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He took his time flying home. When Danny returned home it was close to mid-afternoon, and his parents we livid.
“Danny! You had us worried sick when we went to wake you and you weren’t there! Where on earth were you? Why didn’t you at least leave us a note?” Maddie fumed. She had that mother look going on, you know the one where they cross their arms and give you the look™? Yeah, she was giving Danny that one now, and he shrunk under her glare.
“Yeah! We thought you’d been kidnapped by a ghost or something!” Jack added on. Danny flinched a little – he hated it when they brought up ghosts like that; it always made him feel guilty.
“I-uh, I was visiting a… a friend?” Danny hadn’t really thought ahead last night; now he had to try and explain what he was doing. And why had he said he was visiting a friend? Now he had to think of someone other than Tuck or Sam – he was too afraid of his parents calling them and finding out his lie. Danny thought about it: would telling the truth work? Maybe it would if only his parents wouldn’t question how he got to Wisconsin and back in one night on his own.
“A friend? Was it Tuck or Sam?” His mother had that look on her face, and he knew then that he wouldn’t be able to get away with lying – he could only hope that the truth was shocking enough that they wouldn’t question it.
“Neither. Actually, I was visiting Vlad.” Maddie opened her mouth to say something, probably something that would shut down his entire excuse, so Danny quickly continued. “I know, I know. I don’t like the guy. BUT, I know he is a family friend and you guys do,” he looked pointedly at Jack here, “so I thought that we could at least try to get along, alright?” Maddie’s face softened out, and she put her arms down. Danny breathed a silent sigh of relief.
Just as he thought he was going to get away with it, Jack slung his arm around his shoulder. “Danny! Thank heavens! If I had of known you liked Vlad that much I’d done something about it long ago! I’m going to organise a boy’s weekend! How does that sound? Just me, you and Vlad. Maybe we’ll go fishing? Or camping? Oh! We could do both! I’m going to call Vlad and let him know. This is going to be great! My son and my best friend and me, hanging out in the wilderness…” Jack trailed off as he walked away, running with his idea.
Danny shivered slightly, he didn’t know what was worse; a weekend with his father and Vlad or punishment from his mother. He couldn’t choose. He looked over at his mother. “Well, now that that is sorted I’m going to my room. I’ve got lots of uh, homework to do!” He skipped up the stairs before she could stop him or say anything else. He did see that she was still frowning at him a little. Oops. Okay so maybe she was still a little mad at him, but at least she wasn’t questioning his inter-state trip.
Once Danny was in his room he shut the door, almost slamming it in his haste and slid on to the floor, finally letting the emotions from last night come back. He wanted to cry but the tears never came. Instead, his body was wracked with dry sobs as he curled into a ball. He had died. That though reverberated around his head, bouncing around his skull.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
He was dead.
Although he had talked to Vlad and confirmed that the other halfa had gone through the exact same thing as he had, it didn’t make the realisation any easier.
He could hear his father thumping around the house and he almost vomited. Oh, God. His parents were ghost hunters. He was a ghost. He had always known this and had run into his parents a couple times and they had attacked him, but it had never really hit him until this moment. His parents were trying to kill him.
And it was true; Jack had stated on many a time that he was out to get rid of his arch-nemesis, ‘Danny Phantom’. The only problem with this was that HE was Danny Phantom. His mother wasn’t that friendly to ghosts, either. How fucked up was that? How fucked up did it have to be that his parents – the ones who had sworn to protect him – were the ones actively hunting him down. And they didn’t even know. They had no idea that the very ghost they hated was right above them, living in the same house as them. Was their son.
As if it were possible, Danny’s body curled around itself tighter. How could he face them? It was hard enough before – then it had just been lying about his second life. But now? Now he was lying to them about being alive. Their son was dead. And if he ever tried to tell them this, they would kill him. They would see him as the ghost ‘Danny Phantom’, the one who killed their son, and they would hunt him to the ends of the earth. No, he could never be honest with them again. Never fully at least. For his own safety, he would always be lying to them.
He could never tell them about all of his adventures as Phantom, never tell them that it was him that fixed their portal, could never find comfort from them when he came home injured from a ghost fight. Could never share with them the traumatic experience of dying. Could he ever fully trust them?
Danny sat alone in his room, turmoil and despair rolling of him in dark, thick waves. His chest shook, and he struggled to find the energy to suck in air and just breathe. Dry sobs still shook his body and he braced himself on the floor in the fetal position. The floor of his room was musty and cold; he needed to open a window in here sometime soon. But he was getting too far ahead of himself – right now he couldn’t even sit up.
Vlad’s words came back to him with startling clarity:
It took a while, but finally, Vlad spoke up. “I’m honestly not sure how, but yes, we have died. We are still human, but we died.”
Danny took in a breath and held it for a few seconds before letting it out. “So…I’m still me?”
He knew the question probably made absolutely no sense, but Vlad nodded anyway.
That was honestly the best news that Danny had heard all week. He was still Danny. “In a sense, it's like being half-alive and half-dead. Ironically, I believe it to be the ghost ectoplasm keeping us alive.”
‘I’m still me.’
Danny clung to that thought: ‘I’m still me.’ It was proof that he was still the same person, the same Danny Fenton, the same human. It was strange how much one little sentence could affect him so much, but he held on to that thought so tight he almost got a headache. Slowly, he stopped shaking, and his sobs died down. ‘I’m still me.’
