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“Why is your papa smiling so much?”
Philip glanced up at his dad with a slightly annoyed look, his arms crossing over his chest with a light huff. Frances and him were sitting at the art table, supposedly doodling something for their joint art project. In reality, neither of them were actually doing anything, they were simply observing their teacher from afar. Mr Hamilton had this cheeky grin on his face and he was staring at his computer screen, occasionally typing something short before sitting there and waiting. It was a cycle, and Frances and Philip were trying to figure out what the cycle was fueled by.
“I don’t know.” Philip mumbled, leaning closer to pull Fran into a ‘secret talking bubble’ as they liked to call it. Anybody could easily hear them, but to first graders? It was like they transported themselves to a completely different universe. “He’s been smiling and giggling like that all day long. All weekend long! Since… Saturday night. My auntie came over and watched me while papa went ‘out’. He wouldn’t tell me where, said it was ‘adult stuffs’.”
Frances furrowed her brows together, staring at Philip for a moment before she whispered, “My daddy went ‘out’ on Saturday too, and my uncle Laffy came over and watched me.” She looked back at Mr Hamilton again and the whispered extra quietly. “And my daddy has been smiling and giving me more kisses and being less tired and he’s always giggling! My daddy’s been going out a lot more, lately!”
The two of them were at a complete standstill in their thoughts. Philip’s Pa went out on the same night that Fran’s daddy went out, and both of them were being extra happy. Not to mention that both of their dad’s had been going out on the town far more than they used to. Surely that had no correlation, right? Daddy’s could go anywhere, of course. Just because they did it on the same night didn’t mean they did anything together.
Eventually, Mr Hamilton got off the computer and started his rounds through the different groups of students in the class. They were at stations, and they’d be rotating at some point. They could do art, grammar, counting, and so many other stations throughout the day. When their teacher approached Fran and Phil, Mr Hamilton stopped, smiling softly at them.
“How’s it going, you two?”
“Great, Mr Hamilton. How are you?” Frances raised an eyebrow in an accusatory manner but the elder Hamilton just grinned a bit brighter, not seeming to understand that it was an accusation.
“I’m doing wonderful, Frances. Thank you. I like what you two are working on here.” He pointed to their half finished drawing and Philip shrugged. “But, you only have a few minutes left at this station, so try and finish up as much as you can, okay?”
The two kids nodded simultaneously and then Mr Hamilton was gone, leaving them in a puzzled space. He was so happy, but why? It wasn’t like Philip was complaining: he wanted to see his Pa as happy as possible. It made him feel better when he felt like his Pa was doing alright without his Ma. Clearly the two of them had struggled at first, but as the time ticked on, they both grew to understand and cope without her being there. They were in it together. But holy fladoodle, Philip just wanted to know why his dad was so happy now! He just wanted to be in the loop!
When Mr Hamilton called for a rotation of the stations, Philip bent his head down as he whispered to Frances, “it’s time for a full scale investigation.”
~~~~~~~~~
“Do you like birds, daddy?” Frances asked John one night as she colored in the wings on a peacock she was trying to finish. It was an intricate drawing, and one of the best she’d ever done (in her opinion, at least). John was at the stove, stirring a pot of pasta. That was a common fall back for them. Something quick and easy that John didn’t need to put a lot of work into after a long day at the hospital.
“Birds? I suppose so.” he responded airily, looking at his daughter for a mere moment. “Why do you ask?”
“I like birds.” Frances was a simple kid with simple interests, and she always prided herself in being someone of many passions. Drawing was one of them. Slowly, birds were climbing to the top of that list, too. “Birds can jump up and fly away whenever they want to, I wish I could do that.”
“You want to fly away? And leave me all alone?” Her father placed a hand over his heart, a tiny gasp escaping his lips. Frances put down her crayon and jumped from the table, quickly scuttling over to John’s legs, wrapping her arms around them.
“No, of course I wouldn’t leave you, daddy.” She mumbled before John bent down and picked her up, supporting her with his arm, using his hip to help ease the burden of her full weight as his other hand stirred the pot again, careful to not let the noodles overcook. “Who would take care of you if I left?”
“Exactly!” John’s exclamation was accompanied by an astonished face, and Frances placed her small hands on either of his cheeks. “I couldn’t live without my Franny-bear.”
