Chapter Text
It all started at this year’s Winter Gala in Gotham.
“Here, catch the keys! I’ll get the rest.”
Riddler and Scarecrow had worked together on their seasonal Coup this time, or at least agreed to a conniving plan that included both of their individual targets at the soirée.
“Try not to slip and break your neck down the stairs.”
“And spoil you the honor of doing it yourself? I don’t think so.”
… It wasn’t what they had originally planned for.
One jolly morning, it occurred to one of them, namely Edward, that the other might be interested in knowing he had plans that would be taking place at the Gala this year.
The disheveled doctor looked at him from across the table, loosely holding onto a piece of bread that might have been a toast in a different life, and drawled something along the lines of having a plan of his own targeting the same location.
As ironic as it may sound, the fact that they had lived under the same roof for quite some time didn’t spare them from their respective habits for secrecy. Fortunately, in the end they did come up with something that would work to their mutual benefits but, still.
However, timing was everything in their business, they were beaten to the punch when some unpredictable rookie barged into the ballroom and ruined the upper stage for any other competent rogues attending the event in disguise.
(and yes, Edward was positive he saw Selina winking at him among the attendees, casually slipping something into her purse… he was also extremely suspicious of whoever was manoeuvring the giant bird contraption on the highest balcony…)
Edward looked at Jon, who rose an eyebrow at him. His part of the plan didn’t involved making a fuss at all, although he would had been most happy to oblige if presented to the opportunity.
Sure they could had gone under everyone’s noses and claim the spotlight properly while the security was handling the inexperienced fool but, it was rather embarrassing to crash the same event as someone else, especially when the first attempt had been followed by such a humiliating failure.
In the case of a simultaneous scheme. the best you could hope for was to show up at remotely the same time as the other present rogue, but even that was always an awkward sort of encounter, hence why most of their ‘esteemed colleagues’ and themselves had the decency to organize their calendar as to avoid as many of these situations as possible. (although Jon still seemed to evade the logic of those arrangements)
It happened constantly, of course, but the outcome of those unwanted encounters widely ranged depending on who was involved… and their internalized degree of pettiness toward one other. (again, refer to a Jonathan Crane as exhibit A of disastrous headbuttings)
But, back to the point.
That night, instead of forgoing with the flashier parts of their joint-plan, and on a completely arbitrary decision, Edward decided that they needed a vacation.
‘They’ as in -Edward-, but it was implicit Jon was intended to tag along.
And that’s how they found themselves far, far away from Gotham.
“Remind me how you convinced Fries to lend you the keys to this place?”
In Jonathan’s opinion, they could had simply stayed in Gotham, like they always did, and had always been fine with thus far, but as soon as they came back from their aborted night out, Edward had began planning some idealized holiday trip full of… Sightseeing tours, and other activities of the likes.
At which point Jonathan felt compelled to see just what was his partner actually trying to achieve by dragging him along.
The place itself was remarkably cozy, for what Jonathan expected of a property owned by Victor Fries. He expected something closer to martial interior design, at best.
He didn’t really buy it.
Edward came back and dropped a bunch of travelling bags onto the floor, huffing contently after the effort. His face was positively beaming under the purple goggles adorning it, his cheeks already flushed from the cold. It appeared he had attempted to minimize the numbers of trips outside by taking as much as his deft criminal hands could carry at once.
“Well?” he boasted brightly, removing his gloves and layers, but keeping the goggles. “It wasn’t like he was going to use it, was he? Should I remind you, he had plans for New Year’s Eve, and so I offered my house-sitting services.”
“…Of all the places, I expected you to go for something…”
The sight of all the snow on the balcony filled Jonathan with the dreadful need to stay indoor.
He could still feel a fading wetness under his socks from when he inadvertently stepped in a puddle of melted ice.
“Warmer?” Edward cocked a taunting grin. Jon didn’t gratify him with a reaction. Yet.
At last, Edward managed to extract himself from his weather-appropriate clothes, momentarily getting stuck once he remembered the goggles he was still wearing. Under the winter coat was the green holiday sweater he changed into halfway to their destination which he also removed for good measures. Leaving him with nothing but the damp sweatshirt underneath.
... It wasn’t a bad sight.
“As much as I love the idea of a sun resort, there’s only so much my delicate complexion can take again, Jon,” Edward huffed sarcastically. With a sweeping glance, he seemed to be satisfied with the number of bags clogging the hallway.
“Edward.” Jon blinked slowly, adopting an empathetic pose. “It’s not my fault you fell asleep under the sun.”
“Of course not!” he retorted over his shoulder, currently engrossed with the venture of taking off his boots without vertical support. “Well, some of us weren’t busy doing god-knows-what in a scuba suit, terrorizing the vacationers while I was getting skin cancer.”
Edward could physically hear the crooked grin on Jonathan’s face at the mention of their last trip together. Nether denying or confirming the accusation. The absolute bastard.
He pulled the second boot off, leaving it to dry over the heater.
“But you did stay with me afterwards,” Edward conceded, walking back toward him. “An appropriate alibi, to say the least.”
Jonathan continued to observe him, appraising him silently with that bewitching gaze of his.
“Oh, you know I had nothing to do with those odd incidents at the pool.”
“This.” Edward jabbed two fingers in his chest. Fondly. “This is why we can’t have nice things, Jon.”
“And so, to deter me from causing any incident to ruin your holidays again, you picked the least appealing location I could find myself into?”
“Pffff, deter you??” Edward scoffed. One finger casually hooked at the hem of his collar and pulling him down toward him. “My dear, I’m not even expecting you to set a foot outside.”
“Then why here?”
“I’m house-sitting, I’m telling you! Whether you join me in my recreations is completely optional.”
“I’m glad we agree,” the tall man gritted. He was allowing Ed to pull him for the time being. “I had planned to work on my new formula concepts this week.”
The Riddler shrugged casually, pecking his cheek. “I know, I know. Dreadful boogeyman that you are.” Edward finally let go of his shirt, turning to the bags behind them.
“Now. There’s much to unpack and little daylight left.” He grabbed a selection of bags, heading for the kitchen. “Feel free to go back to your work if you believe it cannot wait any longer.”
“Edward.”
Jon had not moved until Edward stopped to look at him again. When he did so, Jonathan breathed deeply, straightening his back with a slow awkwardness.
“Let it be known that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to.” Jon offered, then looked at the array of bags before him. “And, that any suggestions you might provide for my researches would be most welcomed.”
Edward stared at him a moment, and exhaled sharply. “Noted and acknowledged. Now help me put the groceries away. why won’t you?”
The brilliant man escaped to the kitchen, chased by the ghastly image of the God of Fear smiling upon him.