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“So this is your room?” Arnold said after Helga opened a door marked “Employees Only” in the Beeper Emporium.
“Yep,” Helga said. “This is where the magic happens, football head.”
Arnold flushed and scratched behind his head as he looked around the room. It was very small, furnished only with a small bed, a circular table, and some wrestling posters on the wall. There was also a door to what appeared to be a supply closet inside.
Arnold frowned. He’d known Helga’s family had fallen on hard times, but he hadn’t known they actually lived here now until recently. And the reality of seeing the small room his girlfriend lived in was jarring.
Helga raised an eyebrow at him.
“There a problem, Arnoldo?” Helga said.
“What? N-no,” Arnold said putting his hands up. “Not at all just ...” He sighed. “You’re ... okay here, right, Helga?”
Helga rolled her eyes.
“About as okay as I ever was,” Helga said.
Arnold grimaced. “Is ... that a good thing?”
Helga’s eyes darted to the floor. “It’s ...” Her voice fell. “Just don’t worry about it, alright? Let’s just hang out.” After a moment, she shook her head and resumed scowling, like she always did when she wanted to hide her feelings. “Hey, you’re invited into a girl’s room? Shouldn’t you be like flustered or something?!”
Arnold managed a half-smile. “I am,” he said dryly.
“You don’t seem flustered. Shouldn’t you be spouting some romantic garbage or something?”
“I think that’s your department, Helga,” Arnold said.
To Arnold’s amusement, Helga’s cheeks turned red.
“You ...” She glared, cheeks glowing redder. “Touche, you little turd.”
Arnold chuckled. At least he knew the right way to cheer Helga up when she was down.
Outside the door, Miriam’s voice rang out.
“HELGA!” she yelled.
Helga groaned and shouted back, “YES, MIRIAM?!”
“IS YOUR NICE BOYFRIEND WITH THE WEIRD HEAD HERE?”
“YES, MIRIAM. AND HIS NAME IS ARNOLD. AND ALSO HE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU’RE SAYING, FOR PETE’S SAKE!”
“OH. OKAY! JUST LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN, OKAY?”
“WHATEVER, MIRIAM!”
Arnold shuffled his foot bashfully as Helga rolled her eyes.
“Sorry,” she said turning back towards him. “I think Miriam’s thinks I just brought you here to make out or something. Heh. Pretty dumb, right?”
“Y-yeah,” Arnold said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Helga’s eyes darted to the door, then back to Arnold. With a wry smile, she kicked the room’s door close.
“Oops,” Helga said sarcastically. “Well I mean if the door’s closed already, it would be a waste not to kiss now, huh?”
Arnold could feel his entire face flush red and his chest flutter.
Helga rubbed her elbow, her smile fading as she suddenly seemed awkward.
“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to or anything but--”
Arnold gave a small smile. “No, I do.”
Helga blinked. She gave a goofy smile. “He--heh, do me a favor,” she said nervously. “Say that again.”
“I do,” Arnold said stepping forward. He closed his eyes.
He heard Helga sigh wistfully.
His eyes still closed, her mumbled, “And you think I’m the sappy one.”
“Shut up,” she said.
Arnold felt Helga’s lips press against his as they embraced. A moment later, Helga leaned back. When Arnold opened his eyes, she had a dreamy look on her face.
Arnold gave a nervous chuckle. “Soooo, what should we do now?”
“Who cares?” Helga mumbled, still on cloud nine.
Arnold shook his head and suddenly felt a shiver down his spine.
“Phew ... I just realized it’s a little cold in here,” Arnold said. “Is the heat on?”
“Huh?” Helga finally snapped out of her trance. “Oh uh ... no. That costs money and I’m sure if I turned it on, Big Bob’s arteries might pop or something.” She looked around the room. “I think I had a blanket around her somewhere, uh ...”
“Oh um ...” Arnold headed towards the closet door. “Is there one in here?”
Helga glanced over as Arnold began to open the door. She jolted upright and rushed over.
“WAIT WAIT NO DON’T--”
Before Arnold could react, he swung the door open and saw ...
A bizarre, almost tribal-looking statue of himself, with a watermelon for a head and various pieces of trash making up the body. In the corner was a cardboard container marked “The Love Box.”
Arnold stared in astonishment, then turned back towards Helga. She had stopped in her tracks, her face pale.
“I...” Helga opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again raising her finger in the air. “I .. can ... explain!”
“O-okay?” Arnold said.
“Soooo ...” Helga scratched behind her neck. “This is um ...”
“A shrine?” Arnold said.