“I know, daddy, I know.” The little girl spoke as though she ran the house- as though she was the one to work all day and bring home the money. Although, John would argue that without Frances in his life would be a jumbled and disorganized mess. While she didn’t do the organizing herself, having a daughter forced John to keep himself in check. “I just think it would be fun to fly, that’s all.”
John nodded his head in understanding, but didn’t put the little girl down, and she took that as an invitation to make herself more comfortable. She let her head fall against her dad’s shoulder, and her arms went slack, eyes floating down to the boiling pot of noodles that she was growing more and more eager to chow down on. She loved pasta.
“Did you have a nice day at school?” Lately John had been pressing Frances for information about school, and the little girl had cause enough to find it suspicious, but she never led on in that way. She always just answered his questions and the two of them went about their usual way together.
“Yeah, Philly and I drew dinosaurs for like half of the day, Mr Hamilton didn’t even know.” John chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her, his fondness growing ever so slightly when he was met with the sight against his shoulder. She wasn’t looking at him, only the curls on top of her head being completely visible.
“You really like dinosaurs, don’t you?”
“Kind of.” She sounded indifferent. “But Philly likes them a lot, so I do too.”
“Do you two ever talk about things that you like?”
“Philip let me draw a turtle on his arm once, just like you did to me that one time.” That one time had been years ago when Frances had inquired about a man who had tattoos all down his arm, the ink painted in beautiful patterns that she couldn’t help but admire. John explained the concept and she instantly wanted one as well, so John took a green nontoxic marker and drew a turtle on the back of her hand.
John chuckled and kissed the top of his daughter’s head, the familiar, paternal warmth filling his chest. Frances was truly one of a kind. After another moment of silence, John working diligently to stir the sauce he had worked so hard to craft, he asked another question in a far lighter voice.
“Do you like Mr Hamilton?”
Frances perked up then, feeling as though this was the key to all the questions she and Philly had been having, she just needed to play her cards to get the right information.
“He’s always so nice to me, daddy,” Frances nuzzled her head further into John’s shoulder, hoping to hide the dastardly smirk she had forming on her lips. “And recently he’s been smiling so much more, you should see him. He gets all happy whenever he’s at his computer during the day and he laughs a lot more. It’s so nice.” John was silent for another moment, so Frances pressed on. “Why?”
“Well…” John was fishing for the right words, trying to find a way to put everything into perspective. “Mr Hamilton invited us over for dinner. And I wanted to make sure you were okay with the offer before I accepted. Philip will be there, of course, so you two will have plenty of things to do while the grown-ups make dinner and be boring.”
There were so many red alarms going off in Frances’ head, she wanted to run off to Philly’s house right then and there to tell him the news. Maybe there was something going on with their dads after all! Maybe they were going out and seeing movies together, or going to the store together!
“That sounds fun.” Frances mumbled, trying not to sound too excited. There was something fishy going on, and so far, her and Philip’s investigation was going swimmingly.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Frances!” Mr Hamilton knelt down in the doorway and smiled brightly at Fran, the little girl waving and handing him a drawing she’d crafted hours before when she was waiting on her daddy to get home from work.
“I made this special for you. It’s a picture of a turtle riding a dinosaur.” Combining multiple things into one concept was Fran’s specialty. She could make anything seem more special with a swipe of the crayon.
“Thank you so much, Frances, I’ll put it right on my fridge next to Philip’s drawings.” Frances beamed with pride, knowing that her drawings were always fridge worthy. And speaking of-
“Franny!” Philip ran right past his father and tackled Frances in a heated hug, the girl giggling and stumbling through the doorway as the two kids wrestled for dominance. “C’mon, c’mon, I’m so happy you’re here, I want to show you my room! I have a bookshelf and everything!” Philip dragged the small girl away, leaving the two father’s without a word of acknowledgment. Alex chuckled warmly and met John’s gaze with a rather sweet smile.
“Hi, John,” his smile faded a little when he took in John’s current state: tired, worn out, nearly looking half asleep. Alex threaded their fingers together and gently pulled him inside. “John, you look exhausted.”
“I feel more exhausted than I look.” Laurens laughed dryly, shutting the door with his free hand.
