for you. No. It won't change the fact that I would want to spend every last second with you."
Magnus found Alec's hand and linked their fingers together. He pressed their intertwined hands to Alec's chest.
"I don't need parties, drinks, or sex. All I need and want is you Alexander.
Even if it's just us, laying down here doing nothing. I don't care. As long as I'm with you."
With effort Alec turned in his lover's arms.
Tired blue eyes staring up at warm yellow ones.
"Magnus.", Alec sighed and put a cold hand on his boyfriend's cheek. "I will die and-"
"You will not die, Alexander." Magnus cut him off but pulled him tighter to his chest. "We'll fight this bastard called cancer. You, me, Isabelle, Jace. We all together. As a family. Okay?"
Alec could see all the emotions in Magnus' warm gaze. Hope, determination, strength, endless love.
And it was all for him.
"Okay.", Alec whispered and buried his face in his lover's chest. "I love you."
"I love you too, sayang.
You'll gain strength.
You'll get out of the wheelchair and you'll walk again.
You will get healthy, Alexander.
I believe in you." Magnus promised.
"I believe in us." Alec whispered quietly against Magnus' chest and closed his eyes.
3 months later Magnus smiled softly when he heard his fiancé's unpracticed but sure footsteps approaching him at their wedding day.