Work Text:
“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted”
Dex could punch himself. Punch himself so hard that he knocks himself out. He knows he can’t, but still wishes as he’s watching bitty drive away from the Haus for what could be the last time after Graduation. Why didn’t I tell him? I had so many chances! Keeps going through his mind. But, the truth is, he knows why. He knows exactly why he never told Bitty all the things that had been weighing so heavy on his heart these past few years. He was scared. He was scared of the rejection sure, just like everyone else is scared of rejection, but it’s more than that. He’s scared of how others would react or treat him, his friends, his family. Even though he came to terms with himself, figuring out your Bi can be a bit of a journey, he still hasn’t told anyone. Not even the man who caused him to question himself back in freshman year.
When all this started he thought he was so put off by the small, southern baker because he was so different from what he thought a hockey player, and maybe to a lesser degree, what a man should be. But, he realized that was wrong, oh so wrong. And, all it took for him to realize that was getting sick and waking up to find, magically it seems, homemade soup and a get well soon card had been left in his room, by none other than Bitty. He realized then that he is exactly what a man should be, caring and giving. And, after watching and playing with him, he couldn’t doubt his hockey skills in the least.
“What’s got your lobster rolls in a bunch?’ Nursey asked from the door as he walked in. Dex looked up from his phone “What?” he asked. Nursey rolled his eyes in what could only be called fond annoyance, “You’ve been sulking like someone put a dent in your favorite hammer dude. And, don’t pretend that you haven’t either.” Dex clsoed his mouth at that last part, about to do exactly what Nursey said. He was silent for a moment, the finally replied, “It’s nothing don’t worry about it.” Nursey gave a deep sigh before sitting at his desk “Look, you know I wouldn’t be asking if it weren’t for the fact that I’ve had C, Whiskey, Tango, Ford, and the Waffles all coming to me and asking whats wrong. So, What’s up?” Fuck , he thought he had been it better. FUCK .
Dex put is phone down and rubbed his face with both hands, letting his own deep sigh out as well, He finally put his arms down leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. “I don’t even know where to start.” he said at last. Nursey arched an eyebrow before saying “From the start.”
Like it’s that easy Dex thought, but then he thought, Isn’t it though? Isn’t he my best friend? I know I can trust him. Dex took a deep breath, gathering all the courage and nerve he could. “Imbi” we whispered on the exhale, so quiet that Nursey didn’t even catch it. “What?” Nursey asked. Another deep inhale and this time an exhale, “I’m Bi.” he says a little firmer this time though his voice is shaking slightly. Nursey stared at him for a few seconds before asking “Is that it?” Dex glared at him “Oh dude you know is super chill, but…. I just thought there was… more?”’
“You said start at the beginning and that’s what I’m doing,” Dex replied, “just give me a minute, alright?” They sat there in silence while Dex gathered his thoughts. “I’m Bi, and I’ve had a crush on Bitty since sophomore year. Hell, probably since freshman year.” He was starting to turn the shade of red he got when he was angry Nursey realized.
“I’ve had a crush on him this whole time but I’ve been too afraid to say anything!” he was breathing hard like they’d been skating suicides for an hour straight. Nursey could tell that he wasn’t just telling him what he had asked but was probably letting it all out for the first time.
“What have you been afraid of?” Nursey couldn’t help but ask, if from what he say when Bitty and Dex at the same time, Bitty like Dex too. Dex looked angry and sad at the same time like he knew he was being ridiculous but just couldn’t stop it. “I haven’t told anyone till now that I was even bi, I’ve been to scared to tell you guys. I knew that everyone would be fine and cool with it but I was still scared.” he sounded small at that moment.
“And, I guess, I’ve been scared about facing him rejecting me. Which is fine he doesn’t owe me anything. I just feel like it would make our friendship more awkward than it has to be.” And now Nursey was annoyed again, Rejecting you? Have you seen the way he looks at you when you two are in the kitchen?
“Dude, you’re joking right? You have to be.” Dex looked at him confused. “You’re serious, holy shit. Dude Bitty is just as into you as you are him.” Nursey can’t even believe he’s having to say this. “What? No he’s not. He’s had a thing for Jack since we got here.”
“God fucking, dude everyone has a thing for Jack. Come on, I bet you even had a thing for him at some point!” Nursey was almost yelling at this point because if this is the reason behind the carrot being moody he might just have an aneurysm.
“But I thought they had started dating? After Jack graduated?!” Dex was yelling now. “No dude! Jack was coming to Bits for advice for one of his teammates! Their best friends dude!” Nursey replied.
“ FUCK !!!” Dex yelled. “Yea you could definitely say that again.” Nursey replied.