“You ... you would think that!” Helga laughed nervously and somehow grew even paler. “Youuuu would think that, but it’s not that. Cauuuuse that would be creepy and ridiculous and who would even do that?” Helga scoffed and folded her arms. “You’d have to be really messed up and weird to actually make a shrine to someone, that’s just really --” Helga’s voice faltered. “That’s really ...” She glued her eyes to the floor and mumbled. “Okay, it’s a shrine.”
Arnold glanced back at the shrine, then back to Helga, who looked like she was going to be sick.
“You think I’m a weirdo, don’t you?” Helga mumbled. “It’s okay, you’re totally right.”
“What? No!” Arnold put his hand on Helga’s arm. “No no, I’m just ... a little surprised, I guess. It reminded me of all the stuff we saw in San Lorenzo and ... heh, I thought seeing the statues of myself there was pretty weird so ...”
Helga still looked dejected, but Arnold shook his head.
“Look, I’m serious,” Arnold said. “This is really flattering. I’m not gonna lie and say it’s not a little ...”
“Crazy?” Helga suggested sadly.
“No. I’m not gonna lie and say it's not a little shocking but ...” Arnold bit his lip. “I know you’ve had trouble expressing how you felt about me up until now so ... if this helped you do that, I don’t really ... see much wrong with it.”
Helga’s eyes went wide as she drew her eyes back up to Arnold.
“You really mean that?” she mumbled.
“Yeah. But ... I just want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid of, you know ... expressing stuff.” Arnold laughed. “You weren’t shy about it a few minutes ago.”
Helga blushed and rolled her eyes. “Yeeeeaaaahh.”
“Yeah just ... you don’t have to have any secrets like this anymore. This is not so bad.”
Arnold hoped his words would put Helga at ease, but was surprised to see her stiffen instead.
“Wha- what’s wrong?” Arnold said.
Helga bit her lip.
“So um ... yeah, about secrets,” Helga said. “There’s ... kiiiiiiinda more stuff than just the shrine that you should ... probably ... know about ...”
“Oh?” Arnold hadn’t expected that. “Well, I’m sure it’s okay. What stuff do you mean?”
Helga’s hands fidgeted as she sighed deeply. “Okay,” she mumbled. “You really want to know?”
Arnold nodded slowly.
Helga reached for “The Love Box” in the corner and pulled it out. It overflowed with notebooks.
“Just start reading some of the poetry I’ve written about you while I try to ... remember all the stuff I’ve done you don’t know about,” she said.
Thirty minutes later, Arnold was still reading through books of poetry while Helga paced back and forth across the floor of the closet.
“Alright, what else?” Helga mumbled. The blush on her cheeks had been burning so long Arnold worried it might become permanent. “Okay, hang on I remember now. So one time, I got really high on laughing gas at the dentist and left a message on your answering machine professing my love for you, so I broke into your boarding house to erase it.”
Arnold looked up from the notebook he’d been reading.
“Um ... Helga? I think you already told me that story a few minutes ago.”
“No no, that was the time I broke into your house to get my locket back after I got an inscription on it. This was a different time.”
“Oh ...” Arnold shook his head. “No wait, I thought you said you broke in because I got that parrot?”
“Oh. OH!” Helga scratched behind her neck. “Okay so yeah ... that did happen. The locket thing was ... another time after those two ...”
“How ... many times have you been in my house without me knowing?”
“I ... I dunno, like a couple times a year, I guess?” Helga gave an awkward chuckle. “I uh ... couldn’t help but notice you’re not calling the police right now so ... thoughts so far?”
Arnold scratched his head.
“Well ... I dunno,” Arnold said.
Helga’s eyes went wide.
“You think I’m a creep?” Helga put her hand to her forehead. “Oh criminy, I knew it.”
“No no! It’s not that!” Arnold said. “I just ... well, I just didn’t expect all that so I’m still processing. I ... I know you never broke in to hurt me or anything or anything like that, so that’s good...”
“What? Oh god, no no! I would never do--” Helga stammered. “I would never do anything like that. I don’t like that I did stuff like that at all!”
“I-- I know... but ...” He sighed. “But I have to admit I’m not really ... okay with you doing stuff like that. You’re not ... still gonna do stuff like that or--”
“What? No!” Helga put her hands up. “No, I swear, that was just because I was a weird, messed up kid.”
“You’re not messed up, Helga.”
“Oh, come off it, hair boy!” Helga shouted. “Don’t sugarcoat it! Of course I’m messed up! I’ve got so many issues, Carl Jung would be like ‘DAMN!’ The contents of my head could add like two hundred pages to the DSM-5! I’m a weird stalker girl who is like a few bad days away from being a slasher movie villain, I’m--”
“Helga!” Arnold shouted, surprised at the volume of his own voice. “Don’t talk about yourself like that! I wouldn’t still be here if I wasn’t safe with you!”
Helga stopped in her tracks and stared at Arnold in disbelief.
