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THE ROAD IS CALLING. AND I MUST GO.
A year ago.
Lexa threw in her backpack the remaining things she wanted to keep with her. So far her 65L MEC backpack was filled with clothes; bike essentials and a few camping light gear. She had her green Kawasaki Ninja ready, the tank filled up. Her boss knew that she was leaving and that she didn’t know if she would ever be back. The brunette had her new phone in her hand and was looking at the beautiful blonde in the background of it. Everything had been taken care of. Well, almost everything.
She made her way to the small bedroom. Everything seemed different now that she was leaving. Every memory they had shared in this room were making it harder to go. Looking at the bed, her heartbeat increased faster than she thought it would.
She had a plan. She was leaving home without a simple number to reach her, going away, following the wind, where it might take her. Taking all the time it needed for her to find herself again. It still broke her heart to know that the woman she love was going to have to deal with her leaving. It wasn’t her best idea she knew it but the mountains were calling her, they have been for a while, and she knew it was finally time to go.
Knowing the burden it would leave on her blue eyed girlfriend, she made sure to pay her half of the rent for the next year, not wanting to leave her former lover to deal with all of the expenses alone.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath as she made her way next to the bed and reached for the photo frame that held her favorite picture of them as a couple. It had been taken in front of their first apartment, 5 years ago. Their eyes were so filled with warmth and love, it was almost overwhelming. She held it close while she kept looking around the room.
Leaving the province without a trace was hard for her to do, but Lexa knew too well that if she had caved and told her girlfriend what her plans were, and where she was going she would have tried to tag along. And as much as Lexa loved Clarke, she needed to do this on her own. She also knew that if she had given her a way to contact her, the simple sound of her voice would be enough for her to come back home. She needed time for herself, time she never had since she had grown up too fast. She needed time to relearn who she was without having to respond to anyone, she needed to face her fears and her own demons to move on from there. The road was calling her, and she was going.
She took a few minutes to go around the house one last time, saving memories of every detail she could get. When she reached her backpack on the couch, she inserted the picture of them in and closed it, shoving it on her shoulders, adjusting the straps. She took the note she had written before hand, left it on the counter along with the 3 simple flowers she picked out only for her lover. A protea flower, to symbolise change and transformation to come, an orchid for love, beauty and strength and a pink rose, since they were her lover’s favorite.
She put her helmet on, closed and locked the door. She started her bike while looking back and the building that held so many memories, feeling sad but still excited for what was to come for her. She climbed on the bike, removed it from its stand and drove away, taking the road she had wanted to take for years now, heading west.
--
Clarke came home after her week away from town for her work. It was late, but she had a weird feeling as soon as she parked her car in the garage and realised that the Ninja was no longer parked in its usual spot. Something was different, something felt different. She went inside their home and saw the flowers and the note on the counter. Her heart stopped.
“ She left. “ Clarke whispered. Her shoulder fell and her tears too. She knew it was bound to happen, she knew Lexa like the back of her hand. She knew the brunette more than she even knew herself.
My love.
I am gone now. Please, know that it is not because I don’t love you anymore, not because we fought because we don`t. I love you so much but as I often said, I need to go. I needed to find myself again so maybe we can move on to more. I hope you can forgive me for doing this to you. You are a wonderful treasure Clarke, I love you so much and always will. Remember, I am doing this for me, not because of you, please, don’t blame yourself.
Also, I changed my number so please, don’t reach out for me. Live free, be happy. You deserve so much from this life.
I will always love you.
May we meet again.
Love.
Lexa xxx
The note fell on the ground, and Clarke cried. She cried but she knew, deep down, that Lexa had left for the only place that held her heart for a few years now. She knew she was heading for Alberta, she always wanted to go. The mountains and the roads were calling her.
Clarke felt at peace even if her heart felt like breaking, knowing that her lover was still following her own goals, and hoping that maybe one day, their life would be about more than just surviving. Hoping that they would finally find their way to each other’s again.
