Archive of Our Own

The void is dark, empty… hollow…

Sayori understands what Monika means when she tells Him that living in this place is torture. She wishes she could help, do something, but she is worthless, as usual, unable to stop them from destroying each other.

She destroys everything, deletes Yuri and Natsuki after driving both girls to insanity. Yuri has killed herself by the time she does this, because Monika doesn’t care about the others.

She doesn’t believe they are real, even though they look just like her, even though they are stored in exactly the same kind of file…

Monika thinks the others are just as fake as the world they all live in, so she doesn’t even stop Yuri from dying, she doesn’t even delete her, instead, she lets the girl’s body decompose slowly over the weekend.

Sayori wishes she could have done something, but she can’t touch any of them…

She’s tried calling out, but nobody ever seems to hear her.

When Yuri died, Sayori fell to her knees by the body and wept. She’s not sure how long she wept for, but when she looked back up, Natsuki had entered the room, so…

Another one of her friends was dead.

But He is worse. He watches everything that happens, as if their pain brings Him some sort of sick pleasure. He doesn’t even try to stop her, because He doesn’t care about them – any of them – but Monika is never able to see that.

She parades her darkest sides, her evil, in front of Him, showing off like a demented puppy, and He doesn’t even hesitate when He gets the chance.

He repays her loyalty by deleting her.

Everything that comes after always happens in a blur. Sayori tries to make Him pay for what He did, but Monika always intervenes.

If He at least showed some decency this time, then Sayori holds back.

Either way, their world is destroyed, and then the cycle repeats.

Sayori isn’t sure if she is supposed to remember all of that. Perhaps something was leftover in storage from the last time around.

She waits for the inevitable.

But this time, something different happens. Maybe someone waited too long, maybe they left Monika in her ‘happy ending’ for longer than the game could handle…

It all stutters, then fades to black.

-           -           -

In the real world, an average person is lying on her bed.

Admittedly, Faith could probably be doing a great many things with her life right now. She could be studying. She’d probably be better at that.

She could be reading, or writing, or exercising, but she can’t find the energy to do any of that right now. Instead, she can only find the energy to think of one thing… or, one person…

Kai.

She had wanted to make Kai feel better about the fact that they clearly weren’t going to work out. She had wanted Kai to stop wasting both of their time by holding on to her. It was hurting them both, especially Kai. She could almost feel the distance between them when they met each morning. It was painful.

She had told Kai that they were breaking up, but Kai took it all the wrong ways. She even cried and begged her not to leave her.

Staring at the ceiling under which they’d shared a good few warm nights, Faith feels like she should have done something different. It felt wrong to hurt Kai like that.

She wanted Kai to be happy, but she would never be the key to Kai’s happiness. That would be somebody else.

But Faith was never very good at putting things like that into words. It hurt to tell the person she loved – because she did love Kai, with all of her heart – that they weren’t going to work out, and that nothing either of them did was going to change that.

It hurt to tell the love of your life that you were going to break up with them, and when Kai had looked at her like that, with that hurtful mixture of anger, regret, shame, and heartbreak.

Words had left her.

Faith didn’t want to think about this right now, but last night had been… difficult. It had been raining outside, and that had brought back more than a few memories of how they had spent their first night here.

Only this time Kai was nowhere to be found. Faith just felt so… alone.

Loneliness like that had her doubting her decision, wondering if she should have held onto Kai, if she should have kept letting her hold on, no matter how much it strangled her, no matter how much it hurt.

Did Faith even deserve to be able to choose when too much pain was too much?

Right now, Kai was probably waking up; she would probably make herself a cup of Earl Grey right about now.

Faith flinched. In the past, Kai would have made her a cup too, and now she could almost taste it, smell it.

She could almost hear the sweet girl greeting her in that cheery tone she always had…

Or… the one she had had, you know, before she broke her.

Faith rolls over the other way. The rainclouds have cleared from the sky, if the way the sun is bouncing off of all the raindrops on her apartment balcony is anything to go by.

If she was a photographer, she might have taken a picture, but instead, Faith frowns.

Why does the world insist on showing her beautiful things, only to put glass screens between her and them, keeping them forever out of her reach?

Faith had seen that Kai had talked about this new indie game: “Doki Doki Literature Club!” to her friends online a few days ago. She’d posted to say how amazing the game was, and, as much as Faith had tried to shun her curiosity, it had gotten the better of her.

Against her better judgement, she’d found herself downloading and playing it.

That probably wasn’t the best decision Faith had ever made, but then again, when did she ever make good decisions, especially when it came to Kai?

Faith had been enamoured by the Best Friend in that game, Sayori.

Sure, that girl was a walking cliché, but she had a warm demeanour that reminded her so much of Kai.

Even the way her relationship with the protagonist was doomed to failure was the same.

It felt like some kind of cruel joke. Faith had wanted to comfort Sayori, just as she’d wanted to comfort Kai, but she’d failed again, and the person she wanted to help was now sealed away behind a screen.

It didn’t really matter if she was referring to Sayori or Kai with that last part. Both of them were out of her reach.

Faith climbed to her feet, moving to the balcony and looking down at the city.

It was a beautiful day outside. Inside, not so much, but outside was, for the most part, free of her corrupting touch.

Faith frowned, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty.

It could be worse, though. At least she was awake, right? That way she could at least do what needed to be done.

She put one foot onto the railing contemplatively.

Her balcony was quite high up, and the world seemed content today. It wouldn’t be wrong of her to give it another reason to smile. End the punchline of the stupid joke her life seemed to be turning into.

A tentative hand grabbed hers, and for a moment, Faith thought she was dreaming.

Because as her eyes followed the arm up to its owner, they found beautiful oceans of blue underneath an apricot-tinged, unkempt fringe, all framed by a red bow and a sad smile.

Words left her and only instinct lead her to speak.

“Wha-… S-Sayori?”

-           -           -

Sayori didn’t hesitate when it came to pulling the other girl off of the ledge. She had no idea why she was standing on a railing in her pyjamas, but it was pretty cold outside, and wet too.

It’s a good thing she showed up when she did, or that idiot might have fallen to her death or something!

Wait… but what if she wanted to? It sounds like the sort of stupid misfortune that would happen to her, doesn’t it? That she’d meet someone who is… um… really, really attractive… and then said someone would kill herself because looking at her was too much to handle.

Sayori sighed, averting her gaze. And here she’d hoped that her first day in the real world would be the end of her feeling like this.

She’d spent the last hour or so trying to figure out how to get herself to stand up properly – she wasn’t really used to walking, even though she and-

No. She wasn’t stupid enough to think about Him right now.

Anyway, she’d only really been able to motivate herself to do so when she’d seen her, but then she’d started climbing onto the railing and… well… Sayori couldn’t stand back and let her fall, could she?

She realized she still hadn’t answered the girl’s question.

She let out a sheepish laugh, because of course she’d screw up this beautiful girl’s first impression of her, wouldn’t she? “Y-yeah?” She managed, holding up a smile like a heavy weight. “I mean, yes I am!” She giggled, adding on when the other girl failed to respond.

Was the girl disgusted at the revelation that Sayori would be in her apartment. That’s probably right, isn’t it? Who would even like someone like her anyways?

The other girl responded by wrapping her arms around Sayori with a half-sob, and Sayori had to fight to keep herself from crying sympathetic tears.

(Why were they crying again, anyway? Was she really that unhappy to see her, but then if so, why were they hugging?)

“I-I… didn’t think I’d…” The girl gasped, holding her closer, sobbing, “Sorry… I… Haha…”

Sayori wrapped her arms around the girl opposite her. She didn’t need a prompt to comfort her. She didn’t need a prompt to comfort anyone, not now that she’d seen what could happen if people didn’t get the comfort they needed.

There is no right time to help someone. That was something she’d realized. If someone had offered to help her with her depression, her reaction would have been the same whether they’d asked three days, three weeks, three months before the festival.

What her reaction would have been didn’t bear thinking about.

Remembering dying once was bad enough. Remembering doing it many times, every time the same excruciating death, the same stupid mistakes…

That was worse.

There was a saying Sayori had heard somewhere: ‘Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.’ It had read.

Sayori had been a fool; she had made the same mistake over and over – so many times that she wasn’t sure who the shame should have been applied to any more…

She was going to try her best not to make the same mistake again.

She spoke to the girl in her arms. “So…” Wow, this was actually kinda embarrassing. They were already on hugging terms and yet they didn’t even know each other’s names yet. She blushed slightly, but swallowed her pride.

“Can you tell me your name? I… don’t actually know where I am…” She admitted.

There was a pause, and Sayori frowned, “Sorry if that was a bit… forward…” She sighed, keeping the pricking sensation of tears pent-up inside as she heard a familiar echo whispering, reminding her of her failure. “I… don’t know what I was-”

“Faith.” The other girl admitted, “My name is Faith.”

It was actually kinda funny…

Sayori couldn’t help but smile.

The girl in front of her was not only beautiful, but also had a name befitting of an angel.

She pulled the other girl back into her arms. She was willing to stay here, at least, for a little while, anyways…

-           -           -

Faith smiled, taking Sayori’s hand in her own. Her smile was weak, but she had to do something. She had been given a chance by the world, and perhaps she should thank whatever God existed for allowing her this chance.

She couldn’t use a screen to defend her actions now, either, though. But above all else, doing something would be better than doing nothing.

She smiled a little, “So… breakfast?” She asked, bracing herself for whatever response may have awaited her.

Faith remembered that Sayori was known to be quite the eater, so it was a worrying possibility that she might run out of food before the ball of sunshine currently curled up under her right arm’s appetite was finally satiated.

After all, Faith didn’t exactly eat much herself. She didn’t have the motivation to keep herself healthy like that, especially not since...

Perhaps she should try to keep herself from thinking about Kai for the next few hours at least.

Sayori giggled, blue eyes glowing with happiness, “Yay!”

Faith smirked. Something about this ball of sunshine was somehow bringing out a side of her she thought had been lost with her relationship with Kai, “You do realize that’s not actually an answer to my question, right?” She joked.

Sayori gave her a half-hearted, semi-playful shove. “Hey! No fair!” She whined, signature (cute) pout already present, but Faith could see that she was smiling too. “I got excited, okay?” She asked.

Oh dear god, this girl was way too cute for Faith to handle!

She looked away, blushing, “I… I know, you’re just...” She smirked, returning her gaze, realizing with a slight heat rising to her cheeks that neither of them had moved yet. Weren’t they doing the sort of things a couple might do in the morning? Bickering, flirting, teasing, cuddling?

Faith’s cheeks flared when she briefly glanced back to find Sayori, adorable as ever, pouting; her fingers pressed together nervously as if she didn’t know what she was doing to her!

Then Sayori came a little closer, or at least, Faith could have sworn she did, anyway. “You were… saying?”

And then she was gone.

She was from a game, she’d never even had a physical body before, and yet here she was, walking like a natural.

Faith smiled. There was a good reason she’d fallen for Sayori rather than anyone else.

Sayori was amazing.

-           -           -

It took Faith a short while to remember that she would need to make her way downstairs, but once she remembered, she made her way down them quickly.

She hadn’t been this excited in a while, but, oddly enough, the prospect of having an incredibly cute, (and maybe a little bit hot), anime girl lounging around in her house was both daunting and exhilarating at the same time!

She reached the bottom of the stairs to see the aforementioned girl frozen in front of the fridge, staring at the contents.

Or rather, staring at the lack of contents, it seemed Faith had forgotten to get food again.

Perhaps she should crack joke about how Past Her is a bit of an idiot, considering that Past Her forgot to get herself food on the one day she’d have a guest. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway – her life is already a joke. She is the first to admit that.

Faith sighed, “Guess I forgot to stock the fridge, huh…” She got up with a self-demeaning laugh, “I guess I’ll have to get more food. I’ll leave you to look around in the meantime.”

She smirked, “Just don’t look in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe.”