He sat up, just staring at the wall for a while. He had to come to terms with it: he was dead. Or rather, ‘half-dead, half-alive’. He needed to accept it and start moving on; he couldn’t live his life like this. Could he? No. He couldn’t. He was Danny Phantom. Half-ghost and protector of Amity Park. A hero. He couldn’t afford to mope or feel sorry for himself, there were people depending on him. He didn’t have time for his own emotions. He was exhausted from staying up all night and the emotional breakdown, but he had a job to do. He switched to his ghost form and was about to fly out the window for patrol when his door opened.
“Danny?” It was Jazz.
She looked over at him, and Danny could only imagine what she would see: wide, blood-shot eyes accented by bags and dark under eye circles, messed and frizzled hair, small welts on his hands where he had dug his fingernails in to try and anchor himself in his panic attack. There was a myriad of other things, but Danny was too tired to try and think of them.
“Oh, Danny,” Her voice was soft, and she approached him like he was some timid animal.
“Don’t try and tell me you’re fine because I can see that you’re not.” She pulled him into her arms. “You don’t need to tell me what’s going on, but I can see that you’re not your best right now. I actually came in to see if you were alright – you came home pretty late today. Mum and dad were worried sick.” The two of them sat down on Danny’s bed and Jazz cradled him as he switched back to his human form. He really should be getting out on patrol, but he was tired, and Jazz was oh so warm…
“Jazz,” he really didn’t want her to stop, but he had to because that’s what ‘okay Danny’ would have done. “What are you doing?”
“I’m giving my little brother a hug.” She spoke her words with such finality that he didn’t speak again for a few minutes. He loved his sister, he really did. Especially in times like this, where she didn’t ask and just did something. She always knew what to do.
“Jazz...I…” Danny took a deep breath. He could do this, he trusted Jazz. And it would be good to have someone who understood in the house. “Jazz, I died.” The silence was deafening.
Jazz didn’t let him go, and her hold on him tightened. “What?” Her voice was soft.
“When I became a ghost, I…” He couldn’t say it a second time. This wasn’t like with Vlad, where the words just tumbled out of his mouth. This time his tongue seemed stuck to the roof of his mouth and everything was dry. He tried to swallow and looked up at Jazz.
She was looking at him, with something akin to pity and confusion. He didn’t blame her, but that didn’t mean that he wanted her to pity him. He didn’t want to be treated any different. If anything, he wanted things to go back to the way things used to be, normal. (Not that he thought that could ever happen again).
“Don’t. Don’t pity me, please,” his voice cracked, and he looked away in mild embarrassment. (He was getting embarrassed. That was good. That was normal).
He felt Jazz shudder as she breathed in, and she seemed to take a few moments to collect herself before she spoke again. “I’m sorry. Okay, so, you’re a little more ghost than we originally anticipated”. Danny cracked a tiny grin at that. Jazz was trying.
“Did...did it hurt?” Her voice sounded so small.
“Yeah,” his was equally soft. Jazz started rubbing small patterns with her fingers on his back. She let him continue. “I died, and mum and dad are ghost hunters, and I’m half-ghost, and they want to kill me, but I’m still their son and I don’t know what to do Jazz.” He rambled a bit, and he wasn’t quite sure it made sense, but it was out. Jazz would know what to do.
Jazz said nothing for a bit, and then: “I don’t know what to do.” Danny could feel his blood pounding in his ears. What?
“BUT, I do know that you are not alone in this Danny. You will never be alone. Me, Tucker, Sam, we’re all with you. This is something we’ll figure out together.” Jazz’s arms around him felt like a safety net, enveloping him in warmth.
“I’ve noticed it, but you haven’t been yourself for a while, have you?” Danny couldn’t help the little gasp that escaped him. He had hidden it so well, how...?
“Danny, I’m so sorry that you felt like you couldn’t come to me. I want to let you know here and now, whether its because you want to talk, or you want to hug, or rant, or even just because you don’t want to be alone, I’m always here for you. Even hero’s need saved sometimes; it’s okay to need help.” Danny could feel salty, wet tears falling. He curled into Jazz, savoring the warmth she gave off. He didn’t realise how cold he had been, Jazz felt like an electric blanket in the Arctic.
“Thank yo- “
“You don’t need to thank me, Danny, I’m your sister. That’s what I’m for. And this is only a temporary solution, you need proper, trained help.” His gratitude turned into horror. He couldn’t go to a psychologist or anyone for this! What was he going to say, ‘Hi I’m Danny and I’m a dead human-ghost hybrid’? Yeah, like that would work. He thought he could trust Jazz.
“And that is why I’m going to study extra hard. I’m going to major in psychology and university, and then I’m going to become a psychologist. That way you can get help and you don’t have to tell anyone about your secret! I’ll be your psychologist!” Danny’s mouth dropped open. He knew she had a passion for helping people, and that she wanted to do something with psychology, but to do this? For him? He could feel his tears begin anew. He loved Jazz so much.
“So, what do we do now?” His voice was raw from crying so much.
“Now? I think we just need to worry about you getting some sleep, you look exhausted”. Jazz rested her head on top of his.
“Can you stay?” He didn’t want to be alone right now.
“Of course, I can.” Jazz shuffled down with him, not letting him go. As he was maneuvered under the covers he caught a glimpse of the window; the sun was setting. They had really been talking all day.
“Goodnight, Jazz.”
“Goodnight, Danny. I love you.”
“...Love you too.”
Danny couldn’t remember a time he felt this light, this warm. He didn’t think he would ever be the same Danny he used to be, but he was going to try and be better. And as Jazz said; it was okay to be not okay! He could do this. And this time, he wasn’t going to be alone. He had people who loved him, and who would be there when he needed them. That was all he could ask for. Life was looking up.