“Why did you agree to come, babe? We could have rescheduled or decided on something else to do-”
“Frances was so excited to come over and see Philip, and if we don’t do this now then I feel like we never will.” Alexander gave him a look of sympathy and cradled John’s jaw, his thumbs rubbing over the exposed bags under his eyes. They were far worse than usual, the shift at the hospital having kicked his ass more than he’d like to admit. There were just those days, and John was really feeling it.
“Come on,” Alex murmured, pressing his lips against John’s before guiding him to the kitchen. “I have a glass of wine with your name on it.”
~~~~~~~~~
“Operation ‘figure out why our dads smile so much’ is starting, and this is the perfect time to figure it out.” Philip was sitting under the fort of blankets that he’d made that morning, showing Frances a floorplan of his entire apartment, crudely drawn in blue crayon. She nodded thoughtfully, examining the paper as though it were the blueprints to a diabolical scheme.
“Okay, so they’re here in the kitchen being dads.” Philip pointed the flashlight in the direction of the paper and spoke sharply. “My Pa is cooking dinner, and I bet that’s where your pa will be for most of the night.”
“Right, he said he was excited to see how good Mr Hamilton cooks.”
The two first graders were on the trail to some big discovery, they could feel it. This night was the answer to all their questions and all their confusion. “Between the two of us, he’s only good at a few things. Mac n cheese is one of them! He’s making baked mac tonight, with the breadcrumbs on top, oh Franny, you have no idea-”
“Philly!” Frances flicked his nose, gesturing wildly towards the paper. “Focus!”
Philip saluted her and nodded furiously. “Sorry! I’m hungry. Anyway!” There was a hallway that led to the living room, and then into the kitchen, and Philip tapped the paper in that area. “If we hide in the living room behind the couch right here and we listen to them talk, then maybe we’ll be able to hear if they have new girlfriends!”
“Ew,” Frances stuck her tongue out, repulsed by the idea of her daddy being affectionate and loving to anybody but her. She was the only girl who deserved John’s attention. “Daddy better not have a girlfriend, girls are annoying and gross, and they only cause problems.” In reality, Frances had no credibility in saying such a thing, considering her lack of a female presence in her life, but what else was she to think? The only woman who John belonged with was her Mama and clearly she wasn’t there anymore. Then again, John and Martha had never been together while the older woman was alive, but Frances knew that John had to love her. After all, they had Fran, right?
“Fran… you’re a girl.”
“Yeah, but I’m different.” She brushed a lock of hair out of her face and tipped her head back, pride filling her veins. She was special to her dad and she knew that full well.
“Right well, like I said, we can hide out right here and-”
“Look at all those dinosaurs!” Frances’ eyes zeroed in on a shiny new plastic toy, the tiny arms standing out against the giant body. She’d never seen anything like it at school. And not only that, there were so many others that all stood proudly on a shelf that was exposed under the blanket.
“Yeah!” Philip jumped up and nearly knocked over the entire blanket mound. “Wanna see?”
Their mission was forgotten almost instantly.
~~~~~~~~~
In the kitchen, John was leaning against the counter next to the stove, speaking softly as he and Alexander had been doing for upwards of thirty minutes. Their kids had disappeared, but it’s not like the parents were arguing, that only gave them more time to talk and figure out how they were going to break the news to the little ones. Ever since their first meeting at the parent teacher conference, John and Alex had been going on miscellaneous dates whenever they could find the time. That lasted for a good two months before Alexander finally asked John to go steady, making it an official thing.
And they’d ‘secretly’ been dating beneath their children’s noses for a month, trying to figure out how and when they were going to say anything. They worried immensely. Would their kids be against the idea? How would they take their parents being in a relationship, and with each other? The idea of dating since their mother’s passed away had been foreign and unreachable. But now, after finding someone who made them happy, each man was ready to try something out. And over the past month it had been working perfectly! But if their kids didn’t accept it, then all would be lost.
John was thoroughly exhausted to the bone. His day had been endless, Frances had driven him up the wall when he came home, bouncing around with excitement over the idea of seeing Philip that night, and all he wanted was a release and a way to get out of his usual routine. The dinner was nice, but it was laced with worry and stress. Alex took note of his increasingly stiff appearance and put the tongs down that he’s been using the flip the chicken in his pan. Without a warning, he reached out and grazed a hand over John’s shoulders, standing in front of him as he started to knead the taut flesh.
