Chapter Text
“Ok let’s see what’s left...” You look at the grocery list you typed up in the Notes app on your phone.
“Salt, milk, and ketchup...alright...” You put your phone back in your pocket in one swift motion.
You walk around the grocery store on a Friday evening with a grocery basket carrying a carton of eggs, flour, and other items from your list. Next Tuesday you were going to a community cooking class you signed up for since it was Summer, and you were bored just doing basically nothing at home while your roommates went traveling. You occasionally think you should’ve gone with them, but after having a stressful year at college, you decided to play it cool and be local for most of your vacation. You then remembered how you found the cooking class in the first place…
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Originally, you planned to do nothing at all this summer (except for some paid video editing at home) and just spent the first few days lounging around and watching tv, Flixnet, and Utube in your apartment home, which of course was not the most productive way to use your time. You didn’t care though, and had spent your days and nights doing that, lazing about, writing stories, and playing video games.
You occasionally cooked something mildly interesting with whatever was in the fridge, inspired by the cooking shows which had that chef which was always a meme on the Nets. However, once that inspiration was lost, it was back to oven baked pizza and tv dinners.
As the days passed though, you found your refrigerator less than empty and realized it was time to get grocery shopping again. So, you got dressed, walked downstairs, snagged the newspaper and mail from your mailbox, and decided to drive halfway to the grocery store, before remembering your direct deposit hasn’t hit your account yet, so you were pretty much broke.
“Ughh right” you facepalmed with one hand and turned your steering wheel around with the other. Later, you took a turn into the drive through of a local fast food joint and ordered a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake. You picked up your order from a guy with a cute smile and parked in a nearby empty space, then took a sip of your shake to soften the blow to your pride.
‘I still can’t believe I forgot. The money isn’t supposed to hit my account until Thursday and today’s Tuesday’ you thought to yourself as you sipped more of your shake.
You reminded yourself that day to ask your family to spot you some cash for groceries since you knew you could pay them back when the money hit your account on Thursday. In the meantime, you munch on your delicious burg and dip your fries into your shake and eat them.
Out of the corner of your eye you saw a dude in the car to your right seem offended that you would scandalize your fries this way, but instead of awkwardly turning away and trying to ignore him, you stuck your tongue out and dipped your fries in your shake again before eating them. He rolled his eyes and you laughed as he drove off.
You then looked through that day’s mail that you left in the passenger seat beside you and skimmed to see if there was anything for you. It was all coupons and bills and other things your roommates subscribed to. Nothing you haven’t seen before.
You turned up the radio on your car since you were in no rush to be anywhere, but all the songs that played seemed to be trolling you and telling you, you were boring and had no life. So, you turned off the radio and switched it to the Aux cord before you played your favorite songs on your phone and did some head bobbing. Heheh, take that universe.
Shortly after your ‘victory’, you had absentmindedly looked at the newspaper without expecting much. Some dude finally found his cat, an alligator monster saved the mayor’s daughter and got a reward, MTT Studios was opening a theme park in Florida, etc. etc. You set the newspaper down, but then your eye caught something interesting, so you flipped through it again to find it.
In bold print it read,
Are you bored and lounging around the house this summer? Like to cook? Why not join our community cooking class? Meet new people in your area and learn to cook more than just tv dinners and oven cooked pizza this summer.
‘Wow’ you thought.
Multiple classes are available, each class is 25 students. From May 29th to July 20th excluding holidays. Call 41*-***-**** or go to our website www.cookingwithmonstersandmen.com for more information.
Of course, with the universe having handed you a sign while simultaneously roasting you, you decided to go to their website once you were back home in your apartment that day. After you called your family to spot you some grocery money, you called the local number for the cooking class and signed up for the last slot of the last remaining class with a partial payment from your own money.
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Now it was Friday evening, and having since paid your family back and having paid for the full cooking class fee, you were at the grocery store again to finish off your list of foods to buy for the class. You were genuinely excited to meet new people, and now you weren’t a 100% apartment junkie. After finding the milk and walking around in circles before finding the salt, you were off to find the last item for the night. A bottle of ketchup.
It seemed simple enough to get, but you were momentarily distracted by someone yelling something about spaghetti without sauce being unacceptable. You continued to walk while looking over your shoulder but couldn’t see who it was around the corner, so you kept walking-
CRASHH
...right into a pyramid of soup cans.
Some of the items you collected fell out of your basket when you slipped, and cans rolled every which way as people looked down at you with concern and mild amusement. You tried to reorient yourself as some kid was laughing at you, but as soon as you tried to get up, your foot slipped on another can and you fell forward again in one swoop.
At this point everyone that saw you was either trying to look away to hide their giggles or watch you with concern. A mother-like yellow tabby and a tall guy employee went over to help you up and pick up some cans and items.