When the first night came, Clarke layed in her bed, a picture of Lexa in her hands, as she said those words that would soon enough become a routine.
“Safe passage on your travels. I still love you. May we meet again. “
She kissed the picture frame, put it back in its place and turn the lights off.
“Good night Lex”
--
Present day.
Lexa reached the top of the Corey Pass and looked around the place; the view was breathtaking. The highest mountains almost looked small standing at the top of this one. As she looked all around her, she felt something she had never felt before, the reason she had hit the road for almost a year ago. Her heart was now in the right place. She had finally found all the answers she went away to find. The only thing missing from her life was her favorite blonde, the sweetness of her kisses, the music in her laugh. She still loved her and she still missed her every day.
She made the decision at the top of that mountain, looking at the beautiful sunset, that she was ready to come home. She needed to make amends; she needed to find her home again in her lover’s arms.
She went down the mountain all smiles, enjoying each step as if they were taken by a new person. It had taken her almost a year to be herself again. It had taken her 276 different hikes, more than 5 aurora borealis, hundreds of perfect sunsets and sunrises to feel important again. It took her a few thousand miles on her bike, riding between the mountains, breathing in the scenery that was all around to feel whole again. It took her a few friends met along the trails, partners in crime to realise her worth. It took hiking buddies who only wanted adventures and silence, as much as she did to finally miss home.
Lexa made her way back to her little bedroom and dropped her keys on the table next to her helmet. She kissed the picture on the fridge, “I still love you Clarke”.
She took her phone out and sat on her bed. The number she wanted to reach was already composed. She smiled again before pressing the little call button.
She heard three rings and then her favorite voice on the line.
“If you are calling about the car, I sold it. If it’s Tuesday night I’m bowling. If you’ve got something to sell, you are wasting your time, I’m not buying. If it’s anybody else, wait for the tone, you know what to do. And P.S. if this is Lexa, I still love you.”
The telephone fell from her hands. She was stunned. It was almost a year. She had left without a single trace, probably breaking her heart by doing so. She had changed all her accounts, made herself untraceable and still, the only women she had ever fell in love with was still waiting for her. After all this time, after all this hurt.
The brunette didn’t really know what she expected to find by calling her, but she had almost expected her to have moved on, almost certain that she was building a life with someone else new. In her mind, the love she felt for Clarke was infinite and now she was realising Clarke’s love for her was also infinite and it left her speechless.
Clarke was still waiting for her. She had to come back. Her life, her home was waiting for her.
She waited three days in which she started her plan to come back home while still travelling all around the place, taking tons of amazing pictures to bring home.
After three day, she called again and smile when she heard three rings and then “ If it’s Friday night I’m at the ball game and first thing Saturday if it don’t rain, I’m headed out to the lake and I’ll be gone, all weekend long. But I’ll call you back, when I get home, on Sunday afternoon. And P.S. If this is Lexa, I still love you.”
This time Lexa waited after the tone and only left her number. Knowing Clarke would be gone all weekend, she decided to take the last drive she wanted to take again before leaving, taking the scenery drive of the Ice field Parkway. She made sure to be home Sunday when she hoped Clarke would call her back.
It was Sunday afternoon, her bag, her bike and her head and her heart were ready for the call, for the drive back.
--
Clarke listened to her messages and heard the number and not another word.
She didn’t need much to know it was her. Her Lexa was calling. Her heart was beating so fast. A lot had happened and she was so excited to share it all with the love of her life.
She called the number and she smiled when she heard her voice on the line.
“If you are calling about my heart, it is still yours. It finally found back it’s original course. And we know now where we belong, and by the way girl, it’s not a machine you are talking to. Can’t you tell, this is Lexa, and I still love you. I still love you.”
Clarke laughed. “I still love you too honey. I always did. I miss you love. Are you coming home?”
“I’m leaving now, I’m finally coming home. ”
“