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It started as a whim, a foolish curiosity that, at the time, Ignis wished he hadn’t indulged.
“What’re we shopping for again?” Gladio asked, tagging along behind Ignis as they made their way down a street of Insomnia’s downtown shopping district.
“A few new dress shirts, maybe some neck ties,” Ignis answered, weighing his options on which store to try first. “I just haven’t added anything to my closet in months…I worry that I’m starting to wear the same shirts to every event in the Citadel,” he lamented.
Gladio hummed in understanding, but couldn’t relate to the feeling himself. He was happy to stick with solids and the occasional striped shirt, but nothing like the wide range of colors and patterns Ignis wore and admired so much. A few new dress shirts sounded innocent enough, but he didn’t doubt Ignis would emerge with two new pairs of shoes, a dresscoat and perhaps even a few silk scarves.
Ahead of him Ignis took a sharp right turn and threw open the door of a department store, looking ready to ravage the place. Gladio couldn’t help but laugh as he followed Ignis in, his boyfriend making a beeline for a display of light blue and green shirts. Gladio didn’t feel the same about clothing, but what Ignis wanted, Ignis got, and he didn’t mind playing the “oh, of course I’ll hold your shopping bags for you” game for a few hours if it made Ignis happy.
He managed to stay at Ignis’ side for all of fifteen minutes, which he was rather proud of. Once the other man had an armful of shirts to try on Gladio knew it was about time to busy himself elsewhere. Lucky for him, Ignis was the type of guy who didn’t ask for second opinions on new clothes. Compared to Noctis, who needed a mountain of motivation to be convinced of a new shirt, or Prompto, who thought everything looked good because he’d simply never had such nice clothing, Ignis was pretty darn easy to shop with.
“I’ll be around, Iggy,” he called as the man disappeared into a dressing room. Well, hopefully he could find something interesting to distract himself. Though he wasn’t one for dress clothing, Gladio was always up for a nice leather jacket or some good, sturdy boots. Window shopping or idly browsing his phone would have to do until Iggy found what he wanted, he supposed.
He saw Iggy pass by a few times over the course of the next hour; sometimes with an armful of shirts, or with a store attendant to get something down off a higher display, or meticulously sifting through all the tie patterns and colors. His search seemed to be going well, if the few items he held on to were any indication.
After browsing the entire store and trying on a few pairs of boots, Gladio was definitely all shopped-out. He’d have to get Prompto to go with Iggy next time, he decided. The blonde had enough energy to shop all day, whereas he and Noct didn’t have the patience or the energy.
Shoving the last box of boots back into its place on the shelf, Gladio stood and stretched. Perhaps he could go up front and find a bench to sit on while he waited. He was sure no other sections of the store would interest him—next to the men’s shoes were the women’s, and beyond that the underwear and lingerie section, then the women’s clothing section, then…
Wait a minute.
Was that Iggy he saw, browsing the lingerie section?
That was…odd.
Gladio froze, unsure of what to do. Taking a moment to just watch seemed like a good first step, because his mind was entirely blank on what to say or how to react.
It was funny, how they’d known each other for nearly ten years and been in a relationship for a little over two, but they still learned new things about each other all the time.
Gladio would never know what it was like to be a trans guy, but he did his best at trying to understand and listen to what Iggy wanted to tell him. It took a lot of patience, but they’d worked well together so far. Ignis was getting more comfortable around him, and he was learning what to say whenever Ignis felt down, or happy, or unsure. He’d had slipups, of course, but nothing major.
But now this…why would Iggy be interested in lingerie? Gladio knew there was fancy lingerie made for men, but the stuff in the department store was definitely marketed towards women. He didn’t want to come off like he was angry or poking fun at him, but…why women’s lingerie?
Well, standing around staring at his boyfriend like he’d grown another head wasn’t doing him any good. The only way to find out was to ask him.
Gladio stuffed his hands in his pockets and relaxed his shoulders, hoping to sound casual about it all. Ignis was browsing something black and lacy at the back of the section, and didn’t notice Gladio making his way through the racks at all.