“I ... I know ...” Her voice got softer. “I’m just afraid like ... once you knew everything about me you ... wouldn’t ... feel safe anymore.”
“No, I still feel safe.”
Helga gave a bitter laugh. “Heh, why?”
“Because I believe you when you say you’re not going to do that anymore! You ... you don’t have to work so hard to hide yourself from me anymore, Helga.”
Helga gave a small inhale before exhaling.
“I’m ... sorry for everything I did,” Helga mumbled.
“I know. I forgive you,” Arnold said. “Look, Helga, I think you’re focusing too much on the negative. I know you’ve done some ... not great things before, but I know you’ve done a lot of kind and sweet things too.” Arnold held up the notebook he’d been reading. “I mean, some of these things you’ve written are beautiful.”
Helga scoffed and shook her head.
“You mean all the poems that aren’t obsessive or hormonally charged?” she said.
“Come on, Helga. Like ... these are really good! I didn’t know you were that creative.”
A flicker of a smile appeared on Helga’s face. “You-- you’re just saying that,” she said.
“No, I mean it,” Arnold said. “I can’t write anything like this. I’m surprised I’m even the inspiration for this.”
Helga hid her face as a grin spread across it..
“W--well, you gave me a lot to work with, football head,” Helga said.
Arnold found himself blushing as well.
“Well ... I’m sure there’s other good stuff you’ve done you can tell me about,” Arnold said.
Helga raised an eyebrow.
“You have met me before, right?” she said.
Arnold simply gave Helga a look. Helga rolled her eyes.
“Ugh, alright alright, just give me a minute to think,” Helga grumbled. “Let’s see ... positive stuff ...”
After a moment, she stiffened.
“Oh, right ... there is one thing,” she said.
“What?” Arnold asked.
Helga shrunk her head into her shoulders.
“Yeeeeeaaaah,” she said, “so ... you remember that one Christmas where you were trying to find Mr. Hyunh’s daughter and couldn’t, but then she just showed up?”
Arnold’s mouth went agape as he stared at Helga.
“I ... might have had something to do with that,” Helga said.
“No ...” Arnold whispered.
Helga turned away as if ashamed.
“Well, hey, don’t make a big deal out of it or anything,” she mumbled.
“Don’t make a--” Arnold stood up. He found himself unable to think straight. “Helga, that was-- I thought that was miracle or something!”
“Well, it is if you consider me doing something nice a miracle--”
“Helga, I’m not kidding around,” he said. “That’s just ... that’s ...” Arnold started giggling. “Oh jeez.”
“What?” Helga said, raising an eyebrow.
“... well, knowing you did something that nice makes me feel ... flustered? I guess.”
Helga sputtered into laughter.
“Oh gosh, you’re such a dork!” Helga said.
“I am not!”
“You totally are! That’s the most Arnold thing on the world! Of all the weird things people can be into, Arnoldo is turned on by niceness.” Helga chuckled. “Guess it makes sense, after all you were into Lila for like a couple years.”
He shuffled his foot, feeling embarrassed upon hearing Lila mentioned.
“I mean, Lila was really nice, but I don’t think she ever did anything quite that nice,” Arnold said.
Helga stared in astonishment. “Did you just call me nicer than Lila?”
“I ... guess, sorta.”
Helga grinned. “Can we make out now cause that feels great to hear?”
Arnold laughed. “Seriously though, that was ...” Arnold bit his lip and reached out to grasp Helga’s hand. “That’s really amazing that you did that.”
Helga stared at Arnold’s hand and smiled wistfully. Arnold could see goosebumps form on her arm.
“So you’re not gonna dump me and call the police, I guess?” Helga said.
“Hm ... not today,” Arnold said, his eyes half lidded and wearing a sly smile.
Helga rolled her eyes.
“You’re getting sarcastic,” she said. “I think I’m a bad influence on you.”
Arnold smiled, before he closed his eyes and composed himself.
“So ... no more secrets?” Arnold said.
Helga paused for a moment, then nodded.
“No more secrets ...” she said. She groaned. “Wanna ... hear some more stories about weird stuff I’ve done because I was too afraid to talk about my feelings?”
“Always.”
Helga chuckled and sat down. “Well, there was the one time I tried to sabotage your Cheese Festival date with Lila because I was jealous--”
“Wait, you what?!” Arnold said.
“Well, it didn’t work! It just made your date better and besides, it’s not like that would have changed how she felt anyway.”
Arnold sighed. “Good point.”
“Disappointed?” Helga said, frowning.
“No, it’s okay,” Arnold said. He gave a smile. “I went on a date way better a few years after that. There was thisgirl who helped me find my parents in a jungle once. She was kinda cute.”
“Flatterer.”
They both dissolved into laughter.