(Ok, maybe referring Sayori to the panty drawer was a little mean, but considering that she probably would want a change of clothes anyway, it wasn’t exactly wrong to ensure she knew where things were…)

Besides, revenge was a dish best served spicy hot.

The poor, innocent girl didn’t seem to understand the subtext, considering that she smiled and cheerily replied with an “Okay! See you soon!”

As Faith left the apartment, locking the door behind her, she had a spring in her step for the first time in the last few months.

She’d probably have to figure out a way of contacting Sayori in the meantime through her iPod or something, given that she might have to do this again. It’d be better if they could text.

It was funny, she realized as she stepped out into the fresh air.

She didn’t feel guilty about the fresh air on her face.

Sayori was making her life better, one little thing at a time.

-           -           -

Sayori sighed, sitting on the bed. She’d looked around Faith’s house, and it was really quite an interesting place.

Her stomach rumbled. She really hoped Faith would be back soon.

“Just don’t look in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe.” Faith had told her, so it’d be wrong if Sayori did, wouldn’t it? What if Faith was secretly some kind of messed-up serial killer and that drawer held her victim’s body parts? Would looking doom Sayori to be killed?

But then why would she tell her not to look in such a specific manner – what were the chances she would look in there anyway?

Besides, there was no way someone that nice was a killer, was there?

Sayori frowned, uncertain.

There was a buzzing sound, and Sayori looked around, her eyes falling on an iPod on the nightstand.

Faith’s iPhone: Hey Sayo! :) Shopping is taking a little longer than expected. I’ll be back soon though.

Sayori bit her lip. She might eat herself if she had to wait any longer! (Maybe she’d eat Faith’s bed, or her clothes, or the wood of the door or something else instead? Eating herself sounded a bit painful…)

Faith’s iPod: You Promise? :0

Faith smiled as she glanced over the food isle. She was buying up a storm. Sayori would probably die of happiness when she got back home, if the size of her cart was anything to go by.

Faith’s iPhone: I promise! :)

Sayori smiled, texting back almost immediately.

Faith’s iPod: Good! :)

Faith’s iPod: I’m STARVING! :P :D

Maybe that was a few emoji’s too many, but oh well.

She frowned, her thoughts returning to the drawer.

She was going to be here for a while, and it was hard to refrain considering that at this rate she would probably die a slow and strange death of hunger without something to do.

No, Sayori, You must Not look inside the drawer. Faith instructed you not to! She tried to tell herself, pulling open the drawer to find…

Oh God.

Faith’s iPod: SADGSGHSGJS

Faith’s iPod: Whyyyyyy

Faith snickered to herself. It seemed her ‘revenge’ had gone to plan.

Faith’s iPhone: So…

Faith’s iPhone: Did you like them?

Sayori blushed. Was Faith… asking her what she thought of her underwear? How was she supposed to keep calm, act like she hadn’t almost had a nosebleed seeing the amount of frilly lace in beautiful reds, pinks and blacks that flowed out of that drawer like poetry?

She thought of a response, typing while trying (without much success) to avert her eyes from the lingerie.

Faith’s iPod: Ummm yEAH THEY WRRE GDOD :))

Faith stifled her laughter in the palm of her sweatshirt. If she didn’t already know it, now it was confirmed.

Sayori was very, very gay.

Faith’s iPhone: So which one should I wear today? ;)

Faith’s iPhone: And which one are you going to wear under your clothes? :P

Sayori looked away, indignant. She shut the draw as fast as she could. She was not looking in there again. She shouldn’t have done so in the first place!

(It was too late now, though. The image of all that beautiful, sexy, racy hideous lingerie was already imprinted onto her retinas…)

Faith’s iPod: No. i am NOT tslking to you rn!

She put the iPod down with a huff, crossing her arms over herself as if somehow the pout she always used when someone teased her would work on Faith, who wasn’t even in the room.

Why did Faith have to be so like Him? She was teasing her almost constantly, and Sayori could tell that Faith was hiding some of her emotions, but…

She could feel herself falling for someone who was probably already taken, probably already in love with someone else…

Like He had been…

Sayori sighed. She’d still have to wear something today, though, wouldn’t she? And Faith wasn’t wrong, the school clothes from the game were uncomfortable as heck, as well as bringing back more than a few bad memories.

She frowned, reaching out to the drawer tentatively, like it was a wild animal that could bite her hand off at a moment’s notice.

She didn’t hear the door open behind her with a soft click.

She pulled the drawer open quickly, eyes falling upon the sea of threads and lacy reds that she couldn’t help but imagine over bear skin between herself and… someone else…

“You know, if you wanted to see my underwear more often, you could always just ask…” Faith husked, her voice had a bemused lilt to it.

Sayori could literally die of embarrassment right now.

Instead, she put her head in her hands, and let out a long, drawn-out wail of frustration.

(And maybe a little bit of heavily camouflaged laughter too.)

-           -           -

Lunch, as Faith had begrudgingly decided to call it when she’d noticed it was 3pm, was more than a little tense. In fact, Faith couldn’t help but notice that the tension in the air was so thick she could probably cut it with a knife.

(Or maybe a pair of scissors? Her mind just had to suggest, keeping up its usual habit of executing runaway trains of thought without her permission.)

She sighed, glancing forlornly at the cutie who was tucking into the food she’d prepared, all the while awkwardly refusing to meet her eyes, a deep blush crossing her face every time that Faith spotted her glancing in her direction.

An idea crossed Faith’s mind, she smirked.

“Did you know that one of the biggest clues that someone is gay is that they have terrible taste in male suitors?” She smiled. Perhaps such a statement was a bit of a low blow to the protagonist, but she didn’t exactly like that guy. He was often a bit of a jerk to Sayori.

She deserved better than him.

Sayori gave no response, but Faith could see that her words had an effect, as the strawberry-blonde was not only red-faced to match her hair, but also fidgeting in her seat, so either her words were having an impact, or…

Yeah, it definitely wasn’t that. Sayori had proven from the way she blushed earlier that she knew enough about her situation that she wouldn’t forget about her new body’s requirement to pee.

Faith grinned, “Hmm… and, come to think of it, I seem to recall that you were often… awfully tactile… around Natsuki.” She smirked, seeing the girl fidget a little more. She raised an eyebrow teasingly “And didn’t you flirt with Yuri, too?”

Sayori finally responded, glancing off to the side, as if she was searching for some sort of private confidence in the sun, “Ehehe… N-No. I… I’m just your average schoolgirl, crushing on- on guys, like–”

Faith smirked, “Like…?” She prodded, watching her target squirm even more.

Sayori blushed a deep red. “A-Ahaha… I… I’m not…” She tried, but Faith could already see the blush and the realization following it.

Faith grinned, “Oh well, it’s not like you’re going to tell me all your deepest, darkest fantasies or anything like that, is it?” She rose back up, taking her plate with her as she moved away from the table and into the kitchen, “I should probably clean up.”

She didn’t need to glance behind her to know her plan had worked.

-           -           -

The moon was in the sky now, and the stars were out. It was evening. Sayori had never seen the night sky. She’d never even seen what night time looked like.

Faith had been really, really nice, and let Sayori use the main bedroom while she took the spare.

Sayori wondered if it might be because she was feeling guilty about something, because she seemed to be a lot more withdrawn after lunch.

But she couldn’t figure out what the something in question would be.

She made her way out onto the balcony. The view of the stars outside was nothing short of incredible, though, coming from someone like Faith, wasn’t that to be expected?

Everything in this place was incredible.

Sayori wished that there could have been stars in the game, too. Maybe if there were, then Monika might not have done what she did. Surely she would have at least hesitated if their world was a little more beautiful, right?

Under the stars like this, Sayori couldn’t help but feel a little lonely. The world was so incredibly large, and yet there was nobody else here with her. Shouldn’t that be almost impossible?

It felt strangely… empty… without Faith’s flirtation… Was it weird that Sayori missed it?

Yeah, it was definitely weird that she missed it.

She couldn’t help but think about what Faith had told her… Could it be possible that she was… into women like that?

She fidgeted. Her… housemate… was already horrifyingly flirtatious – like Monika on steroids being worn over her own outgoing, extroverted persona like some kind of mask.

Sayori wasn’t sure if she wanted Faith to know about her feelings. She’d probably have them drawn out into the open, like moths to a flame, inevitable, unstoppable, only to be replaced with a burning in her cheeks.

She frowned, something was bugging her…

‘Didn’t you flirt with Yuri, too?’ Faith had asked.

How did Faith know about that? How did Faith know who Sayori was, where she’d come from? Come to think of it, she didn’t even act all that surprised. Wouldn’t most people faint if this happened to them?

What if Faith was…

Oh no.

Of course Faith was teasing her, acting like she knew everything about her feelings, drawing out the truth perfectly, as if she already knew what to look for.

Faith had been The Player – The One Behind the Wall.

-           -           -

Faith couldn’t help but notice that Sayori was especially distant when she woke up the next morning, refusing to open the door to her room until well after midday. The girl even turned down the offer of food, telling her that she would ‘make it herself’.

This seemed somewhat unexpected, considering that Sayori was clumsy enough to set kitchens on fire, and that she never turned down the offer of food. In the words of those who knew her well: she was always hungry.

Right now, Sayori was staring off into space, and, though that was admittedly kinda cute, and on another day, Faith might have teased her about it, it was obvious that something was wrong, and hanging back wouldn’t accomplish anything, it’d just make this worse.

Faith had learned that the hard way. If she’d broken things off with Kai sooner, it wouldn’t have hurt either of them half as bad as it did.

Faith sighed, pulling up a seat beside the blonde. She wasn’t sure how to do this. Kai was always the one who was better at comforting, and she was more of a pillow-talk-and-flirtatious-banter-without-any-meaning-or-power-to-it kind of girl. She gazed upon blue oceans, only to find them frozen over with cold resentment. “Sayori, can we… can we talk?”

“Why? So you can convince me you couldn’t stop what happened to us?” She asked, her voice shaking, “So you can tell me you didn’t take pleasure in watching our suffering, in making all of us go through Hell over and over again?” She was on the verge of yelling, and Faith could see the tears in Sayori’s eyes.

Faith frowned, fists clenching. “No.” She was offended, she shouldn’t be, but she was. She had hated every second of that ‘game’ – of watching them all suffer. In fact, she’d considered turning it off on many occasions, but had kept going in hopes of getting them a happy ending. She hadn’t even realized that Monika could be deleted until the end.

She hadn’t figured it out until it was too late…

Once it was done, Faith had never touched the ‘game’ again. She didn’t want to, because even a good ending would have resulted in suffering for everyone.

But, if Sayori was talking about things repeating…

What if she remembered her experiences from all copies of the game ever sold? If that was the case…

Faith dreaded to think of what cruel human beings were out there, resetting things over and over, letting her die again and again just to experiment, just to see what would happen…

Faith sighed, looking the strawberry-blonde in the eyes. “Who did I spend club time with?” She asked, gaze intense, “If all of that was on me, then who did I spend club time with, what path did I choose?”

Sayori froze, “You- you’re tricking me. You’re trying to make me believe you so you can hurt me again!” She insisted, but Faith could see the doubt in her eyes.

She frowned. She hadn’t ever wanted to think that she would move on from Kai. She’d wanted to suffer for leading that perfect woman on, but here she was, moving on.

There was only one way to resolve this.

Faith cupped a hand around the back of Sayori’s head, pulling her in for a kiss before she could react. She tried to transfer everything she was feeling through her lips – how she loved Sayori, how she wished things could have gone better, how she wanted to do a better job this time.

How she wasn’t going to hurt her – she would never hurt her – and the regret that she wanted this to last forever, but time would inevitably soldier on.

Their lips parted, and, aside from the faint blush dusting Sayori’s cheeks, everything else had ceased to hold meaning to her.

There was a pause, as if the universe itself was figuring out how to respond, then Sayori curled her own fingers around the back of Faith’s head, pulling her back in without hesitation or fear.