“I saw you fall, that looked painful dear are you ok?” Said the cat lady.
“Yeah, I think I’m fine” you said holding your face.
It was then, a few seconds later, that you heard someone a few feet away burst into raucous laughter, like they could no longer hold it in anymore. You looked around to pinpoint whose obnoxious laughter it was and fell upon a short skeleton in a hoodie. You glared at him and he caught you looking back at him, so he seemingly turned away to wipe away some tears and try to compose himself.
“AAHHAHAHAh...I’m sorry kid I ehHehEh shouldn’t be laughing at ya but that was downright hilariousss”.
As he started to cackle more, some people eyed him, but his laughter only made those trying not to laugh fail to stop themselves. You felt more embarrassment wash over you and wanted nothing more than to throw a nearby can at him. You were about to say something when the same loud voice that startled you in the first place caught everyone’s attention.
“SANS! IT’S VERY RUDE TO LAUGH AT OTHERS EMBARRASSING MISFORTUNES!”.
It was a taller, lankier skeleton in some sort of cosplay costume with a red scarf and boots. He was taller than the tall employee that helped you up and called for someone to help with the cans just now, so you could judge the skeleton was about seven feet or so.
“Aheh sorry bro I couldn’t cantain myself”.
“SANS, THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR PUNS. GO APOLOGIZE TO THE HUMAN FOR LAUGHING AT HER, THOUGH I’M SURE IT WAS HILARIOUS”.
‘Wow thanks’ you thought.
“Heheh alright Paps”.
Still annoyed, you purposely tried to ignore the shorter skeleton even though he was walking over to you and the cat lady helping you pick up your items. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed the closer he got, the taller he got up close. He was maybe a little under five feet but not by much. If you stood up, you’d probably be slightly taller than him. You knew you were being immature by ignoring him, but you weren’t particularly interested in getting a fake apology. When he finally reached you, you were in a squat picking up more items near you and noticed him pause without saying anything at first. Then him and the cat woman exchanged a few glances that you didn’t notice, and the skeleton then sighed and walked around in front of you and squatted too to try and make eye contact.
“Uh hey” he said.
“Hi” you said flatly.
He paused for a moment to pick up the packaged salt and other items and put it in your basket as he spoke.
“I’m sorry I laughed at ya just now, I didn’t really mean to embarrass you like that...”
You decided to look at him briefly with a neutral face.
“If it helps at all I have an embarrassing story…”
Oh gosh...what was about to come out of this dude’s mouth?
“One time, at a fair I got drunk and tried to free the horses from the merry go round. I wound up short circuiting the ride and got banned”.
You were trying to keep up the salty act, but at this you stared at him and he stared back at you with a shrug and a wacky smile. You couldn’t stop a smile from forming and you both laughed at that, as you put something else in the basket.
“How’d you manage to do that?” you asked.
“It was a wild story, it even made it to the Nets” the skeleton smiled upon seeing your mood lighten. Or rather he seemed to smile more? Maybe it was just one of those resting smile faces...
“Oh my gosh hahah, I was at the fair with my daughter that day...that screaming guy, was you? At that summer fair on the coast, right?” The yellow tabby asked with recollection and a chuckle.
“Yeahhh that was me, I guess you herd all about it? I guess I shouldn’t have been horsing around so much that day” said the skeleton.
The tabby cackled as she finished picking up the carton of miraculously undamaged eggs and a few other items near her and put them carefully in the basket. Wait… was that another pun? How many does this guy know?
“Hahah I can’t believe I was there as it was happening. I heard you screaming in the distance from the food court. Something about ‘Freeing Donna from slavery’. It was all over the Undernet last year” she cackled.
Suddenly realization hit you. You now understood why the hashtag #FreeDonna was all over Tweeter last year. Not only did the meme of the white merry go round horse go viral on the Undernet and the Internet, it started some internet fights among humans and monsters due to how it made light of slavery in both human and monster history. Nonetheless it almost singlehandedly wrecked the Nets last year.
“You’re the ‘Free Donna’ guy? that’s actually insane. I didn’t even know where that meme came from until just now. How’d you get that plastered?” you asked.
“Welllll let’s just say I was too competitive for my own good that day” he shrugged. You noticed the change of topic seemed to be making him ever so slightly uncomfortable.
“Right... well anyway you’re good, I forgive you. I was just being stubborn anyway” you said. The skeleton eyed you.
“You sure?” he asked. You nodded and picked up your basket of items, now full again thanks to the three’s combined efforts. Then you all stood up again with the task finished.
“Hah yeah I’m over it, my fall probably did look funny in hindsight. I probably would’ve laughed myself if I saw it. But anyway, thank you both for helping me out, I really appreciate it”.