“Maybe we should have a little stay-cation. You know, rent a hotel room for a night, go out and see the city. No worries. You can ask Hercules to babysit, he hasn’t seen Frances in a while, right?” The idea was as tempting as the hands on his shoulders and John found himself leaning into Alex’s touch, a long sigh escaping his mouth as his own hands found their way to the shorter man’s hips.
“I always hate asking for them to come babysit. I know Frances loves them and they lover her just as much, but it sort of feels like I’m burdening them. Oh God, that sounds terrible, but-”
“I get what you mean.”
They shared a silent look, Alex kneading John’s shoulders a bit harder, causing the freckled man to groan and drop his head onto Alex’s shoulder. “I feel like I could sleep for a year and still wake up tired.” He mumbled, almost incoherent to Alex’s ear.
“You should have stayed home, John.”
“And miss the chance to get a shoulder massage from my boyfriend? No, never.” The laugh that came out of his mouth was meant to be lighthearted and joking, but it came out strained.
Alex coaxed John up into a fully standing position again and began laying gentle kisses on his lips, sighing quietly when he felt John’s hands tighten on his hips. They were comfortable together, sharing each other’s space and intimate, almost secretive thoughts. It felt so right to be together, there was no way they weren’t meant to (although neither of them would admit to that so early into their relationship).
Alex’s hands found their way into John’s curls, starting to thread the ponytail from his hair. When John made a noise of protest and flinched away from the touch, Alex hushed him.
“Let me see your beautiful curls,” John’s cheeks began to tint pink, but he didn’t object again, allowing Alex to remove the black band. Their kisses resumed, light and feathery, laced with care and longing.
They would have stayed that way all night had it not been for John murmuring against Alex’s lips, “Your chicken is going to burn.” Alexander made a noise of protest before pressing two more pointed kisses on John’s lips, then saving his meal from perishing on the flames. John felt lightheaded from their kisses, almost wishing that he could chalk it up to the single glass of wine he’d been nursing since he arrived. Considering he had to drive home, he was only allowing himself one, so he had been trying to make it last through the night.
The feelings he got when he looked at Alex were unlike anything he’d felt before. His heart did a stupid flip in his chest whenever his daughter mentioned her teacher, and he spent so much time in his day waiting for the moment where he could call Alexander at night just to hear his voice. It wasn’t uncommon for Alex to talk John to sleep, Laurens finding his voice and the way he spoke to be soothing beyond belief. Alexander had been sheepish about it the first time, but upon learning that it helped John sleep, he’d tried to call as much as possible around bedtime.
There they were, trying to introduce their children to something that they hoped would be a long lasting thing. And boy were they both scared out of their minds.
~~~~~~~~~
Philip had seen it happen. He had seen it happening right in front of his very eyes, but in the moment he didn’t know what to make of it. They stood in the kitchen and they kissed. As in, they kissed on the lips. And they spent a good amount of time muttering things between themselves that Philip couldn’t make out, but he definitely understood their body actions. Two adults didn’t kiss like that unless they were… in love. But could two dad’s be in love like that? Was that okay?
He had been quiet when he slipped away, Philip running off to his bedroom and shutting the door tightly. Frances was laying in his bed, wrapped up in Philip’s blankets. A ‘human burrito’ she called herself, stealing a few different dinosaur toys to take in with her. When she heard the door creak shut, she poked her head out.
“Well? When’s dinner going to be done?”
“I don’t know,” Philip spoke evenly, quietly, almost as though he were in a trance.
“What do you mean you don’t know? I thought you were going to find out, or at least steal us some goldfish from the-”
“Franny.”
The little girl stopped and gave Philip an analyzing look. Why did he look so spooked all of a sudden? She would have thought he’d seen a scary ghost or something.
“What’s wrong?”
“I saw them.”
“Saw who?”
“I saw our dad’s in the kitchen.”
Frances scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Of course you did, they’re making us mac n cheese!”
“No, Franny, I saw them-” he lowered his voice to a whisper and got closer, as though the idea of their dad’s being close and intimate was impossible. “-kissing.”
Frances sat up in the burrito, throwing the blankets off of her small frame. “You saw what?” She exclaimed, and Philip had to put a hand over her mouth to keep her voice hushed.