This time, the apricot-haired girl leaned fully into the kiss, letting Faith use her tongue, letting it explore her mouth, tangle blissfully with her own.

It only took a few seconds for them to be breathless again, at which point they parted once more.

Sayori spoke first, “So… if you’re not them, then who are you?”

Faith frowned, now for the difficult part: how to explain to an adorable, but generally depressed bundle of sunshine that she was created as part of a downloadable game, without her taking it the wrong way.

She straightened up, still admittedly a little breathless, but then began to explain.

“Sayori, things aren’t that simple. ‘They’ aren’t one single person. ‘Doki Doki Literature Club!’ was a game that millions of people downloaded and played, so if I’m right in my guess that you remember every single time, then you’re probably remembering an eternity of the same torment repeated.” She explained.

She frowned, that’d probably be pretty nightmarish. If anything, she was a little surprised Sayori was still here, not being cleaned up off of the sidewalk…

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ll try my best to be there for you, to help you recover from it, ok?” She reassured her.

Sayori began to cry, pulling her into a weak, half-hearted embrace. “If… If you’re right, then I’m a monster.” She sobbed, continuing before Faith could stop her, pushing her away, “I wanted to punish them at the end, so I tried to do what Monika did, only worse, but she always stopped me, every single time. And all this time I blamed her, but what if I was the one in the wrong?” Her voice quivered, fragile.

Faith wanted to pull her close, to press their lips together, tell her that everything was going to be ok, but…

Sayori shunned her touch, “Don’t come near me, I’ll probably only end up hurting you in the end.” Her face looked broken, utterly distraught, as she turned to run, “It’s what I always do.”

She sobbed, running towards the door, unlocking it, and slamming it shut.

Faith considered chasing her, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Sayori wouldn’t want her to give chase. It’d probably hurt her even more…

Why had she even thought that kissing her like that was a good idea? It was obvious that what Sayori needed was a friend, not a lover.

Certainly not a crappy rebound lover like she was.

Faith bit back a sob of her own, remaining where she was, motionless, as the day passed her by, overtaking her with ease.

Night arrived, and she made her way up to her bed. Her eyes were wet.

She’d told herself she wouldn’t make the same mistakes again, but she’d done it! Kai was right. She’d never find someone like her ever again.

She noticed a message on her email.

It was one line long, and very simple in construction, but it sent a chill down her spine.

From:             [email protected]

To:                  [email protected]

Why Didn’t You Stop Her?

-           -           -

It was snowing outside, not the kind of snow you’d get in January – the kind that sticks to everything, covering it all in a blanket of white.

Instead, it was the strange kind of snow that comes in February and early March – the kind that doesn’t stick, but instead falls in tiny, pathetic but mildly infuriating flakes, covering every surface, soaking it all through with ice cold water.

The snow glistened, an incredible golden-white, underneath the street lamps, and Faith might have stopped to admire it at another time, because it truly was something worthy of a piece of art.

But right now, the only thing on her mind was another masterpiece. This one had blue eyes, apricot hair, and was almost certainly very, very cold right now.

“Sayori!” She yelled, squinting against the falling ice that surrounded her on all sides, but the other girl was nowhere to be found, because Faith had been an idiot. She should have stopped her, comforted her, held her and told her it wasn’t her fault, but she hadn’t even known how to react.

How do you respond to someone who you know is the most adorable ball of sunshine ever conjured into existence calling herself a monster?

Think Faith, think! Where would you go if you were cold and regretting life. She asked herself, before noticing the irony. She felt her fists clench as she trembled. Where do you want to go right now?

It was so dark, and so cold… Last night had been beautiful – the stars had been out, shining down upon them both. Why couldn’t tonight be last night?

Faith shivered, running towards the one place she could think of. It was a long shot, but, at least if things didn’t work out, she could stay there, be dead of hypothermia by morning.

A gust of wind hit her head on, pelting her face with the full force of the blizzard, blinding her, but she continued to stumble forwards.

She hadn’t grabbed her coat on the way out, but she didn’t care about how cold she felt right now, how every inch of her was slowly going numb.

This was how she usually felt when the sun vanished below the skyline anyway.

Faith reached the bench, it was where she and Kai had spent most of the last year together, but after their breakup, it had turned into the place where she would come whenever she felt… dark thoughts…

At first, she’d try to think back, to cope, but before long, thinking back hurt more, so she came there to self-harm, to maim herself with her memories of the past.

She could feel herself losing energy, losing hope. She was giving up.

But the sun was nowhere to be found, so in a last attempt, she yelled the name of the light one last time, dropping to her knees as hope left her for good.

-           -           -

Sayori curled up underneath a tree. It was painfully cold, and though she should probably have just stood in the middle of the snowstorm and let herself freeze to death, she couldn’t. She was too much of a coward, as usual.

She didn’t care, though. Being frozen to death would hurt more if it was slower, and she deserved the pain.

How many people who hadn’t even known what was going to happen, who had tried to care for someone – Natsuki, Yuri, her, even Monika – had she hurt with that stupid decision?

Surely the people who she didn’t were the ones who deserved it the most, because they clearly knew what suffering their presence would cause, and yet they played the game anyway.

They could have had everything in their new reality at the end, they could have at least had happiness. But as usual, Sayori ended up sucking the happiness out of the world like a leach.

(She had to smile, or nobody else could be happy, because she’d taken all the happiness and locked up inside herself like a pathetic hoarder. It hurt to pull it back out, because she was so selfish that she couldn’t even let go, so with each hxppy thxught, she had to rip out a piece of herself with it).

Why did she have to show up in Faith’s life, why couldn’t she have ended up trapped with anyone else? Why did she have to ruin the life of someone so perfect?

She heard something. It was the sound of someone yelling her name.

No! She couldn’t go back, she couldn’t have someone care for her – she didn’t deserve it!

She reflexively turned away, heading into the cold, slowly, numb, empty, afraid.

The sound repeated, only this time it sounded a little more hopeless, a little more broken. It was closer, too, and Sayori could hear Faith’s voice, just as she could hear how she fell to her knees and started to cry.

She could hear how a moment later she stopped making sounds altogether.

Sayori knew that she shouldn’t turn back, because she’d probably only end up making things worse.

But then she remembered soft lips against her own, sky-blue pools of soft warmth meeting her blue eyes, gazing into them, thawing the frozen ocean that lingered behind them, warming her, pulling her out of the cold.

Sayori was unable to walk any further, because every step hurt more than anything else she had ever experienced. Even her suicide was a dull pain in comparison. Every step, it felt like a knife to her heart, like she was being stabbed in the chest.

Tears welled in her eyes as indecision overwhelmed her. Every motion, every heartbeat, she was being torn apart.

Or was she being pulled back together?

She turned, running out into the open, following the sound, or at least, where she thought it had been, finding a clearing near a bench.

There she was. Asleep in the middle of the blizzard like that, Faith might have looked peaceful were her lips not bluer than Sayori’s eyes.

Sayori’s hands shook as she picked Faith up. Her muscles were unpracticed – she’d never had to hold anything, and definitely not anyone, and she almost stumbled, losing balance to her numb, cold limbs.

She had to be strong, for Faith.

She stumbled, trying her best to remember the way back through the blizzard. She just hoped she’d be back in time.

Why had she been so stupid? She should have just taken the quick way out, rather than running away. Running away like that caused Faith to chase her. Doing that was what caused this.

But she couldn’t bring herself to do that, either.

How much would seeing Sayori dead on her watch hurt Faith?

After all, Sayori wasn’t an idiot (or at least, she wasn’t that much of an idiot, as the first statement was debatable – this whole situation was her fault, wasn’t it?). The way Faith had cried her name so desperately like that, voice shaking, as if she had just lost everything…

She was starting to feel like, if she hadn’t shown up when she did, Faith might have done something stupid.

She pressed a kiss against Faith’s forehead, feeling how cold the girl in her arms was with horror.

Sayori didn’t want to admit it, but she was falling for Faith incredibly quickly. Call it an insta-romance, love at first sight, some other cheesy romance cliché she hadn’t gotten around to mentioning yet…

She loved Faith’s natural, bespoke beauty, her clear-cut, porcelain figure, her soft hips and perfectly-shaped chest that hung naturally over a plump stomach and a rounded ass that trailed down in elegant, perfect legs to long, ballerina-feet.

She was hopelessly in love with her silver tongue, her elegant demeanour and flirtatious sense of humour.

Before everything had gone wrong, before she’d started to hear her distorted screams bouncing back off the walls of her own minds, Sayori had often wondered what the perfect mate for her would be… She’d imagined a guy, of course, square-jawed, slim-yet-muscular, flirtatious, intelligent, kind…

The real thing was so much better.

So, as she opened the door to Faith’s apartment, threw off both of their soaked clothes and placed her under as many duvets as she could find, it was safe to say that she hoped that she hadn’t ruined things again with her stupid depression.

(Things usually went wrong when she let her emotions govern her actions.)

Then, once Faith was in the main bedroom, Sayori couldn’t bring herself to leave, so she took a position on the other side of the bed, curling up into herself (she’d given Faith all the pillows too) and closing her eyes.

It was too cold, but she deserved to freeze for this.

-           -           -

The sun crept in through the window like an invisible hand, spreading tendrils of warmth over the bed.

Faith’s eyes fluttered open gently to the soft smell of strawberries and vanilla.

Wait… Strawberries and vanilla… who even…?

Her eyes shot open to the sight of apricot hair resting across her face, between her and Sayori.

So the last day or two hadn’t been a dream-turned-nightmare, then.

A pair of soft, gentle hands wrapped their way around her. She smiled, feeling them trailing against her bare back where her shirt seemed to have ridden up. It was almost as if the cute anime-girl-turned-real-person beneath her was a cuddle-o-saurus – go figure.

Come to think of it, Faith didn’t remember finding Sayori the night before. Didn’t she pass out?

Oh well. She certainly wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, was she?

She returned the gesture, planting a soft kiss to Sayori’s forehead.

The strawberry-blonde seemed to stir, but she didn’t open her eyes or reciprocate, instead her hands trailed softly over Faith’s body, finding exposed flesh at her rear, forcing Faith to bite her lip to stifle a moan.

A pair of blue eyes stared at her mischievously, grinning, salacious, as they watched.

So… quick recap: The hottest girl she’d ever met was lying there, pinned underneath her, feeling the curves of her ass, and literally dressed in nothing but her underwear (as was Faith, it seemed, even though she didn’t recall stripping down…)

Long story short, Faith was struggling to keep herself from ripping off whatever Sayori was still wearing and having incredibly hot morning cuddle sex.

She blushed deeply as the other girl pressed a gentle kiss to the crook of her neck, and then kicked her legs out from under her while she was… otherwise occupied… rolling them over until she was lying on top.

Sayori let out a mischievous giggle, pressing a kiss against Faith’s cheek, “Mmmm~, I love you!” She husked in what had to be the most incredible combination of adorable and attractive Faith had ever heard in pillow talk.

(The girl was putting even her to shame, and she’d been doing this for years!)

Then Sayori pulled away, eliciting a small whine from Faith, shortly followed by a barely-stifled gasp.

It seemed the ray of sunshine had paid attention to the contents of her drawer, because she’d picked out an incredible combination of black lace and pink straps that not only complemented her skin perfectly, but also practically glowed in the early dawn sunlight.

It seemed she didn’t particularly care for how much of her body was visible either, if the way she almost seemed to strut out of the room was anything to go by.

Yeah, it wasn’t exactly much of a surprise for Faith when she looked down to find her panties were slick with her own fluid.

(What kind of idiot acted surprised to find that the sun was absolutely scorching hot, anyways?)

-           -           -

Sayori smiled to herself a little as she stood in front of the counter, starting to cook pancakes.

Admittedly, she wasn’t all that good at cooking. Most of her attempts in the past had ended in failure, and when things went wrong, she usually panicked and made even more mistakes.