“Sure thing sweetheart, you take care of yourself now, and you too Mr. Skeleton” the tabby woman said as she went back to her shopping.
“You too miss, thanks again” you smiled and said.
You turned to the skeleton after he said bye to her as well.
“Thanks for the apology, and the help uh...Suns?” you said.
“Sans” he said.
“Sans... well, good luck with the rest of your shopping”.
“You too buddy. I gotta see if my brother got the right noodles for dinner this time. Take care...um what's your name?”.
“Uh (Y/N)” you said.
“(Y/N), have fun shopping, I know you can do it”.
He then gave two finger guns with a sound effect before seemingly vanishing into thin air with a faint pop. Magic was definitely something you had to get used to.
With your basket full again and having made sure you didn’t have to pay for any destroyed cans, you get in line at the cash register and pay for all of your items. You then load your bags in the front seat and get ready to drive off. You turn the key in the ignition, excited for the class on Tuesday, and do a quick check to make sure everything in the bags are accounted for.
“Let’s see...flour, eggs, mix, yeast, vegetables, fruits, salt, milk...wait where’s the ketchup?”.
You look deeper in the bags, but you don’t see it. You give a small sigh and turn off the ignition, prepared to make a quick run back inside to buy it. You decide to check your grocery list too just in case you missed anything else important and slide your hand in your pocket. Your hand goes all the way to the bottom without feeling anything. A feeling of dread hits you.
“Where’s my phone??” You look around near the passenger seat and your own seat before also checking the back seats and the trunk just in case.
‘Great, hopefully it’s somewhere in the aisle I just left or someone else found it and turned it in’ you thought.
You close your car door and lock it then walk back inside the store. You make it to the aisles near where you fell about 10 minutes ago and spot the tall employee who helped you up and helped with the cans earlier. You make your way over to him and he recognizes you.
“Uh hey again” you said.
“Oh hey, you sure you’re ok? That fall looked like it hurt” he said.
“Yeah I’m good, I just lost my phone near here I think”.
“Oh, ok hmm, let’s see if it’s around here...” He began walking around the isles where it might have slid off to and you searched around too for a bit, but in the end you both couldn’t catch sight of it. He tried calling the other employees on his phone, but the calls didn’t last long.
“I called the guys who helped with the cans, but they didn’t see a phone either...sorry about that, maybe try asking our store manager? He should be in his office towards the front of the store if that helps” he said.
“That’s ok, but thanks again. I’ll try asking the manager” you said.
“Sure thing, I hope you find it” he said.
You walk towards the front of the building near the end of an aisle, then a woman with a cart blocks it at the last minute so you turn back around to go down the next aisle. The same thing happens. This goes on for about five aisles before you decide to wait it out in one aisle and contemplate why the universe was playing tricks on you. The lady that momentarily blocked the aisle you were in finally leaves...but then the taller skeleton from earlier takes her place near the spices.
You would’ve been annoyed at first but then you realize that this is Sans’ brother...who by chance might’ve happened to see your phone on the ground after you left. You awkwardly approach the tall skeleton and brace your ears for impact.
“Excuse me?” you said. The skeleton turns to face you.
“UH YES?” he practically shouted.
“Uh hey your Paps right? Sans’ brother?”
“THAT IS RIGHT HUMAN, YOU MAY CALL ME PAPYRUS. THE GREAT PAPYRUS IF WE ARE BEING FORMAL”.
Rest in peace ears, you will surely be missed.
“Ok um, Papyrus, do you happen to know where your brother Sans is? I lost my phone earlier when I stumbled into those cans and I thought maybe he might have seen it by chance”.
“HMM...I DO NOT RECALL SANS MENTIONING ANYTHING ABOUT A PHONE, BUT IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE HIM, TRY THE AISLE WITH THE KETCHUP IN IT”.
“Oh ok, thank you Papyrus. Good luck with your shopping”.
“THANK YOU, HUMAN. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR PHONE AND YOUR STUMBLING HABIT”.
You decided to ignore that last part and turned a corner to walk down a few aisles to where the condiments were. Sure enough, you spotted the skeleton looking up at the ketchup racks, trying to choose a brand. You walked up to him, feeling the slightest bit awkward about the situation.
“Uh hey Sans” you said.
“Oh, hey (Y/N) did you come back for more of my jokes? I’ve got plenty of food puns”.
“Uh well no, you see I lost my phone when I fell earlier, and I wonder if you might’ve seen it?”
“...”
Sans didn’t say anything for a moment and the mood suddenly became full of tension when he turned to face you with dark eye sockets and an unreadable expression. You became confused in response and didn’t know what to except.
“So... you think I stole it?” he asked.
What.
“What? - No! I’m asking you because you were there when it happened, and I hoped you might’ve seen it slip out of my pocket or something…I’m not trying to accuse you of anything!”