“Hey, Iggy,” he said, startling Ignis so bad that he dropped whatever he was looking at with a clatter, “find anything you like?”
Ignis picked up the piece of lingerie in a rush and shoved it back on the rack, unconcerned if it was hanging correctly or not. He whirled around to face Gladio with a flush on his cheeks and stumbled for words.
“Well, well I, yes, I found a few nice shirts a-and a tie…” he fumbled through the shirts in his grasp, refusing to meet Gladio’s eyes.
Gladio nodded and hummed as he observed the items Ignis picked out. Should he just…ignore it? Turn around and suggest they go check out? Did Ignis want him to know?
For better or for worse, his curiosity got the best of him. “What was with the lace? I haven’t seen you wear anything like that before,” he asked, keeping his tone gentle and even, “wouldn’t that kinda be…a step in the other direction for you?”
“A step in the other direction—!” Ignis’ flush deepened, but he hesitated, glancing back at the delicate and beautiful lace, “It was…it was nothing. Just a frivolous curiosity. Come up to the register with me?” he asked, moving past Gladio and not turning back.
“Sure,” Gladio answered. If Ignis wanted to drop it, then so would he. And what did Gladio know—maybe Ignis was telling the truth. Gladio saw every day how hard Iggy worked to feel comfortable in his own skin. Why would he be interested in women’s clothing, then?
Regardless, they paid for the clothes Ignis picked out and moved on to another store. Ignis, though, was noticeably quieter, and Gladio knew he’d messed up somewhere. After picking up two more shirts at the next store, Ignis called it a day and they hopped on the train back to the Citadel.
Rather than suggesting a romantic dinner alone, Gladio let Ignis pick what they did for the evening. He was in no mood for cooking, he said, so they grabbed dinner out of the Citadel’s cafeteria and met up with Prompto and Noctis, who were just returning from studying late at school.
Instead of a romantic evening alone, all four of them retired to Ignis’ room and relaxed with soda, beer and video games. Or, in Ignis’ case, with wine and stress-baking. Though his cookies were delicious, Gladio couldn’t take joy in the night. Part, or maybe even most, of Ignis’ stress came from their interaction earlier, he was sure of it, but Ignis wasn’t saying a word.
Prompto and Noctis were none the wiser, though, enjoying a full plate of cookies before Ignis relaxed enough to join them on the couch. At least Noctis’ smile brought a smile to Ignis’ face, Gladio thought, because he certainly wasn’t doing anything to help.
Crowe Altius loved her friends and loved having a good time as much as the next person, but in training she was all business. They could be called on to do anything, she often reminded her fellow glaives—guard the Prince, or a group of visiting dignitaries, or protect the city from an attack. Training was a time for focus and precision, not careless mistakes.
On top of that, being one of the few Glaives charged with teaching the Amicita boy all he needed to know about combat made her take the job all the more seriously. So, when the big bad Shield was dragging his feet and missing openings and just not thinking about a single move he made, Crowe was livid.
She very nearly took it all out on him, too, but when everyone else hit the showers and he remained in the practice arena, slumped against a bench and fixated on his phone, Crowe took a deep breath.
Give him a chance, she thought.
“What’s got you in a twist, Amicita?” she barked, taking a seat next to him. Upon closer inspection he wasn’t even doing anything on his phone, just staring at an old text conversation.
“Oh, it’s …” he sighed, dragging his hand over his face. ‘Nothing’ wasn’t an acceptable answer. “I said somethin’ that upset Iggy, but he’s avoidin’ me about it.”
Gladio dropped the hand holding his phone flat into his lap, revealing that the name in the text conversation was ‘Ignis’, complete with a little purple heart.
“Huh,” Crowe considered the situation. She’d never seen Gladio and Ignis fight. Not in a way that so obviously upset the both of them, anyway. “What did you say?”
Gladio shut off the display on his phone. “So, we were out shopping. Ignis wanted some new dress shirts and ties. But he likes to take his time picking stuff out so I just kinda wandered off,” he explained, “and after a while I spotted him in the women’s lingerie section.”