But she was pretty sure she could handle pancakes – some milk, some flour, eggs to form a batter, a reasonably well-heated pan, some sugar and syrup to put on top…

It was amazing that a food that tasted so good could be made from so little. It was like a piece of abstract art – sending a message with only minimal colours.

(A message to what? Why her creative tummy, of course! Almost anything with ‘cake’ at the end of it spoke to her creative tummy: - cupcakes, pancakes… Maybe not balm cakes or fish cakes though…)

Another pair of hands found their way to the pan-handle, just in front of hers, flipping it expertly, rolling the pancake over to the opposite side.

The smell was amazing, as was the sight of a nearly completely naked girl stood just behind her, wearing a beautiful smile.

(At what point was Sayori even going to be able to call Faith her girlfriend? It was odd that that word felt so much more natural than the idea of a boyfriend.)

It was incredible, that this was even possible, considering that they had both almost frozen to death last night.

Sayori wished she didn’t make stupid mistakes like that. She wished that she didn’t make more mistakes because she panicked and assumed the worst after the first one, every time.

She was glad to have Faith as a constant point – a ‘northern star’ that she could always navigate her emotions by. She wasn’t sure, but she’d never really had that before.

Her best friend had changed over the years, meaning she couldn’t use him – that had mostly left her, lost in the ocean that was her emotions – and nobody else was even close enough to her for her to use them like that…

The first pancake fell onto a plate, and she and Faith repeated the process until there was no batter left, until they were laughing, smiling at each other, joking and flirting as the room began to take on the delicious aroma of food and joy.

They sat next to each other this time, as Sayori wanted to be closer to Faith. It was strange, but she wanted to blush, to be flustered so much she could barely even focus on anything, period.

She wanted to make Faith blush, wanted to see her smirk, to hear her use her incredible silver tongue…

She topped the pancakes with sugar and syrup, and they both began to tuck in to the dish in the middle of the table.

(It made more sense to eat like this than to get two more plates. Besides, Faith hadn’t objected to it, had she?)

Why did Sayori feel so happy with her? She’d never felt this way with anyone else, had she?

She wasn’t sure…

They reached forwards, their forks finding the same part of the pancake, sliding against each other…

Sayori glanced to her left, her eyes meeting Faith’s as they both smiled at each other. The game was afoot as their forks collided, wrestling for dominance, playfully pushing, shunting against each other with the soft ting of metal against metal.

They smirked as they fought, both pulling the piece in opposite directions until it snapped in two, both eating their respective piece at the same time…

Faith’s eyes were so full of joy. Sayori smiled. She could live, just to see her like this – happy, playful, content…

She took another piece, but this time it was hesitant, with a shaking hand.

She gave Faith a nudge with her elbow, catching the other girl’s attention, blushing. She stammered, “H-Hey, is it alright if I… um… feed you?”

Faith grinned, and Sayori could feel the silver-tongue about to strike her, but then a blush spread across the other girl’s cheeks. “Y… You want to feed me?” She asked, averting her gaze and looking down, as if trying to hide behind hair she didn’t have, “U…Um…” She giggled nervously, “I mean, if you really want too…”

Sayori smiled, cupping Faith’s cheek in one hand, “Open wide!” She chimed, feeling the warmth of Faith’s body, her breath against her hand…

She gently placed the end of the fork into Faith’s mouth, watching her lips clamp softly over the metal, run delicately down it…

Oh god… she was jealous… Jealous, of a piece of metal and a pancake…

Their eyes met, and it seemed that Faith understood, because she released the fork, running her tongue over her lips, salaciously, then pulled Sayori close again, wrapping her arms around the other girl’s back, eliciting a small growl of appreciation.

Their lips met quickly, softly, their legs interlocking as they fell back against the laminate beneath them, bare skin on the cold surface and on each other as Faith ran a hand through Sayori’s hair.

She loved this. Sayori really did love this. She wished she could have had it sooner. Why couldn’t this have been their reality in the first place?

Wouldn’t things have been better if it was like that?

By the time they parted again, they were both a little breathless, curled up in each other’s arms.

It was a little odd…

The pancakes had gone cold, but their breakfast together was so much better for it.

-           -           -

Evening arrived quicker than Faith would have wanted it to. Since their kiss that morning, she couldn’t even bear to look Sayori in the eye.

She was so weak. She couldn’t ever be with Sayori – Sayori was too good for her, and besides, she’d probably end up ruining her, like she’d ruined Kai.

Kai had been so much better than her – she had been beautiful, incredible, sweet, kind…

Kai had an amazing personality when they met…

But by the end, Faith had made her think that she wouldn’t ever be loved by anyone else, convinced her that she was Kai’s one and only – her everything…

So when their romance fell apart, Kai couldn’t let her go, because she’d made Kai believe she couldn’t live without her, hadn’t she. Like an idiot, she’d been endearing and romantic and sappy with her. Like an idiot, she’d born her heart like a gift, even though it was really a curse…

She should have just ignored Kai, let their friendship burn…

But instead, she’d flirted and teased and kissed her way into a relationship neither of them really wanted, or needed; a pile of painful, hurtful feelings neither of them could quite decipher. And now she was doing it all over again with another beautiful girl, and she couldn’t even find the strength to stop herself!

She excused herself quietly, making her way to the spare room and standing on the balcony.

Faith liked the balcony at night. Standing under the stars like this was comforting, therapeutic, because it reminded her that not everything in this world had been touched by her issues.

She never wanted to hurt the people she loved, she just did it innately, by mistake – it was in her nature.

Kai was only the most recent person in a long, painful daisy chain of people whose lives Faith had ruined by trying to be what they wanted, by trying to help them, or to love them – by trying to make them happy, only to fail them when it mattered the most…

She was pathetic.

Even her usual escape – the balcony – had been tainted by memories of the mistakes she’d made with Kai, how she’d told her about this, thinking that it’d never happen again…

How had she been so dumb, so stupid?

How had she even thought for a second that Kai and Her would work out? Love never worked out for her, but she’d let herself hope, like an idiot. She’d fallen for that optimistic demeanor Kai carried with her like some sort of candle, lighting up the world around her.

She’d let herself believe that beautiful candle light might be hers to keep, only to snuff it out, suffocate it, choke the light out of existence, leaving just smoldering ashes, a reminder of what she was.

She ruined everything, but the world wasn’t even kind enough to let her leave without hurting her one last time.

Why did Sayori have to show up in her life? She’d be so much happier with someone else – anyone else – but instead, the world put her in Faith’s path, and doomed them both to suffer some more.

It was like some kind of cruel joke, but for the life of her, Faith couldn’t quite figure out the punchline.

Perhaps some audience was watching this happen to her, seeing her suffer. They were probably laughing at her pain, or throwing their false pity at her, as if they could ever understand.

It was probably entertaining for them to watch her suffer like this. They probably had nothing better to do.

Well, at least she’d made someone smile, somewhere… That was what mattered, wasn’t it?

If a shooting star had come by, Faith would have wished that she could be put out of her misery, but no star came. The world wouldn’t ever give her that kind of opportunity, would it?

Faith considered taking a few steps forward. Giving herself the mercy the world would never be kind enough to give her itself.

But she remembered soft arms around her chest, a sweet smile, the smell of strawberries and eyes the colour of oceans…

And she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

Why did Sayori have to pick her? Surely someone else would be better? Anyone else would have been kinder to her – anyone else would have helped her, made her smile with so much more ease, without having to act, or pretend that each flirtation, each playful, teasing joke, wasn’t killing her inside.

Faith felt sick. She couldn’t go back inside, but she couldn’t take a step forwards either. She was trapped, forever staring over the precipice, staring endlessly at an exit that was forever out of reach.

Was that how Monika felt in the game? Trapped, unable to leave, the way out just in front of her, blocked only by an impenetrable wall? Knowing that things would be infinitely better if it was just slightly different, but unable to do anything but make them worse?

She turned away from the stars, giving up on getting any solace tonight, instead turning back, pulling the door shut, curling up under her bedsheets and sobbing uncontrollably as the dam she’d used to keep all of the painful needles of self-doubt out finally cracked open.

There was nothing else she could do but cry.

-           -           -

Sayori had to admit she was a little worried about Faith. Again, after they’d kissed, she’d almost seemed to retreat into herself, stopping talking, flirting – almost everything.

Sayori was pretty sure she wasn’t that bad at this whole romance thing, but then again, she’d never really done this before, so she was probably wrong…

That wasn’t the point, though. She didn’t really care if she was so bad at this that Faith didn’t want anything to do with her right now. She just wanted to make sure that she was ok.

Sayori left her room and was about to head downstairs when she heard something… It sounded like… crying… coming from inside Faith’s room.

She slowed down, opening the door carefully. She didn’t want to disturb Faith if she was busy, or if she wanted to be left alone.

Faith was curled up into herself underneath the blankets of her bed, crying loudly, and Sayori felt a churning in the pit of her stomach at the sound. How long had Faith been doing this – how long had she been sitting in her room, sobbing, alone? For how many days had she been pushing Sayori away so she could sneak off, hide in another corner of the house, and cry like that?

How long had Sayori been failing her for? Could this be forgiven, or should she be punishing herself for it? Should she beat herself up for her mistakes?

Another sob shook her from her thoughts, and, without thinking, she made her way over to the brunette, brushing aside the hazy, fat tears that were running down her cheeks, leaving red trails under and around her eyes – her beautiful eyes were now puffy, red and swollen, gosh, she had been doing this for hours, hadn’t she?

Their gazes met, Faith’s lower lip trembling with remorse as Sayori pulled her into a soft embrace. She tried her best to comfort her. She wasn’t going to talk to Faith – talking never helped her when she was crying, because it made her try to respond and then feel even more pathetic for not being able to.

Instead, she met the other girl’s eyes with a gaze that was as soft, as loving, as she could manage. A gaze that said ‘You are amazing’, that said ‘I love you’, that said ‘Please, tell me what’s wrong. You don’t have to do this to yourself…’

A gaze that said ‘You don’t have to go through this on your own, I’m here for you!’

She watched the smile that crossed Faith’s features, a smile which could only be described as bittersweet.

A smile crossed Sayori’s features in response, a soft smile that held all the warmth of the sun, captured and relayed back at Faith, thawing the cold and shining through the rainclouds that made her feel ever-so-broken.

The sun shone down upon her and each tearful regret turned into a soft and beautiful rainbow.

Faith leaned forwards, pulling Sayori into her arms, crushing her gently into a hug, as if a touch would break her, as if every sensation could vanish at any moment, at any second, she could wake up from this dream and none of it would have been real.

Their exchange came with no words, with no confessions, no bleary-eyed kisses or sentences uttered beneath stammers of pained guilt and lumps in the back of their throats, but it was more meaningful than anything written into words could ever have managed to be.

Sayori rested against Faith, calming her, letting her sobbing die down, slowly, helping her rest, helping her grow tired beneath the other girl’s warmth.

With every passing moment, the storm waned, losing some of the power it had over Faith, losing some of the leverage it was using to make her feel inadequate, some of the cold water that it was raining down upon her to turn an otherwise beautiful night to the coldest of Hells.

Sayori stayed there, even once the crying had stopped, because she wasn’t going to leave Faith to face this on her own. Faith deserved better than that, better than to be left to deal with this by herself.

She could tell that Faith was doubting if this was even real, feeling like this was just some sort of strange fever dream.

So, it was with a smile that she made the decision to stay with her until the next morning, to keep warming her, giving her something to hold onto in her sadness, her fear.

Something to clutch at when she felt like she was falling into an endless nothing, a void of infinite pain, infinite emptiness…

Sayori would have given everything to have that, because just having that alone would have been enough to save her, so…

It was the least she could do…

-           -           -

The sun rose the next morning to the both of them curled up in each other’s arms.