“I saw them kissing, like how my Ma and Pa used to do when she was here. He used to kiss her all the time and hold her and tell her how beautiful she was, and my Ma would always giggle and smile, but I saw- they were doing just that! Your pa was smiling too, and mine was giving him a bunch of kisses on the lips.”
“No way, Philly, there’s no way!”
“Yes, I saw it with my own eyes, I promise that I did!”
Frances was up in a flash, running out of Philip’s room as though it were on fire. When she came to a halt in the kitchen, Philip nearly ramming into her from behind, they were both met with a sight that confused them thoroughly. Frances’ dad had his arms around Philip’s dad from behind, and his chin was hooked over the shorter man’s shoulder. They were both talking in hushed tones while they stared down at the stove.
“Daddy?” Both men were shocked out of their own bubble to find their children standing with wide eyes in the doorway and they exchanged a silent look of fear.
“Muffin! When- what are you two doing? We hadn’t called for dinner just yet.”
“Philip?” Alexander placed his spoon down on the counter and looked expectantly at his son, but it was Frances who continued talking, Philip seeming useless for words.
“Philly said that he saw you and Mr Hamilton kissing. Like…” she lowered her voice as Philip had done earlier, leaning forward slightly. “On the lips.” Well, Fran was always a blunt one.
Once again, the two adults exchanged a look before John was rubbing a hand over his face and kneeling down, arms extended for Frances. She walked forward and he picked her up, trying his hardest to find the right words.
“Well, Philip did see us kissing-” he mimicked the movement of Frances from moments ago, dropping his voice an octave and leaning forward. “-on the lips, because… well…”
Alexander stepped in at that point, looking at Frances directly. “Frances, I really like you dad. And about a month ago I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend.”
“So what does that mean?” Philip asked, standing up on a nearby chair so he could feel apart of the revelation.
“It means that we do all the things that mommy’s and daddy’s do, like kissing and holding hands.”
Frances peered at her teacher, and that made the older man’s stomach drop. How disastrous this could all turn in a matter of seconds.
“You like my daddy?”
“Very much.” Alexander nodded, casting John a glance for just a moment. Frances was still in his arms, still clinging to John’s side with a hint of confusion in her eyes.
“Is it… okay for two daddy’s to be kissing buddies?” John giggled once, looking to his daughter with a hint of amazement.
“Kissing buddies?”
“You know… you kiss.” Frances didn’t see what confused her father about the concept, especially considering that he and Mr Hamilton had been kissing not that long ago!
“Yes, Fran, it’s okay for two dad’s to be kissing buddies. Anybody can be in a relationship with any person they want, no matter if they’re a boy or a girl or they’re in between.”
The two kids gasped in unison. “Someone can be in between a boy and a girl?” Okay, maybe that wasn’t a concept that first graders should be trying to grasp just yet, so John just nodded and steered the topic back on track.
“See, Alexander and I want to keep being… kissing buddies, but we want to make sure that both of you are okay with it first.”
Alexander nodded in agreement and held his hand out for Philip. “Because you two are the most important things in our lives.”
The two children looked at each other for a moment before Frances wiggled free of her dad’s grasp. “We need to talk about this for a minute, excuse us, please.” She curtseyed and grabbed Philip’s hand before Mr Hamilton could, pulling him just a few feet away. They huddled together and started whispering in rushed voices, occasionally peeking over their shoulder to see their dads, who were watching on in horrified wonder. When the children turned around, both with their hands behind their backs, their fathers waited with bated breath.
“We have decided that you can be kissing buddies if you make us cookies.” Philip spoke with assertion, head tilted back. But seconds later he felt an elbow in his ribs.
“That’s not- Philly!” She held up a finger to the parents who were smiling at that point. They turned around once more after a moment and Philip proceeded. “My apologies! We have decided that you can be kissing buddies if you buy us frozen yogurt!”
Alexander and John both started laughing, their fears and apprehensions from the entire evening melting away. Perhaps this was the best way for it all to go down, it made things a lot less awkward and tense. They were eternally grateful that their kids appeared to be open minded about the whole thing, and the two dad’s would definitely have more extensive talks with their kids when they were alone, but for now they felt nothing but pure relief.
Maybe their relationship could make it after all.