Crowe cocked her head, but Gladio continued. “So I asked him why he would want to wear something like that, cause he’s never done it before and…I don’t know, Crowe,” Gladio shook his head, running a hand through his hair, “He’s…a guy, you know? And he works so hard all the time…I don’t understand why he would want to wear something that’s…” he hesitated again, but finally spit it out, “something that’s women’s clothing.”
Crowe hummed, but considered her words for a few moments before replying. Gladio was trying to understand—that much was obvious—but some ideas just hadn’t stuck yet.
“I can see where you’re coming from, Gladio,” she said, and he raised his head off of his chest, “but I think you need to think more about Ignis as a person, and less about the decisions he’s making.” She crossed one leg over the other as he considered the statement.
“Take me for example. You think of me as a woman, right?” Gladio nodded, sitting up a little straighter, “You acknowledge that my gender is female regardless of what I’m wearing. Or that I ride a motorbike, or that I could drink you under the table and still kick your ass afterwards. Right?”
“Right,” Gladio mumbled, beginning to see the point she was trying to make.
“So, you know that I’m a woman, and no piece of clothing that I wear or action that I do is going to change that. If you saw me in a suit, would you still think that I’m female?” she asked.
“Of course!” Gladio was quick to answer.
“Good, that’s good—hey, calm down, Glads,” she said, raising a hand to him when he started tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling, his brain making all the connections, “I think you offended him, but it’s not a lost cause. If you talk with him I’m sure you guys can figure something out.”
Gladio nodded, though she wasn’t sure if he was agreeing or just reassuring himself, “yeah, you’re right.”
“So anyway,” she continued, “yeah, that’s good, that you already made that connection. I get where you’re coming from, because I know you only want to help him out, but you’ve gotta remember that not all guys are like you,” she poked his bicep. “Noctis isn’t covered in muscles and tattoos and showing off his guns in tank tops twenty-four hours a day, but he’s still a guy, right?”
“Yeah, ‘course.”
“Right, so Ignis is still a guy, even if he wants to wear lace,” she concluded.
Gladio said nothing, but if his hands covering his face were anything to go by, Crowe could imagine how he was feeling.
“Crowe, I need to go talk to him,” he said, getting up in a rush, “he should be…he’s usually having tea right about now. I need to go talk to him about this,” he said, resolute.
For the sake of Ignis’ nose, Crowe had other ideas. “You need to go shower, Amicitia.”
“I need to go shower,” he repeated, nodding as he gathered his bag and hussled towards the locker rooms.
“There it is,” she said, laughing.
Ignis was, just as Gladio predicted, finishing up his afternoon tea when a knock on his door disturbed him. He knew his visitor wasn’t Noctis, as he still had an hour before he was due in Ignis’ room to study and review homework, and there were only a handful of other people who would come looking for him after business hours.
Glancing through the peephole, he was not surprised in the least when it turned out to be Gladiolus waiting outside his door. He looked flushed and his hair still damp—he must have run the whole way up here, Ignis thought.
He didn’t answer right away, but sighed, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever conversation they were about to have.
“Try and give him a chance, just one,” he recalled Nyx saying when the Glaive found him moping in a distant corner of the Citadel, fixated on his and Gladio’s most recent text conversation, “Gladio’s smart, I’m sure he’s already realized that he screwed up.”
He was tempted to just stand there until Gladio left but…well, Ignis knew he didn’t need to be that petty. He shook the tension out of his shoulders and squared them back, then opened the door.
“Gladio,” he greeted with a nod, as if he wasn’t expecting him, “good evening. Anything I can do for you?”
“Yeah, I uh,” he heaved a big sigh, trying to catch up with his hammering heart, “I just wanted to talk with you, Iggy. I’ve got somethin’ to say. Do you have some time?”
Ignis hummed, tapping a finger to his lips. He leaned back into his apartment and glanced at the clock, as if he didn’t already know that he certainly did have time.
“I think I do. Here, come inside.”
Moments later Gladio found himself alone on Ignis’ couch while Ignis perched in an armchair. The seating was intentional—because everything Ignis did was intentional—and it hurt. Gladio usually took the left side of the sofa and slung an arm over Ignis’ shoulders, but now he was left alone.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ignis asked, meeting Gladio’s eyes, but Gladio couldn’t hold the gaze.