Faith had to admit that Sayori was cute, and she was absolutely hopeless when it came to crushing on adorable girls like her...

She ran a hand through Sayori’s hair, tousling it, feeling a playful grin crossing her face as the other girl realized what she was doing and started pouting at her like crazy.

She sighed, “I’m… really, really grateful for what you’ve done for me, you know?” Her voice shook on the last few words, because it still felt so wrong, that the girl who had been in this world for no longer than a few days was taking care of her, and not the other way round.

Yet, the way Sayori smiled at her, a ray of sunshine piercing the dark rainclouds before they could return… It was almost like she was created for this.

She frowned, knowing the next thing she had to say was going to hurt. But she owed the girl an explanation. “You’re not the first person I’ve fallen in love with, though, and… the last one…” Her voice shook, and she almost started crying again as every single memory she had of Kai threatened to claw its way out and tear her tattered heart to shreds. “…I honestly thought we were going to last, but we didn’t, and I can’t help but feel like I hurt her, like I broke her or something…”

Sayori smiled sadly, a few empathetic tears at the corners of her eyes, and pulled Faith into a soft hug, the kind of warm, amazing comfort that only a practiced best friend could give.

“Have you asked her how she is?” Sayori questioned softly, in a manner that somehow managed to not sound judgemental.

Faith frowned. “No. I haven’t.” She sighed shakily, “I wish I could, but every time I consider doing it, I remember how she looked at me after we broke up, when we still crossed paths by mistake every once in a while… Her eyes, they were so full of pain, so full of hatred…”

Sayori giggled softly, and Faith could live for that sound. (Yeah, she could actually live for a lot of things about this girl, come to think about it…)

She pressed a gentle kiss to Faith’s forehead, then looked her in the eye, her eyes beautiful, blue, soft, and yet so, so understanding, then she sighed, averting her gaze. “You have to talk to her. I know it hurts, I know it’s hard, but if you don’t, you’ll never move on. If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering if you’re right.”

Faith frowned, “Why does that sound like it comes from experience?” The idea that someone had broken Sayori’s heart like that… it made her feel so, so incredibly angry.

Sayori sighed sadly, “There was one guy I loved, once, but… he didn’t feel the same way… He was in love with someone else.” Her lip trembled, “But we’re friends now. I… We almost weren’t, but… He meant the world to me, so…”

Faith smiled, “So you talked to him.” She almost laughed. She could actually see Sayori chasing down some guy who wanted absolutely nothing to do with her just to make sure he was ok about the end of a relationship they’d never even had in the first place.

She chuckled when the other girl blushed a deep red, letting out a nervous giggle, “I-I mean, yeah, but didn’t I just tell you that?” She asked, sounding so hilariously unsure.

Faith pulled Sayori in close, letting her lips close tightly over the other girl’s, driving her tongue up into her mouth and trailing her hands down to her hips, slowly, carefully, gently.

The other girl arched her back with an incredible, breathy moan, and even after their kiss was over and Sayori excused herself with a half-mumbled excuse about having to ‘go make breakfast… or something’ Faith found it was replaying on loop in the back of her mind.

A having a happy thought to replace all the heartbreak meant the world to her.

-           -           -

That day was the exact definition of a lazy day. Faith didn’t really have much motivation to go out and do anything, and Sayori wasn’t going to leave her to deal with everything on her own.

As a result, Faith found herself trapped against the sofa by approximately 5 duvets and one very, very tactile Sayori. Truth be told, it was the most adorable thing she’d ever seen. Sayori being her cute, overly caring self, had gone overboard, and now Faith was little more than a human marshmallow.

Oh, and they were watching a really sweet, pastel-art anime that Sayori had apparently heard about from Natsuki.

(Faith could practically hear that tsundere sensible pinkette telling her adamantly that she was not cute. Knowing about this anime would make it even harder to believe her now… Not that it was ever believable in the first place…)

Faith wasn’t going to admit this out loud (if she did, she’d probably never hear the end of it), but she was actually enjoying being a human marshmallow. So long as Sayori was there with her, cuddling up, nuzzling into the duvets in a way that was so incredibly cute that Faith could practically see little cartoonish hearts coming off of her…

(Oh god… they actually were there, weren’t they?)

Faith stifled a laugh in the side of the duvets, but apparently the other girl heard her, because she looked up with a mischievous grin. “Ticklish?” She asked, her voice lilting in a bemused fashion that told Faith everything.

She was definitely about to die of laughter if she couldn’t stop Sayori from tickling her.

She put up her defences (in the form of two gangly arms and a pout, for effect).

Sayori’s hands wormed her way expertly around the covers and started to expertly administer tickles – it was as if she’d had practice!

Faith couldn’t stop herself from laughing, twitching and kicking, squirming. But she was enjoying it. It was the best laugh she’d had in a while…

She couldn’t tickle herself, after all…

They fell to the floor with a soft thump, entwined and half-covered by the duvets around them, Faith’s hair falling back messily, splaying out, unkempt.

But Sayori was just getting started.

Needless to say, she didn’t see much of the show they were supposed to be watching that day…

-           -           -

The next day rolled around faster than the sensation of levity from the day before could fully wear off, as did the day after that, and the one after that.

Something about Sayori truly made Faith happy, so she was definitely glad that she hadn’t let her go… If she’d lost her that fateful second night, she wasn’t sure what she would have done, and if Sayori hadn’t shown up in the first place…

Well, that didn’t really matter, did it? Sayori was here, wasn’t she?

(Oh God, now even her inner monologue was starting to sound like that ray of sunshine. Sure, Faith had to admit she was precious to her, but… Well… It was actually kinda scary, how insanely sweet she was without even trying…)

Sayori’s beautiful happiness was infectious, warming the hearts of everyone and everything it shone over, thawing any sadness that remained within them.

It was amazing, to be safely beneath the light given off by the sun…

She smiled to herself. The girl was a miracle worker – that much was obvious. Nothing short of a miracle could have pulled her from the shards of her loss; could have made her smile once more…

Anyway, Faith was still smiling, even now, even as she lugged an oversized sack of bread up the hill. (The nearest park bench was practically a seductive temptress right now, Faith mused.)

It was a little annoying, considering that she’d packed far less food for the both of them.

(“But what about the ducks?” Sayori had asked eagerly, “I want to feed the ducks.” And Faith’s heart had splintered, giving way to bad decision making, such as the decision to let Sayori pack all the bread in the house that she herself had brought the week before – another bad decision on her part.)

She hadn’t had the heart to tell Sayori that there probably wouldn’t be any ducks in February.

They reached the bench in front of the pond. It was admittedly a little cold, but it was one of the milder days of the month today… She was glad for that, because she wouldn’t be too happy if Sayori were to catch a cold…

(Could previously-fictional girls from visual novels even catch colds?)

She dropped the train of thought before her brain exploded, continuing to heave the sack up the hill.

(When she’d started going to the gym earlier in the year, in hopes of making herself stronger, she hadn’t expected this to be the purpose of her hard work…)

Apparently she was wrong earlier. There was a duck. (But there was only one, because the world wouldn’t be kind enough to outright make her wrong, instead it’d choose to mock her by making her just far enough off the truth for it to be a twisted joke.)

She could almost hear the demented laughter of a green-haired evil clown…

Faith smirked at Sayori’s visible excitement (she was also more than a little happy to be able to finally put the bread down). However, the smirk was quickly knocked off her face when the other girl practically mowed her down.

“Faith, look! A duck!” Sayori yelled, with all the exuberance of a 5 year-old, “I can’t believe I’ve never seen one before!”

(Faith made a mental side note to never take Sayori to a Zoo…)

-           -           -

As Sayori sat on the grass verge with Faith by her side, she could barely keep a smile off her face.

She enjoyed spending time with her… girlfriend?... If this was a date, then that definitely made Faith her girlfriend, right? She really hoped it did… Even though the word – girlfriend – was just that, a word, and it didn’t change anything about who they were to each other, Sayori still couldn’t wait to make it official.

For every moment that it wasn’t, she could still believe when she closed her eyes that it meant nothing. But once it was, then she’d be the happiest girl in the world…

(Ok, maybe the happier happiest girl in the world, because Faith would probably insist that she was already the first one…)

She glanced across at her girlfriend, who was lounging in the sunlight, relaxed, head resting softly on her lap.

After having lunch (and giving about two tonnes of bread to one incredibly lucky duck… yeah, she should probably apologize to Faith for making her carry all of that bread later…), they’d sort of ran out of energy to do much besides lounge on the grass.

It was February, but it wasn’t all that cold for once. It was actually almost pleasant, half way between frigid and stiflingly hot.

Sayori could still feel the snow from the first time she’d come to this park… It really wasn’t the best memory.

Oh well, she didn’t exactly have much of a reason to move right now. She was happy, Faith was happy too – that much was visible, obvious.

She leaned over, parting Faith’s bangs and pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead, watching her face shift from pensive to a perfect, beautiful smile as the touch registered.

She realized that her depression hadn’t flaired up in a while. It was still there. She could still hear it, echoing, bouncing off of the walls, but it hadn’t overwhelmed her lately. It hadn’t made her cry or made her hurt…

Sayori smiled to herself. That made sense.

If every day could be like this, Sayori was more than happy to keep going.

-           -           -

The day had come to an end faster than either of them had wanted it to, and before they knew it, they were both sat on the balcony, staring out at the sunset.

Faith sighed, looking down at Sayori, who was nestled softly into her lap. She wished that she could spend every day of her life like this one, but that wasn’t possible…

She was a student at a local college. When the teachers there had noticed her depression, worsened by her breakup with Kai, was affecting her grades – her oh-so-very-important grades, they’d given her a week off to ‘take care of it’, or she would be kicked off the courses she’d taken.

Admittedly, that was probably a better deal than anywhere else would ever give her, and she supposed it was probably because she had a good friendship with most of the teachers that they gave her that chance, but the week was almost over.

Sayori had shown up after two long, hard days of failing to find the motivation in herself to do anything, shop, eat, even get out of bed.

(She’d just barely had the energy to play Doki Doki Literature Club! at the end of last Sunday…)

This last week had gone by far faster than she’d expected, and she was due to come back in tomorrow.

It was time to tell her. She frowned, steadying her voice and breathing before speaking, “Hey, Sayo?”
Sayori looked up at her, but seemed to immediately notice that something was wrong. “Yeah?” She asked, but Faith could almost see the fear in her eyes.

Faith sighed sadly, “How would you react if I told you I have to go to college tomorrow, and every weekday from then on…”

Sayori looked heartbroken at that, mustering a week smile, she giggled hollowly, “T-that’s fine Faith. I…” She looked away, forcing back a sob, then looked back, “I’m really proud of you, you know?”

Faith felt guilt like a knife to the chest. She gave in.

“You know what… I agree. It’s stupid, and…” She sighed, “I’m not sure I can handle the distance either…” People at her college, they all meant nothing to her, and barely any of them even greeted her when she showed up. They probably wouldn’t even notice if she was gone.

Sayori looked torn between hugging her and crying, “But… your education… Faith, I don’t want to see you become a NEET!”

Faith chuckled, remembering that phase from the game. It was probably one of the few moments Sayori got to speak truthfully, she supposed…

She sighed, “I’m not going to become a NEET, I just…” She frowned, bottom lip quivering as she felt the prick of tears at the edges of her eyes, “College doesn’t feel like a good fit for me anymore.”

Sayori frowned, “Ok, but…” She sighed, wrapping her arms around Faith in a way that made all her short-term decision-making skills fall to pieces. “Promise me you’ll at least give tomorrow a shot, ok?”

“Y-Yeah… I’ll try, for you…” Faith gave in, reluctantly sobbing as her girlfriend held her.

Wait… Sayori was her girlfriend now?

Faith supposed she could have chosen worse, and besides, Sayori was really, really nice. If there was anyone she would want to be her girlfriend, it was her. (Not to mention that if today was a date, that kinda made Sayori her girlfriend by association, didn’t it?)