He kept the same expression without saying anything as a few people eyed you both in the aisle you were in. Ughh this didn’t make any sense. All you wanted was to find your phone and buy a bottle of ketchup. You already embarrassed yourself enough by stumbling into a pyramid of chicken noodle soup, you didn’t want people thinking you were racist too?? You were honestly too tired for this.
“Seriously? you literally saw me faceplant like 10 minutes ago. I’m not racist. I’m just trying to find my phone, and finally get out of hereeee” you drag a hand down your face as you finish that last part, clearly done.
The tension was suddenly broken by Sans’ laughter and his hand on your shoulder. You looked down at him laughing and that’s when you realized it. He was messing with you the whole time.
“Hahahah- I’m just messing with ya. I can tell you’re not racist or whatever, I just wanted to see the look on your face. It was priceless ehehehehehh” the skeleton chuckled.
You gave him the most deadpan expression and was about to walk away before you got the urge to punch him, when he pulled out your phone from his pocket and took a bottle of ketchup from the shelf and held them out to you.
“I saw your list when I picked it up. The ketchup is on me. I’ll pay for it once I pick out my own bottle and grab Paps” he said.
You took the bottle and your phone and was glad to find no cracks on the screen.
This came as yet another surprise. You still didn’t know what to do with this guy. He seemed to be genuinely good, but he acts like someone who plays around too much. Especially since he barely even knew you in the first place. Despite this, you decide to give him the benefit of the doubt since he did go out of his way to help you tonight. You gave a small sigh and looked at him.
“Sans you’re…one crazy guy, but you’re pretty cool. Thanks for finding my phone and helping with my stuff earlier. You don’t need to buy the ketchup if you don’t want to, you’ve already helped me out plenty” you said. Sans took this in for a moment and smiled a bit wider.
“Heheh the craziest. And I don’t mind, it’s only 5 bucks. It’s no problem kiddo” he said.
“Heh ‘Kiddo’? I’m way past the kids meal stage of life.”
Sans grabs the Hanz brand ketchup, like yours but the deluxe bottle.
“Not compared to someone my age”
“How would you know?”
“Let’s just say skeletons live a lot longer than humans”
You have a few questions to that, but you decide to let it be. After getting the ketchup, you and Sans talk and laugh a bit more before finding Papyrus with angel pasta and a few other groceries similar to yours in his cart. Then you and Papyrus chat in line and put groceries on the conveyor belt while Sans pays for everything. After checkout, while you and Papyrus finish your talk about anime and human history, Sans secretly slips the long receipt in your bag with the ketchup and then hands it to you.
“Welp Paps it’s time to head out. It’s getting late. Nice meeting ya (Y/N). Have a nice night and a safe drive” he gives you a laid-back wave and a smile.
“I ALSO AGREE, IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU (Y/N) AND I HOPE YOU TAKE CARE” Papyrus pats your shoulder before leaving alongside his brother.
“Heh it was…nice meeting you both too, thanks for helping me out today. You both have a nice night as well” you said.
The three of you then say your string of ‘byes’ and go your separate ways out of the store. You go back to your car and put the bag of ketchup with the other bags in the front seat. You then drove home with the gorgeous moon and the stars overhead, and later park your car and bring all the groceries up to your apartment. You then take the items out of the bags and put them in the refrigerator and cabinets.
You reflect on meeting the odd pair of skeletons at the grocery store. While it was embarrassing that you ran into those cans, and Sans messed with you a lot, you couldn’t count out his integrity and humor since he helped you without even knowing you. And Papyrus, though loud enough to give you a headache, was pretty sarcastic and hilarious. Not to mention was his taste in anime was on point. You laughed to yourself at your shopping experience and you thought you wouldn’t mind seeing the pair again sometime. It sucks that you didn’t get their numbers…
It was then as you gathered up the grocery bags off the counter to be used for small trash bags later, you saw a long receipt fall out of one of them and onto the floor. You picked it up and wondered why the skeletons' receipt was in one of your bags when you flipped it over and read a message in pen that looked like it was written in Comic Sans…
The message was simple and open ended.
“Want to make this a friendship? I think it can be great. If not, no sweat but I hope you take the bait.
Sans 41*-***-**8”.
You didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe at how cheesy it was, but it did make you smile. You entered the number in your phone and promised to message later. You wouldn’t mind hanging out with the two again and getting to know them more. But now that you were finally home, you weren't in a rush to make plans. The three-day weekend was yours.
You took a shower and brushed your teeth before changing into your favorite pajamas and starting a Flixnet marathon with a sandwich and some snacks. You couldn’t wait to cook on Tuesday and meet new people now that you had everything you needed. But it seemed that you could even make friends in the most unlikely of places. Somehow you felt this would be quite an interesting summer after all.