“I, um…” how embarrassing, to stumble over his words like that. Ignis waited, patient as Gladio regained his composure. “I wanted to say sorry for the other day. At the store. I’m sorry for…saying that to you.”
Ignis said nothing, waiting for Gladio to continue. At least Gladio did realize his fault, but he wished his boyfriend would be more direct about it. ‘Sorry’ wasn’t going to cut it, not entirely, anyway. Gladio had to understand, not just apologize.
“A-and!” Gladio hastily continued when Ignis remained silent, “And I think you can, you know…you can wear whatever you want. The lace or lingerie…as long as it makes you happy, Iggy, you don’t have to listen to me or anybody else.” He peeked up at Ignis after he finished, sheepish and unsure how to continue.
“Thank you for the apology, Gladio, I really do appreciate it,” he nodded, but didn’t allow his words to belie his true feelings, “But there’s something more I want you to understand. Because it’s not just about what you said…it’s bigger than that.”
Gaining some confidence back, Gladio sat up taller and kept his eyes on Ignis’. No matter what his mistake, Gladio could always listen.
A pensive expression muddled Ignis’ face for a few moments and he sighed as he began. “It’s difficult work, you know, just getting up to get dressed in the morning,” he let his chin fall into his hand, “I feel like others look at me and just see a dress shirt, well pressed slacks and a pair of polished shoes, but there’s much more to it than that.”
“ Every day I carefully consider what I’m putting on,” he explained, “Or how it makes me feel. On occasion, even my easiest outfits, the ones that will always make me feel good about myself, feel just…wrong. Sometimes just looking myself in the mirror makes me want to crawl back into bed and never come out.”
His words hit Gladio so hard he actually flinched. He…he’d known that Ignis felt that way sometimes, but not to such an extent. If only there was something he could do to help him with those feelings, help him accept himself more…
Ignis leaned his head against his hand as he continued. “So, when I find something that I enjoy, something that makes me feel good about myself, I know I need to hold onto that feeling. And what happened in the department store…even though I was excited to try something new and see myself in a different way, your comment reminded me that the world at large would not see me as ‘male’,” he made air quotes around the word, “if I was to be wearing lace. It reminded me that I’m only male when I’m wearing sweatpants and a tank top, or pressed pants and a nice shirt, but not lace…”
A cold wave of guilt ran through Gladio. Talking this over with Crowe had been easy and casual, but Ignis was there to be brutally honest. And he had every right, Gladio thought, but boy did it make him feel terrible.
“So it’s not that I’m upset at you for expressing your opinion or asking a question—I’m upset that you were not there beside me, supporting me. You were telling me that what I wanted to try was wrong, when you should have been asking me if I preferred black or navy,” he explained, keeping his voice even and calm the entire time. “I don’t need help deciding what I want to wear, Gladiolus; I thought you would have picked up on that by now.”
Ignis broke the tense atmosphere with a small smile, because Gladio surely did know that Ignis didn’t want second opinions on his clothing, and Gladio mirrored him. “All I ask is that you support me in whatever I choose to do because….because I like to look like I know what I’m doing, even when I really don’t, so knowing that I can turn around and have someone at my back, its...” he trailed off for a moment.
“It means more to me than you know, Gladio. So having the rug yanked out from under my feet was...startling, to say the least.”
Leave it to Ignis, Gladio thought, to pull no punches while speaking like a fine gentleman.
“Yeah, of course, I—” his voice caught in his throat, an unexpected wave of emotion choking him up. How did he follow such an eloquent confession, where Ignis both schooled him and gave him a second chance in the same breath?
The only way he could, he guessed—by being himself. He loved and supported Ignis, and he didn’t need to do anything more but love and support him—Ignis just told him as much.