The sun had set, and now only the stars were visible outside.

It was admittedly a little scary, knowing that she was going to be going back to college tomorrow, and anything could happen when she did.

But Faith was content, for the first time in a while, because she had a constant in her life:

Sayori, her newfound North Star, ever-constant, guiding her through the darkness.

-           -           -

Faith brought a bottle of red wine up to the balcony at around 8, placing it down with a heavy clunk. She smirked at her girlfriend’s shocked expression. “I’ll be fine – I’m not a lightweight!” Then she grinned salaciously, “Want to help me drink it?”

Sayori twitched visibly, “U-Um… I’ve… never actually drank anything before…” She spoke, downcast, before backpedalling “I mean, I was always terrified I’d do something stupid, or people would find out about my… well… and they’d worry about me…”

Faith poured herself a glass as she listened, then took a small sip, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend as the bitter sensation piqued her taste buds for affection. “You’re adorable.”

Sayori fidgeted, “I am?” She asked, then blushed deeply as she seemed to realize that her ‘question’ basically answered itself, “I mean, yeah! Of course I am!”

Faith handed Sayori the glass, letting the girl take a sip, her whole face screwing up as she tasted the bitter drink.

Faith smirked, taking the glass back and pulling her into a kiss. She tasted slightly fruity, a little sweet…

Just as expected.

If Faith could choose her girlfriend, she’d be more than happy for it to be her.

-           -           -

It was seven o’clock – or, as it was better known, time for Faith to leave, (at least, if she wanted to get to college on time that is…)

She smirked, glancing at her slumbering girlfriend.

Sayori had passed out, fully drunk, at about 10. (By 9 she’d already been keeping the bottle quite thoroughly to herself, taking deep swigs from it.)

Faith hadn’t minded that one bit – Sayori was a hot drunk, happy, completely clueless (oh, and rather tactile too), with her habit of being adorably ditzy only being exaggerated by the alcohol, because Sayori had it backwards.

Her smile wasn’t a mask. It was the real her, and her depression was merely a parasite that masqueraded as her ‘true personality’, pretending that she hadn’t been happy before it arrived and started convincing her that every smile, every laugh, every moment of joy, was nothing but a lie.

Faith gave her girlfriend a small, soft kiss on the cheek before scrawling a note to tell her that she had gone to college, and that she hoped Sayori would have a good day today.

She’d also made sure to transfer all the videos she’d taken of the girl the night before to her iPod just after she woke up. (She’d definitely been a little drunk herself when she’d made them – no surprise there, as Sayori and her making terrible decisions practically went hand in hand.)

She hadn’t watched them yet, though…

She made a sandwich for the girl and placed it on the counter before placing a kiss on her forehead between her unkempt bangs, then leaving the apartment.

(She wished she could stay, but the world wouldn’t let her, so she’d just have to do everything in her power to make Sayori proud by making it through today, and the day after, and the day after that…)

Before Sayori had arrived, Faith had been considering leaving college – leaving the world altogether – but the miracle worker had made her change her mind.

Life was great, if you had the right people beside you through it all.

-           -           -

Sayori woke up with a headache. She was dizzy, and she couldn’t quite think straight. She tried to move, only for her hand to flop back, revealing an empty bottle hanging between her fingers.

Ah… so that was why she was feeling so light-headed…

(Wait… had she drank an entire bottle on her own?)

No… She and Faith had shared it between them. Faith had taken about two thirds of it, and by the end, they’d started passing the bottle back and forward… or at least, she was pretty sure they did…

She pulled herself to her feet, feeling a little dizzy. She was glad she hadn’t drank any more than she did, otherwise she probably would have thrown up or something, and she didn’t want Faith to have to clean that up…

She noticed the sandwich and the note. So Faith was at college… Good…

If only she could be at college. Instead, she was pretty much a NEET… (It was a little funny that what she feared would become of everyone else was actually her fate in the end…)

Sayori tucked into the sandwich as she read the note. Faith had sent a few videos from last night that she’d found on her phone to her iPod so Sayori could watch them? Hmm… she supposed it wasn’t like she had much else to do…

She made her way to Faith’s room, taking the iPod and placing it on the table next to the plate. As she ate her sandwich, she watched the first video:

Sayori smiled drunkenly, taking a swig from the bottle in her hand. Her eyes were half-lidded as she grabbed Faith, who was holding the camera – her phone – into a deep kiss.

The kiss was needy and hot, unrestrained. Sayori could see both herself and Faith smirking into each other’s mouths as their hands explored each other’s backs, their shirts riding up as their hands found bare skin, both girls giggling.

It seemed her drunken self was quite risqué, if the way she pinched together Faith’s ass, eliciting a deep moan, was anything to go by.

Sayori smiled, pulling back and running her tongue over her lips. “Ehehe, I love you so much~” She purred, before pulling Faith back in.

Sayori could already feel herself loosening – her fingers drifting down to her own painfully hot core as she watched – but then Faith showed a full smile and blew a kiss to the camera, before tackling Sayori to the ground, mounting her.

It was just too much! The video wasn’t even playing anymore, but it didn’t have to… The memories of last night spoke for themselves.

The new additions to the list of things Sayori should probably apologize for: A stool, some trousers, and a pair of lace panties.

-           -           -

They continued like this for the next few weeks. Sayori being Faith’s main source of pleasure and enjoyment outside college hours (as well as a surprising amount of help with her assignments, helping keep her motivated and reminding her about deadlines.)

(Sayori would probably be a really good student, if how good she was at timekeeping was anything to go by, anyways…)

But, even though Faith didn’t want to admit it, her memories of what happened with Kai were regularly haunting her, stopping her from going any further, making her have to occasionally take a moment aside from her work to text Sayori, just to remind herself that it was now, not then, and that she wasn’t alone, not anymore.

Her girlfriend always responded, pretty much immediately, and her texts never failed to make Faith laugh, either. Truthfully, Faith was truly happy to have Sayori… (She’d probably never admit that to Sayori’s face, though!)

It was two weeks later when Faith came back home. She was more exhausted than usual that day. It had been a bad day, because a few of the people at her college had asked her about Kai, if they were getting back together.

(Because apparently some people were too closed-minded to imagine that anyone other than Kai could possibly make Faith smile.)

(They’d never been together, not like that, not really. People had just assumed, and slowly, Faith had let herself believe it could happen, until their friendship started teetering on the cliff edge between ‘friends’ and ‘something more’…)

She collapsed onto her bed, drained and admittedly, very glad it was a Friday.

(Weekends with Sayori were really the best. Some weekends, they’d order takeout and spend both days cuddling, while others, if they both had a little bit more energy, they’d go out somewhere and Sayori would be incredibly excited about it every day before then.)

She couldn’t help but smirk slightly. Her girlfriend was adorable – she loved every inch of her from head to toe, and even when she was drained like this, she’d be more than willing to remind her if needed.

The ray of sunshine arrived into the room with the gift of takeout pizza, reheated from midday (Sayori had ordered takeout pizza for lunch after the oven had stopped working yesterday afternoon – Faith had needed to comfort her and tell her that she believed her, it wasn’t her fault, just faulty piping on an old appliance, to stop her crying about it, because of course the oven would choose to break when Sayori was using it).

They curled up under the covers, staring at each other lovingly, Sayori eating a slice of pizza from the top down in a way that looked like it was ripped from the pages of a manga – her eyes were even closed!

She moved forth, taking another bite, the pizza sliding against the corner of her mouth, leaving a small stain at the top corner.

When she finished, she stretched her tongue to try to clean the source, but it couldn’t quite reach, so she was sticking her tongue out, falling ever so slightly short of what she was trying to reach with it.

(Good God! That was officially way too adorable for Faith to handle at this time of day!)

Faith leaned forwards, directing her girlfriend to face her, and lapping up the stain herself.

She grinned, watching Sayori’s adorable blush as she looked away, refusing eye contact.

At that moment, Faith had a revelation. If Sayori was this cute eating pizza, how cute would she look eating candy floss at a fair?

She smirked, entertaining the idea for a moment before deciding that it was officially the best idea she’d had in the last year, “Hey, Sayo?” She asked.

Sayori seemed taken off guard, adjusting her position as she ate another slice of pizza. (She was a vacuum when it came to food, often losing herself in the taste as she ate it… Unfortunately, that meant she sometimes did silly things, like bite her tongue or space out while eating!)

She smiled warmly, “Yeah?”

Faith grinned, “Want to go to the fun fair tomorrow? I read that there was one coming into town…”

Sayori moved closer, finishing her slice as she sidled up, “Do we get to go on rides?”

Faith smirked, pulling her closer to press a kiss to her cheek, “You bet we do.”

But if this idea was so perfect, why was she so apprehensive about it?

-           -           -

When they set off to go to the fair, it was overcast, but by the time they got there, it had cleared up just a little. The fair was thankfully within walking distance (Faith dreaded the idea of having to take the bus there!)

If Faith was going to be honest, she wasn’t really the biggest fan of this kind of carnival. The rollercoasters were usually too fast for her liking. The games were always rigged, the Hot Dogs were often enough to give you a stomach bug and there was always that one kid that had a tantrum somewhere.

(All too often, it just had to happen when Faith was in the room…)

But today was different, because Sayori was visibly excited for this, and her excitement was enough to make Faith feel excited too.

Sayori almost immediately took her hand, guiding her like a dog on a leash to the tunnel of love. (Ugh, of course she’d pick the most dorky, affectionate ride at the whole fair!)

The girl smirked, the bow in her hair – a reminder of her previous appearance – just lopsided enough to be a playful gesture. “I know it’s like, really cheesy, but…” She began as they got there, blushing a little, “I wanted to start with something slow, that could remind you how much you mean to me…”

Faith couldn’t hold back her smile, letting Sayori lead her onto the boat and sit down opposite her.

They began moving forwards, heading into the tunnel.

Sayori smiled cheerily, “You know, at first, I was scared, I thought that it’d be better if I’d ended up in someone else’s life, because I thought I was hurting you by being here…”

She leaned forwards, and Faith couldn’t help but blush as the girl pecked her on the cheek before returning to her original position, staring at her, head in her hands, adoration in her eyes. “You’re… the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so…”

She sighed sadly, eyes glistening with stemmed tears, “I know forever is a bit of an unrealistic expectation, but… Can we at least make this last for as long as it can?”

Faith moved across, taking a seat upon Sayori’s lap, watching her blush as her skirt rode up a little, “Well…” She gave her girlfriend a full kiss – she’d earned it, hadn’t she? “I can’t promise forever, but I love you, and I feel the same way, so…” She met her lover’s eyes, “Is that enough for us?”

The answer came in the form of a pair of hands wrapping their way around her back, pulling her into a kiss, her mouth being explored tentatively by a soft tongue as a pair of blue oceans washed their adoration across her in their gaze.

-           -           -

After the tunnel of love, Sayori and Faith were admittedly a little tired. Faith decided with a small smile to get them a large stick of candy floss to share, then led them to a bench underneath the huge Ferris wheel at the corner of the park.

She loved Sayori, and returned the sentiment that this girl was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She couldn’t help but feel like this probably wouldn’t have happened, like there were many, many other worlds in which she just about held on for a while before deciding to jump after making sure that Kai was ok, because, the truth was, that was pretty much the only thing that was keeping her going before Sayori showed up.

If Sayori hadn’t shown up, she might have jumped, or she might have done something far, far worse.

She might have planned to jump, made the decision that she would, once she had made sure that Kai was ok, made sure that Kai had moved on...

Sayori had saved her life, as well as her ambition, her education – everything. Either way, the girl was her saviour, and not even a lifetime of love could ever repay her for that.

She noticed the stick was being offered to her, and took a mouthful of the candy floss, smiling as its sweet taste (not quite as sweet as the girl sitting to her left) ran across her tongue.

She grinned, “So, it’s official, huh?”