There were so many thoughts going through Dex’s mind at that point he was dizzy with how fast they were spinning. Aren’t together seemed to be the main one that was winning out over the rest. He couldn’t sit still anymore, he needed to get up move “I’m going for a walk.” he said. He grabbed his headphones, pocketed his phone, headed downstairs and just walked out the door all within the space of a minute. Nursey felt like he could almost see the dust cloud that followed him.
Dex had decided to stay on campus over the summer and get some of the repairs done in peace while everyone else was gone. He need it, he needed to be away from everyone so he could process just how much of a dense idiot he was. Looking back on it he could tell that Bitty was at least interested but hadn’t made any moves thinking Dex was straight. And the only person Dex could blame for that was himself.
One day in the third week of summer break as Dex was cleaning out the gutters on the front of the Haus he felt the ladder he was on wiggle and someone say “You know, you should always have someone else here when on a ladder!” And Dex would recognize that sweet accent anywhere. He looked down to find Bitty’s smiling face staring up at him. “Bits! What are you doing here?! I thought you were coming up until the first kegster!” Dex could feel himself flushing but he didn’t care, he climbed down the ladder as quickly as he could and gave Bitty a tight hug. Bitty laughed, wrapping his arms around Dex just as tight. “Hello to you too sweetpea!” he pulled away from the hug and looked Dex in the eye, “As for why I’m here, Some of the guys told me you were here by yourself for the summer trying to get some things fixed while they were all gone. And I thought I might come down for a visit.”
Dex knew immediately that Nursey had something to do with this, but at this current point he didn’t really care. “I’m glad you came! Wanna come in? I made one of your recipes earlier this week so maybe you could tell me how I did.” He was smiling a sheepish smile now. “I’d love too, and, I’m sure you did great!” Bitty replied. Dex walked up the front porch and opened the door “After you,” he said. Bitty smiled “What a gentleman, thank you.”
Instead of Dex leading him to the kitchen it felt more like Bitty was leading Dex. When they entered Bitty made a beeline for the table and sat down while Dex got out the pie he had made earlier that week. He made two cups of coffee and brought the tin over to the table. “I figure with your help we can finish this and maybe the coach's won’t be as mad” He said grinning while putting a forkful of apple pie in his mouth. Bitty couldn’t help but stare at his lips as he did. He got control of himself and said with a small laugh “It won’t stop them they’ll blame you for babying the freshman now that I’m gone.” He took his own bite of the pie and made a noise around it, causing Dex to blush even deeper, “This is so good Dex!”
“Thank you” he replied genuinely happy that Bitty liked it so much. They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while only noises being made is a fork against the pie tin. Dex was thinking, hard. He had a chance here, no one else was in the house. He could do this.
Finally after a few more minutes of eating he put his fork down, took one last swallow of coffee before setting the mug to the side and looking at Bitty with the same fierce look he had when he was on the ice. “Bitty, there’s…. There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for sometime.” Bitty for his part perked up and also put his fork down and gave Dex his full attention. “You can tell me anything hun, you know that.” he said gently.
Dex took a deep breath and released it slowly before continuing, “I’m…. Bi and I…. I’ve had a crush on you for a really, really , long time. You don’t have to feel the same of course, I know you don’t owe me anything. But I felt its time I be real with myself and therefore with you as well.” He doesn’t know when he closed his eyes but he keeps them closed and keeps his hands in his lap. He doesn’t hear anything for a moment then he feels strong hands on his face. His eyes shoot open to see bitty standing in front of him, holding his face like he’s holding the most precious thing in the world. “You silly, silly boy.” he breaths out and Dex can feel that breath ghost across his face before he feels gentle lips on his. It takes him a moment to return the kiss, but he does, and it’s even better than he ever imagined and he’s fighting desperately to not come across as desperate as he is for this. He isn’t sure who pulls back first but Bitty is resting his forehead against his and that’s good too.
“Of course I like you Carrot Cake, I just didn’t say anything because I thought you were straight, or at least still trying to figure yourself out. And I didn’t want to add any extra pressure on to you.” Bitty’s smiling now and it’s a happy, bright smile. “I had figured myself out early, I was just afraid. I’m sorry Bits.”. He looks down at his lap, at his hands, thinking of how big of an idiot he is. Bitty pulls back and calls his name, when he looks up Bitty is looking at him with so much care he almost can’t breath “There is no need to apologize. Do you understand? You did what you thought was best for you.”
He stares at Dex until he nods his head in agreement and Bitty gives him a smile so full of fondness it almost hurts. “Can I kiss you again?” he asks. Bitty gives a playful smile “I’d be upset if you didn’t”
“Ah but I’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now”