“I, I’m sorry, Iggy, and I think I understand now, because I talked this over with Crowe, too,” he said, all the emotions flooding through his mind forcing his gaze to the floor. Someday he would have the confidence that Ignis did, he thought. “I’m sorry I assumed so much in the moment or that I made you feel…wrong. Or restricted. It was wrong of me to hole you into a stereotype in my mind, just because I thought that’s what you wanted.”
Finally, he raised his head back up. “But I really get it now. You’re more than just the clothing you wear or what you like. You’re just…Ignis. And you’re a guy. And you don’t have to do or say anything to be that—you just are.”
While the thought of more reprimand and silence horrified him, he was happy to find a muted smile in Ignis’ eyes. Feelings were not yet completely mended, perhaps, but they were on their way there.
Soon after that Noctis knocked at the door, and life somewhat resumed its normal pace. Ignis sat with Noct for the better part of an hour, going over history and math and language. Gladio was content to listen in silence, checking his work email and appreciating how well the two worked together. They ended the hour with gossip from around the Citadel, and soon enough Noctis was off to dinner with his father.
As Ignis bid him goodbye and shut the door, Gladio found himself puzzling what to do next. Could he ask to stay the night, so soon after making up with Iggy? He didn’t know, but it was only six in the evening, so he still had time to figure it all out. More importantly, something else was weighing on his mind.
“Hey, Iggy?” he asked while Ignis came back to join him in the living room and hummed in question for him to continue. “Did you want to, uh, did you still want to go shopping for that kind of thing? Lingerie and lace and all that? I don’t mind going back to the store with you, if you want.”
To Gladio’s surprise Ignis’ eyes lit up and he snatched his laptop off the coffee table before sitting next to Gladio on the couch. “Actually, I was thinking of looking online. Not only to avoid the stress, but most places won’t let you try on lingerie, you know. And online shops have more variety, and I know my measurements and all, so it’s a better alternative all around, I think,” he explained, opening up an internet browser and typing something into a search engine.
Gladio couldn’t help the smile weeding its way onto his face. It was adorable, seeing him so excited about something. Despite the hurt feelings, he was so relieved to see that Ignis hadn’t given up the idea. He’d thought about it in the meantime, done more research. He never expected Ignis to be interested in something like this, but seeing him so eager and confident and so uniquely Ignis warmed Gladio’s heart.
So something was ordered. And a little over a week later, a padded white envelope was delivered to Ignis’ door.
Originally Ignis told Gladio that he would wait for them to be together to open it, but…well, he was just so excited!
It didn’t take long, though, for a knock to sound on his door. Ignis, already admiring himself in the mirror, didn’t bat an eye as he called out, “Come in, it’s unlocked!”
“Hey babe, wasn’t that package supposed to—oh,” Gladio stopped dead in his tracks when he laid his eyes on Ignis.
In front of him Ignis was turned three-quarters away from the mirror, gleefully appreciating his own reflection. His torso was wrapped in beautiful black lace, complete with a high cut leg to show off his slim hips. A detailed floral lace decorated his chest and ran down the center of the bodysuit, while sheer panels hugged his waist and back.
Gladio let his eyes wander down, until…
Wait a minute.
“Is that your packer?” he asked, eyeing the bulge beneath the lace. Ignis nodded.
“It was a bit of a…last minute addition, but I was curious to see how it would look, so…”
It was only then that Ignis turned his back to Gladio, revealing the low cut back of the bodysuit and the wide band of the skin-toned binder running across Ignis’ back. It was all hidden so well from the front—Gladio hadn’t noticed the wide straps concealed under the intricate lace. It really was stunning, how a single piece of clothing could transform someone.
“But it looks great, don’t you think?” Ignis asked, shocking Gladio out of his thoughts.
Gladio took a step back and really admired Ignis, in all his glowing confidence. What would be the best thing to say? You look…natural? Awesome? Like it was made for you? Decisions, decisions…
Finally, he decided on one. “You look perfect, Iggy,” he said, walking up and taking his boyfriend’s hands. A small smile graced Ignis’ lips and a blush dusted his cheeks. Wrapped up in giddy excitement, he leaned forward and pecked Gladio square on the lips.
Gladio came away equally giddy and flushed. Was it getting hot in here, or was it just him?