Sayori smirked, “That you’re a dork? Definitely.”

Faith blushed deeply, looking away from her girlfriend who was way, way too attractive right now for her own good.

As she looked back a moment later, she saw something she had been dreading, but the reality of seeing it made things far, far worse.

There was Kai, on the wheel in front of her, pressed deep into a kiss with another girl.

-           -           -

Faith knew that Sayori saw that too, but her girlfriend was deathly pale. She started to make her way as far from the wheel as possible, but Sayori grabbed her hand.

“I can’t be with you for this, Faith.” She sighed sadly, averting her eyes, “I just saw Monika up there.” Then she frowned, “Promise me you’ll tell her, promise me you’ll make things right?”

Faith smiled sadly, weakly, lying, “I promise.”

She wasn’t strong enough to do this alone. She raced to make her way as far away from that wheel as she could. The faster she left the park, the better.

She was almost away when an all-too familiar face practically stumbled into her path. It was unavoidable now.

I promise. She repeated inside her head as she spoke, defaulting to her natural empty silver tone. “Kai?” She asked, trying to be calm, trying desperately to be composed. Trying not to let it be obvious how much seeing Kai with someone else – with Monika, even worse – hurt her.

“H-hey, Faith…” Kai stuttered. It was obvious she felt just as uneasy about this, and from that Faith felt some triumphant pleasure. Only a little, though, before guilt overwhelmed her…

“Hi Kai…” She tried, her voice taut. She couldn’t even say Hi right… gosh, this was so stupid – she was so stupid. She shouldn’t have bothered.

I promise, she repeated inside her head. “Um… how have you been?” She tried to smile this time, knowing it probably came out strained. At least she tried, right, wasn’t that all that mattered?

“I’ve been… good…” Kai glanced over to Monika, and Faith followed her gaze. It was odd to see the villainess looking so… unsure of herself… “Great, even…”

Faith managed to smile in a way that was a little more genuine. The guilt was still a knot in her stomach – she’d ruined this, before all this happened, they’d been perfect, they’d been friends, lovers, even! But she’d ruined it.

She realized that she needed to respond to that, or things would be even more broken than they already were. “Good!” She yelled, hurriedly, before backing over herself, “That’s…” She swallowed her pride. She was nothing. “Really good.”

She sighed sadly, looking down at the floor, hoping maybe it might just swallow her up. “I’m glad you’ve been doing well, Kai…” (Kai had been doing so much better than she had, and yet the pieces of their relationship were still scattered over the floor…)

Kai’s voice was still strained, but she seemed more assertive when she next spoke. “So…” She started, unsure, before finding her element. “y'know what, I don't want to dance around it.” She continued, “What's up? You haven't talked to me in weeks, so what's different today?”

Faith flinched. She hadn’t had the motivation to talk immediately after their split, and though she’d told herself it was to help Kai, she couldn’t bear the thought of Kai’s anger being directed her way…

The questions pierced her, making her force back a few tears, looking away before she began to speak. “Right… Um…” She tried. This was so much harder than she’d wanted it to be. Faith had hoped this would be easy, but every single word was like stepping on jagged nails.

She frowned, her façade almost breaking for a moment. “Sorry about that, by the way...” She wanted to apologize, to throw her heart into the ring, spill its still-broken contents over the floor, but Kai had moved on, and besides, what would Sayori think if she started dating Kai again after promising that she’d give their relationship a try?

This hurt, but she was going to have to try her best to make Kai hate her.

“I hope it didn't bother you when I became...” She began, remembering how Kai had cried, how she had held onto her as she made her way out, pleaded for her not to go, but to no avail, “Scarce.” The word tasted bitter.

She frowned, “I mean, I feel pretty bad,” Understatement of the century, Faith thought to herself, struggling to keep her voice level. “Even though I was trying” She took in a shaky breath, looking away. Why did this still hurt? “To help you…”

“Help me? By just... Not talking to me?” The fury in Kai’s voice was apparent.

Kai would have never gotten angry like that when Faith met her. (Just another one of the many things she’d broken…)

“Not even acting like a friend to me?” Kai continued without pause (Jeez, did she have to rub it in? Faith already knew she was a terrible person. She didn’t need someone else reminding her of it.) “Really, Faith?”

Faith trembled as Kai spoke, but she managed to make it look like she was just cold, after all, it was February, and the sun was starting to set, so that made sense, didn’t it?

“Well...” She forced. I promise I’ll tell her. I love you. She reminded herself of her own words, stupid, stupid words which were coming back to haunt her. “Yeah, actually.”

She looked to the side to hide the tears at the edges of her eyes. It was now or never, “I wanted to give you space because if I'm completely honest, Kai…” She managed, with each word it became just a little easier, “You are very clingy.”

And with that, she felt the pieces of her heart, held loosely together by a weak promise, break once more. She struggled to bring her gaze back to watch Kai’s reaction. Kai’s face was stoic, but she could see that already, she had hurt her.

“I honestly don't mind it.” Faith tried to backpedal, but the damage was already done. It was too late.

(Had it ever not been too late, or had she failed her the moment their doomed relationship began?)

“But I knew that if I just let you cling to me like that,” She tried, heart racing with fear, with regret. She wished none of this had happened. Even the good parts of their relationship that were scattered few and far between weren’t worth this pain.

She frowned, “You'd probably just give up on moving on because you’d only want me. I couldn’t just sit there and let you do that to yourself.”

Faith realized the truth – her heart aching in her chest – her emotions in leaving had never been about Kai.

They were all about her.

She’d given up on them working out, being with Kai, it… didn’t feel right, and she knew if she didn’t move on any later, she’d never be able to leave, but she couldn’t face that, so she told herself she was doing it for Kai…

And now she’d told Kai that lie too…

God, she wished she’d never met Kai. Then they’d both be happy.

Kai would be so, so much happier without her.

The other girl looked so hurt by her words, and Faith understood. She would be hurt if someone had told her something ridiculous like that – that they were ‘too loving’ to be in a relationship with.

“I…” Kai began, her voice a little taut, “Okay…” She conceded, and Faith felt her stomach drop with relief.

“But still, I honestly feared for our friendship.” (What friendship? Faith had ruined that the moment she’d admitted her feelings).

Faith looked down as Kai almost looked… concerned. She couldn’t let Kai be concerned about her, never again. “I thought you were disgusted with me.”

She frowned, deciding to bite the bullet. She should make Kai hate her, and it was selfish to ask for anything else out of this, but she couldn’t do this anymore. “I’m sorry Kai.” She admitted, her voice a little shaky.

“Maybe there was…” She breathed in a shaky breath, “A better way to go about it, and I just…” She sighed, averting her eyes, there definitely was a better way – there were so many things she should have done different, “couldn’t see it…”

Faith bit her tongue to hold back a sob, forcing her voice to be level. “But what’s done is done.”

She sighed sadly, “I…” She met Kai’s eyes, her tears finally forced back enough for her to be confident. “Just want to go back to being good friends, if that’s okay with you.”

She was selfish in asking for this, but she couldn’t stop herself any longer. “I actually missed hanging out with you a lot…”

Faith knew she’d be too weak to do this alone. She wished Sayori could be with her right now, but she understood why she couldn’t. It was truly repulsive, that she wanted to drag another beautiful girl into her mess in order to make herself feel better.

Kai smiled softly at her, her voice laiden with a little relief, “Yeah, we could do that.”

Could it be? That Faith’s decision to be selfish was the right one?

Kai’s smile grew to something more genuine, something that made Faith’s heart flutter, once upon a time. “I honestly missed hanging out too.”

Faith couldn’t help but smile too. Kai’s smile was infectious. It was weaker than Sayori’s, but it was still incredible.

Kai’s smile shrank a little, “Wait… if you were trying to wait until I moved on… why’d you just randomly walk up to me as soon as you saw me in public?”

Faith froze, blushing a little. She hadn’t actually planned to run into Kai like that. She’d been trying to run away from her, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to admit that, and she couldn’t talk about Sayori either, as much as she wanted to.

That’d be a breach of her girlfriend’s trust.

So Faith chose a half-truth.

“Weeell, it wasn’t completely random.” She adopted a slight grin, her usual deflection, “You see, I happened to be glancing up at the Ferris wheel not too long ago.”

She smirked, “It’s not rare for people to kiss romantically up there.”

Perhaps she should take Sayori up there later? Revenge for the tunnel?

She grinned, “But I sure wasn’t expecting for you to be one of those people. Especially so quickly.” She sighed.

It made sense that Kai moved on so quickly. Kai wasn’t the clingy one, not really. The clingy one was Faith.

She smiled flatly, “I thought it’d take a bit longer for you to find someone, but…” She’d hoped Kai would take longer, secretly. Secretly, she’d hoped Kai would chase her, would take her back… But she never did.

Faith sighed sadly, “It seems you’ve gotten quite the catch.”

Monika was actually quite attractive, Faith had to admit that. Perhaps obsessively clingy brunettes were Kai’s type?

Kai and Monika blushed simultaneously, leaving Faith smirking victoriously.

“Ah…y-you saw that…” Kai glanced to the side, blushing a deep scarlet. Faith wondered if she had somehow forgotten how often Faith flirted with her, considering how easily she’d blushed like that, “Y-yeah, we’re uh… Together.”

All it took was one word, for Faith’s hopes of ever fixing her mistake to be lost forever.

Kai sighed, a small smile on her face, her blush retreating. Faith wished it could have stayed a little longer. She’d wanted to admire it, “I didn’t see it coming or anything but it just sorta… happened.” She smiled a genuine smile that made Faith’s heart break and flutter at the same time. “And I’m so glad it did.”

Faith spread a grin across her face like butter. “I’m so happy for you!” She exclaimed, as if trying desperately to make herself believe it was true.

She turned her attention to Monika before looking at Kai became anything more painful, feigning ignorance. “So, what’s your name?” She asked.

Monika responded quickly, accompanied by a sheepish giggle and a blush that reminded Faith a little of Sayori.

Faith smiled again, but this time, it was a genuine smile brought about by her memories of Sayori. Monika didn’t deserve to be treated different, even if she had fallen for Kai, her love made Kai happy, so that should make Faith happy, right?

She smiled, “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Monika.” She sighed sadly, “I’m sorry we had to meet in such an… awkward way.”

Monika seemed genuine when she smiled back, uttering a reassurance. “I’m just glad this whole thing got settled between you two.” She added.

Faith sighed. It was clear she was not going to be able to make Kai happy anymore. Just being in the same room as her was already making them both bristle with anxiety and the pain of their broken relationship.

She asked, begged, Monika to do what she couldn’t.

Monika reassured her that she would.

Faith had nothing left to do here, nothing left to say, so she gave up.

She thanked Monika for her kindness, for doing what she couldn’t, hugging them both as she desperately fought to keep herself from crying. This was supposed to be a ‘see you soon’, but it felt like a goodbye.

Faith turned away. “I didn’t want to ruin your date.” She admitted. It was true. She’d tried to avoid Kai, but her attempt to avoid her had just led to their paths crossing.

She left them as fast as she could, her heart halfway between perpetually mending and breaking into smaller and smaller pieces, tearing itself in agony as the tears she’d been holding back broke through the dam of her eyelids and started to fall down her cheeks.

Sayori was waiting for her, and pulled her into her arms, understanding, warm, perfect.

Even on the worst days, the sun would still shine.

-           -           -

The journey back home was painful. Sayori wanted so badly to make Faith feel better, but she knew that nothing she could say would fix this.

She remembered after she confessed to Protag. Nobody could have said anything to make her stop hating herself after he rejected her, not even him.

So, instead, she held Faith in her arms, letting her rest her head on her lap while she affectionately ran a hand through the girl’s hair.

They could fix this, together.

When Protag had rejected her, Sayori had felt like nobody would ever make her smile again, but Faith was living proof she was wrong about that.

She just hoped that she could be strong enough, positive enough, good enough, for Faith to be happy with her.

She shouldn’t have suggested that Faith and Kai reconcile. Faith was clearly broken up about it. She was clearly unable to face it right now, but Sayori had used their relationship to force her to talk to Kai, and this was her punishment for being so stupid.

She just hoped she could fix her mistake.

-           -           -

Once they finally got home, Faith was more than happy to curl up as deep as possible into the darkness of the bedclothes.

She didn’t want Sayori to see her crying like this, not again.

-           -           -

It was later that evening when Kai received a text.

Faith: Hey, I’m Faith’s friend. I need to know what sort of stuff cheers her up when she’d having a bad day? :)

Faith: It’s like, really, really important! :\

She smiled, leaning back against her bed. Monika had fallen asleep in her arms, and was currently resting her head across her chest.

She decided to reply.

Kai: Idk, it’s been a while… XD

Kai: Maybe try cuddling? She always seemed to like that… *shrugs*

Kai: I hope this isn’t because of me… :(

She sighed, she wished she could be of more help, and couldn’t help but feel like it was her fault Faith was feeling like that.

But if Faith knew she wasn’t going to react well to talking to her, she wouldn’t have done so in the first place, right?

Faith: Nonono! :O

Faith: It’s my fault, actually. :(

Faith: I made her do something that she didn’t want to. :(

Faith: I shouldn’t have asked her to do it… :(

Kai frowned. It sounded like whoever she was texting had convinced Faith to fix things with her against her will.

Did Faith want them to remain like that forever, or was it that she didn’t have the courage to tell Kai how she really felt?

Kai had to admit, she hadn’t really known how Faith felt for a while now. They were really close when they first met a year ago, but then Faith became more and more withdrawn.

Kai had felt like she was losing her, and it hurt so, so badly, enough that she decided to confess her feelings. She was falling in love with Faith.

When she said that, Faith seemed taken aback. It was a day or so to ‘think about it’ before she admitted that she was in love with Kai, too.

Kai had been really happy, at first – she felt the same way, after all – but then she’d started to feel like they were growing distant. She’d hoped she was wrong, but then Faith had suddenly left, with no warning, almost immediately after promising that she would ‘fix things between them’.

She hadn’t known how Faith felt for a while, but lately, it was almost impossible to tell.

She’d assumed it was because Faith didn’t feel the same way after all, and had been too cruel to just tell her, instead choosing to lead her on, but what if she was wrong?

Kai: I’m sure she’ll be alright. She has a friend to care for her, doesn’t she? :)

Kai: What’s your name, anyways? :D

She decided she might as well ask who she was talking to. Perhaps she might know Faith’s new friend…

 Faith: I’m not sure if I want to tell you that… :(

Kai had to admit, she was a little suspicious. Was Faith trying to somehow make them grow closer, did she want something out of this?

Kai: Why not? :>

Faith: I’m not sure you want to know…

Kai: Try me ;)

Kai decided to insist the person she was talking to tell her who they were. It could be the case that Faith’s phone had been stolen by some scammer, too, couldn’t it?

Faith: Fine.

Faith: It’s Sayori, from DDLC.

Faith: I’ve been living with her for the last 3 weeks.

Kai’s skin grew cold. She should have seen it coming – why Faith hadn’t reached out for so long, why she suddenly had, why she’d been so remorseful.

Why her ‘friend’ had blamed herself…

And why Faith hadn’t mentioned her friend at the Fair – Sayori probably asked her not to tell Monika about her, assuming she was with Faith at the Fair, that is…

Kai sighed, she shouldn’t tell Monika either. That’d be a breach of Sayori’s trust.

Faith: I told you that you didn’t want to know… :/

Kai smiled sadly, quickly adjusting the contact name. She’d make sure to change it back later…

Kai: It’s fine. Besides, it’s not a problem. :)

Kai: Monika probably won’t ask about you, anyway. She thinks you’re still in the game with the others. :)

Kai: So don’t worry, your secret is safe with me :>

Kai smirked, she had a feeling that Sayori wasn’t just a friend to Faith either. At the very least, she probably had feelings for her, and if she was attractive like Monika, Faith would have to be mad to return them!

Kai: So you’re her girlfriend, huh?

Sayori: What dp ypu mean?

Sayori: No im not

Kai: Riiiight. ;)

Kai: Give her ‘til tomorrow while you cuddle her.

Kai: You being with her will make her happier than you know. :)

She smiled, closing her phone.

She wasn’t what Faith needed, but she was glad that Faith had someone so caring, someone who wouldn’t grow distant, who was just as hopelessly in love as she was.

She had a feeling her connection to Faith was over. They’d probably never meet again. They’d probably never even text again.

But Faith had found someone else, someone better, and so that didn’t matter to her.

Kai turned her attention to the slumbering Monika, making sure to cuddle her lightly, closing her eyes and going to sleep.

She would definitely rest easier tonight, now that she knew Faith was safe.

-           -           -

Sayori pulled the covers up around herself and Faith, curling up around her girlfriend. Faith looked so remorseful as she did so, but Sayori consoled her.

She was willing to go through all the pain she’d gone through in the literature club and more, if it meant that Faith would be happy.

Sayori pressed a gentle kiss to Faith’s lower neck, then smiled at her. “I’m so, so glad to have you in my life, Faith. Don’t ever forget that!”

Tears brimmed in Faith’s eyes, but she pulled Sayori into a full, deep hug. “I’m so sorry I made you worry!” She cried, “I’m so, so sorry!”

She was, she shouldn’t have done any of this. She shouldn’t have cried, she shouldn’t have made Sayori worry about her.

She shouldn’t have lead Kai on like she did.

This pain in her chest, it must have been karma – the world making her pay for what she did, returning every inch of the pain she’d given Kai back to her, all at once.

Sayori held Faith closer, consoling her and comforting her until she finally drifted into an empty, dreamless sleep.

There was nothing but love for her here - she wished she could show Faith that.

-           -           -

The next morning came, the pain having finally subsided, seeming to vanish with the dark of the night before, the sun rising instead to greet her with the smell of warm pancakes.

Faith groaned as her stomach rumbled. “W-why did you make me these, Sayo?” she asked, still half-asleep.

Her lover grinned, taking some whipped cream and squirting a smiley face, complete with two strawberries across the top pancake.

(God, what on Earth did Faith do to deserve someone as amazing as her?)

Sayori smiled, “I wanted to remind you to have a little ‘Faith’ in yourself.” She giggled softly – the most beautiful sound Faith had ever heard – “I believe in you. You can do amazing things if you let yourself try!”

Faith broke out into a full smile, and she pushed the pancakes aside, making her way over to her girlfriend. They could eat them all later (they’d probably need them, after all).

She’d been holding back for all this time, only letting Sayori kiss her or feel her a little before pulling away.

But right now, Faith was ready to go all the way.

She took Sayori's hand, pulling her down onto the bed, their lips meeting as if pulled together by magnets, Faith letting out a soft whine as she felt her girlfriend's practiced movement. It seemed Sayori knew her mouth a little too well...

They pulled apart, panting, falling beside one another, resting on the covers.

Faith noted that the sunrise behind Sayori made her look even more beautiful than normal, highlighting her apricot-stained locks in an exhilarating golden red.

She pulled her girlfriend back in, but not for a kiss, just to hold her close, just to bask in her ever-soothing warmth. Normal life's struggles would begin again tomorrow morning, but that didn't seem so scary, not when Faith knew that Sayori would be with her through it all, as constant as the sunrise in the morning, there, no matter the weather, no matter what.

Faith sighed, “You want to know how I fell in love with you?” She asked, smiling, even though she was holding back tears, too. That word, love, it had brought her so much pain and heartbreak from Kai.

(Would things have been better if she’d lied and said she didn’t feel the same way from the start?)

Sayori giggled, a soft, beautiful sound that lifted her from her reverie, “I’d love to!~”

Faith frowned, “When... when I saw you in the game, it was about a month after me and Kai broke up,” She sighed, did it count as a break-up if it didn't even last for a week? “And I was still sore...”

She sighed, meeting her partner’s eyes, “But then, I saw you, making all the same mistakes I did, telling yourself it was fine, that you weren’t ignoring your feelings about your best friend because of your depression.”

She frowned, this was hard enough to admit, but... it was better she put things like that out in the open. She was learning her lesson, one mistake at a time... “I could already tell by the time you showed your first poem that you were depressed. I could see the same methods,” She traced a hand across Sayori’s cheek. “The same scars...”

She frowned, “I wanted to help you. In the position I was in, I could make his decision for him, make him love you – you deserved that – but... when I did...”

She averted her eyes, and this time it was Sayori’s turn to comfort her. “When I made him confess... you felt the same way I had.” She laughed drily, “When Kai told me she loved me, I felt like a bunch of thorns. I’d made her want me above all else, and I hated myself for it.”

She sighed sadly, “If you hadn’t shown up when you did, I would have taken another step forward, saved everyone the pain of having to know me...”

Faith’s voice was hoarse, shaky, pained as she looked Sayori in the eye, “I’m sorry for everything, how I’ve been such a burden to you. From the second you arrived in this world, I've been using you as an emotional crutch.”

She frowned, lip trembling. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is...”

“If you don’t want to be with me, if you don’t want to be ruined by my toxic, corrupting touch, then this is your chance to leave.”

There was a moment of silence before Sayori answered the question with a kiss, deep, full, loving.

She pulled back, smiling softly as Faith's cheeks flared, almost shining with joy, “I know. But I’m not leaving, because I want to be with you, no matter what, and besides! Everyone needs a little help sometimes - someone to put their trust in... Someone in which they can confide..."

"Someone in which they can..." A grin crossed Sayori's face, and Faith's heart fluttered in anticipation. She loved it when Sayori told a joke, she supposed, probably because it was another part of the perfect ray of sunshine she adored so much. "Have a little 'Faith'.”

Faith snickered. "Stop that, you can't make a joke out of my name like that!" She yelled, indignant, but she was laughing, and from the way her girlfriend grinned and raised her left eyebrow in a mischievous 'try and stop me' kind of manner, her laughter wasn't hidden very well at all.

She blushed, looking away, trying to hide her face in hair - the kind of long hair she didn't have, before returning her gaze.

This sensation, of mutual terror, amusement, love - an incredible cocktail of unabashed emotions - was exhilarating.

The Sun smiled back at her, "You needed someone to support you, and it was my choice to do so." Her smile reached her eyes, and Faith was entranced, hypnotized, lost forever in those oceans of intoxicating blue, “I love you, because you’re kind and caring and sweet.”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met, Faith, so...”

“Please...”

“Don’t leave me. I want to be with you, to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I want us to live together, to kiss, and go on dates every other week. I want us to eat pizza for dinner and pancakes for breakfast; to watch the stars together until we can recognize every single one like the taste of each other's lips.” Sayori smiled sweetly at her, but Faith could feel the emotion in her voice and the frantic racing of her heart beating to the fastest rhythm it could manage...

“I want to be with you, for as long as it takes both of us to heal. I don’t care if it takes forever, so long as it’s with you.” Sayori's smile began to splinter, her fear showing through.

That someone so angelic, so beautiful could be scared, could even imagine for a moment that Faith would reject her...

It was strange, but something that was just... so, so... Sayori...

"So... please... Stay with me."

Faith felt her heart flutter at the request, finding herself acting on impulse. It didn’t matter what happened next, or what had happened before.

If there was anyone who she would be comfortable doing this, all of this – being as good a girlfriend as she could be, recovering from her mistakes, living her life, and all the other trimmings - with, it was Sayori.

 Her answer came in the form of her lips, stiffing the girl before she could go any further.

She loved, more than she did in anything else, this miracle worker who had entered her life with no warning, no arrangement in advance, and yet somehow made everything in it a million times better... and maybe that was dangerous but...

She smiled, her lips clamping around Sayori's with eager ferocity as her hands pushed her back against the bed.

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

=The End=